


The Last Dinosaur

by niigoki



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: Alcohol, Angst with a Happy Ending, Autism Spectrum, Bartender AU, Cigarettes, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Phone Sex, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-04
Updated: 2020-09-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:02:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 108,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22563697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/niigoki/pseuds/niigoki
Summary: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls! For our first act: pondering the meaning of freedom.orDahyun is a bartender and wasn't ready for Nayeon.
Relationships: Im Nayeon/Kim Dahyun, Im Nayeon/Yoo Jeongyeon, Myoui Mina/Son Chaeyoung
Comments: 107
Kudos: 762





	1. Lesson One: Oz

**Author's Note:**

> This one will be a ride, but I hope you join me on this journey.

“This is a really bad idea,” Dahyun whispered for the fifth time that night as she ducked to avoid being hit by a loose metal fence.

“I swear, if you say that one more time, I’m stuffing this entire pack in your mouth.” Chaeyoung was probably the least suitable person for Dahyun to call a best friend, and yet there they were. She waved the pack of cigarettes in front of Dahyun’s face in a threateningly manner and turned around again. Dahyun just sighed.

Both girls were almost at the center of the junkyard, where they were about to have late night dinner next to a small bonfire and drink some beers. For Chaeyoung, this was just another Friday night on her favorite smoking spot; a place she would come to relax after the stressful events of the week. For Dahyun, however, this was a nerve-wracking experience. It was her first time trespassing, her first time actually walking into a junkyard willingly in the middle of the night, and of course, her first time trying a cigarette. Even with Chaeyoung’s constant reassurance that she didn’t have to do anything she didn’t want to, Dahyun was a shaking mess.

She didn’t know if it was because of the cigarettes or the fact that they were two girls walking alone in black-pitch darkness.

“Are we almost there?” Dahyun had to keep herself talking to avoid fainting. The flashlight she was holding moved together with her trembling hand, and she was sure her blood pressure was rising in abnormal levels. She was ready to accept a stroke whenever.

“Yep, it’s right around the corner.” Chaeyoung adjusted the backpack strap on her shoulder as she turned left after a pile of rusted cars. “And would you please trust me on this? I told you this is the safest place in town, there are guards at the entrance 24/7.”

“Yes, and they are so efficient that you’ve been sneaking up here for the past year.”

“No one knows about _my_ entrance. I do because I cut the fence myself,” Chaeyoung sounded so proud of her criminal acts that Dahyun honestly had no arguments. After a few minutes of silent walking, they arrived at their destination. “And here we go. Welcome, to paradise!”

Dahyun looked over her friend’s shoulder just to see a slightly cleaner patch of ground with enough space for them to sit down. They were surrounded by piles of rusted cars and wooden boxes from all sides and it didn’t really look that different from the rest of the junkyard. To say Dahyun was underwhelmed was a stretch. “Is that it?”

“Hey, it’s gonna be cozy after we start the fire. Help me out with the food, nerd.” Chaeyoung smirked and put down the bag. Dahyun grunted and grabbed the blanket first, stretching it evenly on the ground. As Chaeyoung started the fire, Dahyun placed their sandwiches on the blanket, as well as their beers and some cupcakes they’d baked the night before. Chaeyoung had also insisted on bringing marshmallows to roast, so it would look like some kind of enjoyable camp adventure. For Dahyun, it was still a wasted day off.

“And done!” Chaeyoung announced as the little bonfire started really going. She plopped down next to Dahyun on the blanket and didn’t waste time on opening a beer. “Whaddya say? Not so bad now that we have some light, eh?”

“Psh,” Dahyun scoffed, turning her flashlight off and opening a sandwich. “Still looks like a dirty junkyard to me.”

“Come on Dubs, work with me here,” Chaeyoung raised her can. “Cheers!”

Rolling her eyes, Dahyun bit into her food and got closer to the bonfire. It was getting cold and she had to admit that the warmth was welcomed. Her eyes drifted to the pack of cigarettes resting carelessly next to her leg and she felt her heart pick up a beat. “So, how does this work?”

“How does what work?”

“The—” She caught her tongue, not wanting to sound too desperate. “This thing you do every Friday. Do you just come here alone with a couple of beers, a pack of cigs and start a fire?”

“Pretty much.”

Dahyun doubted there were actual guards at the entrance, since they could probably spot the smoke from a distance, but decided to drop this particular question. Instead she went with, “Why?”

Chaeyoung gulped down the alcohol and burped, much to Dahyun’s disgust. “It’s how I relax. You’ve got your games and computer gigs, I’ve got my beers and clear night sky.” The girl smiled and looked up, prompting Dahyun to do the same. She had to admit she wasn’t expecting to see that.

The sky was incredibly dark due to the new moon, which enhanced the glow of the billions of stars above. Being a fan of all things space, Dahyun could make out pretty much every constellation just by focusing enough, and was ecstatic when she saw her first shooting star.

“Chaeyoung, Chaeyoung! I saw a shooting star!” It was her first smile since they left home, and Chaeyoung grinned at the happy reaction.

“Oh yeah, there are tons of them around here. I used to make a wish for each one, but ran out of wishes.” She laid sideways with her head propped up by one hand.

“Ran out of ideas for jobs you could apply for, you mean.” Dahyun smirked down to her and finished her sandwich.

“Got me there,” Chaeyoung laughed, unbothered by the harsh reality of the world that was Dahyun’s job as a bartender being the only thing keeping them under a decent roof for the past few months. “But hey, I applied to most of them, so who knows right?”

Dahyun chuckled as she grabbed a beer. “You got this.”

She drank and sighed contently at the freezing liquid burning down her throat. She was starting to see the appeal of that place as she looked at the sky and felt her best friend’s comforting presence next to her in the fluffy blanket. It was good to get away from the noise of the pub she worked in; this day off was proving to be much better than she previously thought.

With her hectic work hours, Dahyun very much enjoyed the eventual resting days she got. Working from 9pm ‘til 6am wasn’t easy, and her vampiric lifestyle prevented her from spending much time with Chaeyoung. When she heard about getting the Friday off, her first thought was to do something with her best friend. Chaeyoung was excited by the news that she said she wanted to take her somewhere important to her, to strengthen their bond. Dahyun had immediately agreed to it, but almost gave up on the idea as soon as she realized where they were heading to.

Right now, though, she was at ease.

“Hey, pass me my pack, will you?” Chaeyoung’s voice brought Dahyun back to reality and she flinched.

“Oh. Sure. Yeah.” Dahyun grabbed the cigarettes carefully and tossed them to Chaeyoung’s hand. She watched carefully as Chaeyoung tried to lit one up. After a few tries, she could see the smoke slowly rising as Chaeyoung breathed out. Dahyun stared intently, trying to capture the exact gestures she would have to make.

“You okay?” Chaeyoung asked, one eyebrow raised.

“Y-yeah, I’m great.”

“You’re doing that thing you do when you’re about to try something for the first time.”

“What thing?” Dahyun tried to look casual as she sipped her beer.

“The thing where I can basically see the gears in your head turning because you’re making some very methodical calculations to get it right the first time.”

“I don’t do that,” Dahyun did that literally every second of her life, and she knew it. But there was nothing she could do about it, it was just how her brain was wired. New experiences were always terrifying, and analyzing every possible detail made it easier to figure out what exactly could go wrong at a particular scenario – so when things inevitably failed, at least she wouldn’t be surprised by it. For a bartender, this was an excellent skill to have, and she wondered if her boss was keeping her on the job because of this particular trait.

“Sure. So, wanna try it?” Chaeyoung offered, finally. Dahyun hesitantly grabbed one, together with the lighter. “Okay, so as soon as you light it up, you suck in the smoke and then release it slowly. You’ll probably end up coughing, don’t sweat about this part.”

“…Right.” Dahyun looked at the object between her fingers and brought it to her mouth. Her sweaty hands were halting her progress, making her unable to work the lighter in her favor. “Stupid lighter.”

Chaeyoung put her now empty beer can to the side and opened another with a smirk. “Hang in there.”

“Why am I even suffering, there’s a literal bonfire over here.” She was about to light up the stubborn cigarette the easiest way when Chaeyoung grabbed her arm.

“No, the lighter is all part of the experience! Do you think a bonfire will always be available to you in the streets? You gotta learn how to survive in the direst situations.”

“You do realize that this will be the one and only time I will ever smoke, right?” Dahyun knew that nicotine addiction didn’t work that way, but still felt a little uneasy about it. They could really use the money Chaeyoung spent on cigarettes every month on something more useful, and having another smoker in the house would really make their situation a lot harder.

“Still, no fire allowed.” Chaeyoung laid back down. “Because you need to inhale at the same time and if you bring your face near the fire you can say goodbye to your eyebrows.”

Dahyun hated the logic in her words and tried the lighter again, but still no success. She was about to give up when both girls heard a sound coming from one of the junk piles behind them.

“What was that?” Dahyun froze.

Chaeyoung sat back up quickly, ready to run if somehow the police had finally come for her. Dahyun was about to bolt right there, her head already creating thousands of terrible consequences for their actions. If they were arrested she would have to pay bail, which meant less money for food, which meant Chaeyoung would have to live on without her cigarettes for at least two months, which meant headaches for both of them since the girl became insufferable if she went on without smoking for more than 5 hours. Dahyun was really not looking forward to cranky Chaeyoung.

After a silent moment, they managed to see the silhouette of a person climbing up some wooden boxes, using a cellphone lantern to guide them. As the person reached the top of the pile, they sat down and turned off the light.

“Oh, it’s just her.” Chaeyoung sighed relieved, sitting back down.

“Her?” Dahyun hissed. Cranky Chaeyoung crisis avoided, another concern popped up, “You said you were the only one who knew about that entrance!”

“Relax, it’s just my mystery companion. This girl sometimes comes here to chill and smoke up there too. We never talked, but it’s always nice to know you’re not the only crazy person who thinks this place is relaxing.”

Dahyun looked over at the girl, unable to see anything in the darkness. Then, her face quickly became visible through the orange glow of a cigarette she’d lightened up; the outline of her features very clear as she inhaled the smoke. The exposure was brief, but Dahyun was completely entranced by it. After that, the woman was consumed by the night once again, but soon enough, she inhaled again. Each time the cigarette was brought back up, Dahyun could make out new details on her face.

“Dubu?” Chaeyoung’s voice sounded so far away.

“Blue.”

“Say what?”

“And some freckles, I think.”

Chaeyoung frowned and followed her best friend’s gaze just to land on the woman above them. For a few seconds there was just darkness, and then she sucked in the smoke again, lightning up her expression. “Oh.”

“Brief. Like a shooting star.”

Chaeyoung finished her beer with a smile as she heard the blonde rant about whatever she was seeing. Dahyun did that a lot – trying to put images into abstract sentences. It was like pouring out her feelings into random strings of words that didn’t really make sense most of the time. Chaeyoung really appreciated that in her best friend. It was one of the things that made her so damn pleasing to be around.

“You should make a wish.” Chaeyoung muttered.

“What?” This broke the spell, making Dahyun blush at how intently she’d been watching the woman. “Shit, do you think she saw me?”

“Probably. This is the only bright spot in this whole place, it’s kinda hard to miss the both of us.”

Dahyun ran a hand through her hair and sighed. She’d had worse situations at the pub with beautiful girls, but this was a whole new level of nervousness for her. The mystery of the whole scenario made it exciting, and the fact that the girl was probably watching her make a fool out of herself added to the thrill. Shaking her head to get rid of weird thoughts, she grabbed her beer and gulped in all down in one go.

“Woah there, try to make it home in one piece, yeah?” Chaeyoung laughed.

“Some of us have self-control,” Dahyun retorted, trying to focus again on the task of making the damn lighter work. She stopped for a second to look over her shoulder for one last time; a mistake, as it turned out.

The woman had lit up her lighter and was holding it close to her face, staring straight down at Dahyun. Her expression was difficult to figure out, but the soft upward curve on her lips was apparent. Dahyun froze with no idea of what to do, her brain working at full speed. Her eyes moved intently, trying to capture the beauty of the girl as fast as she could before it disappeared forever. Brown eyes, blue messy hair, no freckles, beautiful cheekbones, dark circles under her eyes, no makeup.

She looked like someone who would go to the pub alone and leave past four without talking to anyone. Dahyun was mesmerized.

By the time she figured out what to do, the woman had put down her lighter and was nowhere else to be seen.

“She’s gone.” Dahyun mumbled.

She looked down at her own lighter and noticed she’d stopped sweating. Pressing it once, she managed to make it work on the first try. Bringing it close to the cigarette, she lit it up and breathed in. The smoke made its way into her lungs in seconds, but she didn’t cough at all. Dahyun closed her eyes and puffed it out slow and steady, immersing herself in the sensation of it all.

“So? How does it taste?” She heard Chaeyoung say.

Dahyun opened her eyes and looked at the pile of boxes above them. “Bad,” Then inhaled again. “And like freedom.”

\--

The noise inside the pub mixed with the foggy breaths of people dancing and making out created an interesting atmosphere. Everywhere she looked there was something new happening, something unique to the people involved.

To the left, the bar. Four friends laughed as a brave fifth took a body shot from one of the waitresses. A bearded man drank alone, occasionally chatting with someone who would try to approach him. Two girls held hands as they gulped down their fourth vodka shot. To the right, the dancefloor moved and vibrated together with the crowd. A DJ blasted indie music, which apparently was the theme for tonight’s party. Men kissed men, women kissed women, men and women kissed, people who were neither, people who were both. People.

Nayeon sat at a table between the bar and the dance floor, and just observed. People’s expressions told her a lot, and she made a hobby out of it – of watching people. It was fascinating trying to find a troubled soul in a place like this. She was sure there were more problems in that cramped space than she could possibly count, but still, most of them were smiling. Interaction could make problems go away for a while.

Nayeon smiled at the thought, and finished her drink.

“Can I get you something else?” As she put the glass down, one of the waitresses approached her. “Beer, tequila, some company.”

Nayeon smiled softly at that last suggestion. “Just another Blue Hawaiian, please.”

“Blue is kind of your thing, huh?” The waitress was gorgeous and had a bright smile, her light-brown hair messy from walking in and out of the crowd. She had been friendly to Nayeon from the moment she walked into the pub.

“It’s a nice color,” Nayeon retorted, sitting up straight. “And the drink is delicious.”

“Thank Dahyun for that. She’s the best bartender we’ve had in years,” The waitress grinned, picking up the empty cup and turning to leave. “And she likes to know everyone who comes here, too. I don’t think I’ve seen you around. Maybe you should say hi.”

Nayeon shifted her gaze to the bar, spotting the girl from the night before. She’d been watching her from afar throughout the whole night at the junkyard yesterday, just enjoying all the facial expressions and movements the short bartender made. Tonight, she did the same. Obviously someone would pick up on that sooner or later. “Maybe I will.”

“Great! Tell her Sana sent you,” Sana winked and Nayeon was left alone again.

She didn’t get up immediately; the song blasting from the speakers was way too loud for any kind of proper conversation. She didn’t want their encounter to be rushed, so Nayeon just sat there tapping her feet to the beat. There was something special about the bartender, and Nayeon wanted to know exactly what it was. It had been a while since she felt this absorbed by someone, and she wanted to make this feeling last for as long as possible.

Looking forward to something was rare in Nayeon’s life.

The song finally died down and changed to a slower one. Nayeon got up, walking past the crowd carefully to avoid unnecessary touches, and arrived at the bar. She sat down and waited. Dahyun was serving some customers on the other side, chatting as a red liquid poured from her jar. The couple she was talking to laughed at whatever she said and thanked her after their drinks were done being poured. Nayeon was honestly surprised at how fast yet perfectly the bartender managed to prepare all those drinks to hundreds of people each night.

Dahyun approached Nayeon with a smile that died on her lips as soon as their eyes met. “It’s you!”

Nayeon laughed at the blush on Dahyun’s face as soon as she burst out the sentence. The fact that she actually covered her mouth with both hands just made it more endearing. “It’s me.”

“I’m sorry, I— What would you like to order?” Dahyun tried another route, the one where she focused on work to stop herself from babbling.

“A Blue Hawaiian, please.”

Dahyun nodded quickly and turned around to grab the ingredients. Nayeon leaned her head in one hand as she watched the bartender with a soft smile on her lips. Seeing Dahyun working from up close was a whole new experience. She was so methodical with her work, as if everything had a very specific role. The way she held the bottles as she poured down the liquid, the way she just seemed to know exactly when to stop, the perfect measurements, the swiftness of her hands.

Nayeon wondered if her hands were this good when it came to other things, too.

It didn’t take very long for her cocktail to be done. “Here you go, miss…”

“Nayeon.” She grabbed her drink. “Sana told me to say hi.”

“Sana— Of course she did.” Dahyun shot a glare to the other side of the room where Sana apparently was waiting to see how things were going. Once their eyes met, she just gave Dahyun a thumbs up.

Nayeon chuckled. “I was about to come, anyway.”

“As long as she didn’t unnecessarily bother you. Wait a sec,” Dahyun turned to fill a glass with beer and handed it to a man on the other side of the counter. She came back with two other empty cups. “Anyway. Hi!”

Dahyun immediately cringed internally. _Hi?!_

“Hey,” Nayeon returned the greeting and they stood in silence awkwardly for a few seconds until someone asked for another drink.

“Be right back.” Dahyun excused herself.

“Don’t mind me,” Nayeon placed the straw between her lips and resumed drinking.

As soon as Dahyun turned around, she followed her with her eyes. Nayeon wasn’t one to mindlessly stare at people for more than was necessary, but everything Dahyun did was exciting in its own way. She felt the beat of a new song resonating through her body and wondered if the adrenaline of the heavy bass mixed with having to run around the huge bar for hours was enough to get someone high. Dahyun was still precise at everything she did, so it probably wasn’t.

Throughout the night Nayeon and Dahyun talked in quick intervals. The bartender would ask a question and receive the answer a few moments later when she was done with another cocktail. Nayeon liked this dynamic between them. The fast-paced dialogue provided some excitement from both parts and Nayeon felt herself craving the girl more and more as she left in bigger intervals.

“Is this your first time here?”

4 shots of tequila.

“Yes.”

One Mojito.

“What brings you here tonight?”

Two Margaritas.

“I was in the neighborhood.”

One Cosmopolitan.

“So, you’re not from around the block?”

Three beers.

“You could say that.”

Three shots of tequila.

“It’s past three, what made you stay?”

One Bloody Mary.

“I saw you.”

Dahyun almost tripped on her way to deliver a Martini. “So you did recognize me from yesterday.”

“Well, you were staring at me for a long time,” Nayeon teased with a smirk and Dahyun smiled apologetically as some customers started to drunkenly shout her name.

“Shit, I’ll be right back,” She paused and stepped back for a bit. “Um, don’t leave.”

“I won’t.” Nayeon promised.

Apparently, the yelling girls were long-date clients and it was the birthday of one of them. Dahyun called for Sana who just gave her another thumbs up. It took a few minutes for the girls to stop hugging and kissing Dahyun’s cheeks and soon a cake emerged from the kitchen. The birthday girl immediately got up and started clapping, and then a drunken chorus of _Happy Birthday to You_ could be heard across the entire bar. Even the DJ toned down the music for the particular event.

Nayeon looked around the place, basking in the feeling of suddenly having everyone in there coming together for some stranger’s sake. Maybe they knew the girl, maybe they didn’t. And still, not a single person didn’t sing their lungs out. Nayeon felt herself clapping along as well, happy for the girl who would probably not remember any of it the next day.

As soon as the song ended, everyone snapped out of it and returned to their own entertainment. The girls hugged and thanked Sana and Dahyun for the surprise, and on a whim, the birthday girl landed a soft peck on Dahyun’s lips. The bartender was apparently used to this sort of behavior and simply laughed. She returned to Nayeon moments later.

“Sorry about that,” She scratched the back of her neck.

“About what?”

“Um, the—” Dahyun stopped, wondering if apologizing for the kiss would be weird. It probably would. “Leaving.”

“The kiss.” Nayeon corrected her.

Dahyun sighed. So this woman had the power to see right through her, like Chaeyoung. “Yeah, that too.”

Nayeon could only giggle. “Why would you need to apologize for that?”

Someone asked for a shot of tequila on the left side of the bar and Dahyun excused herself, relieved for the interruption. Even with the extra time to think of a decent reply, she came back with none. “…I don’t really know. It felt like the right thing to say.”

The blue-haired woman blinked at that, surprised at the honesty in the bartender’s words. Everything about that girl seemed genuine, from her concentration to do a good job, to answers to tricky questions. In a place like this, where she had to probably deal with drunk people all the time, it was a very intriguing trait.

Nayeon noticed far too late that she had been reeled in by this girl who hadn’t even tried.

“You’re kinda great, you know that?” Nayeon mumbled, their eyes meeting.

“What?” Despite the reverberating bass, Dahyun could feel her heart skipping a beat.

“It felt like the right thing to say,” She repeated Dahyun’s words with a soft smile. Both girls stood unmoving for a few seconds, and it took a waitress’s poke on Dahyun’s ribs to get her to listen to one of the customers asking for a Margarita.

“C-coming right up!” Dahyun shook her head to get out of her trance, and when she looked back at Nayeon, she saw her in a whole new light. “Stay here.” She stammered and hurried up to prepare the drink.

The blue-haired woman nodded and finished her cocktail, feeling a bit lightheaded from the drink. If she was having problems tearing her gaze away from the bartender before, right now it was impossible. All she could see was Dahyun. That one damaged part of her brain that always tried to ruin everything told her that if the roof was about to collapse now, this wouldn’t be a bad last view. Nayeon for once agreed.

The blonde slid over back to her with a sheet of paper and a pen. “Listen, I’d really like to talk to you for more than fifteen seconds without an interruption, so if you feel the same way would you write down your phone number so we could meet up at some point?” Dahyun was sure she’d never said anything so corny and so fast in her entire life.

It took Nayeon a second to snap out of it and grab the pen. Maybe she was a bit drunker than she previously thought. “Definitely. Yeah.” She wrote down the number and double-checked it. “Here.”

Dahyun folded it and put it inside her bra. “It’s the safest place.”

“I bet it is.”

Another interruption, and Nayeon was alone again. She knew something was brewing, and it was probably dangerous considering all things, but maybe a little distraction from the world wasn’t so bad. It _had_ been a long time.

The night went by and they kept talking in intervals, and soon the bar began to clear out. It was five in the morning when Sana came out of the kitchen just to see Dahyun leaning on the balcony, talking excitedly with the blue-haired woman from before. She put both hands on her hips and grinned. “Hey, love birds! We’re closing in an hour.”

Dahyun flipped her off and Sana laughed out loud. Nayeon straightened her back and looked around. “Oh, it is late.”

“We still have an hour,” Dahyun said, then caught her tongue. “I mean, I still have an hour. You’re always free to leave whenever.”

Nayeon chuckled, completely endeared by how the words just fell out of her mouth. She looked at her phone to check what time it was and sighed. “I should probably go, actually.”

Dahyun dropped her shoulders at that, but nodded. “Of course,” Then she leaned back and paused. “Um, can I escort you out?”

Nayeon smiled. “I thought you’d never ask.”

The bartender smirked and jumped the counter. “Hey, Sana! Hold down the fort for me, I’ll be right back!”

“If you take more than ten minutes, I’m giving everyone else left free shots!” Sana made a point to yell the last part very loudly, and the twenty people remaining started to cheer.

“No, you’re not!” Dahyun replied, following Nayeon outside.

There sun wasn’t out yet, and the streetlights created a path that seemed to stretch to infinity. Dahyun briefly wondered where exactly Nayeon was from, and if she needed a ride somewhere, but decided that this would be too much for a first encounter.

Nayeon grabbed a pack of cigarettes from inside her jacket and offered one to Dahyun.

“Oh, um. I don’t really smoke.”

“Really? What was that at the junkyard, then?” Nayeon mumbled as she lit it up.

“I was just accompanying my friend. Thought I’d try one for the first time,” Dahyun stuffed her hands in her pockets, casually trying not to stare so blatantly. The orange glow coming from the cigarette was the same one from the night before – the one that allowed Dahyun to recognize Nayeon’ face in the first place. Seeing it now up close was even more mesmerizing.

“I see,” Nayeon puffed out a cloud of smoke. “And what did you think?”

“Of smoking?”

“Of the new experience.”

Dahyun smiled at that. For some reason this question made her realize that they were on the same page when it came to certain things, and she was glad to have found someone like that to talk to. “It was nice.”

Nayeon removed the cigarette from her mouth. “I hope you didn’t hate the taste.”

“Why—”

Suddenly Nayeon’ lips were close to her own and she nudged them gently with her thumb, urging Dahyun to open her mouth slightly. She complied without a second thought, and felt a soft puff of smoke invading her tongue. Her eyelids fluttered as Nayeon breathed out into her, ever so slowly. Once she was all out of breath, Nayeon’ lips covered Dahyun’s and the blonde instinctively closed her eyes.

They were softer than she could ever have anticipated coming from someone who looked so raw. There was a certain beauty to Nayeon that Dahyun had been trying to put into words for a while, but couldn’t. Maybe that was the beauty of it all.

Feeling a tongue making its way to her lower lip, Dahyun opened her mouth and tangled her fingers on the hairs at the back of Nayeon’ head. The taller girl moved one of her arms to Dahyun’s lower back, but instead of holding her close, she guided the blonde’s free hand to her own waist. Dahyun caught the hint and pulled their bodies together as their tongues touched. It tasted like cigarettes and alcohol – a taste that she was very familiar with, but that had never been so damn good. They kissed until what seemed like literally forever, until Nayeon finally pulled back.

“I should go,” She whispered faintly against Dahyun’s lips.

“Yeah,” Was all she could say. Her head was spinning and she felt cold once she had to let go. “Okay.”

“Goodnight, Dahyun.” Nayeon smiled and turned around.

“Bye.” The blonde watched Nayeon walk away until she vanished in the distance, then touched her back on the stone walls of the pub. She looked up, trying to make sense of everything that had happened that night, but gave up trying. Her head was a havoc and her lungs were out of air, so she returned inside.

When she walked in, all the 20 people left were waiting for her with a smile in their faces and shots in their hands. “What the—”

“Took you long enough!” One of the men said, and everyone laughed as they finally gulped down their drinks. Dahyun only stared at Sana, who shrugged.

“Fifteen minutes, chief.”

Dahyun rolled her eyes, and elbowed Sana’s ribs, making her laugh louder. The noise was toned down by her own thoughts as she licked her lips and tasted the last of Nayeon. There was only one thing running through her mind besides the little folded paper inside her bra, and she smiled softly, running a hand through her hair.

_It really does taste like freedom._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter preview:
> 
> Nayeon sat on one side of the bed with her back turned to the other person lying on it. She held the sheets close to her front, in a pathetic attempt to cover her naked body. The other woman had her strong back turned away as well, not really feeling like getting up yet.
> 
> “I met someone,” For the second time that week, Nayeon spilled out these words. She still couldn’t figure out why, and specially why to her.
> 
> 02/11
> 
> Follow me on twitter @niigoki_


	2. Lesson Two: Krone

It was 8am when Nayeon got home.

She opened her apartment’s door quietly and placed her keys on the table in the corner. Walking past the living room, she got to the kitchen and halted when she saw the teenage girl eating pancakes.

“Nayeon, you’re back!” She greeted cheerfully with a mouthful.

“H-hey Ryujin,” In a flash, Nayeon zipped her jacket all the way up to her chin. “What are you doing up so early?” She made her way to the coffee machine, hoping that the girl hadn’t seen anything, and desperately needing caffeine in her system despite being exhausted.

“I woke up and you weren’t here, so I decided to wait. Look, I made us some pancakes with jam! I didn’t know we had these,” Ryujin grabbed a pot of raspberry jam and turned it in her hand, trying to figure out where it came from, but to no avail.

Nayeon stared at the product and sighed. “It was a delivery.”

“It was a— Oh.” When Ryujin realized what that meant, she put the jam down again, not really in the mood for the pancakes anymore. “I’m sorry, Nayeon. Maybe we should just have some eggs and bacon for breakfast instead.”

Nayeon pressed a button on the coffee machine and inhaled the scent of the beverage contently. “Don’t worry about it. You already went through all the trouble, and they look delicious. Let me have some.”

“But…”

Nayeon walked up to her and placed a gentle hand on her hair. “It’s fine, really.” She ruffled her messy locks with a tired smile and went back for the coffee. The girl hesitantly nodded and served her a plate. Nayeon sat down after a few sips and finally felt relaxed. “So, what are your plans for today?”

Ryujin’s smile returned to her face and Nayeon was glad. That kid was one of the few things that grounded her, and she couldn’t bear to see her unhappy because of something that was all her fault.

“I’m having lunch later with Heejin by the river. She said there’s this awesome hot dog cart near the riverbank, and that it’s not illegal to eat by the grass. Well, as long as we clean up the trash.”

Nayeon drank her coffee slowly and listened while the girl excitedly told her all the little details of her day. She found herself remembering last night as Ryujin rattled on, and licked her lips, tasting the kiss at the pub. It was nothing like she’d ever experienced in a long time, and honestly, she wasn’t sure what’d gotten into her to do that in the first place. Maybe she was testing Dahyun in a way, to see if she wouldn’t run away as soon as she did something unpredictable. This had become a stupid habit of hers when meeting new people and she knew why. Few people reacted positively to it, but apparently Dahyun was already used to sudden displays of affection. She did get kissed by a drunk customer, after all.

Nayeon remembered something she had done unconsciously to the bartender mid-kiss and felt a bit nauseous. She had reached for Dahyun’s arm and guided it to her waist, inciting the blonde to take the lead and hold her. Nayeon had been a bit drunk and regretted it now.

And then, after all of that, she still had to go and take more from somewhere else. That’s all she ever did; take, and take, and take. The pulsating pain on her neck didn’t allow her to forget.

“…And then we were going to play tennis too, but I’m not sure her living room is the safest spot to place a net. Nayeon?” Ryujin’s voice caught her attention and she looked at her.

Nayeon didn’t know what pushed her to say it, but she did anyway. “I met someone.”

Ryujin’s eyes glowed. “Someone? Like, a good someone?”

She couldn’t blame her for thinking like this all things considered, so she just nodded. “Yeah, a good someone.”

The girl’s face cracked into a huge smile as she jumped up and down. “Oh! Oh! Tell me.”

“She’s a bartender,” It was weird for Nayeon to talk about something like this with Ryujin, but she knew the kid was more mature than she looked. It was just uncomfortable for her to open up about most things, but she had been pushing herself to do it with Ryujin. The girl had been supporting her for the longest time and there was no one else she trusted more with her messed up life than her. “Um. Short and blonde. Wears glasses.”

Ryujin just nodded, happily.

“Talks fast sometimes. One of her ears is pierced all the way.”

She took another sip of coffee and kept quiet for a moment.

“Are you… going to meet again?” Ryujin asked.

Nayeon faintly remembered scribbling down her phone number on a sheet of paper and bit the inside of her cheek. “We might.”

“That’s great, Nayeon.” Ryujin smiled softly, not wanting to push her any more than necessary. She was grateful for that, even knowing that the kid was probably waiting to hear something about Dahyun’s personality instead of what she looked like. But she just didn’t have the energy for that yet.

Nayeon finished her cup of coffee in silence, and after chatting a bit more, got up. “I’m tired, Ryujin, so I’m going to bed.” She placed the mug on the sink and yawned. “Have a great day with Heejin.”

“Alright. Sleep well!” Ryujin got up to do the dishes while humming a song and stopped after catching a glimpse of Nayeon’s plate. She sighed, a bit worried about the untouched food, but threw it in the garbage anyway.

\--

It was 7am when Dahyun got home.

She slammed the door open. “I need to rant, bear with me.”

Chaeyoung groaned as she covered her head from the brightness of the hallway. “Fuckin’ hell.”

Dahyun took off her shoes and pants and plopped down on the mattress next to her best friend. The bed jumped at the action and Chaeyoung mumbled louder curses, curling even more into herself.

“I met your mysterious companion from the junkyard and she’s _amazing_ ,” Dahyun started, staring up at the ceiling as her brain tried to form cohesive phrases. “Like, really amazing? In a way you wouldn’t be able to describe unless you were there. Which you weren’t, because you were sleeping.”

The other girl tried to kick Dahyun out of the bed, but the bartender grabbed her leg. “And I got her number in the corniest way and I wasn’t even drunk, but she might’ve been, because she was staring at me a lot. You know, kinda like how I was staring at her at the junkyard.”

Chaeyoung’s leg was now a prisoner of Dahyun’s vicious grip, and she tried to shake it off.

“And everything flowed so well. Like when you’re meant to meet someone, but fate delays the process, and when you finally _do_ get to meet it’s like that one comma you were forgetting while programming suddenly appears out of nowhere and the software just _works_.”

Finally freeing her leg, Chaeyoung tried to push her off with her arm. Dahyun pushed it back and they struggled for a while in between the sheets. “It was weird how we met, too. Back at the junkyard I could only see her for brief periods of time through her cigarette light, and today we could only talk in between quick intervals. And it was a bit frustrating because I kind of want to know her on her entirety. Is this creepy?”

“Get out of my bed,” Chaeyoung mumbled, drowned into her pillow.

“But maybe we’re not meant to sit down and talk calmly,” Dahyun avoided a punch aiming straight to her jaw. “I feel like it has to be this way, always rushed and untamed. Like glimpses of an unpolished beauty in your life that makes you want to see more every time, because it’s just not enough. And maybe she doesn’t want it to ever be enough.”

“Please shut up.” Too tired to try to push Dahyun anymore, Chaeyoung turned around and covered her ears.

“Then she kissed me on the way out and the cigarette tasted differently, but the same, in a way. She’s just so…” Dahyun sighed, angry at herself for not being able to come up with the right word. “Daytime doesn’t suit her, you know? Neither does a café, or a walk in the park, or an afternoon at the museum. Not that she doesn’t look intelligent or anything. She’s more like…”

Her hands started moving in some kind of desperate motion, as if an invisible orchestra was begging to be conducted. “When the sun is setting, and the first streetlights start working. An evening stroll to buy a pack of cigarettes at this one beat up store on the street corner that she’s been going for years now. Staring at the horizon on the bridge, as the yellow lights cover her skin. Looking down at the river and puffing out smoke. Then it’s dark, but the lights guide her wherever…”

Dahyun trailed off in a sigh and looked sideways to catch Chaeyoung snoring. There were still so many things she wanted to say, but the exhaustion of her work finally hit her hard and she started dozing off as well. Getting under the covers, she turned her back to her friend and whispered.

“I get the junkyard, now.”

Then her eyes fluttered shut.

\--

A faint ringtone made Nayeon stir on her bed, and when it got louder, she groaned and lifted her naked torso to grab it from the nightstand. The brightness of the screen made her groan in pain and she buried her head in the pillow again. After adjusting her eyes, she lifted her head up and saw that it was an unknown number calling at 4pm. Nayeon was about to throw the damn thing across the room when she remembered that it was probably Dahyun.

With a sigh, she sat up and ruffled her hair before picking it up. “Hello?”

 _“Shit, I woke you up, didn’t I?”_ Then a pause. _“It’s Dahyun, by the way. The bartender from last night.”_

“I know who you are,” Nayeon chuckled in a hoarse voice. “And I had to get up anyway.”

_“I can call later, if you want.”_

“No, no—” Nayeon stretched her muscles and a twinge of pain hit her neck hard. _“Fuck.”_

 _“You okay?”_ Dahyun sounded concerned.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Nayeon massaged the pulsating spot. “Hit my toe on the bed, is all. Forgot to open the curtains and it’s all dark.”

Dahyun’s giggle was adorable from the other side of the line. _“Didn’t take you for a clumsy one.”_

“Hey, I just woke up,” Nayeon got up and made her way to the bathroom to assess the damage on her skin. “Are you telling me you always wake up with perfectly clear bearings?”

 _“You’re talking to a professional here, remember?”_ Dahyun’s phone made a creaking noise and Nayeon smirked.

“Right,” She frowned at the huge purple spot that marked the left side of her neck all the way down to her shoulder. “But something tells me you’re not exactly completely awake, either.”

There was a short moment of silence, followed by another soft squeak. _“How would you guess?”_

“There’s a noise going on in the background, it kinda sounds like a squeaky bed.” Rolling her eyes at the stupid hickey, she put her phone on speaker and placed it down on the sink.

 _“You’re good,”_ Dahyun admitted. _“Alright, maybe I did wake up just ten minutes ago.”_

“Touché.” Nayeon opened the bathroom cabinet and searched for a lost foundation she kept hidden for situations like this. Finding it, she opened the pot and started applying it carefully on the sensitive skin. “And your first thought was to call me?”

 _“Um. Yes.”_ Dahyun’s honesty was still incredible. _“I forgot to take off my bra before collapsing and it bugged me when I woke up. And then I remembered the paper inside the bra with your number on it and decided to call.”_

Nayeon laughed at that and accidentally sprawled make up on her chin. “Okay. Now what?”

 _“I— calling was all I had planned, to be honest.”_ She sounded nervous for the first time since the call started. _“Which is not like me at all. I usually have a plan.”_

“I could tell,” Nayeon wiped off the foundation from her chin. “Everything you do seems to be very thought through.”

 _“It is,”_ Dahyun moved and the bed squeaked again. _“Say, ever rode on the back of a bike?”_

The question was so random that it caught Nayeon off guard. She stopped her actions midair and smiled, intrigued. “No?”

_“Do you want to?”_

She knew she should’ve thought this through for at least more than a millisecond before spilling, “Yeah.” Then she froze. “Uh, when?”

 _“Tonight. I don’t work on Sundays,”_ Dahyun noticed that she was hesitant about the date and added, _“Or maybe next week?”_

Nayeon looked at her neck and realized that the mark was too big for the foundation to hide properly. She cursed every single deity for her stupid decisions at 6am and sighed softly outside the phone’s radius. “Next week.”

_“Alright! We can meet at the pub after dinner.”_

Nayeon couldn’t help to smirk at the mentioned hour. “After dinner? So no romantic dinner date?”

 _“We could, but I don’t think you’d want that,”_ She quieted down for a second. _“I mean, I could be completely wrong.”_

Nayeon grabbed the phone and returned to her room, opening the curtains. The silence that followed wasn’t because Dahyun had offended her in any way, but because of how put off she was by the fact that this girl was able to read her like a book. She was different, exactly like Nayeon had imagined, but it hadn’t struck her how much until now.

“Just the ride sounds great,” Nayeon sat on her bed and tentatively asked, “Are we heading somewhere specific?” Somehow, she was afraid the answer would be yes.

And still, she wasn’t surprised when the answer was no.

\--

“So, you asked your girlfriend on a motorcycle date and you plan on taking her for a ride on this thing?” Chaeyoung’s amused voice reverberated through the parking lot where Dahyun’s old Vespa was parked on.

“A, she’s not my girlfriend, B,” Dahyun tapped the vehicle gently on the rear just to check how bad the situation was. When the metal shook, she knew she was in trouble. “You said you would help, so stop shoving my bad decisions in my face and be useful.”

Chaeyoung snorted and walked around the Vespa, assessing the damage. “How old is this thing?”

“Six years…?”

“Holy shit. What were you thinking? This thing can’t hold two people, it can barely take you to work without falling to pieces.” She took her cellphone from her back pocket and flipped it open. “Luckily for you, I know a guy who lives in a van and knows his stuff.”

Dahyun rolled her eyes, but sincerely hoped Chaeyoung was being serious.

Yesterday, when she offered Nayeon the ride, she wasn’t really thinking straight. It was like her judgement got clouded whenever she thought about the woman, which was terrifying for someone who always had to analyze situations meticulously before making a decision. This was completely new territory for Dahyun, and she was trying to make sense of this whole experience, but it just felt right with Nayeon – not thinking about things and just doing them. She wondered if it was a good thing, that this woman had this effect on her.

“Hello?” Chaeyoung’s voice suddenly went quiet on the phone, and she became serious. “Is this Ok Taecyeon? Yes, this is Kim, from the collection agency.”

Dahyun rolled her eyes. “Oh, for fuck’s sake—”

“It has come to our attention that there are a few debts in your name written down in our system, and I was wondering—” Chaeyoung burst into laughter suddenly, and Dahyun wanted to throttle her. She was not taking this seriously at all. “I’m joking, Taecyeon, don’t hang up! It’s Chaeyoung.”

The bartender was _this_ close to kicking Chaeyoung’s ass, and she would if this mechanic decided to quit after that prank. She had less than a week to repair the old scooter in a way that would look presentable to Nayeon, and she couldn’t afford to pay much for it. Chaeyoung usually saved her neck when it came to find cheap labor, since she knew pretty much everyone in town to some extent.

It was truly a mystery that Chaeyoung wasn’t able to find a job since quitting her last one months ago. If she knew _that_ many people, someone surely would be willing to help her out, but apparently not. Dahyun wondered if Chaeyoung had done something bad on her latest job and wasn’t telling her.

“Yeah, a six-year old Vespa,” They were still talking, Chaeyoung pacing back and forth on the parking lot, opening and closing her lighter. It was a habit she couldn’t seem to break. “Uh, yellow? All beaten up, makes weird noises when turned on.” She covered the phone’s speaker and winked back to Dahyun. “Kinda like you.”

“Wha— Shut up!” Dahyun blushed and shoved her friend with her shoulder. Chaeyoung laughed and turned her attention back to the phone.

“Hang on,” She looked back to Dahyun. “You know this thing’s model?”

“1965, SS 180.”

Chaeyoung repeated that and waited for verdict. Then her face fell. “Uh-oh.”

“Uh-oh? Uh-oh is bad,” Dahyun’s chest compressed and she felt herself already catastrophizing. ‘Uh-oh’ meant that there was no way to restore her treasured Vespa since it was too old, and since it was too old she wouldn’t be able to sell it because no one would ever want to buy it, therefore there would be no way of making extra cash in case Dahyun got fired from her job, and Chaeyoung would have to quit smoking until they figured out a new source of income that allowed both of them to live under a roof, which would once again result in cranky Chaeyoung.

Also, there would be no ride with Nayeon, which sucked, but not as much as being homeless.

“Alright, well, give it a look anyway.” Chaeyoung’s voice brought her back to reality. “Yeah, we’re going right away. Okay. Thanks, man.”

“What is uh-oh??” Dahyun asked before Chaeyoung could even hang up properly.

“Calm down!” She held her friend by the shoulders, which she knew calmed her down to some extent. It made Dahyun feel grounded. “Your scooter is too old and no one produces parts for it anymore. But Taecyeon has this huge warehouse that might have something that could replace them. We just gotta take your baby there and he’ll check. Sounds good?”

Chaeyoung’s calm and reasonable voice was reserved just for her, and Dahyun was thankful for it. In situations where her anxiety got out of control, her best friend was always there to put her back on track again. It was weird how different Chaeyoung acted around her in serious situations, but a good weird. Dahyun realized she never thanked her best friend enough for the things she had to put up with.

Dahyun took a deep breath and calmed herself down, pushing the thoughts away and nodding firmly. “Yeah. Let’s go.”

“That’s the spirit!” With a slap on her back, Chaeyoung walked over to the Vespa. “Oh, wait. If I get on this, it’ll break apart before we even reach the shop. Guess we’re walking.”

“Is it far?” Dahyun asked.

“Uh, define far.”

“I’ll put on some sneakers.” She turned around with an exasperated sigh, but stopped midway. “Oh, and… thanks.”

Chaeyoung tilted her head, confused, but wasn’t able to ask before Dahyun left in quick steps.

\--

It took an hour.

“Did you know,” Chaeyoung had purchased a bag of chips on the way and was now talking with her mouthful. “That walking under the sun… is good for your health? Vitamin D.”

“I will program… your alarm clock to go off at six in the morning every day… and make it so you won’t ever be able… to turn it off,” Dahyun tried to speak between intakes of air while pushing the Vespa slowly.

Both girls were climbing what apparently was an entire mountain covered in concrete, just to get to the shop at the very peak. There was no way this man had clients who were willing to go hiking for the sake of their vehicles. There had to be better options in town than this torture.

“I’m serious, though,” Despite also being breathless and sweating like a fountain, Chaeyoung’s smirk never left her face. “There’s this research… from this professor guy, who says… that, like, 95% of our vitamin D… comes from the sun. You like numbers, tell me how high is 95%. That’s right, hella fucking high.”

“Is this revenge… for me ranting on your bed?”

“I’m glad I made that clear.”

The ground finally got even again and both girls collapsed on a bench that was definitely built there for this very purpose. Chaeyoung swallowed hard. “Okay, new plan… next time we get a fucking taxi.”

“Agreed.” Dahyun couldn’t care less about saving money for that; sometimes a taxi was necessary for survival.

“Look at the bright side… we made it!” Chaeyoung looked over at the shop, but all Dahyun could focus on was the van parked in front.

“Wait. Does he actually live in a van?”

“You calling me a liar?”

She shook her head and got up. “Come on, time is precious.”

The shop and the warehouse were the same and the place was huge. The sign outside said _Ok Ok_ and nothing else, which didn’t really convey what the place was for if you read it from afar. On the inside, huge shelves that reached the ceiling and wooden boxes containing a variety of car and motorcycle parts were spread everywhere. The place looked cramped and dark, even with the lights turned on. The lights were far too dim, and some of them were out completely. Despite the dusty and disorganized appearance of the place, Dahyun had to admit that the man had an impressive collection of mechanical gadgets.

They looked around, but there was no one to be seen. Dahyun was afraid that they’d taken too long. “Maybe he’s out for dinner.”

“Nah, I know where he is,” Chaeyoung got out of the warehouse and walked over to the van. She took a deep breath and knocked loudly. “YO, TAECYEON! QUIT WATCHING OLD DRAMAS AND GET OVER HERE!”

The van’s door opened immediately, and a bearded man rolled out of it. He had a clean, really nice haircut, but his growing beard made him seem like he was just too lazy to shave at all.

“I was not!” Taecyeon yelled back, disoriented for a minute. “Oh, hey Chaeyoung. You got here pretty quickly.”

“We took an hour, dude.”

“Oh.” He scratched the back of his head with an embarrassed smile. “Alright, maybe I was watching a few episodes.”

“Your TV is a curse, Taecyeon, get rid of it,” Chaeyoung pulled him into a hug and both friends laughed. “Nice seeing you. How’s the kid?”

“Oh, Ryujin’s fine. She’s been living with a friend and hanging out with Heejin for the most part. I asked her if she didn’t want to come back home, but she said she’s needed there for some reason.” Taecyeon stretched his sore back, and it cracked. “So for now, I’m renting our place and came back here. Van, sweet van.”

“Cool,” Chaeyoung reached for Dahyun and put an arm around her. “So, this is the owner,” She pointed to the Vespa all the way inside the shop. “And that is the patient.”

“I’m Dahyun.” The blonde fought her way out of Chaeyoung’s grip. “Nice to meet you, sir.”

“Please, Taecyeon is fine. Sir makes me feel older than I already am,” Taecyeon shook her hand earnestly and Dahyun felt that he was a good man. All the worries of leaving her only means of transportation in the hands of this guy were slowly vanishing. “Now let’s take a look at this SS 180.”

The trio moved back to the warehouse, and after a few technical analysis and a couple of hours searching for spare parts in the hundreds of boxes, they finally got to a solution.

“I guess these will do fine. Riding it won’t be exactly like it was before, but you’ll feel more power. And it definitely won’t shake anymore when you give someone a ride,” Taecyeon announced proudly with both hands on his hips as he glanced at the parts he managed to sort out on the floor next to the Vespa.

“Told you he was the man,” Chaeyoung whispered, but Dahyun had other concerns.

“Will it be ready until Sunday?”

“Oh, definitely. I can deliver her to you on Friday, tops. You’ll have the pleasure of riding down the hill as you leave with the new motor I’m installing. It will feel like riding the wind,” The man confirmed with a thumbs up, and Dahyun sighed relieved.

“And about the price—” She still had this issue, but Chaeyoung interrupted her with a hand on her shoulder.

“One step at a time, eh? Mr. Ok Ok here will do us a generous price, so you just relax and worry about what you’ll be wearing on your weird bike date.”

Dahyun wanted to argue that the price was important to be discussed now, but Taecyeon guaranteed that it was not going to be anything that she couldn’t afford. With not much strength to continue the conversation, she thanked him for the generosity, and both girls left. It was the beginning of the evening when they stepped out of the shop, meaning that Dahyun didn’t have much time until her shift at the pub.

“Let’s just get a taxi, I don’t have the energy to walk all the way back.”

Chaeyoung agreed and they made their way downhill in a comfortable silence. That’s when it came to Dahyun’s mind. “How did you two meet, anyway? He’s way older than you.”

“Are you saying I can’t have friends if I’m not sleeping with them?”

“Yes, those are the exact words that came out of my mouth,” Dahyun elbowed her friend on the ribs and Chaeyoung just chortled.

“I stumbled into him one day at the video store. You know, that really old one next to the park? Which still sells VHS tapes?”

“Oh, yeah.”

“Old stores attract old people.” Chaeyoung took a cigarette from her pocket and lit it up. “He was there renting Star In My Heart – which is _my_ favorite cheesy drama – so I just had to talk to this guy. I did, and we ended up chatting for hours. Then he invited me over for a Star In My Heart marathon and that’s how I met his daughter.”

“You went to a stranger’s house because he watched the same TV show as you?” Dahyun knew Chaeyoung was impulsive, but that was ridiculous, even for her. “Are you nuts? When you get yourself killed don’t expect me to show up at your funeral.”

The girl smiled as she puffed out a cloud of smoke. “You’ll be there to say ‘I told you so’, and then you’ll lower me into my grave, just so you can let me down one last time.”

Dahyun punched her best friend on the shoulder hard, and Chaeyoung started laughing and running all the way downhill. The blonde followed her with more punches ready for her stupid face, but failed in hiding a smile.

The day had turned out okay, after all.

\--

The last rays of the setting sun leaked through the white curtains, giving the room a soothing atmosphere. The window was opened, the soft wind rustling the curtains, slow and serene. Despite the gentle setting, the two people inside the room were as tense as they’ve always been.

Nayeon sat on one side of the bed with her back turned to the other person lying on it. She held the sheets close to her front, in a pathetic attempt to cover her naked body. The other woman had her strong back turned away as well, not really feeling like getting up yet.

“I met someone,” For the second time that week, Nayeon spilled out these words. She still couldn’t figure out why, and specially why to her.

“…Oh,” The voice was raspy, but not from sleep. “And?”

“Thought you should know.”

The person sighed and shifted her body to look up at the ceiling fan. “You don’t need to tell me who you hang out with, you know.”

Nayeon knew, but always did it anyway. She just shrugged.

“…Did you kiss?” The woman asked.

“You just told me I didn’t need to tell you anything.”

“You’re the one who brought it up!” She sounded frustrated, and Nayeon flinched at the louder tone. The woman breathed in, calming down, then lifted her torso from the bed. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

She scoffed. “Right.” An awkward silence settled between them, and the sound of cars beneath the city became louder. An ambulance made its way through the street, causing the traffic to get worse, and people started honking. “So… What about this person made you want to bring it up?”

Nayeon knew the answer, but she felt like the explanation was reserved just for Dahyun and herself. She didn’t want to share what she felt for the bartender with anyone else, but she was afraid this thing was too big for her to hold on her own. Also, her brain still pressured her to think she owned the woman an explanation for everything she did.

“She’s just… different.” She settled for that, which wasn’t a lie.

“Different good, or different bad?” It was a bit ironic that the woman would ask her what Ryujin had asked her a day ago. Both of these people were the complete opposite of each other, and cared for Nayeon in two completely different ways. Ryujin always worried about Nayeon’s happiness and tried to help in any shape or form, even if she didn’t know all of the details. She trusted her and loved her unconditionally.

Jeongyeon cared for Nayeon because anything she did was tied to her as well. It was selfish.

“Good,” Nayeon decided that she didn’t want to be there anymore and got up. “I should leave.”

Jeongyeon’s gaze followed her as she put on her clothes. “Suit yourself.”

Nayeon paused midway, changing her mind. “Can I take a shower first?”

“Go for it,” Jeongyeon got up as well and yawned, stretching her muscles that ached from their activities from before. It hadn’t been as intense as it normally was, but her taller body always cramped up. Then she snapped her eyes open. “Wait!”

Nayeon paused and turned to her.

“Don’t use the shampoo.”

“Why?” Nayeon whined. Her hair could really use some cleaning.

“It was a delivery.”

The words made Nayeon’s stomach turn, and she nodded in understanding. “Okay.”

She closed the bathroom door, and turned the shower on, hoping that the water would wash away all the dirt stuck on her body and mind.

But as she looked up and saw the shampoo, she knew it would take more than water to make _that_ go away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter preview:
> 
> “And, uh…” Dahyun looked nervous all of a sudden and gripped the handle of her Vespa. “Would you mind sharing a bed? With me, I mean. We don’t… have extra cushions.”
> 
> Nayeon smiled and buried her face into Dahyun’s neck. “I don’t mind that at all,” She let out in a breath.
> 
> 02/18
> 
> Follow me on twitter @niigoki_


	3. Lesson Three: Vargas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are some links for you to click if you want to listen to ambient music in certain scenes!
> 
> Enjoy this one!

This had to be the slowest week in Dahyun’s entire life. She thought that after making sure her scooter was in good hands, everything else would flow smoothly till Sunday. How wrong she was.

“You look distracted today, baby, something happened?” One of her customers sitting at the counter yelled to get her voice across from the blasting sound of the dancefloor. Dahyun finished serving her mojito and shook her head.

“Just anxious about the future, Jiwoo.” She responded with a crooked smile.

“We may not always know what the future holds,” One of the boys accompanying her butted in, hugging Jiwoo from behind and placing his head on top of hers. “But one thing’s for certain...”

“And what’s that, Tae?” Jiwoo asked, leaning completely on him as she drank.

“My future always holds tequila.” He finished with a wink, pointing at Dahyun. The bartender laughed and excused herself to grab his shot and be alone with her own thoughts for a bit.

She briefly wondered why Nayeon hadn’t showed up at the pub again after their first encounter. Maybe she was placing all of her expectations on that one ride towards nowhere, which was honestly the thing making Dahyun the most nervous. So many things could go wrong.

Her Vespa could break down regardless because Taecyeon wasn’t able to patch it up properly; Nayeon could feel bored in the middle of the ride; the traffic could prevent them from having a pleasant night; they could run out of conversation topics, which would make Dahyun rant nervously and talk nonsense like she usually did, which was fine to do in front of her friends because they knew her, but Nayeon would think she was a weirdo and then they would say goodbye never to speak again and she would feel terrible for the rest of her life.

Dahyun wished she hadn’t said anything in the first place.

But then again, maybe she didn’t have to think about it. Wasn’t this the whole point? Chaeyoung had to go through an entire monologue about how much freedom Dahyun felt with Nayeon that night, and now she was backing up on her own word. She was starting to think of Nayeon as someone who would think like her past dates, when she was nothing like that. Nayeon was different. She knew that for certain.

Right?

Dahyun looked at the tequila shot in her hands and secretly drank it herself to calm down.

“Here you go, Taehyung.” She came back a few moments later with another shot for the guy, then spotted another friend. “Oh, hey Matthew! I was wondering where you were.”

“Dancefloor called me,” Matthew answered, breathing heavily as he wiped the sweat off his forehead. He pushed his sunglasses to the top of his head and smiled. “How you doing, Dubs?”

“Thinking about the future,” Jiwoo answered for her as she pulled Matthew down for a kiss on his cheek. “Give her inspirational words like Tae.”

“No one can do inspiration like Tae,” Matthew pondered, ruffling the man’s hair. “But if it was me, I’d say to go to where your heart tells you to. My heart told me to go to the dancefloor, so I danced on my own.”

Dahyun smirked. “And what does your heart tell you now?”

“Cuba Libre.”

“Gotcha,” She moved back to the bar and started mixing the drink.

Matthew’s words resonated within her, and Dahyun decided that she should follow the advice. Talking to Nayeon so far had been all about new experiences and challenging herself and her fears, so that’s the path she should be taking. She wanted their encounters to be memorable and different, like they had been the first two times – in a junkyard in the middle of the night, then in between interruptions at her own pub. Dahyun had yet to ask how in the world Nayeon had found her, but honestly she didn’t need to know. They had found each other, and that was all that mattered.

She returned with the drink in hands and interrupted Matthew and Jiwoo’s make-out session. “Gonna make Taehyung jealous.”

“Jealousy is an illusion,” Taehyung said, matter-of-factly, but pushed himself onto the other two nonetheless. “Kisses aren’t, though.”

“Come here,” Jiwoo pulled him down and both kissed his cheeks, then Matthew sat down at the bar to drink his Cuba Libre.

Dahyun noticed that there was one of them missing. “Where’s Somin?”

“At home, big cold.” Matthew sounded sad and the other two nodded with him. “She wouldn’t let us miss on the fun though, so we’re here.”

Dahyun smiled fondly at the trio. Even without their fourth loved one, they managed to carry on with life. Maybe there was a lesson to be learned here.

Someone asked for a beer and Dahyun turned around. “Gotta bounce. Thanks for the advice, guys.”

The trio gave her a synchronized thumbs up and Dahyun knew she had the best friends in the world.

\--

It was Wednesday, and the bar felt familiar again even without Nayeon’s presence. Sana joked around and brought people together with her radiant aura, making Dahyun feel at home.

\--

Thursday was very calm, and the DJ thought that it was a great time to put on songs that people usually didn’t enjoy as much. When Spice Girls started playing, everyone danced regardless.

\--

On Friday, she got her Vespa back. It was impeccable and looked brand new, and most of her worries regarding the ride vanished as soon as she rode it downhill. The wind on her face felt fantastic, and her heart was beating with excitement. She wanted to show this feeling to Nayeon.

At the pub, Friday was always a busy day and Matthew was the resident DJ for the night. Somin was back, and together with Jiwoo and Taehyung, they danced the whole night long. Sana and Dahyun ran around the place to take orders as fast as they could, and Sana made a new friend called Tzuyu. Dahyun made lots of friends each night – this one was not an exception. A cute girl was blatantly hitting on her, but she politely declined when she asked for her number.

Nayeon still swam around in her mind. Dahyun wondered if she had showed up at the junkyard that night. Grabbing her phone, she sent a message to Chaeyoung asking. She wasn’t really surprised when the answer was no.

\--

Saturday started off great because Chaeyoung decided to crash at the pub. She didn’t go there often because “it didn’t make her style musically speaking”, but Dahyun was still glad for the times she did. Everything just looked livelier with her around, from the people to the music.

“So, where’s my mystery companion?” Chaeyoung asked, looking around. “I thought your back would be shoved against a wall by the time I got here.”

“I work here, remember?” Dahyun rolled her eyes, shaking a bottle. “And she hasn’t showed up since last Saturday.”

“Wait, like, at all?”

Dahyun nodded.

“But you did call her throughout the week, right?”

“Um… once?”

“…When?”

“Last Sunday?”

“And you haven’t spoken since?”

Dahyun shook her head.

“Aren’t you a bit worried she forgot about your date? Or about you entirely?”

“Of course not. She wouldn’t… I mean I don’t think she would—”

“Oh, Dubs.” Chaeyoung leaned back with her beer in hands. “Your innocence is what gives me hope for future generations.”

“Shut up,” Dahyun finished mixing a Margarita and walked over to the opposite side of the bar to deliver it. She returned soon and resumed the conversation as if it she’d never left. “It’s not like that. We’ve talked twice, but she was really excited for the ride.”

“So excited that she never came back here.”

“Why are you being a bitch? I thought you wanted this to work!” Dahyun started feeling anxious again. She was so excited about meeting Nayeon on the specific date stipulated that everything else outside of ‘Sunday after dinner’ had become irrelevant. Now Chaeyoung was making her question if this really was a problem.

“I do! I just don’t want you to get hurt,” Chaeyoung sat up straight again, knitting her eyebrows. “It’s good that you trust her this much, but people are assholes sometimes.”

“Yeah, you’re proof number one.” Dahyun huffed as she walked away to take another order.

Chaeyoung sighed, not wanting to fight with her best friend this early into the night. She was just worried about her heart; she’d seen it break a couple of times and having a crying Dahyun in her arms was the worst feeling in the world. The last time it happened, Chaeyoung had promised to kick the ass of the next idiot who decided to mess with Dahyun’s heart. She didn’t want to have to fulfill it so soon.

When Dahyun got back, she didn’t look in Chaeyoung’s direction. Chaeyoung groaned. “Alright. I’m sorry, okay? Your date is gonna be great. I mean, look at what Taecyeon did to your scooter, it’s amazing. She will be so impressed that when you make it home there will be cans hanging from the back plate because you’ll be just married.”

The blonde tried to hold back a grin, but failed.

“Come ooooon…” Chaeyoung smiled and reached over the counter to poke her friend in the ribs. “Smile for me, Dubu. You know you love me…”

“Cut it out,” Dahyun slapped her hand away with a snort. “I’ll have you kicked out.”

“Psh, right. I’m friends with half this joint.” Suddenly her cellphone buzzed and she picked it up to read the message. Dahyun took this cue to go fill another five cups of beer, and upon her return, Chaeyoung’s eyes were glowing. “Dahyun, I got a job interview!”

“What?! Lemme see!” Forgetting about their argument completely, Dahyun snatched her phone away and widened her eyes at the Facebook message. “Oh my stars, you do! Where?”

“It’s at the tattoo parlor I signed up for! Dude, this is cool.”

“Tattoo parlor?” Dahyun sounded skeptical. “Since when are you a tattoo artist? You don’t even have tattoos.”

“I’ve always liked tattoos. And I’m gonna be the receptionist. Look,” She Googled the place and showed it to Dahyun. “It’s this all-female tattoo shop called The Black Swan. Apparently, there are only two other people who work there? They opened recently and needed someone who is organized with schedules and has good people skills.”

“So, you lied.”

“Hey, I have good people skills. It’s only half a lie.”

Dahyun flicked her on the forehead. “You can’t lie your way into a job, Chaeng! You better start practicing your organization skills. We could really use more cash.”

“I know, I know! I won’t mess this one up, promise.” She leaned back on her chair and sipped her beer. Dahyun raised an eyebrow, but decided to trust her for now.

The music got louder and more intense as the night went by, and Chaeyoung’s beers turned into tequilas. Soon she was dragged to the dance floor by some of her friends that Dahyun didn’t know and came back completely drunk and with smeared make up. Dahyun laughed at her friend’s state, and gave her a free water bottle. “Sober up, receptionist.”

“Dubs, I have a plan, listen,” Chaeyoung swallowed the entire thing in an instant. “I’m gonna go to the dollar store, okay? Then I’m gonna buy those fake tattoos, like, butterflies and shit. I’ll cover my entire body in fake tattoos and then I’m gonna go to the interview.”

“Literally do not do this.”

“And then – hey do you have more water? – and then they’ll hire me because they’ll see how much I’m trying. I mean, did this girl really spend ten dollars in fake tattoos just for us? Fuck yes, she did.”

Dahyun slid her another water bottle. “They’ll kick you out in a second because you’ll look ridiculous.”

Chaeyoung laughed and drank. Dahyun was about to move to take someone else’s orders, but felt her friend grabbing her shirt. “Hey, you know I love you, right? And that I only said that shit earlier because I don’t want anyone to ever hurt you, ever, right?”

Dahyun was quite surprised at how much that had worried her, but nodded. “I know, Chaeng. Thanks for that.”

“You don’t hate me, do you?”

“I could never,” She smiled, very aware of Chaeyoung’s own insecurities. Then she joked, “Alright, maybe when you forget your goddamn Hot Pockets in the microwave.”

Chaeyoung let her go and laughed again. Dahyun really had the best friends in the world.

\--

It was Sunday.

It was after dinner.

Dahyun was making her way to the pub, gripping the scooter handle tightly as her heart threatened to burst out of her chest. All of her doubts and insecurities were back stronger than ever. She still hadn’t contacted Nayeon, she still had no idea where they were heading to or what they were going to talk about, and her head was spinning with uncomfortable thoughts. She should have called Nayeon at least once to make sure the date was still up, she should’ve done this, should’ve done that. Dahyun was diving into the unknown and she hated it. Maybe she should just turn around and save herself the embarrassment.

Turning right, her eyes caught a glimpse of blue immediately.

Nayeon was leaning against the stone walls of the pub, exactly where they had last seen each other, and smiled in her direction. Dahyun felt like she could melt.

“You’re here.” The words fell out of her mouth instinctively.

“I am,” Nayeon giggled. “What, you thought I wouldn’t come?”

Dahyun almost said yes, but then realized that she wasn’t the one who thought that at all. It was what other people told her that had made her insecure. Memories of her past relationships forced her to think that Nayeon was the same, and dictated what she should be expecting.

But no one was the same.

Dahyun smiled, relief leaking through every cell. “Never doubted you for a second.”

\--

It had been a while since Dahyun felt someone’s arms encircle her from behind – someone other than Chaeyoung – and she felt her heart beginning to speed up as Nayeon adjusted herself on the back seat of her scooter. The woman was a bit taller than her, but the content sigh she gave after settling down was comforting enough, and told Dahyun that she was well-adjusted.

“Am I hurting you?” Nayeon asked in an almost whisper. Her voice sounded hoarse from this close, something that Dahyun hadn’t noticed a week ago.

“I’m okay. Are you comfy?”

“Yeah,” Nayeon giggled.

“Here,” Dahyun handed her a helmet. “It’s the law and I don’t want you to get arrested.”

Nayeon grabbed it, smirking. “Do you always follow the rules?”

“When I can. I always end up breaking them if I’m with Chaeyoung, though.” [She revved up the vehicle and soon both girls set off to the unknown.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jUcMyAzt2Ck)

The sun had almost set entirely, still hanging persistently in the horizon by just a few more moments before disappearing completely. The streetlights created a path, glowing soft yellow, shadows dancing on the two women’s skin as they drove through the highway. The traffic was the same as usual, which didn’t bother them in the least; Dahyun was quite skilled at maneuvering her Vespa, and soon they made it to calmer streets in between houses.

“You said you’re not from around here, right?” Dahyun asked, her voice a bit louder than normal because of the motor noise.

“I come to this neighborhood often, but my house is a few train stations from here,” Nayeon answered. “There’s not much to do around where I live, so I usually end up here at the city center.”

Dahyun made a turn, and felt Nayeon’s arms tighten around her. “So, where do you normally go when you come visit?”

“A few bars. That big market uphill; it has better products than the one back home. The video store next to the park.”

“Oh, really?” They turned again. “Chaeyoung likes to go there, too. You two seem to frequent the same places a lot.”

“We do,” Nayeon looked around, trying to make sense of where they were, and just absorbing the new environment. They were clearly in a residential area; there were buildings and houses everywhere, and small convenience stores in a few specific locations. “And yet we never spoke.”

“Why is that?” Dahyun turned one last time and grinned when she finally saw the river that cut through the town in the distance.

“I don’t know,” Then a pause. “She seems a bit intimidating, to be honest.”

Dahyun laughed at that. “She’s just a dork.”

“You two seem pretty close,” Nayeon smiled and rested her chin on Dahyun’s shoulder.

“We’ve been best friends for a long time. She’s a bad influence.”

They finally reached the highway next to the river and Dahyun made the turn, feeling the wind already cooler on her features. Nayeon noticed it too and sat up straight. Staring at the river to their right, Nayeon’s eyes widened and she mouthed, “Wow.”

Nayeon knew the river quite well; she lived next to it, but a lot farther away. She had seen it at night, too, but her neighborhood didn’t bother using the natural flow of water to do anything special. It was just there, peaceful and serene as part of the background of a suburban area. Some people liked to swim in it, fishermen spent their days under the sun trying to catch something, dogs took baths in it sometimes. The river was like an old friend of the residents, one who was always there, unmoving.

Near the city center, it was an entirely different story.

The colorful lights of casinos, night clubs, bars and restaurants all merged together next to each other and reflected on the water. The horizon was so bright, looking like a whole other world. As the Vespa moved, so did the lights and the buildings. Nayeon felt the cold slap of humidity invading her pores and breathed in, closing her eyes. She could almost feel all the accumulated smoke in her lungs from years of cigarettes dissipating at that moment. Driving alongside the river in that speed was an experience she didn’t know she wanted to have, and now that she did, she never wanted it to stop.

“Can I be a bad influence too?” Her question was more of a statement, and Dahyun nodded without a second thought. Nayeon took her helmet off and leaned dangerously back. “Don’t slow down,” Then she carefully opened her arms, throwing her head back.

Dahyun felt the shift in weight behind her, but did her best to keep the speed going. There were no cars as far as the eyes could see, so Dahyun took her eyes from the road for a second to peek over her shoulder. Seeing Nayeon leaning back with her arms open, her hair flying in the wind and her face pointing to the sky took her breath away. This time she was the one who muttered, “Wow.”

They drove like this for a long time. The silence was a statement, and Dahyun’s chest felt heavy and light at the same time. She grinned all the way to the end of the highway, and if she had to put a name to this feeling, it would be pure and simple happiness. She liked to drive alongside the river alone sometimes to clear the stormy thoughts in her head, but her rides mostly just distracted her for a very short period of time. Right now, however, she couldn’t feel a single thing besides joy. No worries about the present or the future, no words scattered in her brain and trying to get out at unsuitable times, no anxieties; the fluttering mess in her mind had moved down to her stomach, and it felt amazing. She wished she could feel like this forever.

The weight shifted again as Nayeon returned to her position and immediately hugged Dahyun’s back, burying her head on her shoulder. Dahyun should’ve frozen at the action or at least been a bit surprised, but she stood still.

“Thank you,” Nayeon whispered into her neck, and Dahyun nodded with a never ending smile.

\--

Once the highway ended, Dahyun made a left turn and started heading towards the residential area again. Now that the cold wind was gone, she realized that there was nothing else planned for them. She had thought about the river a few hours prior to meeting Nayeon, but nothing after that, so her brain slowly started to work again, trying to think of something.

“Are you hungry?” Dahyun asked, and Nayeon shook her head, still drowned into her shoulder. She still held the helmet in one hand, and looked so comfortable and at ease that Dahyun was afraid of asking anything else and breaking the soft atmosphere. Security measures be damned.

They drove slowly through the streets, passing by buildings and houses, people and animals, and soon got to the park. The video store next to it was opened, with its pink neon sign flickering and buzzing in the darkness. For some reason the streetlights outside the park entrance didn’t work, which gave an eerie look to the stores, but Dahyun knew that the place was very safe.

Nayeon still hadn’t moved, and she wondered if the girl was even awake. “Nayeon?”

“Hmm?”

“Oh, I thought you’d fallen asleep on me.”

Dahyun felt the girl’s chest move softly as she chuckled against her back. “I was just making the moment last.”

The blonde smiled, apologetically. “I’m sorry, didn’t mean to interrupt.”

Nayeon shook her head again, lifting her neck a bit to whisper in her ear. “You’re part of the moment.”

Dahyun felt a shiver down her spine and her stomach did a somersault. She felt a sudden urge to kiss her. “The video store is open, wanna check it out?”

“Okay.”

Dahyun made a U-turn and parked the vehicle in front of the store. She helped Nayeon get down, and the girl stumbled over her, laughing. “My legs feel like jelly.”

“The side effects of riding for a long time,” Dahyun giggled back and both made their way in.

The small bell above the door rang as they entered and Dahyun looked around. The video store looked frozen in time, [as if the 90’s never left.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ydFYm-oomec) Everything, from the decoration to the wallpaper, screamed vintage. The place was small, but held a pretty big collection of VHS tapes and even some DVDs for the modern minds. Dahyun had been there maybe once or twice with Chaeyoung, but never really took her time to look around and search for something herself. She didn’t have the time or energy to watch old cult movies or TV series, so most of her knowledge came from Sunday night Alien and Mad Max marathons with her best friend.

Behind the small wooden counter were some stairs leading to the upper floor, and she could hear someone making their way downstairs lazily. Soon a girl appeared, wearing ragged clothes that looked more like pajamas than anything else. She was tall and Dahyun recognized her instantly.

“Aren’t you Tzuyu?”

“Huh? Yeah, do I know you?”

“I’m Dahyun. The bartender who works with Sana?”

“Oh!” She suddenly blushed and put a finger in front of her mouth, whispering. “Shh! My parents can’t know I sneaked out.”

Dahyun put both hands over her mouth and Nayeon chuckled at the action. “My bad!”

“Y-yeah, don’t worry about it,” She scratched the back of her neck and sat down on the chair behind the counter. “Anyway, can I help you with anything?”

“We’re just checking the store out,” Dahyun answered and looked over to Nayeon, who had made herself comfortable in one of the neon poufs on the back. The blue-haired girl signalized for her to approach and Dahyun felt her legs giving in. “We’ll call you if we need anything.”

“Alright,” Tzuyu then took her phone from her pocket and started texting. Dahyun wondered if she was talking to Sana and rooted for the best for her friend.

Nayeon was sprawled in the giant cushion with a relaxed expression and held out a hand to the bartender. “This is where I usually lie down while I wait for my friend to go through all the movies.”

Dahyun held her hand. “Not a fan of old movies either?” She thought that Nayeon wanted help to get up, but yelped as she felt herself being pulled down, falling on top of her. “Woah!”

Nayeon laughed and Dahyun blushed, rolling over to the small space next to her. Both were now lying side by side looking at the ceiling, and it felt comfortable despite being a bit cramped for two people. There was no answer for a while as Nayeon sighed, contently. The night was going a whole lot better than Dahyun expected, and seeing the girl next to her with such a peaceful expression made her melt on the inside.

“I do like movies. I just never know what to pick, so I trust her to pick them for me.” Nayeon breathed out, finally.

“I’m the same with Chaeyoung,” Dahyun remembered the last time she had trusted Chaeyoung with a movie. The girl had come back home with Poltergeist and the Care Bears movie.

 _“This one,”_ she had said, holding Poltergeist. _“is for when we finish watching Care Bears.”_

That hadn’t been a fun night at all. “I should really start renting things myself, though.”

Nayeon chuckled and reached above her head, grabbing a random VHS tape. “Teen Witch.”

“Sounds incredible.”

“Sounds cliché,” She put it back and reached for another one. “Flashdance.”

“Oh, I watched this one!” Dahyun smiled. “Not bad at all.”

Nayeon put it back with a nod and reached for a third one. “…The Shining?”

“What the—” Dahyun lifted up her torso to look at the shelf above them. The sign said _Romance_ , but the tapes were terribly organized. Jaws and Grease were side by side, and she plopped back down on the cushion. “Someone has terrible organization skills.”

“Or just a terrible sense of humor.” Nayeon smirked.

Both girls laughed at that and Nayeon put the tape back. They laid there for a few more minutes just enjoying each other’s company and listening to the store’s nostalgic soundtrack. After three songs, Nayeon decided to get up and stretched her muscles. “Shall we go?”

Dahyun nodded, getting up as well.

“Bye, Tzuyu.” She bid the girl goodbye, and Tzuyu waved, still texting.

Outside, Nayeon walked a few steps and leaned against the wooden wall of the store, looking up at the sky. Since the lights were out, she was able to see the stars clearly, just like in the junkyard. Dahyun moved next to her, looking up as well. Stealing a glance at the girl, she cleared her throat.

“You know, I really like astronomy.”

“Oh, yeah? Tell me about it.”

“Really?” Dahyun smiled excitedly. “Well, there are a few constellations that you can clearly see from here,” She pointed at the stars above. “That right there is Orion. It’s the first one I usually see. Those three stars aligned there are Orion’s Belt, a very famous formation.”

Nayeon nodded, intrigued.

“Then we’ve got the Gemini constellation right above Orion,” Dahyun moved her finger to the left almost imperceptibly. “Its most famous stars are the ones over there, Castor and Pollux. In mythology they were twins, therefore they’re part of Gemini. It means twins in Latin.”

“I didn’t know that,” Nayeon smiled softly. There were many things she didn’t know because of— no, she didn’t like reminding herself of that. She kept paying attention.

“I just think it’s fascinating how mythology and star systems are so interconnected,” Dahyun’s hands started moving on their own as she ranted. “I mean, you’ve got the zodiac signs, which are all names of constellations, and are also essentially a product of Greco-Roman culture. And even the planets can’t be overlooked if we think about it! Roman gods were all named after them, like Mars, Jupiter and so on. The Romans were so important to modern astronomy, but some articles still insist on diminishing their influence when it comes to…”

Dahyun kept going and Nayeon’s smile widened. That short blonde bartender was so amazing in so many aspects, and seeing her excitedly talking about her passion made Nayeon’s insides twist with a warmth she didn’t know she still possessed.

Nayeon had been through so much, and she was truly convinced that no one would be able to bring any sense of joy to her anymore. She tried to leech off Jeongyeon for comfort and empathy, since both had been through the same nightmare together, but she was aware that what they had was not healthy. It was just a hellish codependency that neither of them was able to get over; it’d been like that for years. They needed something, someone to help them move on. But whenever they tried, it was only a matter of time until their life story leaked out and the person decided to leave.

She didn’t want to think about it.

“…and that’s what I wrote to NASA, but they still haven’t answer me. I’m thinking of sending it again, do you think I’d look too desperate?” Dahyun’s question brought her back to reality.

“Oh, um. Not at all, you should definitely keep… sending them.” The thought of mails and deliveries made a sudden shiver run down Nayeon’s spine and she pushed herself off the wall. She started walking in circles in quick steps, rubbing her arms up and down.

_Don’t think about it. Don’t think about it. Don’t think about it._

“Nayeon, are you okay?” Dahyun sounded concerned and Nayeon swallowed hard. The darkness suddenly didn’t look so appealing, and she grabbed her lighter from the pocket.

“Y-yeah, just… too dark. Need some light.”

Dahyun watched as the girl lit it up and kept pacing around. Each time the flame went off, she struggled to light it up again, repeating this pattern in shorter intervals. Dahyun had had her share of anxiety attacks and knew that something had bothered the girl.

“Hey, how about we get back on the scooter and get away from here?” She approached Nayeon carefully not to startle her, her voice calm and not too loud. With a gentle hand on Nayeon’s lower back, Dahyun guided her back to the vehicle and hopped on, waiting for her to do the same. Nayeon breathed in and out slowly and put the lighter away, climbing up behind the blonde.

Dahyun started driving. “Hold me.”

“W-what?” Nayeon was still shaky and detached from things, so she hadn’t even realized that her hands were resting on her sides.

“Hold me. It will make you feel better.” Dahyun repeated, simply.

Nayeon laboriously brought her arms to the blonde’s waist and hugged her. She was hesitant at first, but as the Vespa moved to brighter territory, her grip on the girl in front of her tightened, and soon she was almost entirely buried into her again. They drove in silence for a while, and the dark cloud of thoughts in Nayeon’s head started to clear little by little as Dahyun started humming a song. Her voice was unexpectedly soothing, and she had dealt with Nayeon’s little outburst in such a caring way that the blue-haired girl was grateful.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Dahyun replied. “It’s totally fine.”

Nayeon felt a lump in her throat, and inhaled deeply. “Can we… go to the river again?”

“You mean that river?” Dahyun grinned as she turned right, putting the river into view. The humidity hit Nayeon’s face and she immediately felt better. Dahyun extended a hand and Nayeon tilted her head confused. “Give me your helmet, I can hold it in between my legs.”

“But…”

“The wind feels much better when it’s ruffling through your hair. I promise to avoid the cops.”

Nayeon could feel all the butterflies in the world running loose in her stomach and passed her the helmet. She looked over at the bright horizon and soon smiled again as the wind messed up her hair and patched up her soul. That was when she knew Dahyun probably went on rides like this whenever she was feeling down; Nayeon felt a rush of emotion run through her, knowing that Dahyun was sharing this private experience with her.

The highway inevitably ended, and Dahyun turned around. “Want to go again?”

Nayeon shook her head. “I’m okay now,” She tightened her hug and leaned forward, brushing a kiss on her cheek. “Thank you, Dahyun.”

Dahyun blushed at the gesture. “You’re very welcome.”

As they drove through the residential area again, Nayeon replayed the events of the night in her head. They hadn’t done anything other than spend time with each other mostly in comfortable silence, and it had felt so normal and good. Nayeon also noticed that she was starting to become addicted to the feeling of touching Dahyun. She felt good whenever they were in contact. She felt—

Safe.

She didn’t want to go home.

“Hey,” Nayeon started, not really sure how to ask this so suddenly. The last thing she wanted was to scare her off, but she had to try. “Is Chaeyoung home right now?”

“Probably. She has a job interview tomorrow.”

“Oh,” She didn’t want to bother her. “Never mind, then.”

Dahyun, however, knew where this was going. The last thing she needed after a panic attack was to be left alone; this type of behavior was familiar. “Do you want to come over?”

“No, I—” Nayeon paused. “Yes.”

Dahyun chuckled. “Alright. Um, you can sleep over, too. Our rooms are separated.”

“I’d like that.”

“And, uh…” Dahyun looked nervous all of a sudden and gripped the handle of her Vespa. “Would you mind sharing a bed? With me, I mean. We don’t… have extra cushions.”

Nayeon smiled and buried her face into Dahyun’s neck. “I don’t mind that at all,” She let out in a breath.

\--

For someone who allegedly didn’t smoke, Dahyun’s apartment smelled of old cigarettes. Nayeon identified the familiar scent as soon as she stepped into the hallway that led to each apartment and couldn’t suppress a smirk. Luckily, the bartender was too busy fidgeting with the keys to pay attention to her mocking expression.

As soon as she managed to open the door, she halted and slammed it shut again quickly. “…Just a second. Stay here.”

Nayeon tilted her head in confusion, but waited as Dahyun barely opened it again and sneaked in. The wooden door wasn’t soundproof at all, she learned, as Dahyun’s muffled voice leaked through.

“Put some pants on, we have a guest!”

“What?”

“Nayeon is here! Look at this mess, help me clean this up!”

“You brought her home? On your first date?”

“It’s not like that. Holy— what is this??”

“Oh, so there’s where that Cheetos from last week ended up.”

“You are disgusting.”

“Don’t hurt its feelings, it’s just a baby.”

“Why are you still sitting there? She’s waiting outside, get the fuck up!”

“You do realize that the door has zero soundproof.”

Then there was silence and Nayeon had to bring a hand to her mouth to stop giggling. The two friends seemed to have a lot of fun together, and she was actually looking forward to finally meet Chaeyoung properly. She pictured the girl sprawled on a couch without her pants on and a bag of Cheetos in one hand and smiled harder.

After a few quieter mumbles and noises, the door finally opened again and Dahyun smiled, tiredly. “I’m sorry about that.”

“It’s fine,” Nayeon replied, walking in.

The place was small and very cozy, with a kitchen attached to the living room, and two bedrooms at the end of a small hallway. She immediately noticed the mess under the rug and mentally laughed at the desperate attempts of hiding their garbage. The TV in front of the single couch was very old, and VHS tapes were piled up on the floor next to it. It was a typical shared house; not messy, but not exactly clean either.

“So, finally we meet,” She heard a voice coming from behind the kitchen counter and looked over to see a short dark-haired girl leaning in.

“Chaeyoung,” Nayeon acknowledged with a nod.

“Nayeon,” Chaeyoung greeted back. “So, tell me, what are your intentions with my daughter?”

“Can you not?” Dahyun sighed, exasperatedly. Despite being grateful for the way her best friend cared for her, she wished she would be less embarrassing.

“Nothing but bike rides and learning about space, ma’am.” Nayeon said with a straight face, and snorted at Dahyun’s disbelieving look. She winked at her, making the blonde blush and ruffle her hair out of embarrassment. Chaeyoung laughed hysterically, almost falling off the counter.

“Oh, man, I like her! Approved, Dubu.” She gave her a thumbs up. Dahyun just groaned and fell face-first on the couch.

Nayeon sat down next to her rubbing her back, then looked back to Chaeyoung. “Sorry for intruding on the night before your job interview.”

“No sweat,” The girl rested her chin on her palm, sounding very relaxed. “I’m confident my fake butterfly tattoos will give me the boost I need to get hired.”

“You did _not_ actually buy fake tattoos.” Dahyun got up immediately. Chaeyoung simply rolled up one sleeve and showed them her arm, entirely covered up in cheap butterflies. “I can’t believe you. You told me you were going to take this seriously!”

“I am! It’s a tattoo parlor, these are tattoos. What about this doesn’t scream ‘I’m really trying’?” Chaeyoung held up a hand at the exact moment Dahyun opened her mouth to say something. “And these were free, before you implode. My girl Yeri works at the dollar store.”

“Unbelievable.”

“I think they’re charming,” Nayeon smiled down at Dahyun’s disgruntled face.

“Don’t encourage her.”

“See! _Someone_ understands. Thank you, Nayeon.” Chaeyoung stretched her muscles and yawned, rubbing her stomach. “Well, I’m not part of the Third Wheel Committee, so I might as well crash. Try not to make too much noise.” She winked.

“Shut up.” Dahyun flushed again, turning her back to her friend. Nayeon chuckled and returned to rubbing the blonde’s back for some reason. She really did enjoy touching Dahyun.

“Mind closing your eyes for a sec, Nay?” Chaeyoung asked.

“Uh, why?”

“Because I didn’t have time to put pants on and I need to walk past you to go to my room.” It took Nayeon a moment to process that this was the reason Chaeyoung had been talking to them behind a counter this whole time.

“Oh, of course!” She closed her eyes. “Go right ahead.”

She heard small steps making their way past her and then a door closing. Opening her eyes, she came face-to-face with Dahyun’s rolling pupils. “She’s terrible.”

“She’s really funny.” Nayeon smiled, leaning back to finally rest properly in the couch. Dahyun adjusted her position to do the same and grabbed the TV’s remote.

“She’s got no common sense,” She mumbled, flipping through the channels. Despite sounding irritated, Nayeon knew she wasn’t mad at all. The whole interaction made her feel comfortable, which wasn’t really normal for her whenever she met new people. There was always an element of awkwardness and anxiety that came with talking to strangers, but Chaeyoung’s outgoing and overall friendly personality was very soothing.

“How did you two meet?” Nayeon asked, moving closer to touch arms with the bartender. The smooth gesture didn’t go by unnoticed by Dahyun and she felt her heart leap a beat.

Scratching her neck, she mumbled. “It’s kind of a long story.”

“It’s a long night,” Now Nayeon was curious. She felt Dahyun shift a bit uncomfortably on her seat and slowly dropped her smile. “It’s okay if you don’t want to tell me, though.” She knew more than anyone else that life stories were a private matter.

“It’s just a bit… embarrassing. Like, one thing I wish I could erase. But I can’t, because I live with her, so I have to see her face every day.” Then she felt guilty at how the words had come out. “N-not that I don’t like seeing her every day, or anything.”

Nayeon nodded. “I understand.”

And did she.

“It’s not even that bad, it’s just…” Dahyun stopped to organize her thoughts, and tried again. “We met on a blind date.”

There was a pause and the only sounds were coming from the TV.

That was unexpected.

“We kinda… dated for a while?” Dahyun spoke as if she was unsure of what exactly had happened between them at that certain point in time. “Then we realized that while we did enjoy each other’s company, we didn’t really enjoy it in a romantic sense. Just thinking about it gives me the creeps.”

Nayeon chuckled softly, comprehensive. It was probably weird to think you’ve dated your best friend. “Did you decide to move in together when you were dating?”

“Yeah,” She threw her head back to stare at the ceiling. “I had found this apartment, but it was too expensive for me to pay on my own. We decided to share the place since she was working at the time and also wanted to move out. Then she got fired and we were in a pinch. She managed to find another job, though.”

“Then she got fired again?”

“She has this unholy ability of only lasting 3 months on a job,” Dahyun giggled, reminiscing old times. “Chaeyoung makes friends wherever she goes, but can’t keep an occupation. She has commitment issues.” Dahyun widened her eyes and shut her mouth, apparently realizing she said something she shouldn’t have. Exposing Chaeyoung’s life like this when she wasn’t around to defend herself wasn’t fair. “I shouldn’t have told you all of this.”

Nayeon put a hand on her shoulder. “I promise I won’t tell. It’s alright.”

Dahyun nodded, but still felt bad. She grabbed the remote again and zapped through the channels, a bit nervously. “Anyway, it felt natural when we broke up. It just wasn’t meant to be. I’m really glad we remained friends, though.”

“How long ago was this?”

“Five years.”

Nayeon looked down and thought about her own history with Jeongyeon. It was similar in a way, except for the fact that 20 years later they were still stuck with each other and weren’t exactly friends. Nayeon wasn’t sure if there was a proper way to label their relationship.

She moved her eyes to the TV as the images flickered and decided to shift positions. She placed her head on Dahyun’s lap and stretched her legs, putting her arms up as well so they were all over her thighs. Dahyun froze at the sudden change, but welcomed it. It was getting quite cold, and Nayeon’s hair brushing against her bare legs was a nice feeling.

“Hey,” Nayeon’s hoarse voice made Dahyun look down. “Thank you for letting me stay.”

“No problem.” She smiled.

They stood quiet again, but Dahyun noticed that the blue-haired girl wanted to share something else. She didn’t push her, though, and Nayeon didn’t say anything.

They finally settled on a cooking show and watched the whole thing comfortably. Sometimes Nayeon would ask if her head was too heavy, and Dahyun would always say it wasn’t bothering her in the least. They’d laugh at the same time at someone’s mistake and Dahyun would get nervous whenever the time for the challenge decreased. The cook they were both rooting for stayed, and they rooted with silent cheers.

The next show was rather boring and Nayeon closed her eyes a little bit. The last time she’d slept on someone’s lap was on accident, and she felt repulsed after waking up. Jeongyeon had told her it was fine, but she knew it wasn’t – she’d just been so tired. Right now, however, she was truly peaceful.

Dahyun looked down at the girl and hesitantly started threading her fingers through her hair. She always wondered if colored hair would feel different, maybe dryer than usual, but Nayeon apparently took really good care of it. It was smooth and smelled good, and Dahyun felt her eyes fluttering.

“You’re soft,” Dahyun whispered, not meaning to. She blushed as Nayeon smiled against her thigh.

“Yeah?”

“Hm-hmm.”

“Because of my hair?”

“That too. But…” It was difficult to hold her tongue when she was immersed in such a sensation. Babbling out of nowhere was Dahyun’s specialty, but she didn’t want to weird her out. “Never mind.”

“No, tell me.” Nayeon turned on her back so she could look at her from beneath. Her smile and features were so serene that Dahyun felt like she wouldn’t judge her for the weird things that were about to come out of her mouth.

“You as a whole,” She started, quietly. “The first time I saw you it was in such a… rough place. A junkyard at night filled with rusted cars. And you were smoking, too. You were just an orange glow in the darkness, but still shone brighter than all the stars in the sky.” The blush creeped up her neck, but she couldn’t stop herself. Her hands left Nayeon’ hair and started moving on their own.

“And then we talked at the pub, which had lots of noise and flashing lights. It was also not soft at all, with all those interruptions. And the kiss was also pretty rough, but not in the way I was expecting it to be. It had an element of softness in it? I told Chaeyoung I wanted to know you in your entirety, but that maybe we weren’t meant to sit down and talk calmly like… this.”

Nayeon didn’t move her eyes from Dahyun.

“But now that we are, I feel like I was wrong. You looked…” She struggled again with the words. “Um… fast. And earthly. From a distance, I mean. Like someone who… passes you by in the street, and catches your eye. But it’s too fast for you to really make out the details of this person, so you just go on with your day. I’m— not sure where I’m going with this.” Dahyun’s heart was racing at this point, but she really wanted to finish her line of thought.

“I guess what I’m saying is… that I’m really glad you approached me at the bar. Because now that we have spent time together, I can see that you’re not a glimpse at all. You’re like…” She put her trembling hands down and inhaled. “The river. A familiar presence. And soft.”

The silence that followed was heavy. It gave Dahyun time to process everything she’d said, and if Nayeon wasn’t on her lap, she probably would have run out by now. How could someone’s brain shut down in such a way that monologues just poured out like this? No wonder her past relationships never worked. It was just too much. Too weird. Too—

Nayeon suddenly sat up, and placed her lips against Dahyun’s. The kiss was surprising, and it managed to replace Dahyun’s thoughts with fluttering feelings in her stomach. She closed her eyes, but opened them again when she felt something wet on her cheeks.

Cupping Nayeon’s face with one hand, she pulled away gently and saw the tears falling quietly. “Nayeon?”

“Just...” Nayeon shook her head with her eyes still closed, and brought their lips back together. “Please.”

She would never deny that.

Dahyun parted her lips. It was different than their first kiss, more deliberately intimate, and she craved the taste more each time. Nayeon inhaled deeply as she climbed on Dahyun’s lap and the blonde remembered something from the night at the pub. Bringing one hand to the girl’s waist, she pulled her as close as she possibly could, which made Nayeon sigh against her mouth. They didn’t do much more than this, and Dahyun felt like nothing in her life could ever top what she was feeling at that moment.

The kiss ended at some point with both girls heaving against each other’s cheeks, and Nayeon touched foreheads with her. “Thank you.”

Dahyun didn’t know what she was thanking her for, but she would never dare to ask. With a nod and a brave quick peck on Nayeon’s lips, she smiled. “Should we go to bed?”

If it was anyone else or any other moment, the sentence would’ve been met with a smug smirk or a teasing comment. But right now, it was just the two of them, sharing something that neither of them knew what it was, but that was there. Nayeon got off her lap and helped Dahyun up, and both moved to the room with their fingers intertwined.

Nayeon crashed into Dahyun’s bed and almost immediately blacked out. The last thing she remembered was feeling something at the pit of her stomach and falling asleep with tear-stained cheeks and a soft smile.

The last thing Dahyun remembered was being spooned from behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter preview:
> 
> “Here, let me help.”
> 
> “I’m fine.”
> 
> “Don’t be stubborn,” Jeongyeon scolded. “If we take too long, she’s going to be angry.”
> 
> Nayeon had no arguments for that so she let Jeongyeon run her stubby fingers through her hair. It was weird, the sensation of having that girl touching her so softly and intimately. They’ve been together since she was five, and yet they’ve never been this close.
> 
> 02/28
> 
> Follow me on twitter @niigoki_


	4. Lesson Four: Medrano

_“You look so pretty, darling.” The voice praised her with a smile. “Tell her how pretty she looks, Jeongyeon.”_

_Jeongyeon repeated the exact words in a neutral tone because she didn’t want to be there. Nayeon didn’t want to be there anymore either, but the strong grip on her arm stopped her from ever leaving. She could feel the huge nails digging into her skin, marking, bruising, making her a possession, something to be displayed._

_“Now try the other dress,” Never menacing, always pleasant. That’s how the voice sounded like, that’s how it’s always been. Nayeon nodded weakly and got into her room again. She came out a few minutes later and the woman clapped her hands, excitedly. “Yes! You really do look good in blue. Doesn’t she, Jeongyeon?”_

_“Yes.” Jeongyeon answered again, faintly. Her eyes were barely focusing on Nayeon at all._

_“I think blue is your color. I’ll make a note to always buy blue clothes for you, now. I’ll cover you in blue, wouldn’t that be nice?” She reached for Nayeon’s arm again and pulled her towards her, strongly. Nayeon winced and felt herself being suffocated by the sudden hug. The woman smelled like the only expensive perfume she owned, and while Nayeon was repulsed by the scent, she came to get used to it. She was forced to live with it, was practically numb to it by now._

_“Don’t worry, Jeongyeon, I’ll figure out your color one day.” The woman pushed Nayeon back roughly by the shoulders and crouched to be eye-level with her. “What do you think is your sister’s color?”_

‘She’s not my sister’ _Nayeon wanted to yell from the top of her lungs every time the woman referred to the other girl as that. But doing so would only get her in trouble, so she answered._

_“Orange.”_

_“Oh, what a smart girl,” The woman got up and this time pulled Jeongyeon by the arm. “Because orange and blue are opposite colors and you’re nothing like each other. Is that it?”_

_Nayeon had no answer to that. She’d just said the first thing that came to mind._

_“You puzzle me,” The woman dropped her smile and pushed both girls away from her. Nayeon fell because she was weaker than Jeongyeon, who remained grounded. “I buy you nice clothes and this is the thanks I get. Go clean your room.”_

_Without sparing another look at the two children, the woman left, slamming the door shut. Jeongyeon walked towards Nayeon and held out a hand to help her get up. Nayeon slapped it away and got up on her own, swallowing the tears that threatened to fall._

_She refused to cry._

\--

Nayeon’s eyes opened slowly, and everything was darker than usual. For a second she thought it was still the middle of the night, but the clock by the nightstand registered 11am. She frowned and turned around, trying to make sense of her surroundings. She reached for her partner in bed, but there was no one there. Then she remembered she’d spent the night at Dahyun’s, not Jeongyeon’s.

With a startle, Nayeon lifted her torso and grabbed the cellphone from her pocket. Memories from yesterday were starting to return, and she remembered passing out completely on Dahyun’s bed without a second glance at the girl. She had felt happy at the time, and it was the best night of sleep she’d had in months. Then she remembered the kiss and paused with her hand hanging midair.

She had cried.

She had cried for the first time in years.

And it had been happy tears.

Nayeon looked back to the phone in her hands and put it back down. She was feeling relaxed and light weighted, and she would not ruin this feeling by giving into her addiction. Taking a deep breath, Nayeon closed her eyes and counted to five before exhaling. She tried to feel everything around her – the soft fabric of the sheets rubbing her bare legs, the comfortable darkness, the quiet noise out in the hallway indicating that someone was up watching the TV, the smell of pancakes. Her stomach growled.

Crying made her hungry.

Nayeon opened her eyes then, and put her hair up on a messy ponytail. Opening the bedroom’s door, she squinted her eyes to get used to the brightness and walked slowly to the living room. Soon enough she spotted a short blonde girl sitting curled on the couch, eating pancakes and very focused on whatever was happening on the TV. The smile on Nayeon’s lips was instantaneous, just as the leap of her heart. Dahyun’s bed hair was incredibly messy and her alien pajamas were so endearing that Nayeon felt herself melting at the sight. The girl loved space and had alien PJ’s. It was so cute.

“Good morning,” Nayeon said, making her way to the couch.

“Oh, hey!” Dahyun immediately got up. She didn’t really have a reason to, she was just happy to see her. “How did you sleep?”

“Amazing.” The way she said it was sincere and Dahyun’s smile softened at that.

“I’m glad. There are some pancakes for you on the table if you want.”

“That’d be great, actually.” Nayeon moved to the kitchen and saw the plate with some syrup on the side. She grabbed it together with the fork also left for her.

“I was about to make some coffee, too.” Dahyun sat back down. “I was just waiting for you to wake up.”

“Oh, yes please.” Nayeon was always in the mood for coffee.

She was about to go back to the couch when her eyes caught a letter on the counter.

_Dear Dubu,_

_I’m leaving for my job interview and will come back soon. With a job. Because my tattoos will make a difference. And then I will rub in your face how great of an idea that was, and you won’t get mad at me, because I will have a job. There’s pizza in the fridge. And make your gf some pancakes. Girls love pancakes, trust me._

_Love,_

_A soon-to-be one more slave to a capitalist society._

Nayeon snorted at the messy handwriting, but decided to pretend she didn’t read it. It would probably just make Dahyun embarrassed and she wanted to spend time with her while she was in a good mood.

“You look focused. What are you watching?” She sat next to Dahyun and started munching on the food. She couldn’t help sighing at the taste of warm pancakes melting in her mouth.

“It’s just some silly space documentary,” Dahyun was about to change channels when she felt Nayeon’s hand covering her own.

“Let’s watch it together,” She smiled. “You can explain me all the technical stuff.”

The blonde’s eyes shone at the suggestion and she nodded. The documentary had just started, which made it easier for Nayeon to grasp the context of it all, but some terms and names were still foreign to her. She asked Dahyun every time the narrator explained something that she didn’t understand, and Dahyun excitedly explained it to her. They chatted in between bites and Nayeon felt herself getting more and more interested in what other discoveries scientists had made about the planet Jupiter as time went by.

Half an hour later, both girls were in complete silence, focused on the show. It was only when a commercial popped up that they snapped out of their trance.

“So, wait… people can’t actually walk on Jupiter?” Nayeon leaned back again. She had leaned forward to pay more attention to the TV and hadn’t even realized it.

“Yes, because it’s primarily composed of hydrogen and helium, which are gases.”

“But didn’t he say that there was possibility of life?” She frowned. “I thought you needed water for that.”

“Well, it’s impossible to have any Earth-like life on Jupiter, but as the Miller-Urey experiment demonstrated, the combination of chemical compounds on the atmosphere could potentially bring to existence…”

Dahyun explained and Nayeon listened, and the pancakes in her stomach settled nice and warm, and she was so at peace and happy with this whole morning that the thought of coffee was long forgotten.

\--

That was the most punctual Chaeyoung had ever been in her entire life. She had left home early to catch a bus and get to the tattoo shop, and since she had arrived early, she made a small detour to buy a bagel and apple juice for breakfast. After finishing her food, she smoked on a bench nearby until time was up, then made her way into the place.

The moment she stepped in, she was almost blown away by the smell of incense. Chaeyoung might have lost some of her sense of smell after years of cigarettes, but that was _strong_. The place looked empty and very small, but Chaeyoung deduced that the rest of it was just hidden behind the curtain on her left. The counter where Chaeyoung would probably spend her days was very tidy and shiny, as if recently polished, and she walked towards it to ring the small bell. “Hello?”

The curtain moved slightly to the side and someone came out from behind it. The woman was slender and walked with excellent posture, with pink smooth hair and fair skin covered in small moles. She wore a sleeveless white shirt and leather pants and Chaeyoung took back everything she’d ever said about love at first sight not being real.

“You must be Chaeyoung.” Her voice was so melodious, too.

“That’s me,” Despite falling head over heels in 2 seconds, she answered calmly. Dahyun would probably be a mumbling mess, but not her. “And you must be Mina.”

“Nice to meet you. Please, come in.” Mina shook her hand and Chaeyoung couldn’t help but notice how smooth her skin was. This pink-haired goddess probably owned a moisturizer warehouse, too.

They made their way behind the counter and across the curtain, and Chaeyoung gaped. The place was beautifully decorated. Countless frames adorned the pastel pink walls with sketches of tattoos and its prices at the bottom for display. The wooden floor was covered in different types of rugs that matched somehow, but still gave a sort of rustic and messy feel to the environment. The ceiling was high and two private rooms were located in the back – probably where the two artists worked. In front, a beige couch and two armchairs turned towards each other created sort of a waiting room, with a glass table on the center. There was an espresso machine next to it, as well as another table with water and a tea set. Chaeyoung felt like the place was going for street-chic and had completely nailed it.

“Please, sit.” Mina gestured to the couch. “I’ll tell Jihyo you’ve arrived.”

Chaeyoung sat down and stared as Mina opened one of the private rooms. She noticed the wings tattooed on Mina’s back that went from her shoulders all the way down her arms and swooned.

It didn’t take long for another woman to come out and join them. As soon as she came into view, Chaeyoung was sure her heart wouldn’t be able to take any more gorgeous women coming in her direction that day.

Jihyo was a bit shorter than Mina, but walked with the confidence of a lioness. Her hair was dark brown and long, with blonde streaks, tied up on a ponytail. Like Mina, she also wore a white sleeveless shirt, which allowed her to display the tribal tattoos on both her shoulders. Her shorts and fishnets complemented the look.

“Nice to meet you, Chaeyoung.” She greeted with a smile and sat down next to Mina in one of the armchairs.

“Your tattoos are amazing.” Chaeyoung tried to hold back the compliment but it was just impossible. Jihyo looked so cool.

“Thank you.” She nodded, unfaltering.

“Well, let’s get down to business,” Mina laid some papers on the glass table in front of them, her voice very business-like. “The Black Swan is a new concept, trying to bring comfort and style to the city center in a more fashionable way than most tattoo parlors around. While we do have the same quality and professionalism of any other shop, our work is more… refined than most. Everything we do here comes from our passion and skill, and the aesthetic ranges from a variety of art styles. People can come and ask for anything and we’ll be able to deliver it with the utmost perfection.”

As Mina talked, Chaeyoung found herself getting distracted. The woman looked nervous, but only slightly so, as if she refused to show it in front of others. She spoke about the place with passion and enthusiasm, smiling even. Her words were precise, just like her hand movements, and she was just so pretty.

Chaeyoung then shifted her gaze to Jihyo, whose eyes were pointed directly at her. She immediately turned her attention back to Mina.

“—prices are, of course, consistent with the quality of our work, and we need to keep it this way to secure a good image for our brand. Did you get everything so far?”

“Absolutely.” She hadn’t.

“Very well. The idea of opening this shop came from a long time ago, when Lee Sunmi—” Mina was interrupted by Jihyo’s hand on her shoulder.

“Maybe we should let her talk for a bit.”

“Oh. Y-yes, of course.” Mina smiled, apologetically. “I’m sorry, I tend to ramble about this place. Please, tell me about your experience and why do you think you could handle the administrative part of The Black Swan.”

“Well…” That was what Chaeyoung had been waiting for. She crossed her legs and smiled coolly. “I’ve been working on retail for most of my life. People usually tell me I’m friendly and helpful, and I’ve dealt with all kinds of costumers in my seven years of experience in the area. I’m organized and appreciate a tidy work environment.”

She saw Mina’s eyes shine at this and internally smirked. “I’m also outgoing and an excellent spokesperson. I don’t mean to brag, but I’ve got a good number of friends and followers on social media who are always interested in hearing about new places to go. As your receptionist, I’d be more than happy to spread the word about The Black Swan as well. I think that people have been waiting for a place like this, you know? Fresh and new. The city center is old, and change is always welcomed around here. I, particularly, absolutely loved it.”

“Seven years is a really long time in the business,” Mina muttered to herself, trying to hide the pride in her voice when Chaeyoung complimented the shop. “And we did need someone to take care of our social media, as well.” She looked up at Jihyo, who was still unmoving.

“I can do it,” Chaeyoung mentally pumped her fist in the air. “I can talk on the phone, greet people, manage your time schedules, take care of your Facebook page. Don’t worry, leave it all to me.”

“Hmm, your résumé _is_ quite impressive. You have worked in a lot of places.” Mina took the résumé she had printed the day before from her purse and analyzed it carefully.

“What made you quit?” Jihyo spoke suddenly. Chaeyoung froze.

“What?”

“All these places you’ve worked on. It looks like you’ve spent little time in each one of them. What made you quit?”

Chaeyoung swallowed hard, but tried to play it cool. “Oh, you know, life happens, and changes happen too. Sometimes it’s hard to conciliate both things.”

“Hm.”

There was silence and she knew that she had given the wrong answer. Jihyo was probably looking for someone who wouldn’t quit on the first mistake, and while Chaeyoung definitely wasn’t a quitter, she was afraid of something else.

Her commitment issues ran deeper than just to people; it included places too. Jihyo had probably picked up on that.

_I blew it._

“Hired.” Jihyo said after a few moments.

“What?” Mina and Chaeyoung were caught off guard at the same time. Getting a grip, the pink-haired woman asked, “Jihyo, don’t you think we should interview at least the two others first?”

“She’s fine.” Jihyo smiled softly and leaned to sign one of the papers on the table. “This is your contract. Feel free to sign it as soon as you finish reading.” Then she got up. “I look forward to working with you.”

“Y-yeah,” Chaeyoung blinked, grabbing the paper. “Yes, absolutely! I won’t let you down, thank you so much!”

Mina smiled crookedly and followed Jihyo back to her office, mumbling something to her business partner. Before getting inside, however, Jihyo turned around again. “Oh, and cool butterfly tattoos, by the way.”

Chaeyoung looked up at the woman who was giving her a thumbs up with a serious face, and laughed.

\--

Nayeon really didn’t want to leave, but Dahyun had to go to work in a few hours. As the blonde accompanied her downstairs, she caught herself staring at her short figure fondly and grinning. These past two days had been so incredible, and her heart faltered every time she remembered that this was just the beginning of something.

It didn’t matter what they did, she just wanted to spend time with her.

“You sure you don’t need a ride? I can take you to the train station,” Dahyun asked for the second time, sounding a bit saddened by the goodbye.

“I’m sure,” Nayeon answered. The station was barely five minutes walking, so she chuckled at the offer. “Thank you, though.”

“Okay.” As they reached the building’s exit, Dahyun put her hands in her pockets. “So… I’ll see you soon?”

Nayeon didn’t answer and instead pressed a kiss to her lips. Dahyun inhaled and brought both hands to her cheeks, happily. She felt a slight suck on her lower lip and opened her mouth to deepen it. This time Nayeon was the one who brought their bodies together, stepping to the side and pressing the blonde gently against the wall. Dahyun pulled away for a bit to take a breath before kissing her again.

Nayeon leaned away. “Very soon.”

Dahyun’s legs were about to give in as the girl walked through the door for a last time. Turning around for one final look over her shoulder, Nayeon smiled, “Thank you, Dahyun.” And then she left.

“No,” Dahyun whispered to herself. “Thank you.”

\--

_Nayeon fell. The woman clapped her hands once, furious._

_“Again!”_

_Nayeon got up and climbed the balance beam for the fifteenth time. Her knees were sore and her palms were red and scratched, but she had to keep trying again and again and again, until the witch was satisfied. She took a deep breath and balanced herself on the thin space, then stepped forward once, twice, and after working a boost, she put both hands on the bar and turned upside down. Her legs in the air, she could feel her arms shaking from the pain, almost as if they were being ripped apart._

_She clenched her teeth and slowly controlled her decent to the other side. When she felt the tip of her toe touching something solid, she exhaled and let her weight fall slowly to her left. Then she removed her palms from the bar, and with both feet grounded, Nayeon stood up, her posture impeccable._

_“Magnificent!” The woman got up and started cheering. “Perfect posture! And all it took was some incentive. Wasn’t she wonderful, Jeongyeon?”_

_“She was,” The tall girl replied stoically._

_“Now come here and give your mother a hug,” She approached Nayeon quickly and suffocated her, shaking her fragile figure from side to side. Then she let her go. “I’ll treat you tonight. Let’s go to that restaurant you like.”_

_Nayeon nodded and Jeongyeon noticed that her shoulders were shaking from the extreme strain put on them._

_“Now go change. And here,” She took a comb from her purse. “Make yourself presentable. Dry your face, put your beautiful hair up. And don’t forget to wash your hands, God knows you’ve been touching that dirty bar for an hour now.” Then she turned to Jeongyeon. “You, go with your sister. Comb this mane of yours, too. Don’t take too long.”_

_Both girls put their heads down and left for the gym’s bathroom. There was no one else inside the place and the first thing Nayeon did was wash her sore palms. There was blood in them, but they had been hurting for so long now that she barely felt anything anymore._

_Jeongyeon stood beside her and looked at the wounds. “Do they hurt?”_

_As soon as her hands touched the water she winced. “Yeah.”_

_She could see Jeongyeon clenching her fists by her side as she finished her hygiene. Nayeon dried her hands the best she could without tearing off more skin, then looked at the comb. Jeongyeon noticed that she was having a hard time closing her fingers around it, so she did it for her. “Here, let me help.”_

_“I’m fine.”_

_“Don’t be stubborn,” Jeongyeon scolded. “If we take too long, she’s going to be angry.”_

_Nayeon had no arguments for that so she let Jeongyeon run her fingers through her hair. It was weird, the sensation of having that girl touching her so softly and intimately. They’ve been together since she was five, and yet they’ve never been this close._

_Jeongyeon combed it as best as she could and then tied it up in a ponytail. “There.”_

_Nayeon turned around and looked at the mirror, surprised at the result. The taller girl had never been good when it came to delicate handwork, but her hair was decently centered and in a good height. She looked back at Jeongyeon over her shoulder and let out a sincere “Thanks.”_

_“W-whatever,” Jeongyeon crossed her arms. “Now go change while I try not to break this comb with my ‘mane’.”_

_Nayeon giggled slightly and got into one of the bathroom stalls. Jeongyeon’s cheeks reddened at the sound and she turned back to the mirror._

_She was surprised to see an unconscious smile on her face._

\--

The suburban neighborhood looked incredibly dull after a night in the city, but Nayeon was used to the calmness of the surroundings. Upon leaving the train station, she bumped into the old lady who owned a flower shop near her house. Since they were going in the same direction, Nayeon indulged her in a conversation that ended up being more about the woman’s grandchildren than any other topic. Nayeon didn’t mind, though, and politely listened to everything she had to say about how Jiwoo was always coming home late because of her friends. Nayeon didn’t know who Jiwoo was, but agreed with the old lady when she said that staying out past midnight was dangerous. Internally, she laughed.

It didn’t take long for them to reach the flower shop, and Nayeon bid the grandmother goodbye. The old lady asked her to hold on and came back out with a small cactus vase. “A gift for being such a good listener.” She said, and Nayeon smiled and thanked the kind gesture.

Walking two more blocks, she met with Daeyeol and Sungyeol, two eccentric brothers who usually didn’t hang out together. The younger held a camera while the older apparently recorded a documentary, and Nayeon carefully avoided the lens; she didn’t want to ruin such an important feature film.

She turned right on the third block and was finally on her street. There was someone in front of her door and her stomach dropped when she realized that it was Byulyi, the postwoman. She breathed in deeply and calmed herself down before walking over to the her. “Good afternoon, Byul.”

“Oh, hey Nayeon!” The postwoman made a theatrical reverence. “What a coincidence for us to meet here, at your doorstep. Some could call it fate.”

Nayeon tried to indulge on her pompous act, but her eye wouldn’t stop staring at the box in her hands. It was big, which meant lots of things inside. “What have you got there?”

“This, my lady, is what some would call a Pandora Box,” Despite it being a joke, for Nayeon it was the absolute truth. “Dangerous things await those who open it… but maybe you can bring peace to this town, instead of chaos.”

_It’s chaos, alright._

“I don’t think I’m the right one for the job,” Nayeon played it off nervously. “Maybe you could take it back to the post office. Since it’s so dangerous.” There was nothing she wanted more than to get rid of that box, but she doubted Byul would fall for this.

“Ha! Indeed, I could. But…” She took a deep breath and then spoke casually. “Yongsun would yell at me. Can you sign this?”

Nayeon sighed. “Yeah… sure.” She signed the paper and put down her cactus so Byul could give her the box. “Thanks.”

“No problem! Someone must really like you out there. You receive gifts every week.” Byul’s smile was innocent, and she had meant that with no intentions of harming her at all, but unfortunately the damage had already been done. “It’s funny how the person doesn’t leave their address on the packages, though. I guess they know you won’t be returning the presents.”

“Shut up,” Nayeon’s whisper was low.

“What was that?”

“N-nothing! Listen, I’m gonna go inside now. Have a good day,” Nayeon spoke quickly and pushed the door open with her shoulder.

As soon she was inside, she dropped the heavy box on the carpet and touched her back on the wall, sliding down to the floor. Her hand instinctively grabbed a cigarette and she lit it up, not caring that she was in the middle of the living room. Looking up at the ceiling, her mind started swirling with thoughts.

She puffed out the smoke and gazed at the box, kicking it once to let off some steam. Suddenly, she remembered that Ryujin was probably home. If she walked in right now, she would see her in a pitiful state. Nayeon had to get a grip, but it was harder than it looked, so her voice did her a favor.

“Ryujin? Are you home?” She yelled and it echoed through the corridors. The girl would usually come running downstairs at this point, so the silence was all the answer she needed. Nayeon dropped her head low and grabbed her cellphone to text.

**[Nayeon, 3:30pm]:** _i got a big box in the mail_

She placed her phone down, not really expecting a reply right away, but not a minute later the device buzzed.

**[Jeongyeon, 3:30pm]:** _What’s inside?_

 **[Nayeon, 3:30pm]:** _haven’t opened it_

 **[Jeongyeon, 3:31pm]:** _You should probably check if it’s food, at least. If you leave it alone it will spoil._

Jeongyeon had a point. With a frustrated loud sigh and an enormous amount of effort, Nayeon managed to crawl to the box and open the damn thing. Inside there were quite a few things: A shampoo for dehydrated locks, a lineless notebook, some pencils and markers, two perfumes, soap, a pair of shoes. Everything was expensive as usual, and Nayeon was about to throw it all in the garbage when she spotted the thing underneath all the other objects. It was a dress.

A blue dress.

She was going to be sick.

**[Nayeon, 3:33pm]:** _she sent me a fucking dress_

 **[Jeongyeon, 3:33pm]:** _?_

 **[Nayeon, 3:33pm]:** _a fucking blue dress Jeongyeon the same exact one she made me wear for years_

 **[Jeongyeon, 3:34pm]:** _Hell no._

Nayeon was angry. Everything that the woman had sent her for the past years had been a nuisance, a reminder of her grip on Nayeon’s life even after running away, but nothing had felt as personal as that cursed piece of clothing. It reminded her of every single terrible thing she’d been put through in her childhood, and she wanted it gone. Now.

Grabbing her lighter, Nayeon walked away from the box and opened the backdoor to the garden. Her long and heavy steps crushed the grass beneath her feet, and she held out the dress with one hand, using the lighter with the other.

Slow and steady, she lit the dress on fire.

It wasn’t impressive at first, the flames were barely moving. But soon, the heat increased, and the fire grew rapidly. The shadows danced across her face as she looked at the flames consuming a piece of her past, and the orange glow on her skin was as eerie as her expression. Nayeon only let go once the flames reached her arm and she felt a tinge of pain; on her fury she had barely recognized the danger. The grass caught fire and she grabbed the extinguisher from the kitchen. It took her a while to put it all out, but she didn’t care. The dress was gone.

Nayeon looked down at the mess and decided that she would deal with that later. The scorched patch of ground was the least of her problems now. She grabbed her phone again when she felt it buzzing.

**[Jeongyeon, 3:36pm]:** _You there?_

 **[Jeongyeon, 3:37pm]:** _Don’t do anything stupid._

 **[Jeongyeon, 3:42pm]:** _Hello??_

 **[Nayeon, 3:44pm]:** _too late_

 **[Jeongyeon, 3:44pm]:** _Goddammit what did you do?_

 **[Nayeon, 3:44pm]:** _i destroyed it_

 **[Jeongyeon, 3:44pm]:** _What does that even mean?_

 **[Nayeon, 3:45pm]:** _that i lit the dress on fire on my backyard_

 **[Jeongyeon, 3:45pm]:** _…_

 **[Jeongyeon, 3:46pm]:** _Holy shit, Nayeon._

 **[Nayeon, 3:46pm]:** _yeah well it’s gone now forever and if she pulls this shit again i’m gonna find her_

 **[Jeongyeon, 3:46pm]:** _And do what?_

 **[Nayeon, 3:47pm]:** _haven’t thought this far yet_

 **[Jeongyeon, 3:47pm]:** _Psh, right._

Nayeon walked into the kitchen again and lit another cigarette. She sat down on the floor, and clenched her fists. She couldn’t believe that her amazing day was ruined because of a single piece of clothing.

It was not fair.

It was not fair that she was still subjected to that woman’s twisted mind games and it was not fair that she couldn’t be free. She had tried everything to escape her. She had run away from home, run to another _city_ , but the witch still managed to find her and lock her up again.

And it was not fair that talking to Jeongyeon about all of this just made her feel worse. The shackles that bound Nayeon and Jeongyeon together were too tight and too big for them to handle on their own, but what could they do when there was no one else to turn to?

She exhaled a cloud of smoke.

**[Nayeon, 3:50pm]:** _im tired_

 **[Jeongyeon, 3:51pm]:** _I know._

 **[Nayeon, 3:51pm]:** _why cant she leave us alone?_

No answer for a while. She sucked in the fumes.

**[Jeongyeon, 3:52pm]:** _Because we won’t let her._

Nayeon threw the phone across the room and buried her head on her knees.

She hated when Jeongyeon was right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter preview:
> 
> “Is there anyone who knows?”
> 
> “About what?”
> 
> “This problem with this lady,” She explained. “If you can’t talk to me about it, then maybe you could talk to someone else?”
> 
> Her first thought was obviously Jeongyeon, but Ryujin didn’t know about her, and she intended to keep it this way. 
> 
> 03/03
> 
> Follow me on twitter @niigoki_


	5. Lesson Five: Cirkör

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Click the link when it appears to listen to the music playing in the scene!
> 
> Enjoy this one!

The door to Dahyun’s room slammed open.

“I need to rant, bear with me.” Chaeyoung announced and jumped on the bed without a second thought.

Dahyun groaned loudly and covered her head from the brightness of the hallway, having very vivid flashbacks of a few nights ago when she did this exact same thing to her best friend – right now, there was nothing else she regretted more. She forgot how vengeful Chaeyoung could be.

“Go on,” Chaeyoung continued and Dahyun got confused.

“What.”

“Say it.”

“Say what.”

“How much you’re sorry that you woke me up like this the other day, how annoying I am, and how much you love me.” Chaeyoung kicked her shoes off and got comfy under the covers. “In this particular order, not necessarily this close to each other time-wise.”

“Fuck off.”

“I’ll take it,” She snorted. “Where’s Nayeon?”

“Went home,” Dahyun really wanted to go back to sleep to be able to function properly at work in a couple of hours, but Chaeyoung was in a talkative mood and she didn’t mind talking about Nayeon for a bit. “Train.”

“You didn’t even offer to ride her home? Cold.”

“I did. She refused. Took the train.” Dahyun buried her head on the pillow.

“I get it, sometimes people need space.” Chaeyoung propped her head on one hand as she laid on her side and looked at the wall above Dahyun’s head, contemplating. “Also, from ‘when hell freezes over’ to ‘of fucking course’, do you think I could get a kiss from both my bosses in less than a month? Asking for a friend.”

The sentence was met with a silent hum and no action for a few seconds before Dahyun lifted her torso lightning fast. “Bosses? You got the job?!”

“Jesus Christ,” Chaeyoung leaned back, startled. “I definitely wouldn’t survive the zombie apocalypse.”

“Chaeyoung! Did you?” The bartender’s eyes shone with anticipation and Chaeyoung really couldn’t break her heart at this point, so she just confirmed it.

“Call me Ka-Chaeng. Get it? That’s the sound of money coming in.”

“That’s so great!” Dahyun then jumped into her best friend’s arms and both fell down on the bed, laughing.

Things were finally looking up after such a long time of hardships and Dahyun’s blood, sweat and tears keeping them under a roof together, and she couldn’t be prouder. There would be no need to buy the worst instant ramen anymore; they’d finally be able to purchase the real ones. And they could even start buying sodas again, which was something Dahyun dearly missed on her daily life. And who knows? Maybe they could add some good chocolate in it as well. And beer that didn’t taste like piss. What a time to be alive.

“Alright get off, your nerd is gonna stick on me,” Chaeyoung laughed and pushed the other girl back gently. “Also, I’d just like to point out that my butterfly tattoos were decisive in the choice to hire me.”

Dahyun scoffed. “Right.”

“I’m serious, Jihyo complimented them! That’s one of my gorgeous bosses, by the way,” Chaeyoung lifted her arm and stroked the stickers on her skin. “Come on, you gotta admit that it was a smart move.”

“Never.”

“Sore loser,” She put her arm down and smirked. “And you haven’t answered my question.”

“Which question?” Dahyun took a moment to recall the words ‘kissing my bosses’. “Oh god, don’t.”

“You don’t understand, they’re so pretty.”

“Chaeyoung, I’m serious. You can’t get fired!” Dahyun knew that her roommate had more common sense than that, but worrying about her impulses was ingrained in her core. “Don’t make out with your bosses.”

“Lame,” Chaeyoung laid back down, closing her eyes. “Fine, I’ll just be friendly. For now.” Dahyun shot her a very unamused look. “Relax, I’m joking.”

Dahyun decided to drop the subject for now. Just the fact that she had gotten this job was enough to let the girl off the hook, so she settled back down on the sheets again. Looking at her clock, Dahyun sighed; she still had three hours ‘till her shift, and now with the adrenaline of the good news running fresh in her system, she knew that there was no way she was going back to sleep.

She turned back to Chaeyoung and smiled, poking her ribs. “So, tell me, how did it all go?”

“Well, it all began with me being pierced in the chest by the sight of a pink-haired angel.” Dahyun rolled her eyes, but allowed her to continue. “And then another deity showed up and I was like, really? I’m just a small gay, you can’t do this to me.”

“You’re bisexual.”

“Details. Anyway, there I was, with one of Cupid’s arrows stuck to my chest and another on my ass, when they started asking me—”

She listened as Chaeyoung talked and tried to stop smiling, but failed. Her day had been great so far and just kept getting better. Dahyun’s mind started wandering off to Nayeon’s kiss, which only made her smile more and her stomach flutter with a warm feeling.

She really hoped that Nayeon would show up at the pub that night.

\--

When Ryujin got home she wasn’t expecting to see Nayeon, especially not in the state she was in.

She was sprawled on the living room couch with the TV turned on, the images flickering and reflecting on her numb features. The lights were off, and her left arm was hanging from the safety of the white couch, her fingertips gently touching the glass ashtray on the floor. There was a cigarette between them, and by counting the contents on the ashtray, it was her seventh. Nayeon usually smoked compulsively when she was feeling down, and Ryujin got immediately worried.

“Nayeon? I’m home,” She announced carefully, not wanting to startle her.

“Ryujin.” Nayeon honestly wanted to have the strength to pull herself together quickly, but her limbs failed her. She hated to show weakness like this in front of the girl, but there were times when she just couldn’t help it. At least she was understanding – this wasn’t the first time Ryujin got home to such a sight. “Hey.”

“Hey…” She approached slowly, sitting down next to her. She noticed that Nayeon had been watching a documentary about how crayons were made. “Are you okay?”

“I’ll be fine,” She forced her body to sit up straight. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright,” Ryujin smiled softly, touching her back. “You don’t need to get up. I’m happy to see you at home.”

Nayeon smiled tiredly and laid back down with a sigh. Her eyes focused once again on the show and Ryujin sat by her side for a bit, in silence. When she saw Nayeon dropping the cigarette on the ashtray and moving her hand to her jacket pocket to take another one, Ryujin cleared her throat.

“Hey, uh… Heejin invited us for dinner this week, what do you think? She lives in this really big house with a pool and everything. I mean, it’s pretty much the size of ours, but her garden is bigger. And we can eat outside!”

Nayeon stopped and dropped her arm. She hadn’t even realized what she was doing. “That sounds nice.”

“Yeah!” Excited by the response, Ryujin continued. “I don’t think you two ever met, huh? Her parents are a bit scary, but they’re really nice people. And Heejin is really cool, too. She’s so smart, I bet you’d love to hear about all the awesome book recommendations she has.”

Nayeon hummed in agreement, not really in the mood to go out and meet adults she didn’t know – not that she wasn’t one herself, she was 25 after all. Her brain just told her that she would be an embarrassment to Ryujin’s friend and that if her parents saw the kind of person she was living with, they’d call her dad. And then Ryujin would leave her, and she would be all alone again in that huge, empty nightmare of a house.

And she couldn’t be alone.

“Maybe you could invite her to come over instead,” The words left Nayeon’s mouth before she could stop them, in a desperate attempt to come up with an excuse to not see Heejin’s parents.

“Oh…” Ryujin frowned and thought about it for a second. Then her face lit up. “Yes! Nayeon, that’s a great idea! I’ll call her right away and ask.” She got up and ran to the kitchen, where the closest phone was.

Nayeon wasn’t quick enough to stop her.

“Ryujin, wait!” She jumped off the couch, but it was too late.

On her pathetic attempt to throw the contents of the box away, Nayeon had given up midway and just stuffed everything that she could fit inside the trashcan. The shoes were popping out, and the ashes of the dress that she’d managed to pick up from the yard were scattered on the floor messily. The fire extinguisher was also lying next to the clutter, uncared for.

Ryujin stopped next to the phone with a shocked expression and Nayeon felt like she needed to explain, “I-I was going to clean it up, I just— I forgot about it, and then you got home and I—”

“That’s all hers, isn’t it?” The girl interrupted, walking slowly to check the objects in the pile. “The woman who keeps sending you things you don’t like.”

Nayeon started to shake and gripped her arms. “I’ll deal with this, just leave it be.”

“But you don’t have to deal with it alone,” Ryujin turned to her, her eyes teary. “I know you don’t like to talk about it, and that it’s heavy for you, but… but I worry so much, Nayeon. Every time we get something on the mail you get so sad and upset. I just—” Ryujin approached her, rubbing her eyes. “I wish you could let me help you.”

“Ryujin, please, don’t—” She touched her shoulder. “Don’t cry. This is not something I can make you bear for me. Please understand, this thing… this woman, I’ve been dealing with her for twenty years. You weren’t even born when this whole mess started. I’ll be okay. I promise.”

Ryujin knew she was lying. Her heart had so much love to give, and it bled when Nayeon shut her out. She knew that it wasn’t her problem and that she wasn’t going to be able to make everything go away like that, but still, she tried. Tirelessly and selflessly, she tried to cheer Nayeon up whenever possible.

Nayeon felt like a monster each time she denied her help, but that was just how things had to be. This kid was too good for the cruelties of the world, and way too good for her, and she spent every day thinking that she didn’t deserve a friend like Ok Ryujin by her side. But she kept her bound to her, like the parasitic life form she was.

“Hey,” Nayeon ruffled her hair, trying for a fake smile. “What about that call to Heejin? We can go shopping for ingredients together for our dinner.”

Ryujin looked up and nodded, forcing a smile as well. “Okay.” As she dialed, Nayeon moved to empty the trashcan and start undoing the mess.

If she was going to keep the kid bound to her, the least she could do was not give her a reason to run away.

Nayeon grabbed a vacuum cleaner for the ashes and put the rest of the things inside a larger plastic bag, tying it and then putting it in the trash can outside. When she got back inside, Nayeon turned on the lights and changed channels to something more cheerful. She threw all the cigarettes in the ashtray away and put the object back to where it belonged, together with her pack of cigs. Doing all of that took a toll on her, and she crashed on the couch once she was done. Her back hurt, and she thought she might be getting old.

Ryujin came back shortly after and sat next to her with two sandwiches in hands. “Made one for you.”

“Thanks,” Nayeon smiled, truly grateful for the treat; she was starting to get hungry. The two friends stood in silence as an action movie aired, munching contently on their food, when Ryujin spoke.

“Is there anyone who knows?”

“About what?”

“This problem with this lady,” She explained. “If you can’t talk to me about it, then maybe you could talk to someone else?”

Her first thought was obviously Jeongyeon, but Ryujin didn’t know about her, and she intended to keep it this way. Nayeon and Jeongyeon had a silent agreement between them, to never bring up each other around other people.

But then her thoughts shifted to another person, someone new and that had been the source of many happy moments for Nayeon lately. A little blonde bartender who carried the entire universe inside her, and whose words made cracks in the wall that Nayeon had been building up for twenty years; whose touch healed instead of causing pain, and whose eyes shone with genuine admiration each time Nayeon spoke. She didn’t want to bring her past up around Dahyun, but that didn’t mean she had to shut herself at home because of it. She was tired of the witch having control over how she felt every time she sent a goddamn package in the mail.

Nayeon realized that she really wanted to talk to Dahyun right now.

Immediately, in fact.

“…Yes,” She finally answered, then looked down at the rest of her sandwich and wolfed it down. Nayeon got up, and turned to Ryujin. “I could.”

Ryujin blinked, but understood and smiled back. “Be safe.”

With a nod, Nayeon grabbed her keys and ran out.

\--

It was exactly 9:00pm when Dahyun arrived at the pub, and exactly 9:13pm when a blue-haired mess walked into the place gasping for air, as if she’d just run a marathon. There was hardly anyone in the place yet; the old-timers knew that the party just started at 11:00pm, but some people went quiet and turned around to stare. Nayeon stood still, heaving and recovering from her run from the train station before lifting her head and making eye contact with the one she went through all that for.

“Nayeon!” Of course, Dahyun exclaimed her name before she could. Nayeon felt a rush of fondness immediately, and smiled; it was amazing what the mere sight of this girl did to her, and for a second she felt like things could be okay.

After, finally getting a grip, she walked to the bar, where the blonde was getting ready for another busy night. “You came tonight.”

“I did.” Nayeon sat in front of her.

“I was hoping you would,” As always, Dahyun was open and honest with her feelings, which made Nayeon smile more. She felt wanted, which was new and very weird, but in a good way.

“Yeah?” Her throat was dry and itchy from the exercise, but she wanted to let Dahyun know how much she actually wanted to be there. “I, uh… I ran all the way here, actually.”

“Is everything okay? Wait, before that.” She crouched and grabbed a bottle of water, handing it to her. “On the house. You look really thirsty.”

Nayeon let out a breathless chuckle, thankful for the drink, and gulped it down almost entirely. Dahyun waited for her to finish with a soft glint in her eyes and a gentle giddiness in her chest. Nayeon finally put the bottle down and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. “Thanks.”

“Your hair is so messy,” Dahyun had been staring for a while and spoke without really thinking. “I mean, in a good way!”

Nayeon couldn’t help but laugh, still a little breathless. “No, it’s pretty bad.” She ran her fingers through it, pushing back, and Dahyun’s cheeks flushed at the sight – God, she was beautiful. Her pink-tinged cheeks from exhaustion, the tiny gleam of sweat on her collarbone, the way her chest moved as she tried to control her breathing. Dahyun wasn’t one to fall for people solely because of their looks, but that was just unfair. Everything surrounding Nayeon looked so _alive_.

She wished the girl saw herself the way Dahyun saw her.

“Besides,” Nayeon’s hand left her hair and the bangs fell over her eyes again. “A good messy hair looks completely different.”

The innuendo didn’t pass unnoticed by the short gay bartender and she felt herself having aneurysm. “Y-you haven’t answered my question!”

“What question?” The smug expression didn’t leave her face.

“If you’re okay!” Dahyun crossed her arms, still a nervous wreck. For a moment she saw Nayeon’s expression falter a bit, and right away knew that the answer was no.

“I’m fine.” She lied. Nayeon had left home in a frenzy ready to talk to Dahyun about anything at all, and she was even ready to accept the consequences of what would happen if she opened up to her. But now, eye-to-eye and having fun despite being emotionally exhausted a few minutes ago, she didn’t want to. The bad feelings and thoughts were like a dark cloud that followed her wherever she went, but right now Nayeon didn’t want to think. She just wanted to push that away and feel the things Dahyun made her feel. So she lied, and she would keep lying if it meant getting to spend time with her like this.

“Are you sure?” Dahyun decided to nudge just a little further, but when Nayeon nodded, she dropped it. Sometimes it was better to leave things be, and she had a feeling that the girl would talk when she was ready. “Alright, miss marathoner.”

“With my lungs? Hardly,” Nayeon took another sip of water.

“The cigarettes, huh?” Dahyun rolled her eyes, teasingly. “I swear, you and Chaeyoung are long lost siblings. Can’t go jogging for a second.”

“The price to pay for an addiction.” The words cut deeper than she intended to. Her nicotine dependence hadn’t been her choice, but rather it was imposed on her – like most of her toxic habits. She had tried to grow out of it, but just like Jeongyeon said, she wouldn’t allow herself to. The smoke in her lungs was a reminder that, just like the cigarettes, the witch would be a part of her life for as long as she breathed.

“Maybe you should find better things to get addicted to.” Dahyun casually remarked as she walked away to fill a cup of beer.

The words were thrown out with no second intentions – it was just what she usually told Chaeyoung – but they weighted on Nayeon a lot. It looked like such an easy solution; distracting herself from what made her sad with other things that made her happy. It was something Nayeon had been trying to do her whole life, but with that kind of trauma, she didn’t know how.

Hell, she was five when that woman decided to mold her into her personal freak show. That changed a person’s sense of reality.

“Hey, stranger!” The dangerous thoughts were interrupted by Sana’s cheerful greeting. “Good to see you again!”

“Y-yeah.” Nayeon finished her water bottle. “Nice to see you too.”

“I see that things are working out great with Dahyunnie,” The waitress rested her tray on the balcony and adjusted her apron. “At least it looks like it, anyway. I could be completely wrong and you two hate each other.”

“She did just trade my company for a beer, so…” Nayeon joked, glad for the distraction.

“Oh, she does that to everyone,” Sana laughed, picking up her tray again. “Something tells me she will be back for you soon, though. Mondays are rather quiet.”

“It’s still pretty early, too.” Nayeon looked around, spotting some people chatting and eating fries. A few lonely souls sat at the bar, staring at their phones while sipping their drinks.

“Matthew starts DJ’ing at eleven, so until then you’ll be pretty much free to talk. I, on the other hand,” Sana grunted with a stretch. “Still need to take some orders. Have a fun night, Nayeonnie.”

“Good luck.” And with that, Sana was gone. Dahyun returned a few seconds later, and both girls chatted calmly, much differently than when they first talked. Dahyun still had to leave now and then to mix up some drinks, but overall everything was peaceful.

At 10pm a few more costumers walked in.

At 11pm, Nayeon decided to order her first alcoholic drink of the night and Matthew climbed up the stage.

At 12am, the place was almost full, and the dancefloor started to get heated.

At 1am, Nayeon ordered her third drink and Dahyun introduced her to Somin, Jiwoo and Taehyung, and Nayeon remembered the grandmother from earlier talking about her grandchildren. Jiwoo was completely ecstatic that Nayeon knew her grandma and they chatted for a long, long time while Dahyun got busier with the orders.

At 2am, Nayeon, Jiwoo, Somin and Taehyung toasted with shots of tequila, and afterwards the trio asked her to dance with them. Nayeon found out that they were Matthew’s partners and smiled. It was the first time she’d ever seen a relationship like that, and got unexpectedly giddy over the new experience and the new people she was able to meet that night. Dahyun’s friends were truly kind and compassionate, which only reinforced what she already knew. That the girl was full of love.

And maybe it was the drinks getting to her head and the heat of the dancefloor warming her up from the inside, but Nayeon felt a sudden overflow of emotion taking over and had to excuse herself to walk to the bar.

“Dahyun!” She yelled over the blasting music, crashing into people on her way, but not giving a single damn. The bartender turned around after delivering a man’s Margarita and approached Nayeon with a grin.

“You okay?” She yelled back.

[“Dance with me!”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0FWRT9C9XMQ)

“What?”

Nayeon smiled dumbly, grabbing one of her wrists. “Come dance with me!”

Dahyun looked back to the bar where someone else was already calling for her and shot her an apologetic look. “I can’t, I—”

“Just for a little bit! Look,” The blue-haired girl looked around and spotted who she was looking for. She sprung an arm into the crowd and dragged Sana out of it all of a sudden. “Sana can take over for you!”

“Sana can do what now?” The woman in question asked, confused.

“Take care of the bar while Dahyun dances with me,” Nayeon was so focused on her task that she disregarded anyone else right now. “It will be so quick, please Sana. The other waitresses can take care of the tables for a few minutes.”

“I—” Sana was about to refuse because hell, they were at rush hour, but something in the way Nayeon was looking at her, almost desperately so, made her reconsider in a heartbeat. “Oh, fuck it, why not.”

“What?!” Dahyun was stunned and let her jaw drop when the waitress took off her apron.

“Just go already! But if you’re not back in fifteen minutes I’m gonna go in there and drag your ass back.” She smirked with a punch on Dahyun’s arm.

“Thank you!” Nayeon jumped up and down and pulled the cute stuttering blonde along with her. “Come on!”

And just like that Dahyun was in the middle of the dancefloor, with this incredibly beautiful girl, smiling stupidly at everything and everyone. Nayeon was definitely pretty drunk, but not enough to fall down face-first on the floor as soon as people bumped into her. The beat changed to a really cheerful song and everyone started singing loudly along with the lyrics, creating a really funny chorus of wasted human beings.

Despite having worked at the pub for almost three years now, Dahyun had hardly ever gotten near the speakers. Her home was behind the bar, on the very opposite side of the dancefloor, so all she ever did was watch as bodies moved from the distance.

Being right in the middle of it, though, was exhilarating. Dahyun usually felt uncomfortable with people touching her and cramped spaces, but being in the heart of everything with Nayeon gave her an enormous sense of freedom. She also noticed that the people dancing around them weren’t strangers at all, but very familiar faces; Jiwoo and Somin, the birthday girl from a week ago, costumers that came pretty much every night, a man who literally never left the dancefloor whenever he decided to crash at the pub. All of those people recognized Dahyun immediately and smiled whenever they made eye contact. She could faintly hear the cheers of “Dahyun’s here!” and her heart could explode.

She felt amazing. This had been _such_ a good idea.

Then Dahyun felt a hand touching her face and realized that it was Nayeon urging her to look her, it was like the crowd simply vanished in the background. All there was in the world was Nayeon. Her messy hair moved as she jumped, and Dahyun tried to match her dance awkwardly. She wasn’t much of a dancer, but that didn’t matter when Nayeon was looking at her like that, moving with such vibrancy and color, happiness. She twirled around, moving her feet to the beat, then her lips were on Dahyun’s and nothing else mattered.

Time stood still, but not for long, because soon the lips left as suddenly as they arrived and Nayeon laughed, grabbing Dahyun’s hands and moving them along with her dance. Dahyun couldn’t stop herself from joining in the laughter, and she laughed so hard that her eyes filled with tears. Nayeon swept a thumb against her cheeks and kissed her again. And again. This time the kiss lasted a lot longer. Dahyun felt her lips moving to her cheek and then down her neck and a sharp pain shot through her whole body as Nayeon bit down. It was so sudden, but so fucking good that she involuntarily let out a moan.

Dahyun thanked every single deity above for the loud music.

She thought that the hickey was over but apparently Nayeon felt possessive, because her teeth made their way to the other side of her neck, biting just as intensely. Dahyun threaded her fingers through the girl’s hair, biting her lower lip to stop herself from letting out another embarrassing sound. She felt Nayeon smirking against her skin as she licked her way up to the hinge of her jaw and then her tongue was in Dahyun’s mouth again. The kiss was so feral, nothing like the soft interactions they’ve had so far, and if there was one thing that Dahyun learned that night, was that she absolutely loved this side of Nayeon too. And then she realized that she loved every single side of this girl, and it was probably dangerous to think like this so early into this relationship, but Dahyun had always been very honest with herself.

And right now, she was sure she simply loved Nayeon.

Eventually they had to stop kissing because Sana wasn’t a girl of empty promises and she had actually walked into the crowd to drag Dahyun’s ass back to the bar. Nayeon let her go with a laugh and a half-baked apology to the waitress, who let her off the hook with a “That was a one-time thing, hear me?”

At 4am the pub was practically empty. Nayeon was at the bar, resting her head after finally getting too dizzy to stand up and being yanked away from the dancefloor with the help of Jiwoo, Somin and Taehyung. Dahyun had given her another free water bottle, but Nayeon insisted on paying for this one. She drank all of it and crashed on the balcony, a smile still lingering on her lips. Dahyun stared at her fondly, still not quite recovered from the high from before, and scratched the top of her head gently.

“Finally passed out?” Sana walked by, carrying a plate of nachos. And really, who ordered nachos at four in the morning?

“Yeah…” Dahyun mumbled back, still focused on how Nayeon’ hair felt between her fingers.

“You okay, chief?”

The bartender was more than okay, but there was also something bugging her. “I just want her to remember this tomorrow.”

“I’m sure she will. And if she doesn’t, at least she left you a little gift to help her remember,” Sana winked with a flicker of her eyes towards Dahyun’s neck, and the bartender blushed, finally moving her hand away.

That wasn’t what she had meant, though. Sure, she wanted Nayeon to remember kissing her and biting her and driving her completely crazy, but most of all, she wanted her to remember how she felt while they were dancing.

Dahyun was pretty sure Nayeon was genuinely happy.

At 5am her shift was almost over and Nayeon was still passed out, so Dahyun did the sensible thing and decided that she was going to let her sleep over again. She wondered if Nayeon was unemployed, since she was pissed drunk on a Monday, then she realized that there were so many things about her life that she didn’t know. Dahyun wanted to know everything about this woman.

At 6am, Sana helped Dahyun put Nayeon on the back of her Vespa, and they finally drove home, slowly. And right before they arrived home, she felt Nayeon shift against her back and burying her nose on the crook of Dahyun’s neck with a really content sigh.

She could get used to this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter preview:
> 
> “I’m scared.” Nayeon’s voice cracked the delicate atmosphere suddenly and Dahyun immediately snapped her eyes open.
> 
> “Of what?”
> 
> “Of losing you. Of scaring you. I’m scary.”
> 
> “You’re not scary.”
> 
> “You don’t know me.”
> 
> “Would you let me?”
> 
> “You don’t want to.”
> 
> “It’s okay. I can take it.”
> 
> Nayeon let out a stupid sob “…Okay.” She removed herself from Dahyun’s grip to turn around and stare at the bartender in the darkness. If she was going to ruin everything, the least she could do was face her.
> 
> 03/10
> 
> Follow me on twitter @niigoki_


	6. Lesson Six: du Soleil

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNINGS: emotional child abuse, burning

To avoid further vengeances in the future, this time Dahyun made sure to get into her apartment as quietly as possible. Of course, this wasn’t an easy task when she had to drag Nayeon’s limp body all the way upstairs and into the living room. Being shorter proved to be a challenge, and while Nayeon’s legs did move eventually, she was still ridiculously heavy. Leaning against Dahyun’s shoulder didn’t help much, but the bartender somehow managed to close the door with a foot and a grunt.

They stood still on the living room for a bit as Dahyun assessed the situation, considering her options: She could either drop Nayeon on the couch and leave her to rest there, or take the girl to her room and share a bed. The first choice was easily the most appealing right now, seeing as the blue-haired woman was slipping inch by inch from Dahyun’s grip, but she also had to think of Chaeyoung; she would be waking up soon for her first day on the job, and she was known to be pretty loud in the mornings, especially early ones.

Taking Nayeon to her room instead would require them to walk further, but the consequences the next day wouldn’t be so devastating. Chaeyoung would wake up without noticing a thing and Nayeon would be able rest peacefully. She also considered that Nayeon would rather wake up next to her than on a strange couch all alone once she recovered her senses.

The bedroom it is.

“Alright, just a little longer, can you make it?” Dahyun whispered, and Nayeon’s head bobbed down, in some sort of understanding. They walked slowly in the darkness, step by step, and as soon as they reached the door, Dahyun pushed her in gently. She closed the door with a foot, elbowing the lights on and letting Nayeon go as smoothly as she could – which wasn’t smoothly at all. “Sorry!”

“Hmm…” Nayeon grunted as she fell down on the bed in a twisted position, hugging the sheets close.

Dahyun sighed and stretched her sore arms, yawning. She looked at the girl on her bed and grinned before going into the bathroom to wash up quickly. After brushing her teeth and putting on her alien pajamas, she went back to the room just to see Nayeon slumped all over the mattress, leaving little space for her to lay on. She breathed out a laugh as she turned off the lights.

“Someone’s a bit spacious.” Dahyun mumbled, sitting next to her and touching her lower back.

Nayeon just hummed and the bartender stroke her back, shoulders, and finally her hair again, because she loved the feeling of it. Her eyes lost focus for a moment as she relaxed and took in everything that had happened that night – from the giddiness of seeing Nayeon at the bar on a Monday, to the thrill of their kisses on the dancefloor.

It was quite mind-boggling, how intense things seemed to be around Nayeon – it felt like she just did whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted, and Dahyun had always yearned for something like that for herself, but didn’t really have the luxury. And that wasn’t a bad thing per se, because she was content with her life at the moment. She didn’t go on adventures (the closest thing to it was following Chaeyoung to the junkyard) or risked her life doing dangerous things (smoking a cigarette was already a stretch), but there wasn’t anything to complain about. She worked crazy hours, but met great people, so it was a fair trade; and every decision she had made led to meeting Nayeon at one point, so really, things were pretty good.

“A variable,” As usual, her brain formed thoughts that her mouth tried to reproduce out of nowhere. “People usually look for a constant in their lives, but I never understood why. Variables are so much more exciting…” Nayeon sighed, feeling Dahyun’s fingers up and down her back. “Are you okay?”

“Keep talking…” Nayeon’s voice was barely a whisper, muffled by a pillow she managed to snatch somehow. Had it been anyone else, Dahyun would deny this request because she was always ashamed of the things she spilled involuntarily, but it wasn’t anyone else, it was Nayeon who requested her to share these abstract words with her, and so she complied.

“It’s just… a variable is something unknown. It’s always changing, and the results depend on them. I like that about you. Which is weird for me to say because I’m always anxious about things and people, and I want to have a plan for everything. But that’s just normal, too.” She felt Nayeon shifting beneath to finally give her space to lie down, and so she did. “We barely know each other, so… a variable. Is what you are, I mean.”

Nayeon turned away from Dahyun to face the wall and opened her eyes slightly as she listened.

“But that’s fine, too. I’d love to know more about you, but at our own pace. I think that we move differently. Much more…” Dahyun struggled, frowning. She brought one hand up, which moved back and forth. “A flow. Like a stream of water? One with lots of nuances, that stops sometimes because of an obstacle, but eventually moves on. I know I already compared you to the river, but… that’s not really what I’m talking about now. Does that even make sense?” It was a standard question, and when Nayeon didn’t answer, Dahyun assumed that she had finally blacked out. It didn’t bother her, so she turned around and closed her eyes as well.

It was a nice feeling, sharing a bed with someone. It was a lot different from when she used to sleep with Chaeyoung because they didn’t have the money to buy another bed, but Dahyun couldn’t put the exact difference into words. She felt relaxed.

“I’m scared.” Nayeon’s voice cracked the delicate atmosphere suddenly and Dahyun immediately snapped her eyes open. She moved again to stare at her back.

“Of what?” She asked, quietly. A moment passed, and then two, and the stillness of the room suddenly felt a bit suffocating.

“Of losing you.” Nayeon confessed. “Of scaring you. I’m scary.”

Dahyun waited for her to continue because she was sure there was a lot Nayeon wanted to talk about right now, even though she seemed to be completely exhausted. When she didn’t, Dahyun spoke. “You’re not scary.”

“You don’t know me.”

“Would you let me?” There wasn’t an answer. “Know you.”

Nayeon shook her head faintly. “You don’t want to.”

But she did, and oh, how much so. There was nothing else Dahyun wanted more at this point in her years of existence than to know Nayeon.

“You know,” She swallowed and scooted closer, trying a different approach. “When we first talked at the pub, I remember telling Chaeyoung the next day all the details about you. I rambled at 7am about how incredible you were and how much I wanted to see you again, and she almost hit me in the jaw.”

Nayeon snickered quietly at that.

“And back then all I wanted was to… know you. This feeling hasn’t changed at all.” A yawn made its way out of her mouth, and she closed her eyes. “It’s okay if you don’t want to share anything right now. Just know that I’ll be here, either way.”

All that they could hear were birds outside and a few occasional cars down the street. The silence was mortifying, and Nayeon clutched the sheets strongly until her knuckles went white. She was going to spill it. She was still a bit light-headed, the blue dress was still on her mind, and Jeongyeon wasn’t around to shut her thoughts out with an orgasm.

She shouldn’t have drunk so much. Now she was about to lose Dahyun because she couldn’t keep her damn past to herself.

“It’s so much,” Nayeon closed her eyes tightly. “It’s too heavy and I can’t carry it by myself, and I’m about to— to drop all of it on you. I can’t— I can’t do this. It’s not fair to you, it’s not—”

Dahyun had been almost asleep, but woke up at the sound of her stuttering voice. She tentatively wrapped an arm around Nayeon’s torso, her small figure fitting perfectly against the taller girl’s back, and she whispered against her shoulder. “It’s okay. I can take it.”

Nayeon let out a stupid sob – look at that, she was actually shedding tears over the woman again – and exhaled.

She removed herself from Dahyun’s grip to turn around and stare at the bartender in the darkness. If she was going to ruin everything, the least she could do was face her.

\--

_I grew up in an orphanage in another state. I never knew my parents, and never wanted to. They abandoned me, and that was all I needed to know._

_The orphanage was a good place. There were lots of kids my age that had also been through the same thing, so we bonded fairly quickly. I loved the children there, we were like family. I played with them every day in the yard, we had breakfast, lunch and dinner together, we took showers together, we dressed up with the same clothes because we thought it was fun._

_I loved the people in charge of the orphanage, too. Miss Hyo was always telling jokes and Miss Soo would try to compete with her; she was also a great cook. Mr. Park was the headmaster, and we were a bit scared of him, but he always meant well. My favorite was Miss Sunmi, though. She taught us the alphabet and the wonders of the world, and for a good part of my life I never wanted to leave. But Miss Sunmi started filling our heads with ideas of amazing things beyond the orphanage walls, and how great it would be once we got adopted by a loving family, and I started to get excited at the prospect. Being adopted suddenly seemed nice._

_Despite being friends with most of the kids there, there was a girl I could never get close with. Her name was Jeongyeon, and she was three years older than me. Mr. Park told us that we had arrived at their doorstep on the same night, and that we should probably try to be nice to each other, but something about her threw me off. It was like she pushed everyone away on purpose. Maybe she wasn’t as comfortable with being an orphan as I was. I didn’t know her story._

_When I was five and Jeongyeon eight, we were adopted together by a single woman._

_Her name was Miran._

_She looked regal, almost like a celebrity. Hair up on a bun, a green dress and black heels, sunglasses, heavy silver jewelry adorning her wrists and neck, beautiful makeup. She was 45 and had a pompous aura around her. Not a single wrinkle, not even on the corners of her mouth or in between her eyebrows._

_She introduced herself as a businesswoman of sorts, and the first thing that struck me was the scent of perfume. It was strong, and she told us it was an expensive brand. The woman was rich and had never been able to get married or bear children of her own, so she wanted to give all her love to us. I was immediately enchanted._

_The day Jeongyeon and I said goodbye to everyone in the orphanage, I was a bit saddened, but also excited. I finally had someone whom I could call a mother. But from then on, I would also have to call Jeongyeon my sister. For some reason, however, I never could. Jeongyeon wasn’t my sister. We weren’t even friends, so it was very awkward. I decided to not dwell on it._

_We were shocked when the first place Miran took us to was an airport._

_“We are moving to another state,” She told us. That took me completely by surprise, because I wanted to be able to visit the orphanage once in a while. I hadn’t been prepared to never see Miss Hyo, Miss Soo, Miss Sunmi and Mr. Park, or the other kids ever again. I cried all the way to our new house, but eventually accepted that this was a new life for me._

_It took us a few years to realize why we had been taken away._

_Miran had run away from the prying eyes of the orphanage. She didn’t want to be found, and she didn’t want us to be found. Still, everything she had told us had been true; she was indeed rich. She was a businesswoman, she wasn’t married, she didn’t have kids. Her perfumes were expensive, and her house was a mansion. She had legally adopted us, and nothing could take us back._

_And, as we found out later on, she owned a circus._

_“There is one single rule in this house,” She told us, pleasant as always. “You will call me Mother, or refer to me by my stage name, only. Miran doesn’t exist.”_

_We were confused by her words._

_“I’m Mirischia. Okay, dearies?”_

_And that was the name we grew up hearing from her phone calls, here and there. So that was what she became._

_For the first few months, Mirischia was nice. Gentle, even. Always pleasant, always complimenting me and Jeongyeon, treating us well, feeding us and letting us play with the innumerous toys she owned for some reason._

_Then we found the room._

_It was huge, filled with innumerous circus equipment, and from the way Mirischia smiled when we asked her what those things were, I was sure she was waiting for us to find it. She took the time to teach us the proper names of each equipment._

_“That’s a trapeze. That is called a Tissu, and that’s an aerial hoop. Those are juggling balls, Devil Sticks, Diabolo, that’s a ring of fire. Go on, play with anything you like.”_

_We were kids, so of course we were hypnotized by the colorful tools. I took a liking to the balance beam and trapeze. I’d always been good at things that demanded balance, so I climbed them with ease. Jeongyeon was too clumsy for things like that, so she played with other stuff. For some damned reason, the objects she was most curious about involved fire._

_“Why is this called a ring of fire?” Jeongyeon asked, and Mirischia’s grin was almost feral. We hadn’t noticed it at the time, though – we assumed she was just happy to share her knowledge with someone. I remember when she told me to keep playing, and then took Jeongyeon somewhere else._

_That night, Jeongyeon came back with her eyes gleaming with excitement. “She showed me lots of videos of people juggling with fire, and other things! Did you know you can spit fire too?”_

_That scared me, but I didn’t give it much thought. It was also the first time I ever saw Jeongyeon smiling so hard._

_A few months later, Mother came back home saying that she had enrolled us in some classes. We assumed she was talking about school, since we hadn’t been learning anything for almost a year now, but it was nothing like that – it was a circus course. Mirischia had decided that we would be home schooled, but she was a terrible teacher. The courses seemed to be everything that mattered, and so we grew up thinking that they were indeed the most important part of our lives._

_Five times a week, we would learn how to bend our bodies in strange ways, how to have a better grasp of our reflexes, how to fall down without hurting ourselves. And she would watch, and yell at us if we messed up._

_“Again!” She would scream. And we didn’t have a choice, because she wouldn’t let us rest until we did what she wanted._

_I was doing alright in everything that involved flexibility and acrobatics, but Jeongyeon was not. Mirischia scolded her the most, and I felt bad for her because she cried at night in our room. It didn’t take long for me to realize that Mother was getting tired of Jeongyeon’s repeated failures, because she started complimenting me a lot in front of her._

_“Isn’t Nayeon good at what she does? Isn’t your sister pretty? She is definitely a prodigy. If only you could be like her.”_

_Those words hurt both of us, but what could we do? We were just kids that had been thrown into a world completely unknown to us. There were no other children around where we lived, and we weren’t allowed to go out of the mansion. All we had was each other, Jeongyeon and I._

_One day when I was seven and Jeongyeon ten, she decided that she was going to make Mother love her as much as she loved me. She stopped trying to be flexible, and started reading about fire tricks. She asked our teacher to guide her through the process of controlling fire, and begged her to keep it a secret from our mother. Jeongyeon wanted to impress Mother in a way that she would never forget. She was angry._

_And then she became obsessed._

_When Mirischia wasn’t home, Jeongyeon would grab the tools she stole from our teacher and practice on her own. Fire belts, fire fans, a fire staff, she wanted to be good at all of them._

_First, she trained without actually lighting them up, but as she improved, she wanted more. Jeongyeon barely talked to me anymore, and I was worried about her behavior. When she asked me to help her light up the fire fans, I refused, arguing that it was a terrible idea. Jeongyeon got terribly mad at me._

_“You want Mother to hate me, don’t you? You love to have all the attention to yourself. Go away, then! I don’t need your help!”_

_I tried to refute, I tried telling her that this was getting out of hand, but she wouldn’t listen. Jeongyeon pushed me and lit the fans on fire, turning them around, precisely, firmly, without a single mistake. Once her performance was over, she put down the flames and smiled triumphantly at me, like she had won._

_I was sure Mirischia would yell at her for stealing from the teacher, but all she did was finally praise her. “Good girl.”_

_When I was ten and Jeongyeon thirteen, we were naturals at our inclinations. I stopped falling from the balance beam and the trapeze, and Jeongyeon’s twirls with the fire tools were impeccable. Mother was happy with our results, and praised us both equally now. I thought things would finally be okay now that we were both the same under Mother’s eyes, but they weren’t._

_I was jealous._

_Jeongyeon had been right; I did want Mother’s attention all to myself._

_Because that was how she had raised us. I just realized that once I grew up, but everything Mirischia did for us was like a set competition._

_“Jeongyeon, would you help Mother carry these heavy bags? Oh, Nayeon, you just stay there, you’re not strong enough for this. Nayeon, I dropped my earrings somewhere, can you help me find it? If I asked your sister, she would probably step on them and ruin it. Which one of you can eat this soup faster? Which one of you can open this jar for Mother? I love how quickly you take your showers, Jeongyeon, dear. Nayeon is going to bankrupt me with these water bills. Which one of you—”_

_Which one. Which one. Which one._

_I had always been the one. Now Jeongyeon was at my level. I hated it. I wanted her to fail in front of Mother again, because I wanted to be praised more._

_So I burned her._

_I didn’t do it on purpose. I didn’t want things to get so out of hand, but at the end of the day, that accident happened because of me. She was about to perform in front of Mother with the fire fans at the gym, and knowing exactly where she stepped on her routine, I bent the carpet so she would trip._

_It happened so suddenly that I didn’t have the time to process exactly how terrible the burns were._

_One of the fans fell straight on her face, and on her panic, she dropped the other one and stumbled right on top of it with her left arm._

_I watched as the girl caught fire._

_She was rushed to the hospital, and I couldn’t move, or speak, or function. I saw the fans hitting her eyes. I was sure Jeongyeon would go blind because of me._

_By a miracle, she didn’t. But her skin never fully recovered. She had a white, scarred patch of skin across her eyes, and half her arm now. Her skin never healed, and we stopped talking for a whole year._

_And the worst part? Mirischia loved it. She complimented Jeongyeon’s scars like it was a masterpiece, like her pain was something she had been blessed with. “My associates will enjoy this immensely!”_

_She had never brought up her associates, but I was too shocked to ask._

_Mother also didn’t care about my emotional state, because three days after Jeongyeon was put into intensive care at the hospital, she forced me to keep attending classes. Of course, I did terribly. It was like my body wouldn’t respond anymore, and I had lost my balance completely. I couldn’t even climb the beam without shaking, but Mirischia didn’t care. She pushed me to keep going, and acted like her other daughter wasn’t between life and death. That fucked me up._

_When I was eleven, and Jeongyeon fourteen, we started speaking again. Not because we wanted to, but because we had to._

_We were isolated from other human beings. No one knew the pain we were going through._

_We were all that we had. If we kept going without speaking for another second, we’d go completely insane._

_The weirdest thing was, we started getting a lot closer. We had spent years together and never interacted that way before. Touches got more frequent, we started sharing a bed, we lied to Mirischia to stop the other from getting into trouble. I was sure Jeongyeon still hated me, and I could barely look at her face without remembering the dreadful thing I’d done, but I felt myself getting sucked into her. Being together with Jeongyeon was becoming my way of surviving that reality._

_I needed her._

_Jeongyeon never touched anything that had to do with fire again and she didn’t want to attend classes anymore. I was sure Mother was going to yell at her, but she didn’t._

_“Your beautiful skin has earned you enough points, already.”_

_That fucked her up._

_When I was twelve, and Jeongyeon fifteen, we were introduced to Mirischia’s associates. I will never forget that day. Just thinking about it makes me want to hurl._

_We were blindfolded and taken somewhere, with Mirischia’s constant reassurance that it would just be a short trip, and later we could eat burgers. That had been the nicest thing she had told us in months, so who were we to disobey? It was not like we had a choice anyway._

_I remember the dark, the cold, and how she made me wear my gymnastics one-piece for some reason; for Jeongyeon, she chose a sleeveless shirt and shorts, way too revealing for simple a visit._

_Upon removing our blindfolds, we froze. Dozens of people in suits and wearing masks stared at us from above, in comfy theatre chairs. There were spotlights on us, which blinded me for a second, and then a cheerful music started playing as Mirischia’s loud voice reverberated through the place._

_“Ladies and Gentlemen! Boys, and girls! Step right up, and witness The Last Dinosaur’s new acquisitions!”_

_Everyone applauded and I had no idea what was going on. I started shaking, fearful of those creepy, smiling masks, looking right at us like we were a prized possession, a display for them to enjoy._

_“First!” Mirischia kept going, and I tried to make sense of where she was, but to no avail. “The world’s youngest fire-breather! Born from the flames, her skin blessed with the marks of the Sun God! She is just fifteen, but already taller and stronger than most men. Rub this beast the wrong way, and you will. Get. Burned. Only fifteen, Red-Eyed Jeongyeon!”_

_More applauses. I looked at Jeongyeon and she was pale._

_“Second!” My heart almost stopped beating. It was my turn now, I knew it. “She might be the thinnest, smallest girl you’ve ever seen, but don’t be fooled. This prodigy managed to perfect the static and swinging trapeze when she was just ten. Turn her around ten, twenty, a hundred times, and she will always land right on her feet! The perfect posture, the perfect reflexes, the perfect balance. She will never fall, because she is Stand-Still Nayeon!”_

_People cheered for me. I was so shocked that the only thing my brain was able to process was that everything Mirischia told them was a lie. Jeongyeon refused to get near fire, and I could barely do a backflip anymore. Then the biggest question popped up: Just who were those people? And what were we doing there?_

_“Demonstrations in half an hour. Please, stand by and relax with some delicious popcorn.” And then Mirischia’s voice was gone, as well as the spotlights._

_We were left in darkness, and soon I felt my arm being pulled. It was Mother, and she smiled pleasantly as she handed fire fans to Jeongyeon, and pushed me towards a trapeze. We couldn’t move, and she asked us softly what was wrong. Jeongyeon finally stuttered that she couldn’t do that anymore, and so did I._

_“Well, that is a problem, isn’t it? I’m sure you can figure it out. Nayeon, you’ve always been the most sensible one, convince your sister to twirl those fans in the air and let’s get this over with. You don’t want to disappoint me, do you?”_

_The worst thing? Those words worked._

_From the moment we were adopted until that day, Mirischia had never landed a hand on us. Sure, she was rough with her gestures sometimes, but she didn’t use physical strength to make us obey her._

_Her words were what stung the most._

_And when she wasn’t emotionally manipulating us, she was nice. She fed us, bought us expensive food and clothes, let us play around with anything we wanted when we weren’t training, complimented us often. We didn’t want to disappoint Mother._

_That was how we saw things, back then._

_When she wasn’t being a monster, she was nice._

_So Jeongyeon grabbed the fans, and I climbed the trapeze, and we performed in front of those people. I was crying the whole time, and so was Jeongyeon._

_But we didn’t want to disappoint Mother._

_After the show, Mirischia talked for a few minutes with her associates, and we stood by her side shaking, but quietly. I was numb, so I didn’t really hear what she said, then we were blindfolded again and put inside the car. Mirischia kept her promise and bought us burgers, and I ate them without tasting anything._

_That night, we collapsed on our shared bed, and cried until we didn’t have the strength to sob anymore._

_I needed at least a month to recover from that humiliating exposition, but of course Mother wouldn’t make things easy. We found out she was being paid ridiculous amounts of money for our performances, and so we would need to double our training. I was a kid, but it didn’t take a genius to realize what exactly was happening._

_Jeongyeon and I were just products for purchase. We were circus slaves. And Mirischia had shaped us in a way that her words could make us do anything she wanted. That had been her plan all along._

_To this day, I wonder just how many orphans were adopted and then discarded by this witch._

_And it was hard, you know? Saying no to her. Defying the witch. We’ve been molded into the perfect little servants, because what could we do? She took care of us despite everything. We were trapped into this nightmare with no way to leave. We were just kids._

_Until the day when we were not._

_I was sixteen and Jeongyeon nineteen, and after years of humiliating circus acts and traumatic experiences, Jeongyeon decided that enough was enough. Probably because she had suffered more abuse from the witch than I had, but one day, for some reason, she snapped._

_“Let’s run away.” She said. Run to where? There was nowhere to go. But she grabbed my shoulders and forced our foreheads together so I couldn’t ignore her. “Wake up! This isn’t living, this is torture. I’m going to get the fuck out of here, and you’re coming with me.”_

_“Why?” I asked, not minding the pain on my forehead. To be honest, I welcomed it._

_“Because I can’t live without you.” And we both knew that she didn’t mean it in a romantic sense. We were so codependent that just the thought of going anywhere without Jeongyeon made me break in a cold sweat. It was messed up, but what could we do if that was how we managed to cope with life? When I realized she was really leaving, I panicked, and accepted going with her._

_We stole some cash from Mirischia’s wallet and left the mansion. The door was unlocked because Mother always thought we would be too scared to disobey her. And we were, because even then we were shaking terribly as we left the house._

_We took the first bus to another city, and that’s how we ended up here. Then for an entire year, we were homeless. It was ironic, how we managed to make some money by doing circus tricks on the streets, but that was the only thing we had been taught in eleven years._

_Eventually, we managed to move into a shitty apartment, with one mattress on the floor and a smelly bathroom. Jeongyeon and I tried finding a job, but no one would hire teenagers who had never attended school. I left home every day in the morning to perform on crowded places, and came back at night with some money. Jeongyeon did the same in another part of town, and that was how we barely survived._

_In the darkness of our shared bed, we started finding comfort in each other, to block out the traumatic flashes of memories that made us wake up yelling in the middle of the night. I leeched off of Jeongyeon, and she did the same to me._

_Then, the first package arrived._

_It was a huge box, with so many things inside, things we hadn’t seen for a whole year. Ham and cheese, bread, butter, a dozen eggs, milk, flour and pasta, even meat. Everything was of the highest quality, and it was like we had just opened a box to paradise. We ate so much and so well that night, that we actually cried happy tears. Once the box was empty, I saw a letter at the bottom. Jeongyeon grabbed it and read it out loud._

_It was hers._

_Everything that we ate was Mirischia’s. The witch knew where we were, and she was sending us gifts._

_“My dear daughters,_

_I will admit that I was a bit saddened by your departure. I have no idea what came over you to leave the comfort and luxury of our home; the warmth of the fireplace on the cold winter nights, the softness of your beds, the beautiful clothes, the cozy bathtub. I assume that it was a momentary divergence, because that is just how teenagers are. But do not fear, my lovely children, because Mother will always be willing to welcome you back with open arms. Do not think for a second that I am angry at you, because all I really am, is worried. How are you getting by? Is there enough food for you? A bed? Plumbing? A fridge? I am sending you this gift to show you how much I still care. Once you decide to put an end to this charade, please, do return. Until then, Mother will take care of you, as I always have been. This will be the first gift out of many that I have to offer. Tomorrow, a special delivery should be arriving at your doorsteps. I hope you understand how much I love you despite the fact that you decided to abandon your poor mother. I am sad, but I will keep an eye on you for as long as I am alive. I know you miss me, and you will return to me._

_With love, Mirischia.”_

_We wanted to vomit everything we had eaten. Jeongyeon tore the letter apart, and in a fit of rage, punched the wall. I was scared because she had found us somehow, and she was still playing mind games on us. We had a restless sleep that night._

_And, true enough, her next delivery arrived in the morning._

_She had bought us a house. A huge house, not as big as the mansion, but incredibly spacious, nonetheless._

_We took an entire week to dwell on it. The house was there, on the address on the paper. It was ours, and Mirischia had paid for it. The longer we stubbornly refused to set a foot in the place, the worse our condition became. Jeongyeon was irritable, I was mad, we took it all out on each other under the sheets of our crappy mattress on the floor; the situation was unbearable._

_So, we accepted it. We moved into this house because we didn’t have a choice._

_“Just for now,” Jeongyeon said, and I agreed. It was a suburban neighborhood, and we managed to find some work there. Things were finally looking up, because we were employed, and soon enough, we’d be able to get out of that place. It was just for now._

_Mirischia kept sending us expensive gifts once a week. All the packages that came in the mail immediately went to the trashcan. We didn’t want anything to do with the witch. We were just living in the house because it was temporary. That was what we kept repeating in our heads._

_But one day, I don’t know when, we started slipping. I caught myself inspecting the box to see what was inside, and secretly munched on a snack she had sent us – it was my favorite as a child. It was just one._

_Jeongyeon, too. Her hair was a mess, and Mother knew the brand of shampoo that worked. I caught the smell of it on Jeongyeon’s hair one night, but decided to keep quiet. I needed a new shirt, and she sent us one. Jeongyeon needed a new pair of shoes and there was one in the mail. We made accidents on purpose, and we were very aware of it._

_It was like she was winning us back._

_Two months later, Jeongyeon snapped._

_“No! We can’t keep doing this to ourselves. Fuck that. Fuck her, I won’t let her control us like that. Throw your shirts in the garbage, now!”_

_One night, when she returned home, she had a lighter on one hand, and a pack of cigarettes on the other. “I liked playing with fire before she turned me into this, so I’ll take this part of me back.”_

_That was when Jeongyeon started smoking, and I did as well, because I felt that I owned her this one. I dyed my hair blue because Mirischia told me I looked good in blue. If she wanted to cover me in blue, then I would do her the favor; I became obsessed with the color._

_During all this time, we thought that we were rebelling, mocking her, outplaying her. But now I realize that we were not. All that we stupidly accomplished was doing things that reminded us of Mother, because she was right._

_We missed her._

_And we were too weak to fight it._

_Time went by, and eventually Jeongyeon’s tall, athletic body did her a favor and she was called to a female rugby team. I was fired because I was a mess, but it didn’t matter; I had Mother’s deliveries to sustain me. Jeongyeon was doing great, and in six years she managed to make enough money to buy herself a good apartment. She told me to come with her, but I refused. I was tired of living with her, of having to look at her face every day, reminding me of the horrid things I had done, things I had gone through. I was sure she would argue, but surprisingly, she accepted my choice of splitting up. I guess I reminded her too much of our childhood, too._

_And now I’m here. Still living in Mirischia’s house, still receiving her fucking packages in the mail, still too weak to refuse them. Jeongyeon receives them too, and I know she looks through the stuff before deciding what she wants to keep. After all these years, Mirischia still has us wrapped around her finger, and I’m afraid that one day we’ll break and really go back to her._

_One day, we’ll go back to doing circus tricks._

\--

Nayeon finished the long tale with a tired sigh, unable to keep her eyes open anymore. “This is it. I’m sorry.” She turned around again to face the wall, and finally blacked out.

Dahyun didn’t move, didn’t speak, and didn’t think. Her eyes lingered on Nayeon’s back for a solid minute, and then she finally lost the battle to her own exhaustion.

It really was a lot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter preview:
> 
> Nayeon looked around and spotted Dahyun in the kitchen with her back turned, apparently cooking something.
> 
> “Hey,” She managed, finally.
> 
> When Dahyun didn’t move, it was like a knife had been pierced through her heart.
> 
> 03/24
> 
> Follow me on twitter @niigoki_


	7. [M] Lesson Seven: Circuba

The lack of birds singing was all Nayeon needed to know that it was probably very late in the afternoon when she woke up. Her whole body felt like a rusted machine and her mouth was disgustingly dry.

Nayeon inhaled deeply and exhaled in one slow breath. Even her chest hurt, and she moved her limbs to feel something, only to have a jolt of pain course through her joints. Some memories from last night flashed in her head and Nayeon buried herself further into the mattress.

Opening her eyes, she realized that Dahyun wasn’t in bed, and sighed. If she wasn’t so desperately thirsty, she wouldn’t mind never getting up – it was a thought that had crossed her mind many times; she didn’t care much for the casual existential dread. Counting to three, Nayeon finally managed to sit up, and the room started spinning.

She did not remember drinking that much.

The faint sound of the TV was coming from the living room, so Dahyun was home, at least. After regaining her balance, Nayeon got on her feet, and checked her back pocket. Her cellphone was still there, and she turned it on to check for messages, but there were none. That made her sigh – in frustration or relief, she couldn’t really tell – and she made her way to the bathroom to wash her face and mouth.

With the foul taste gone and bit more awake, Nayeon finally opened the bedroom door. Her hands were shaking, and she told herself that all she needed to do was drink a cup of water, and then she would be on her way. Goodbyes were always hard, but she would pull through like always.

The living room was empty. Nayeon looked around and spotted Dahyun in the kitchen with her back turned, apparently cooking something. Nayeon had no idea what to say or do, so she stood there awkwardly for a minute, just gathering up the courage to at least say farewell.

“Hey,” She managed, finally.

When Dahyun didn’t move, it was like a knife had been pierced through her heart.

Fuck the glass of water, she couldn’t stay for another minute.

“So… I’ll just go. Thank you for listening and… I’m sorry. For everything.” Nayeon nodded to herself, forcing the tears back for a bit longer as she turned around and walked to the door. Just three more steps and she could break down, visit Jeongyeon, take it all out on her, then go back to ground zero as always. It was fine. This always happened. She would pull through.

She would pull through.

She would—

She felt a hand grabbing her wrist. “Stop.”

Nayeon spun her neck, shocked at the speed with which Dahyun had crossed the kitchen and the living room to get to her. She felt a lump in her throat and forced it down. “Please, don’t—”

“I don’t care.” Dahyun huffed.

“What?”

“Your past. Your story, your background, the whole thing, I don’t care. I don’t… Argh, I can’t…” Dahyun’s grasp on her wrist tightened as she tried to make sense of the sentences before speaking. Everything was too fast, too rushed, but she needed to let Nayeon know exactly what she meant, so the string of words came out jumbled as she frowned. “You’re not that. You are what you are now, not what you were then. You are not… other people. You are you. The water. You’re water, Nayeon, because you were born beautiful and then you reached a city and toxic waste was dumped on you, things you didn’t ask for were forced into you. And you got sad, and angry, because the city is shit, and it treats the water like shit, but once you managed to… to rid yourself of it, once you managed to leave the city… when you left your old house, you started to recover.”

“You’re not completely clean yet, because it was so much waste, the city is so dirty, but you’ll get there. You’re… you’re healing, Nayeon.” Dahyun let go of her, breathing heavily and staring into the girl’s eyes. “Let me help you heal. Let me help you reach the ocean.”

Nayeon stood there, frozen.

She’d had her share of relationships in the past years after Jeongyeon decided to move out. None of them lasted more than a month because she was too weak to carry the burden of her past alone. She was sure that getting involved and then getting hurt was going to be a constant cycle in her life, but for some twisted reason, Nayeon was completely okay with that. Maybe she just wanted some proof that she really was too messed up to handle. It was like she needed others to hurt her so she could feel better about herself.

No one had ever held her wrist and told her she could stay.

“Look, I try not to be impulsive with my feelings, but I can’t help it, and this has pushed people away before,” Dahyun kept going. “I’m… I’m autistic and I’m pretty sure I’m incapable of lying to someone’s face without having a panic attack, so trust me when I tell you that I don’t want you to go. I just… I always thought that you tasted like freedom. You’ve given me sensations that I’ve never felt before with anyone, and I don’t want this to end. Not because of this. Not because you don’t think you deserve to be loved, because— you deserve so _much_.”

The silence could be cut with a knife. Both women stared at each other, unmoving, too scared of breaking first.

The sudden smell of something burning broke the spell, and Dahyun jumped as she yelled ‘shit, my bacon!’ and ran to the stove.

Nayeon was still speechless and felt her legs giving in.

Dahyun managed to control the situation, and once she returned to the living room, Nayeon was sitting on the couch with her legs pulled towards her chest and her head buried in both arms. The sobs were quiet, but they were there, and Dahyun immediately sat down next to her and started rubbing her back. “It’s okay.”

“I burned Jeongyeon on purpose.” Nayeon mumbled.

Dahyun didn’t say anything for a moment, and then spoke softly. “When I was little, I baked a pie for my teacher, but tripped and dropped it on the floor in front of her. The whole class laughed at me.”

“I was forced to perform in front of strangers for years in a swimsuit.”

“On my first job interview, my socks didn’t match.”

“I fucked my sister, and I’m still doing it.”

“My first kiss was with a boy and I said ‘ew’ right to his face when it was over.”

Nayeon’s shoulders trembled with that, and Dahyun wasn’t really sure if she was laughing or crying, but probably both.

Nayeon lifted her head finally, and looked at the TV with tired eyes and tear-stained cheeks. “Why are you telling me these things?”

“Because they were also bad things that happened in my life.”

“But… they’re not…”

“Terrible? They were to me.” Dahyun adjusted herself in the couch. “I wasn’t able to react normally around people when I was younger. Sometimes I still can’t. Everything slightly upsetting made me incredibly sad, and I always ended up crying my eyes out because of it. Everything looked a thousand times worse than they actually were.”

Nayeon rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand as she listened.

“I’m telling you this because I want to share experiences with you. Good and bad. Like when I took you on a ride and showed you the river, or when you puffed out smoke into my lungs on our first kiss, or when we danced yesterday. I feel good when we do things together, and when we share moments together.” Dahyun got closer and touched shoulders with the girl next to her. “I told you I wanted to know you, and that means the bad things too. I had upsetting things happening to me too, and if you want… I can share them with you. I just want us to share experiences, and get closer because of it. Bit by bit.”

The smell of burned bacon and the sound of the TV didn’t make for a pleasant combination, but it somehow managed to calm Nayeon down a bit. “Why would you want that? Why would you want this burden on you?”

Dahyun kept quiet for a bit, and frowned, as if it was incredibly obvious. “Because… your problems are not a burden for other people. You should be able to share, and find someone who accepts this part of you,” Then, she stretched her neck and placed a gentle kiss on Nayeon’s cheek. “So you can accept it yourself.”

The kiss was so unexpected that Nayeon felt her insides overflowing. She had always felt like a monster, because Mirischia made her hate herself instead of hating the one who put her through this.

_“Mother is so nice, and this is the thanks she receives? Why are you disappointing Mother?”_

Nayeon could say with certainty that she hated Mirischia, but she could also say that she hated herself more. For being weak, for almost blinding Jeongyeon, for still being attached to the gifts she received, for being unable to let Jeongyeon go even when she was seeing other people, even when they were supposed to be apart. Nayeon knew she was a victim, but she felt disgusted with herself every minute of her life.

And now this girl was telling her that she was not a burden. This girl, who had talked to her for barely a week, accepted the worst parts of her.

Nayeon had spent twenty years trying to accomplish that.

“You really are weird…” Nayeon mumbled through tears, and leaped into Dahyun’s arms for a hug.

They hugged for a long time, and Dahyun’s pajamas got soaked, but she didn’t move an inch. She kept whispering words of praise and kindness, and patting Nayeon’s messy blue hair while doing so.

When Nayeon ran out of tears, she shifted out of the bartender’s embrace to breathe. When she looked up, Dahyun was smiling softly, and Nayeon felt incredibly lighter. It was a feeling that she was definitely not accustomed with.

“Thank you,” Nayeon felt that those words had to be the first thing to leave her mouth. She knew that she couldn’t properly show Dahyun how thankful she was, not yet, but she vowed to keep trying.

“You’re welcome.”

Nayeon swallowed and looked down to where their hands connected, and intertwined their fingers gently. “Dahyun?”

“Hm?”

Nayeon bit her lower lip. “I’m really thirsty.”

Dahyun blinked and jumped off the couch. “Oh! Oh, goodness, you must be with a hell of a headache! Wait, don’t move, I’ll get you some water and medicine.” She scurried towards the kitchen, nearly tripping on the carpet on her way and Nayeon couldn’t suppress a chuckle.

Of all the things she was expecting to do today, laughing wasn’t one of them.

Dahyun truly was something else.

\--

“Good afternoon, you’ve called The Black Swan. This is Chaeyoung, how can I help you today?”

Chaeyoung’s voice was cheerful and very enthusiastic as she answered her tenth call that day. So far, every single one of the people who had called decided to schedule an appointment with either Jihyo or Mina, based on Chaeyoung’s description of each artist’s style. Mina had been assigned to sit with her at the reception on her first day to assess the situation, and was fairly pleased to see how perky the girl was on the phone.

“Yes, absolutely! Do you have a design in mind?”

Mina observed her each and every movement, because that was just how she was. Everything had to be perfect, and she intended to keep it that way. So far, Chaeyoung’s only mistake was getting a woman’s name wrong, which she quickly corrected on the system.

“Alright, I can schedule you for… tomorrow, 4pm. What do you say? Perfect! I’ll see you then. Have a lovely day!” Chaeyoung hung up and immediately typed the data on the computer. “And that makes it… ten out of ten. Not bad for the first day of business, eh?”

“Yes, I admit that you’re quite well versed,” Mina grinned softly, shifting on the chair next to her. “It’s a shame no one walked in so far, though…”

“They’re probably intimidated. Trust me, new businesses tend to run slow on the first week.”

“You sure seem to know a lot about opening a business.”

“I’ve worked everywhere, remember?” Chaeyoung grinned and took a pen to scribble on a piece of paper. “Plus, we have five people scheduled for tomorrow, so we can expect some customers soon.”

“Right.” Mina nodded, and both women kept quiet.

This would normally be the time where Chaeyoung would start a casual conversation to try to know her crush better, but since Mina was her boss, she couldn’t be blunt like usual. This time, she had to be Smooth Chaeng.

“Can I ask you something?” Operation, begin. “These wings on your back. Do they mean something?”

“Oh,” Mina instinctively turned around to stare at her own tattoo. “You could say that. Every tattoo I have has a meaning.”

“So, you have others?” New info, good.

“Quite a few.” Mina replied neutrally, then turned back again to focus on the people outside, waiting for someone to walk in. Chaeyoung hummed and kept quiet for a bit before speaking again.

“What other tattoos do you have? If you don’t mind me asking,” She bit her pen, pretending to be shy. “I’m just really interested in things like that.”

This seemed to grab Mina’s attention, and she tore her eyes from the street to finally pay attention to her.

“Oh, well…” She hesitantly lifted her shirt above her left hipbone and Chaeyoung thought she was going to strip right there for a moment. The letters L. S. were inked neatly on her skin. “I have some initials on my hip. Ballerina shoes on my left thigh, broken chains and a cross on my right.”

Chaeyoung tried to figure out what those could mean – maybe she used to be a ballerina? She certainly looked elegant enough for it; but then again, why would a promising dancer give everything up to open a tattoo parlor? Perhaps it had something to do with the broken chains and the cross. Was Mina the religious type? The initials intrigued Chaeyoung the most, those were always super personal. She wanted to get to the bottom of it. Maybe during a date. Or under the sheets.

No, Smooth Chaeng had to move slowly. This was her boss, and she didn’t want to disappoint Dahyun by getting fired so soon.

“These initials are beautiful,” She wasn’t saying that just to impress Mina; the tattoo really was incredibly well-done for simple letters. “Did you tattoo it yourself?”

“No. Someone else did it for me.” Mina pulled her shirt back down in a haste, and turned away from Chaeyoung’s inquiring expression. “So, about the clients for tomorrow…”

Okay, as she thought, the initials were a touchy subject. Chaeyoung cursed herself mentally for her lack of tact, and both started discussing the plans for tomorrow’s clients. After that, Mina called Jihyo and the three of them got into planning the best marketing strategies for their Facebook page and Instagram.

As the conversation went on, Chaeyoung stole a sneaky glance towards Mina and Jihyo, watching the way they interacted. They seemed to be so comfortable around each other and always in absolute sync. A sudden thought struck her.

Were Mina and Jihyo dating?

Oh well.

Not that it mattered for Smooth Chaeng.

\--

Nayeon reached for her jacket pocket when she heard the beeping sound of her cellphone, walking down the condiment’s aisle at the supermarket. She hesitantly looked at the screen, but immediately relaxed when she realized it was Dahyun. “Hello?”

 _“Hey!”_ Her voice was cheerful as always, and Nayeon smiled.

“Hi,” She replied, tilting her head towards her shoulder to hold the phone in place. With both hands free, Nayeon grabbed a sauce from the shelf. “What’s up?”

 _“Nothing, I just wanted to hear your voice.”_ Dahyun replied, then added instantly, _“Was this too sappy? I’m sorry.”_

Nayeon felt her stomach flip, and chuckled. “Don’t be sorry. I love it when you say these things.”

 _“Oh.”_ Something made a creaking sound on the background and Nayeon knew that the bartender was once again speaking from her squeaky bed. _“Okay.”_

There was silence afterwards, but not an awkward one. She felt at ease knowing that Dahyun was on the other side, probably just relaxing as she waited for her shift. The fact that the girl’s first thought upon waking up was to call her made Nayeon’s cheeks redden. “What are you doing right now?”

 _“Waking up.”_ It was 5pm on a Thursday, so that was to be expected. _“Chaeyoung should be here in a few, I wanted to talk to her before leaving.”_

“How’s her job at the parlor?” Nayeon frowned, trying to choose between the most expensive brand, or the one she liked the most. Dinner was going to be special tonight – Ryujin’s friend Heejin was going to visit, and by Ryujin’s detailed description of her, the girl looked like she ate fancy food every day. But then again, she seemed to hate the fact that she did. Nayeon put the expensive brand back on the shelf and picked her favorite.

 _“Going great,”_ Dahyun moved again, inciting another sound. _“The store already has a lot of customers because of her advertising. Who knew, banging half the town turned out to be useful.”_ Then she paused, horrified. _“I shouldn’t have said that.”_

“It’s fine,” Nayeon walked to another aisle. “Your secrets are safe with me. I mean, you already know mine.”

 _“Right…”_ Another silent beat, then, _“What about you? Doing anything?”_

“I’m at the supermarket. Ryujin’s friend is coming over for dinner.”

_“Ryujin?”_

“Oh,” She had been so sure that Dahyun knew everything about her life that she forgot she never mentioned Ryujin at all. “A friend. A teenage girl who lives with me.”

 _“Cute!”_ Nayeon snorted at the word. _“Am I bothering you?”_

“Never,” She smiled and turned to look for some pasta. Everybody loved pasta, so that was what they decided to cook that night. Ryujin had run off to look for ingredients for dessert, which was the most exciting part of dinner apparently, so Nayeon was in charge of the actual healthy food. “Say, what kind of pasta do you like the best?”

_“Hmm… Instant noodles?”_

Nayeon laughed. “I’m serious!”

 _“Me too!”_ Dahyun grinned too. _“It’s the closest to pasta Chaeyoung and I eat.”_

“That’s not good for you, you know.”

 _“It’s so delicious, though.”_ Another squeaky sound on the background. _“Alright, let me think… spaghetti?”_

“Boring.”

_“What! It’s the best one! After instant noodles!”_

“It needs to be fancy, but not too much. Something that says… casual chic.”

 _“What kind of description is that?”_ There were so many sounds coming from her bed, Nayeon could picture her moving her legs up and down as she laid on her stomach. _“Fine, then. How about… Penne?”_

Nayeon looked for it and found a few brands in the middle shelf. She grabbed a fair-sized box and put it in her basket. “That’ll do. Thanks.”

 _“At your service.”_ She could almost hear the smirk on Dahyun’s voice, and realized that underneath the sweet act, there was something else.

Nayeon was reminded of the first time she saw her from up close; Dahyun was talking to a couple as she prepared a drink in such a casual and quirky way, that her smirk had caught Nayeon’s attention a lot. Sure, she was closer to Dahyun now, and knew her better than probably most people, but there was another side of the bartender that she wanted to explore.

Dahyun was sweet and innocent, and that wasn’t a bad thing at all. Nayeon felt safe with her and loved that about the time they spent together. There was nothing she would change about it.

But she was curious, too. She wanted to know Dahyun on her entirety as well, and that meant every facet of the girl, from innocence to lust. Nayeon could definitely see herself fantasizing with certain things Dahyun could do to her.

She wondered if this was due to her relationship with sex, or just the fact that she was only human, after all.

“Oh, are you, now?” Nayeon dared, walking towards the candy aisle to look for Ryujin.

_“Huh?”_

“At my service.” She explained, playing with her bottom lip with the tip of her tongue.

 _“Uh…”_ Dahyun was caught off guard and halted. _“Yes?”_

“That’s good to know.” Alright, that was definitely not a conversation they should have over the phone on a supermarket. “Listen, I gotta go find Ryujin. I’ll talk to you later?”

 _“S-sure! Yeah,”_ Dahyun replied. _“I’ll see if I can call you on my break. I’ll try not to call too late.”_

“Don’t worry, I’m always awake.”

 _“If you say so,”_ She chuckled. _“Bye.”_

“Bye, Dahyun.” And with that, she turned the device off. With a deep breath and a headshake, Nayeon calmed herself down and went after her friend.

\--

“I’m hom—” Chaeyoung’s greeting was interrupted by an incredibly fast Dahyun flinging herself onto her. “Woah!”

“What does ‘are you at my service’ mean?” She sounded desperate.

“Say what?” Chaeyoung grabbed Dahyun by the shirt and placed her gently on the floor.

“Nayeon asked if I was at her service, and I didn’t understand, so I said yes, but I think that was the wrong thing to say, and I’m really confused because she might have been talking about something else, but what if I had misunderstood and answered something weird and—”

“Alright, no, calm down,” Chaeyoung pushed Dahyun towards the couch and forced her to sit down with her. With both hands still on her shoulders, Chaeyoung guided her. “Organize your thoughts, start from the beginning, and take off these socks, they’re old and full of holes.”

Dahyun was about to close her eyes and breathe deeply before that last comment. “They’re my space socks and I’m never throwing them away.”

“Then I’ll just have to throw your whole self in the garbage,” Dahyun punched her arm. “Ouch, rude!”

“Piss off,” Their little banter had calmed her down and Dahyun was finally able to say what she wanted without struggling too much. “I think Nayeon was… flirting with me?”

“Uh… duh.”

“No, I mean,” She scratched her head. “I was casually talking to her over the phone a few moments ago, but then… she asked me something about pasta? And I helped her out, so she thanked me, and I said, ‘at your service’, you know, as a joke. But then she asked me if I really was at her service? And I got confused.”

Chaeyoung stared at her for a while before putting a finger on her chin, deep in though. Then, she widened her eyes. “Ohhhh...” She nodded slowly. “She wants to fuck.”

“Chaeyoung!” Dahyun’s face immediately reddened. She wasn’t sure if it was because of the way her best friend had put it, or because of the fact that this was something that she had, indeed, considered a few moments after hanging up.

“What? It’s either that or she wants to make you her personal butler-slave. I’d go for sex, personally, but that’s just me.”

“You suck.” Dahyun hugged her legs and started to overthink.

Was that what Nayeon had meant? Did she really want to take that step already? Dahyun wasn’t really sure what to think about it. Sure, they had talked for just two weeks, but the amount of affection she felt towards Nayeon during that time surpassed everything she had ever felt with her past dates. Hell, they weren’t even dating, but it felt like they were, for ages. They worked differently, Dahyun herself had said that before, so why was she so nervous about it?

Maybe because she had nearly zero experience with it. The only person she had ever slept with was sitting right next to her.

“Okay, let’s think about this,” Chaeyoung decided to stop being an ass for a second. “Did she sound flirty?”

“I guess?”

“And would you want that? If that was what Nayeon meant.”

“I…” Dahyun frowned. She didn’t really think about this stuff regularly, but she wasn’t a complete prude either. She tried to picture the two of them together, alone; dim lights, maybe a nice song playing on the background to set the mood, some kisses that got gradually more heated, her hand on Nayeon’s waist, pulling her closer, Nayeon’s cold fingertips running over her stomach and her sides, cupping a breast—

Okay.

“…Yes.”

“Then you’ve got nothing to worry about,” Chaeyoung smiled and got up, stretching. “You know what I always say: sex is like double-dipped chocolate crust ice cream; it just makes everything twice as enjoyable. If both of you are okay with it, then go for it.”

“You and I are completely different when it comes to such matters, Chaeng.” Dahyun deadpanned.

“Is Nayeon, though?”

Dahyun had no answer for that. She knew many things about Nayeon now; her life and her past, and the things that made her sad or happy, but this side of her was a complete mystery. But wasn’t Dahyun the one who said that she wanted to share experiences with her? Having sex was one of them. Eventually. Definitely.

“Aren’t we moving too fast, though…?” This was still a concern to her.

“Yeah, you’re asking the wrong person,” Chaeyoung couldn’t help a soft laugh. “They don’t call me One-Night Stand Chaeng for nothing.”

“No one calls you that.”

“You’d be surprised,” Her smile wavered, but she soon pulled herself together. “Anyway, that’s my advice. Take it or leave it, it’s your call.”

Dahyun sighed because Chaeyoung was ultimately right. It was her choice, and if Nayeon wanted that, then they should talk about it. Dahyun definitely wouldn’t be opposed to the idea.

“I’m gonna take a shower.” She finally announced, ruffling her hair, her cheeks still pink.

“Have fun!” Chaeyoung yelled, and dodged as a space sock made its way to her face.

\--

One step to the right, then one to the left. A few steps back when Ryujin walked to the other side of the balcony with a hand full of whipped cream and a cheek smeared with chocolate, then another step forward as she tried to finish cutting the mushrooms.

Nayeon sometimes cooked some grilled cheese for herself when she decided to eat at home, but she had never tried so hard to make a serious plate. The taste needed to be decent, at least, but there were so many things to time, and cook, and cut and— it felt like a dance, and she was getting tired.

“Coming through!” Ryujin moved over to her spot once again and Nayeon almost tripped on her legs.

“Sorry!”

“It’s okay!” The girl smiled, wiping her face. It didn’t help, she just got dirtier, and Nayeon snorted as she stared at her.

“Come here,” She cleaned the girl’s cheeks with a towel. “There, much better.”

“Thanks!” Ryujin giggled. “Cooking with you is so fun. I hope Heejin likes our Special Cheese ‘n Mushrooms Triple Tomato Taste Pasta.”

“That’s quite a name,” Nayeon leaned against the counter to take a break. The pasta was already boiling, as well as the tomato sauce. All she needed to do was add the mushrooms to the pan and then cut some cheese to put on top. Ryujin had come up with this idea, and she was trying her very best to not ruin this. Heejin always made her happy, and Nayeon wanted to give the girl a good impression.

“The fancier the name, the tastier it’ll be. That’s what dad says.” Ryujin stretched her arms, excitedly. “I hope that my Chocolate Whipped Waterfall Deliciousness makes it through.”

The dessert was in the oven now, and Nayeon had absolutely no idea what would come out of it since she’d been too busy with her side of things. “I’m sure it will. Who doesn’t like chocolate?”

“Right?” Ryujin smiled right at her and Nayeon felt warm.

She was truly lucky to have met someone like Ryujin, especially at the situation she was in back then. Nayeon was hitting rock bottom, and it felt like the girl had descended from heaven just to stop her from doing something stupid. It’s been almost a year since Ryujin decided to move in with her, and sometimes Nayeon wondered what exactly fate had in store for her if it was sending angels at the toughest times. Maybe she was just supposed to keep going. The thought might’ve been regarded as depressing, but it calmed her down for some reason.

“Hey, Ryujin?” Nayeon mumbled, looking at the sink.

“Yeah?”

“Do you think Heejin is going to like me?”

Ryujin tilted her head and moved to touch shoulders with her. “Of course she will.”

“Really?”

“Really, really.”

Nayeon smiled and nodded. “Okay.” She stepped away from the counter taking a deep breath, and nodded to herself. “Let’s finish our pasta.”

“Yes, chef!”

They worked for one more hour in between laughs and teases, and when the clock struck seven, the doorbell rang. Nayeon almost dropped the hot pan by how startled she was, but luckily, she managed to steady her arms.

Ryujin was frenetic, and jumped off the counter the second the sound went off. “I’m coming!”

Nayeon smiled and placed the food on three plates, trying to serve the same amount to each one. Then she put the pan down and grabbed the sauce, which had been resting for a bit, together with the sliced cheese. Carefully adding the last ingredient to the mix, she placed a delicate leaf of parsley on the side of each dish because she remembered seeing a chef doing the same on the cooking show she had watched with Dahyun.

Grinning fondly at the memory, Nayeon looked at the clock. It was still pretty early, Dahyun would probably just call her past nine. She felt giddy at the thought and almost reached for her back pocket to send the girl a message, but felt like it would be silly.

“Nayeon! Heejin is here!” Ryujin called for her and she walked over to the kids.

“Hello,” Nayeon waved a bit nervously as she approached.

“Oh, hello! It’s very nice to meet you!” Heejin bowed politely, apparently as anxious as she was. She wore a cute pastel green shirt and black pants, and looked exactly how Nayeon had imagined her. Adorable, polite, and intelligent. “Ryujin told me so much about you.”

“Oh, did she?” Nayeon smirked teasingly.

“O-only good things, of course!” Heejin quickly mended, afraid of causing problems to her best friend.

“I hope so,” Nayeon laughed softly. She knew that there was not a single ounce of menace on Ok Ryujin’s body, but years of being watched and talked about behind her back made Nayeon rub her elbows, guardedly.

She changed the subject, not wanting to show any signs of discomfort on Ryujin’s special night. “Did she tell you what we have for dinner tonight?”

“No, she didn’t! I kept asking for days, but she wouldn’t budge.” Heejin poked Ryujin’s sides, pretending to be mad.

“If I did, it wouldn’t be as tasty. The more mysterious the food, the tastier it gets. It’s what dad always says.” She poked Heejin back and both girls started a tickle fight that ended up with both laughing.

Nayeon smiled at them and excused herself to bring the plates to the table. As soon as Heejin saw the beautifully presented dishes, she stopped and genuinely gaped.

“Dinner’s served,” Nayeon announced, and both girls climbed their chairs enthusiastically.

Heejin asked for permission to take a picture of the food, which was immediately granted by both Nayeon and Ryujin at the same time. As soon as Heejin was done, the three dug in.

Widening their eyes, both kids let out a “It’s so good!”, and Nayeon chuckled, relieved.

The meal went by pleasantly. Heejin and Ryujin chatted and made sure to include Nayeon in every conversation, going as far as explaining every single inside joke they had to make sure she wouldn’t feel excluded. Heejin asked some things about Nayeon too, like what kind of shampoo she used to take care of her dyed hair, and how long did it take to discolor it. Nayeon answered all of her curiosities with a soft smile and asked if she was thinking about dyeing her hair as well.

“My mom would kill me.” Heejin replied with a nervous laugh.

“Oh, that’s a shame,” Nayeon replied. “But if you ever want to try, I’ll be happy to give you some tips.”

“T-thank you!” She stuttered as a blush made its way to her cheeks.

As soon as the first meal was done, Ryujin walked into the kitchen to get dessert. She asked to go alone, because she wanted it to be a surprise to both Heejin and Nayeon, so the two of them sat in silence for a while.

Nayeon didn’t know how to start a conversation, so the atmosphere was awkward for a couple of minutes. She wondered what kind of topic she could engage with someone who was probably much more intelligent than her and who hadn’t been homeschooled by a circus witch. She decided to go with something that she’d learned a few days back.

“Say, Heejin?”

“Y-yes!”

“Did you know people can’t walk on planet Jupiter?”

They spent a good amount of time talking about space, which was apparently not Heejin’s area of expertise. Nayeon tried to remember all the facts that Dahyun had told her, but she wasn’t too good at it. For a while they just pondered if there was life outside of Earth – the answer, both agreed, was yes. Nayeon could almost hear Dahyun’s voice in her ear, explaining all her reasonings for it, matter-of-factly. She giggled unconsciously at that, and then Ryujin returned.

“Ladies and ladies!” She boomed, dramatically. “Ok Ryujin’s Chocolate Whipped Waterfall Deliciousness is! Served!”

The plate was a single huge broken chocolate soufflé, filled with whipped cream to the top. Melted chocolate leaked through every corner, really looking like a waterfall, and Nayeon gasped at the size of it.

Heejin just took another picture sneakily and mumbled, “The calories...”

But in the end, it didn’t matter, because the three of them ate absolutely everything.

“If I don’t make it… tell Nayeon… that I forgot to water the plants yesterday…” Ryujin laid on the couch after they were done taking the plates to the kitchen, and dramatically reached for the ceiling. Her stomach as bloated and her face was once again smeared with chocolate.

“No, Ryujin! Not the plants!” Heejin grasped her hand tightly, and closed her eyes. “They need water, or else photosynthesis is not effective!”

“Goodbye… cruel world…” And with that, Ryujin let out a ‘bleh’ and dipped her face to the side. Heejin tried to keep the act going, but Ryujin’s stomach made a terrific sound and both of them broke laughing.

Nayeon, who was on the kitchen washing the dishes, smiled at the cheerful sound coming from the living room. These two had really brightened up her day, and she was glad to have met Heejin.

Looking up to the clock, Nayeon bit her lip. It was 9:14pm, so Dahyun must have been starting her shift. Since it was Thursday, the pub wouldn’t start to get crowded so early in the night. She told herself to calm down and wait for Dahyun’s call, but as time went by, Nayeon just got more and more eager to hear her voice. She was feeling so happy, and she wanted to associate this feeling with the blonde, so she decided that she’d call her once she finished the dishes. It didn’t take long, and five minutes later she left the kitchen.

“I’ll be upstairs, yell if you need me.” Nayeon announced as Heejin and Ryujin watched a movie basically leaning on top of each other.

“Okay!” Both answered in unison, and Nayeon went to her room.

She closed the door and leaned on it, taking her phone from her pocket. There were no new messages or missed calls, and she sighed in relief. Sometimes she forgot to check on purpose because of Jeongyeon, but lately she’d been really excited to receive a call. Nayeon searched for Dahyun’s number, but stopped a second before hitting dial. She felt a bit silly for wanting to call the bartender so early in her night. Shouldn’t she wait? Dahyun said she’d call, and Nayeon didn’t want to disturb her.

Placing her cellphone on the table, Nayeon made her way to her bed and laid down. She could be patient if she wanted to. Ryujin and Heejin were watching TV, she had cleaned the kitchen, there was nothing important to do, things looked peaceful for once. She turned to face the white wall next to her bed and stared at the cigarette stain there.

A few years ago, she used to mark that spot on the wall when she was feeling alone for some reason, and it never washed off. Nayeon brought her fingertips to touch the rough surface, not really thinking about anything. She didn’t usually spend her nights at home – mostly Nayeon just wanted to stay out of that house for as long as possible. When she wasn’t visiting bars and night clubs at the city center, she was at Jeongyeon’s. It wasn’t a really healthy lifestyle, but it was the only one she had. Until Dahyun.

Nayeon really wanted to go to the pub.

Sliding her thumb over the stain, she closed her eyes and rested for a bit. A few minutes later, she got up, deciding to smoke outside on her balcony.

She opened her window and walked out. The moon was high in the sky, pretty but not full, and she lit up her cigarette. That was probably the first time in months she smoked on her balcony. It’s not like she didn’t like the place; the soft early fall wind ruffled through her hair and she could see her beautiful garden from up there. She just wasn’t used to exploring her own house. It just irked her, knowing that the place she lived in was a gift from the witch.

More time passed, and still no sign of Dahyun. Nayeon’s cigarette had burned entirely, and she tossed it on the ground, making her way back in. She wondered what the kids were doing, since it was already past ten. Maybe Heejin had decided to sleep over. Honestly, she wouldn’t be surprised if both of them had fallen asleep in the middle of the movie. Ryujin did that a lot.

11:00pm. Matthew was probably DJ’ing. Nayeon wondered what kind of music he would play that night.

12:00am. Nayeon decided to go downstairs to check on the kids, and smiled upon seeing them exactly as she expected: sleeping on top of one another with the TV still on. She turned it off and covered both of them with a blanket, adjusting Heejin and Ryujin’s heads to fit on a pillow. Carefully, she made her way back up and closed the door again. The girls were asleep, she was alone, and the house was way too quiet. She was starting to feel fussy.

It was 1:00am when her phone finally rang. She was sure she’d never picked it up so quickly before. “Hello?”

 _“Hey!”_ Dahyun’s voice was muffled by the blasting sound of music on the background. _“Wait, I’ll go to the staff room, it’s too noisy here!”_

Nayeon smiled involuntarily. “Alright.”

The song on the other side of the line got progressively lower, until there was barely a sound. _“Much better. Can you hear me okay?”_

“Yeah,” Nayeon answered. She was feeling extremely giddy all of a sudden and sat on her bed. “Couldn’t wait to reach the staff room to call me?”

 _“Uh… not really,”_ Dahyun replied with a nervous laugh. _“I’ve been wanting to call you since I got here, but today is a special event. I completely forgot that I had to help Sana set up some decorations.”_

“Oh, I see.” This made her feel a little better by not calling before. “How is the party?”

_“Pretty great! Matthew set up a really cool list for today and there are so many people I’ve never seen before. Tomorrow is gonna be even better.”_

“I’ll try to go, then.” Nayeon let her body fall to the side as she talked in the dark.

_“Yes, please do! You’ll love it.”_

“You’ll be there, of course I’ll love it.”

Dahyun breathed out a giggle. _“Have you been talking to Chaeyoung? Such a sap.”_

“You’re a sap all the time!” Nayeon protested.

 _“That’s because I live with Chaeyoung.”_ Dahyun rebutted. Nayeon rolled her eyes.

“Alright, fair enough.”

_“How did dinner go?”_

“Pretty good. Heejin is a sweetheart.” She rolled over. “That’s Ryujin’s friend, by the way. A girl who lives nearby.”

 _“You seem to be popular with kids.”_ Dahyun teased.

“What can I say? I have a friendly face.” She never thought she’d be saying that about herself, but Dahyun made her mind flutter.

_“You have a pretty face.”_

“Oh, who’s a sap now?” Nayeon licked her lips, smiling at the compliment. God, this girl.

 _“It just came out,”_ Dahyun apologized. _“It’s true, though. You’re really pretty.”_

“Thanks…” Rolling one more time, Nayeon was on her back. “I think you’re pretty, too.”

_“I’m just a nerd.”_

Nayeon laughed. “Nerds are hot.”

There was a pause as Dahyun’s entire face heat up and she suddenly remembered Chaeyoung’s conversation with her prior to this. Was Nayeon flirty again? Or was this just friendly banter? God, she hated not being able to distinguish people’s tones. In her panic, she said the first thing that came to mind. 

_“You’re hot.”_ Then she punched a wall.

The blue-haired girl didn’t seem fazed, however. If anything, she was pleased with how this conversation was going. “Pretty and hot? Two compliments in one night, wow.”

 _“Y-yeah, that was totally what I meant to say and not an embarrassing thing that came out of my mouth whatsoever.”_ The more she talked the more she dug her own grave, but Dahyun was far too deep now to feel ashamed.

Honestly, Nayeon just found her more and more endearing as they spoke. The conversation kept going for a while, and when she asked if Dahyun didn’t need to go back to work, the blonde just replied that they had hired another bartender for this special event.

_“I have another hour or so.”_

“Really? That’s good.” Nayeon’s mind wandered to her subtle comment back at the supermarket and she decided that she wanted to resume that line of thought. She had an hour, and Dahyun was apparently alone, so this was a good opportunity for her to test the waters. “Say, what’s this room you’re in? Everything is so quiet.”

_“Oh, the staff room. It’s way on the back of the pub, with a soundproof door. Only the staff members have access to it, we normally store stuff in here for events and whatnot. It’s the best place for a break.”_

“You should take me there sometime.”

_“Huh?”_

“You know, for some privacy.” Nayeon bit her lip, hoping this wasn’t too straightforward. She didn’t want to scare the girl; if she saw signs of discomfort, she would immediately back off.

Dahyun’s eyes widened and she swallowed very hard _. “S-sure. Though it’s not like it’s that private, staff members can walk in and out at any time.”_

“Oh, okay.” Alright, this was awkward. “Never mind, then.”

 _“But…”_ Dahyun continued. _“If we were to have some privacy. What would you like to do?”_ She was not going to make a fool out of herself this time with oblivious remarks. That had been a pretty obvious sign of where the girl was trying to get at, and Dahyun wanted to take this bait that had been thrown at her. This could lead somewhere.

“Oh?” Nayeon’s grin widened and she brought one leg towards her body, hugging it with a free arm. “I don’t know, we never really had many chances of spending time alone in a room. I guess… I just wish we could kiss longer.”

 _“That can be arranged.”_ Kissing was simple enough.

“I want to be able to remember how it feels like. Kissing you.” Nayeon wet her lips, which were suddenly very dry. “It’s a nice memory to have when I’m alone.”

Oh, okay. So this is where they were going. _“…Likewise.”_

“Do you have something in mind?” Nayeon wasn’t going to be the only one talking. She was starting to feel a bit embarrassed, even though she was the one who started this whole thing in the first place.

 _“Several,”_ Dahyun only blurted out, her head running a thousand miles an hour, and every single thought was starting to get borderline inappropriate. _“Uh— I mean! Yeah, d-definitely, I’m just… a bit nervous.”_

“It’s okay. We don’t have to rush this.”

 _“But I do,”_ Dahyun had to sit down on one of the room’s chairs to stop from shaking. _“Want this, I mean. Wait, is this what we’re talking about? I’m sorry, it’s just… really hard for me to understand subtlety.”_

Nayeon blushed, but smiled at that. She kept forgetting that she needed to be very honest with this girl, so she decided to be. “Sex? Yeah.”

 _“Oh, okay,”_ Dahyun felt the blood flow to her face. _“Now that we’re in the same page. Yeah, definitely.”_

“Have you thought about it? With me?”

 _“…Not before this, honestly.”_ Dahyun felt like she was ruining the mood. _“But I am now. Uh… thinking about it.”_

“Right now?”

_“…Yes.”_

“Oh,” Nayeon had a sudden thought, and munched on her cheek. “Me too. What are you thinking about? Tell me.” She turned around and put her phone on speaker on the lowest volume; Ryujin and Heejin were still sleeping downstairs, after all.

 _“Uhh…”_ Dahyun looked around instinctively, but there was no one in the room. _“…Kissing you. A lot. Touching you, too.”_

“Where?”

Dahyun was either about to have a stroke, or she was starting to get turned on by how incredibly husky Nayeon’s voice was. Probably both. _“…Your waist. I want to pull you towards me first. You seem to like that.”_

And she did, but just because Jeongyeon’s possessiveness usually turned her on. She wasn’t going to say that, though, so she just closed her eyes and imagined Dahyun doing it. “Okay. What else?”

_“…I’d slide a hand under your shirt. Just take my time to feel your skin.”_

Nayeon lifted her shirt a bit so her stomach was exposed. She traced a finger there, gentle and slow. “It feels nice.”

“Feels—? Ohhh,” Dahyun wanted to punch herself in the face for not getting what exactly Nayeon was doing until now. This was something terrifyingly new for her; she was not good at expressing herself accurately at all. Dahyun always thought that physical contact was the best way for her to get her thoughts and feelings across, so dirty talking over the phone had not ever, in a million years, gone through her head.

Also, she was in the middle of her shift. There was no way this would end up well.

“I wish I was touching you, too.”

That one sentence, in a low, seductive voice, was all Dahyun needed to say ‘to hell with it’, and indulge Nayeon. _“Let’s focus on you, first.”_ She could not believe she was doing this. Chaeyoung was going to have a field day with this story.

The suggestion made Nayeon smile. “Alright.”

 _“Um…”_ How the hell was she going to do this without sounding like a fool? _“What are you wearing?”_

“A black sleeveless shirt, jeans.”

_“That’s it?”_

“I could be wearing less,” Nayeon’s sultry tone made all the hairs on Dahyun’s neck stand.

 _“Yeah, you could.”_ She tried to close her eyes and picture the girl taking off one of her garments. _“I mean, what are pants even good for, you know?”_

Nayeon giggled and sat up to unbutton her jeans. “You’re right. Bye, pants.” She slid them down carefully and tossed them on the floor. Her room was fairly warm, so she didn’t have to worry about getting cold. “Ah, freedom.”

 _“Heh,”_ Dahyun couldn’t help but smirk. She was still nervous, she wasn’t going to deny that, but Nayeon sounded so relaxed and casual that she was starting to relax too. _“I think I’d go back to touching your sides, now.”_

“Okay.” Nayeon laid back down and resumed the gentle strokes on her ribs, moving to her belly button, then to the other side. The feeling of the bed sheets on her bare legs gave her a whole new sensation now, and she blushed a bit. “Would we be kissing, too?”

 _“Always,”_ Dahyun licked her lips, her eyes still closed. _“Kissing you is still the best part.”_

Nayeon smiled at that, letting her mind fantasize about the girl in the room with her. “Hmm.”

 _“I think I’d get curious after a while,”_ Dahyun rubbed her feet together. _“Maybe… slide my hand upwards?”_

Nayeon did, landing her flat palm right in between her breasts on top of her bra. With a thick swallow, she spoke. “I’d let you explore anything you like.”

 _Holy shit_ , Dahyun thought as she chewed her bottom lip. _“I think… your shirt is stopping me from doing that.”_

Nayeon felt extremely constrained in her garment all of a sudden and arched her back to take it off. This time she wasn’t as gentle as with her pants, and pretty much tossed the shirt on the floor. Upon touching her bare back on the sheets again, she shuddered with the silk rubbing on skin. “Not—” She exhaled. “Not anymore.”

 _“Oh.”_ Alright, so if Dahyun was imagining things right, she was talking to Nayeon while the girl was on her underwear, alone in her room, probably doing to herself whatever Dahyun asked her to. This realization was almost too much for her gay heart to bear. _“Then… I guess I can touch your breasts now.”_

“Please do,” Nayeon cupped both boobs with her hands and squeezed softly. The sensation was immediate, and okay, maybe she was more turned on than she previously thought. “But you know… I’m still wearing my bra.”

 _“Not for long,”_ The bartender imagined herself moving to kiss Nayeon’s cheek, then neck, and finally her shoulder. She remembered something she thought was fun to try, and spoke hoarsely. _“Cause I’m taking it off with my teeth.”_

Nayeon bit her lip and muttered a curse under the breath, closing her eyes as she slid the bra straps down her shoulders. Finally, completely free, her nipples hardened as the undergarment fell down next to the other clothes. “Much better.”

 _“Hey, uh… are you lying down right now?”_ It came to Dahyun’s attention that she really didn’t know which position Nayeon was in as they spoke.

“Yeah, on my back.” She resumed squeezing her breasts with a smirk. “What about you?”

 _“I’m just sitting.”_ Dahyun looked over at the clock. _“Shit, I just have another 15 minutes.”_

“I’ll be done before that on my current situation,” Nayeon put bluntly, sending a shiver down Dahyun’s spine.

 _“Oh yeah?”_ She exhaled. She very much wanted to be with Nayeon right now. _“Let’s not waste time, then.”_

“How do you want me?”

That was unfair.

_“…J-just keep lying down. Use one hand to keep touching one breast.”_

Nayeon did as she was told, and flickered a thumb on her left nipple. She exhaled a breathy whimper at the gesture, and kept moving her hardened nub in circles as she tried to speak. “And the… other?”

_“Slide it down, slowly. From one breast to your navel, then your hipbone…”_

Her hand touched each of these parts, savoring the sensation. Nayeon was never one to go slow on herself when she masturbated, because she didn’t really fantasize about anyone. Jeongyeon was just a coping mechanism, and while she did admit that the sex was good, she didn’t want to think of her face when she pleased herself. But now, with Dahyun’s low voice on her ear telling her exactly what to do, she felt like she needed to absorb the whole experience the best she could.

_“Your body so, so beautiful…”_

Nayeon wasn’t expecting that and stopped. She had never been praised during sex.

 _“I wish you could see that. Are you feeling it?”_ Dahyun didn’t know where that sudden appreciation was coming from, but she felt a need to let Nayeon know just how much beauty she saw in the girl.

“Feeling w-what?” Nayeon asked, breathless.

 _“Your whole self.”_ She explained. _“It’s what I want to do the most, you know. Feel you.”_

The girl didn’t know what to reply, but her chest felt warm. That was different, and such a Dahyun thing to randomly say in the middle of phone sex, that she genuinely smiled as her hands roamed through her whole silhouette. “…I feel it.”

 _“Good,”_ Dahyun smiled too, then licked her lips. _“Now bring one hand lower…”_

Nayeon did and came in contact with the hem of her panties. “I’m still wearing something, you know…”

_“I know. Do it over your underwear.”_

“Hng, so mean…” She whined, but was honestly loving this wicked side of the bartender. Rubbing up and down once made her abdomen flinch and Nayeon couldn’t suppress a moan. “Fuck…”

_“Do you always swear that much?”_

“Shut up…” Nayeon grinned with a blush, stroking herself. Her left hand was still playing with one nipple, and she moved it to the other breast to give it attention too. She closed her eyes, imagining Dahyun’s tongue on her nipple, and fingers on her damp panties.

_“Are you…?”_

“Wet? Yeah,” She breathed out in a soft giggle.

Dahyun’s self-restrain was off the charts; she couldn’t believe she managed to not rub her thighs together to seek some friction herself. _“Didn’t think I’d be ever doing that. Much less that it would work.”_

“T-trust me, it is…” Nayeon’s arched her back a little as her fingers worked a bit faster. “Can you let me remove my underwear now?”

_“Hmm…”_

“Please, Dahyun…”

_Dear diary, today Nayeon begged me over the phone with breathy moans. Did I manage to survive this? I don’t know. I’ll tell you once I wake up from this fever dream. Love, Dahyun._

_“God…”_ Dahyun swallowed and had to get up and pace around the room. _“Alright, take them off.”_

Nayeon tossed it away at last and sighed contently. She scratched down her chest and stomach, marking her own skin and pretending it was the bartender handling her roughly. She needed to tell her that she liked it rough once they were truly together, but for now she would just let the girl speak. “They’re off.”

Okay, Nayeon was completely naked now. Of all the things the bartender was expecting that night, that was definitely not in any of her lists.

Taking a deep breath to make sense of everything, Dahyun spoke. _“Imagine I’m hovering over you, with one thigh in between your legs. Rubbing up and down…”_

Nayeon brought a finger to her slick center and stroke slowly. She had to bite the back of her left hand to stop herself from letting out a loud sound.

_“Feels good?”_

“Y-yeah.”

_“I’m going faster now.”_

Nayeon’s fingers picked up the pace and she rubbed a gush of wetness over her nub. She was unable to control the sound “Fucking hell,” She panted against her hand, her eyebrows creasing.

 _“I move one hand to touch you now. Dipping one finger inside… then two.”_ Dahyun grabbed her shirt as she spoke, leaning against the wall. The sounds of Nayeon’s raspy moans were way too much for her to handle. Despite the embarrassing situation, she couldn’t stop; she craved those sounds, and she wanted Nayeon to moan more, faster. _“Harder.”_

“Dahyun…” Nayeon lifted her hips to the rhythm of the fingers inside her, moving in tandem. She was growing closer, and tilted her head to the side to groan. With a free hand, Nayeon brought her fingers to her throat and pressed down softly. She imagined Dahyun holding her, moving in and out, whispering sweet nothings in her ear as she scratched her throat, hard. “Sh— shit.”

 _“You close?”_ Dahyun was breathing heavily herself, her heart beating stupidly fast.

“Y-yeah, I’m—” She touched a sensitive spot and arched her hips. “Ah—”

Nayeon came with uneven breaths, biting down her hand strongly. The spasms lasted for a while as she kept stimulating herself gently, riding out the orgasm for a long time between ragged moans. Finally calming down and placing her hips back on the bed, Nayeon removed her fingers from herself and shuddered.

She exhaled a tired chuckle. “Wow.”

If Dahyun was turned on before, she sure as hell was about to die right now. _“…Wow is right.”_

Both girls kept quiet after that, absorbing what had just happened.

“Are you okay?” Nayeon was worried she might’ve scared the bartender, even though Dahyun had been very much involved in the activity.

 _“I need a really cold shower,”_ She answered. _“Was it… okay?”_

Nayeon let out a laugh. “More than okay.” She turned to the side and touched the cigarette stain on her wall. “…Thank you, Dahyun.”

 _“You’re… welcome.”_ She replied in a monotone, because honestly, she had no idea how to even keep functioning as a human being on her current situation. _“Uh… I need to go back to the bar. Somehow. I’m— I’m sorry.”_

“No, it’s okay. I’m the one who should be sorry.” God, she had probably turned on the poor girl and couldn’t even reciprocate the gesture.

 _“Don’t be. Ever. I mean—”_ Dahyun sighed and ruffled her hair. _“I gotta go. I loved this. We should do it again. But, uh, in person. Yeah, I’ll talk to you tomorrow?”_

“Okay.” Nayeon bit her lip in a smile.

 _“Okay. Yeah, goodnight!”_ And with this, Dahyun hung up.

She was sure she managed to work the rest of her shift somehow, but she had no idea how, because the only thing that kept playing in her mind as she prepared drinks for the remaining hours was Nayeon’s moans.

She needed a really, _really_ cold shower.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter preview:
> 
> “I’d recommend Jihyo for a job like this, she’s got powerful strokes and works well with watercolor.” Chaeyoung said to the client on the phone. "How about next Tuesday, at one in the afternoon? Alright, perfect! Could you please tell me your name? All done. See you next week, Jeongyeon! Bye, have a nice day.”
> 
> 04/07
> 
> Follow me on twitter @niigoki_


	8. Lesson Eight: Archaos

“Hi, welcome to The Black Swan!” Chaeyoung’s cheerful voice greeted as a customer walked into the parlor. She straightened her back, sitting up quickly, pretending that she hadn’t been on Facebook two seconds ago. But then again, managing the store’s social media was technically one of her jobs, it’s not like she was doing anything wrong. “Can I help you?”

“Hi,” The client was a short woman with short, blonde hair and a discreet piercing on her nose, and Chaeyoung swooned internally. One of the best things about her job was the people who usually came in; they were mostly women in their twenties, looking for a fresh experience and overall just curious about the shop’s aesthetics. Their appearances were quite alike, too: colored hair, piercings in different places, some with already lots of tattoos in their bodies, an incredible fashion sense. Chaeyoung fell in love at least 5 times a day, but so far, she hadn’t been daring enough to strike a deep conversation with any of them. Maybe after a few visits. “Is this the all-female parlor that opened recently?”

“Yes, it is!” Chaeyoung smiled. “I’m Chaeyoung, nice to meet you. If you have any questions, feel free to ask.”

“Oh, I see,” The woman walked towards the counter to place her purse. “Are you one of the artists?”

“No, I’m just the receptionist. Our artists are Jihyo and Mina, but they’re in a session right now. Would you like me to check and see if they’re almost done?”

“No, no, it’s fine.” The woman smiled. “I’m Wheein. I usually walk past here on my way to work, so the store caught my attention.” She grinned politely.

“It does stand out, right?”

“A lot!” Wheein was adorable, and Chaeyoung wanted to try to reel her in. “I love the pastel colors. I was actually thinking about getting a new tattoo, do you have some kind of portfolio, or…”

“Sure, right here,” Chaeyoung leaned down to grab Mina and Jihyo’s art books and handed them over. “What kind of design are you thinking about?”

Wheein checked Mina’s book first as she mumbled the details of her tattoo. “Oh, it would be a small one. Delicate, like… with thin lines?”

“I’d recommend Mina. She has a very delicate handwork. Here, let me show you some of her best works,” Chaeyoung reached over the counter to show and explain the details efficiently.

After a while, Wheein decided that she loved Mina’s style, and marked an appointment for next week to discuss the design and colors of her tattoo. Chaeyoung bid her goodbye and leaned on the counter with her head on a hand, sighing contently. Pretty girls gave her energy to keep working.

Half an hour passed, and Mina’s client opened the curtain behind the counter, done with her session. Chaeyoung perked up with a grin. “Hey, welcome back! How did it go?”

“Hurt a bit,” It was a tall woman who had requested for an origami bird on her forearm. “But it turned out amazing!” She twisted her arm to show the result to Chaeyoung, and the receptionist widened her eyes.

“She’s so good,” Chaeyoung mumbled more to herself than to the client in front of her.

Admittedly, while Chaeyoung did appreciate art in all its shapes and sizes, she tried not to get too attached to a career that wouldn’t bring her money fast. She wasn’t in a position where she had time or money to hone her craft, so she tried to avert her curiosity. But something about the way Mina created was breathtaking. It was like the woman poured all of her feelings in a single line, sketching, erasing, redrawing, so she could reach perfection. She was the definition of hard work and passion. Jihyo was, too, but her face was too hard to read most times, wherein Mina was an open book.

“You take credit, right?” The customer asked and Chaeyoung nodded, receiving the payment.

“Thank you for coming, hope to see you again!” She bid the woman goodbye and leaned back on her chair to stretch her muscles. A few moments later, Mina came out from behind the curtain with two cups of coffee in hands, offering one to Chaeyoung.

“Good work today,” She smiled and Chaeyoung’s heart fluttered.

“Thanks,” She accepted the beverage with gusto. Sleep was finding its way into her, so the drink was very much welcomed. “Loved the origami on Sooyoung’s arm. So… sophisticated.”

“I suppose you could call it that,” Mina giggled, sitting next to her and observing the people outside as she drank. They sat in a comfortable silence for a bit, appreciating the coffee break. When the phone rang, Chaeyoung rolled her chair towards it.

“Good afternoon, you’ve called The Black Swan. This is Chaeyoung, how can I help you today?” Moving towards the computer, she started typing information as the client spoke.

Mina had made a habit of watching the receptionist’s every movement whenever she was around, appreciating how hardworking she was. Chaeyoung was really good at multitasking, not to mention how convincing she managed to be when it came to reel in customers. Mina wondered if the good batch of clients they had gotten lately had been all thanks to Chaeyoung’s advertising. It probably was.

“Of course, what kind of tattoo are you thinking about?” Chaeyoung poked a tongue out as she typed, and Mina giggled softly at how adorable it was. She caught herself staring perhaps too much, and turned her attention back to the cup of coffee with a small blush.

“Oh, that’s rad. Yeah, absolutely. I’d recommend Jihyo for a job like this, she’s got powerful strokes and works well with watercolor.” Chaeyoung kept going. Mina finished her beverage, then got up with a content sigh. She touched the shorter girl’s shoulder and smiled down at her as she walked back inside, sliding her fingertips softly down Chaeyoung’s arm.

The gesture was so unexpected that the client’s voice on the other side of the line vanished for a split second. “I’m s-sorry, could you repeat that?” Chaeyoung blinked, returning her attention to the phone call. “Oh, of course! How about next Tuesday, at one in the afternoon? Alright, perfect! Could you please tell me your name? Uh-huh,” She typed down the data on the computer quickly. “All done. See you next week, Jeongyeon! Bye, have a nice day.”

\--

To say that Dahyun was a jittery mess was like saying that lava was hot – true, but to a perhaps bigger extent than people probably realized. She tried to calm down in her usual ways – riding alongside the river in the evening, watching her favorite moon landing documentary, programing useless stuff on her computer, dismantling her alarm clock just to put it back together again. Fourteen times.

Nothing so far has proved to be efficient.

And the worst thing was that she knew why she was jumpy and nervous. She knew it, and yet she was denying it for the life of her. Her excuses varied from “my room is disorganized” to “Mercury is in retrograde”, none of which truly made her feel better about the tug on her stomach. Maybe Dahyun should stop making shit up and admit it.

Nayeon’s insanely vivid moans were still playing in loop in her head. She had no idea how to face the girl.

Nayeon was going to the pub that night and the event was still going on, meaning that the bartender they hired to help Dahyun was going to be there once again. She was scheduled for an hour and a half break, and the amount of plans she had made in her head for that time frame was ridiculous. The days where she got to rest and enjoy herself in her own pub were rare, but she didn’t use to mind so much because being behind the counter was fun enough. But now that Nayeon was in her life, Dahyun didn’t want to waste a single moment where she could be together with her. They could dance, they could sing their lungs out, they could kiss.

They could sneakily visit the staff room.

“No, no, no, no, no, nope, get a grip.” Dahyun mumbled to herself, slapping her cheeks. She was an adult; she could control her sexual impulses, thank you very much. There was no way she was going to have sex with Nayeon in a small room where anyone could get in at any moment.

Well, she did have the room’s key, she could lock it just for a moment…

“No!” Dahyun shouted again, getting up with a frustrated groan. If they were going to do this, then she wanted it to be special and not rushed. That night was reserved for a good time at the dance floor, with some kisses and hugs and lots of enjoyment, and just that.

“Alright,” With a sigh, Dahyun sat back down and turned her attention back to the TV. There was no need for her to be so nervous. Nayeon would probably be just as anxious. Or not. The smoker always seemed relaxed on the outside, despite her inner fears and struggles.

But Dahyun knew her better than this. Nayeon had trusted her enough with the weight of her past, something that she fought so hard against every day, and tried her best to forget. Casual sex talk seemed so small in comparison to sharing your biggest fears with someone.

This thought calmed Dahyun down and she felt herself smiling unconsciously. God, what was wrong with her? It was Nayeon she was talking about.

And Nayeon wasn’t scary.

\--

That night was probably the most crowded in Dahyun’s entire career.

She had no idea what happened, but suddenly it seemed like the entire town was smashed together in the pub, singing loudly and laughing even louder. It wasn’t a bad atmosphere per se, but the fact that she had been running nonstop for three hours was starting to exhaust her – even with the help of the other bartender, things were chaos. Everyone apparently decided to have a drink at the same goddamn time, and the amount of alcohol she spilled accidentally on the floor at that point was getting worrying. Dahyun was sure she was going to slip at any second.

“Excuse me, coming through, please make way for food, I know you love food— Hey buddy, keep your hands to yourself or I’m gonna smack that smirk off your face real quick!” Sana tried to cut through the crowd to get to the kitchen with her empty platter and Dahyun snorted at the look she gave the man. Sana would have definitely smacked the metal object against his face if she was able to put her arms down. Finally getting behind the counter to breathe a little, she huffed. “Holy shit, that’s a lot of people.”

“Tell me about it,” Dahyun answered without looking at her. She was trying her very best to mix a Tequila Sunrise without getting bothered by the yells of drunk customers. “Hey, you didn’t happen to see Nayeon in your travels, did you?”

Sana laughed at the term. “I traveled far and wide, found many lesbians, but none of them were yours.”

“Nayeon isn’t mine,” Dahyun laughed as well. Finishing the drink, she turned to high five the waitress. “Good luck.”

“May the odds be ever in our favor,” Sana reciprocated the gesture and dove once again into the wall of people. “Coming in!”

The night went by and Jiwoo, Somin and Taehyung finally showed up at the bar. They were absolutely wasted and sweating like pigs from dancing so much, which was understandable. They wanted to be there for Matthew for as long as bearable, so when they arrived, Dahyun immediately handed them 4 bottles of water.

“Give one to Matthew!”

“Dubs, you’re the best bartender this bar has ever had, you know that?” Jiwoo stumbled on her words but managed to grab the bottles. “I could kiss you if you weren’t dating and monogamous.”

“I’m not, actually,” Then she paused, feeling the need to clarify. “Dating, I mean.”

“Aww, don’t bring my hopes up like that just to destroy them so quickly!” The girl laughed. “Where your girlfriend at?”

“We’re not—” Dahyun stopped, knowing fully well that explaining once again wasn’t going to work anyway. “She didn’t arrive yet.”

“She’s coming, though, right?” Taehyung asked, genuinely concerned that if Nayeon didn’t show up, Dahyun would have a mental breakdown of sorts.

“She said she would,” Dahyun smiled at the exaggerated apprehension. “She’s probably just lost in the crowd somewhere.”

“We should go find her!” Somin grabbed Taehyung and Jiwoo’s arms, dragging them back into the pit of doom. “We’ll be right back, Dubu Dubs!”

“You really don’t have to!” The bartender tried to argue, but the trio was already long gone. She shook her head and chuckled, then turned her attention back to the customers.

Grabbing three bottles of beer, Dahyun walked all the way to the other side of the counter and sighed, a bit frustrated that her break was probably not going to happen – not with the number of people that came out that night.

“Hey, bartender! I’ve been waiting for my Blue Hawaii for an hour, where is it?” Someone yelled from her side and Dahyun rolled her eyes.

“I highly doubt it, I don’t recall this order.”

“Oh yeah? Come and say it to my face!”

Placing the bottles down with a sigh, Dahyun turned. “I said—” The sentence was interrupted as a pair of lips pressed against hers, and she jolted backwards, startled. She was about to call the security when a blur of blue hair came into focus, and her chest almost broke out of her ribcage. “Nayeon!”

“Didn’t recognize my voice?” Nayeon smirked, quite amused at the reaction.

“It’s too damn loud today,” Dahyun replied with a blush. She was too immersed in her own thoughts to pay attention to drunk customers, but not recognizing Nayeon’s voice was quite shameful. “I’m sorry!”

“I’m kidding. Come here,” Nayeon smiled softly and Dahyun looked both ways before stepping forward. She leaned forward a bit and felt her lips touching Nayeon’s again, softly and warm. She opened her mouth without really meaning to and deepened the kiss, missing the taste of Nayeon’s tongue on hers. As soon as she felt teeth brushing her lower lip, Dahyun sighed. Unfortunately, she was quite busy, so it didn’t last as long as she wished; pulling back, Dahyun ruffled her hair shyly.

“Missed you.” Nayeon said with cheeks flushed.

“Me too,” Dahyun answered sheepishly. “I-I need to take some orders. Are you gonna stay here?”

“Yeah. I’ll make some friends, maybe. This place is crowded today.”

“I know!” She put both hands in the air, and Nayeon laughed at the reaction. “I was really looking forward to my break, too, but I don’t think it’s gonna happen.”

“It’s okay. We have time.”

Hearing Nayeon say that made Dahyun’s world spin. It was such an innocent statement, but with so much weight behind it – like Nayeon was declaring that she wanted to stay and make some memories together for a long time. It was probably silly to think like that, but Dahyun had always been a hopeless romantic. She hadn’t even told the girl how she really felt about her and was already dreaming about a future.

“Alright.” Dahyun halted and quickly pecked the girl’s lips again. “Enjoy your night.”

Nayeon smiled, “Thanks.”

As soon as she left, Nayeon propped her head up with one hand and just watched as the bartender worked, meticulously, efficiently, and passionately. Everything she did looked like a masterpiece in her eyes, and something deep in her chest fluttered, and suddenly Nayeon was really scared of admiring someone this much. It was so completely new and devastatingly real, that she called for the other bartender and ordered two shots of tequila at once to get rid of dangerous thoughts.

Perhaps dancing was in order.

After taking the shots, Nayeon got up and squeezed her way to the dance floor. Somehow, she managed to find Sana on the way and just shot her a thumbs up, receiving another in return. Finally arriving at her destination, she cleared her head and let the beat of the music guide her movements.

Matthew was boosting a rap beat, which created a heated atmosphere in the place, but she didn’t mind. Some girls approached her out of nowhere and started dancing together, doing some sort of choreographed dance. Nayeon laughed and tried to match their movements, but failed miserably. The girls applauded her efforts and waved goodbye, moving to another spot.

She accidentally bumped into someone and smiled widely when she realized it was Jiwoo. “Hey!”

“Nayeon!” Jiwoo immediately went for a crooked hug and Nayeon could tell she was drunk. “We found you! Tae, Min, I found Nayeon, we need to take her to Dubs!”

The other two nodded and Nayeon laughed. “What?”

“We promised her we’d find you amongst the people and we did!”

“I think I found you, actually.”

“Oh,” Jiwoo looked crestfallen at that, but cheered up in no time. “You did! Where’s your girlfriend?”

“Oh, me and Dahyun are not dating!” Nayeon explained quickly. The word ‘girlfriend’ sent a jolt through her body and she felt a bit nervous, so she tried to change subjects to something less complicated. “Matthew’s playlist today is great!”

“You’re not dating?” Jiwoo apparently wasn’t going to drop it. She put both hands on her cheeks, completely shocked. “No way!”

“Y-yeah, hah.” Nayeon laughed anxiously, rubbing her arm. “I can see why you’d think that, though.”

“You’re so cute together! Tae, aren’t they cute together?”

“Not as cute as Matthew,” The boy pointed to his boyfriend up on the stage and Somin followed the gesture, both sending him a shout out.

“Duh, no one is as cute as Matthew,” Jiwoo agreed and turned back to Nayeon. “Well, since you’re single, come dance with us!” She grabbed both her hands and pulled her next to the speakers. Taehyung and Somin followed, and the four of them started dancing happily together, without a single care in the world.

The song changed to a lively pop beat. The drinks weren’t enough to get Nayeon drunk, but they did make her giddy and full of energy. The party was great despite the crowd; no weirdos tried getting into their personal space, and at some point, Taehyung started breakdancing, much to everyone’s amusement. Jiwoo and Somin laughed until there were tears in their eyes, and Nayeon couldn’t help but to join. Taehyung couldn’t get up after spinning so much, and when Somin tried to help him up, she fell too. Then Jiwoo tried to help both of them, and fell as well. Nayeon grabbed her stomach; it hurt from laughing so much. She offered a hand at them after getting a hold of herself and Jiwoo and Somin reached for it – only to pull her down too.

Nayeon shrieked in surprise but didn’t hurt herself. She fell right into their embrace and the four of them started laughing again. She felt safe despite the crazy situation and buried her head on the crook of Jiwoo’s neck.

Taehyung ruffled his fingers on his hair and exhaled a happy sigh. “I’m drunk.”

“Me too,” Somin agreed.

“Me three,” Jiwoo looked down and saw Nayeon with her eyes closed and a very happy smile on her face. “Are you drunk too, cutie?”

“Nah,” She rolled to the side to look at the ceiling. The colorful lights flashed in an unspeakable speed, but Nayeon basked in the adrenaline of it all. “I might be high on music, though.”

“That’s the best feeling in the world,” Jiwoo placed a kiss on top of Nayeon’s head. “I wish Dubu was down here with us.”

“…Yeah.” Nayeon swallowed hard. Just mentioning the bartender made her heart skip a beat and she sighed. “Feelings are complicated.”

“No, they’re not,” Jiwoo, Somin and Taehyung said in unison and laughed dumbly at that.

“Why not?” Nayeon asked, curiously.

“You just gotta be honest and you’ll be fine. For example,” Jiwoo looked down at her. “I’d totally kiss you, but I won’t because it would make Dubs sad.”

“It would?” It was a dumb question.

“Yeah it would, baby.”

“Why?”

“Because she loves you, that’s why.”

Getting counseling from drunk Jiwoo while lying on the floor of a pub right next to speakers blasting loud music was a hell of a weird time, but somehow Nayeon needed this to sort out her feelings. “Oh.”

“Oh wait, she didn’t tell you that yet.” Jiwoo closed her eyes. “Oops, never mind. Just pretend you didn’t know when she does.”

“Okay.” Nayeon simply agreed because there really wasn’t much she could say at that moment. The four of them sighed together and kept still for a while before someone inevitably started yelling at them to get the fuck up. They laughed at that.

“We should really stand up, you guys.” Taehyung deadpanned, and the girls agreed. Obviously, they struggled at this task. It took them a while to actually stand up, and Jiwoo excused herself to go to the bathroom. Nayeon and Somin followed her, and a few minutes later, Nayeon found herself holding back Jiwoo’s hair as she puked in the toilet.

That was a really weird night, but one Nayeon was grateful for. At least it helped her realize a few things.

\--

Chaeyoung had to admit that she didn’t really like the junkyard when the moon wasn’t full. The surroundings of the place were already dark enough with so many rusted cars piled up on top of each other and mountains of crates and other garbage, so the brightness from the big nice ball in the sky was a welcomed sight. Alas, she couldn’t have everything she wanted, and so Chaeyoung’s flashlight guided her through the path to her relaxation.

Upon arriving at the usual spot, Chaeyoung stretched the blanket and started the cozy, warm bonfire. She plopped down with a content smile and opened her first beer, drinking the cold beverage with gusto. Looking up, Chaeyoung pouted at the lack of stars in the sky that night – the weather was cloudy, after all. She missed Dahyun’s rambling about astronomy and science, and just her best friend’s presence overall. The time they had spent together at the junkyard about two weeks ago was fun, and Chaeyoung cherished the moments they shared away from home. Sometimes she had selfish thoughts about Dahyun skipping work just to hang out, but such ideas soon disappeared; they couldn’t afford it. Maybe in the future.

“Ahh... that’s the life,” Finishing her beer, Chaeyoung lied down with her arms sprawled to the side and scratched her exposed stomach. That shirt was too small for her, but she was attached to it – Dahyun had gifted it to her.

A sudden sound made her sit up immediately and she looked over at the crates above her head a few steps away. Someone was climbing up with a flashlight in hands and Chaeyoung smiled at the now familiar silhouette. “I’m sorry miss, you can’t trespass. I’ll have to arrest you.”

The figure stopped and pointed the light towards her. Realizing that she wasn’t alone, she chuckled. “Please, officer, have mercy.”

“Oh, if you beg nicely I might,” Chaeyoung smirked and grabbed a cigarette from her back pocket. She threw the package as far as she could, hoping it would reach the woman. Incredibly, it did, and Nayeon snatched it with one hand. “Are you going to come down here or am I really gonna have to climb?”

A soft orange glow danced through Nayeon’s features as she lit up the cigarette and inhaled the smoke, then she started to make her way down. “Hold on.”

A couple of seconds later, Nayeon was sitting next to Chaeyoung and the two clinked beer cans. Both girls chugged down the drink and Chaeyoung burped loudly, making Nayeon laugh. “Bless you.”

“Thanks. I used to know how to burp the entire alphabet, but Dahyun always punched me afterwards and now I can’t. PTSD and all that.”

“Oh, that’s such a shame.”

“I know! Such bullshit,” Chaeyoung brought the cigarette to her lips.

Being alone with Nayeon for the first time like this was quite relaxing, and Chaeyoung could almost see what Dahyun meant when she said that the blue-haired girl felt like freedom. There was something untamed about her, a trait Chaeyoung really admired. She had always thought that people didn’t need to be loud and outgoing to look alive. Like Mina, who looked radiant whenever she worked on new sketches and drawings.

Honestly, lately Chaeyoung was starting to doubt her own qualities and liveliness just by being side by side with people like Nayeon and Mina. Even Dahyun looked looser than usual.

Taking another gulp, she changed subjects. “Speaking of the nerd, why are you here? I thought you’d go to the pub tonight.”

“I went yesterday,” Nayeon shifted her gaze to the sky. “I just missed this place. I used to come here a lot more often, but lately I’ve just been… busy, I guess.”

“Busy, huh.” Chaeyoung smirked. “That’s got a name and starts with a D.”

“Yeah,” Nayeon scratched the back of her neck nervously and took another sip of the beverage. “I really like spending time with her.”

“She loves talking to you, too. Won’t shut up about you, actually, it’s kind of annoying.”

“Sorry for bothering you, Miss Dollar Store Butterfly.”

Chaeyoung threw her head back and laughed loudly at that. “That was the best idea I’ve had in ages! I actually got the job because of it, did I tell you that?”

“No way.”

“Yes way. Next time you walk by The Black Swan make sure to come in. I’ll ask Jihyo to tell you how incredible my tattoos were.”

“Your boss?” Nayeon finished her drink and reached across Chaeyoung to grab another.

“One of them,” Chaeyoung leaned back and touched her back on a rusted car. “The other one is Mina. Soft, pink hair, actual angel.”

“Someone has a crush.” Nayeon smirked with a cigarette hanging out from her mouth.

“True. But hey, I’ve got plenty of those.” Chaeyoung closed her eyes and sighed. “It’s not like I can ask her out, though. She’s my boss and I really can’t be fired. It’s not fair to Dahyun.”

Nayeon nodded, understandingly. She remembered Dahyun mentioning Chaeyoung usually lasted 3 months on a job and then quitted. Maybe things would be different this time; Nayeon wished for the best for both friends.

She moved to sit next to Chaeyoung and leaned against the cold metal of the vehicle too. A comfortable silence settled between them. The crackling of the bonfire was relaxing and Nayeon felt safe with Chaeyoung by her side. She was happy they were finally talking; they’ve been silently sharing the same spot for a few months but never interacted before. And now, thanks to Dahyun, she made another friend.

Nayeon sometimes reminisced the time they first met and smiled – the conditions had been so bizarre back then. Nayeon had been amused by the jittery blonde who wouldn’t stop mumbling, and decided to make her presence known for some reason. After a twist of fate, the girl was coincidentally the bartender of this random pub Nayeon had never visited before. Nayeon didn’t believe in destiny, but it was still quite interesting.

Her heart started racing when she thought about it, so she turned her attention back to the beer.

“Want to play a game?” Chaeyoung asked suddenly, putting out the cigarette.

“Oh. Sure,” Nayeon rolled her head towards the girl, lazily.

“Okay, Never Have I Ever. You know how to play, right?”

“Not really,” And she didn’t, because there hadn’t been many opportunities to play games in her life.

“Really? Basically, I say something like… ‘never have I ever had blue hair’. If you have done the thing, you take a sip of your beer. If you haven’t, you don’t. Got it?”

“Sounds simple enough,” And with that, she drank.

“That was just an example!” Chaeyoung chuckled, elbowing her sides.

“I know, I was just thirsty.” Nayeon replied with a smug grin.

“Okay, I’ll start. Never have I ever been a vegetarian.”

None of them drank and Nayeon chortled at the specific statement. “That was random.”

“I’m creative. Your turn.”

“Hmm… never have I ever… watched Star Wars.” When Nayeon didn’t drink, Chaeyoung gaped.

“Bullshit,” She almost shrieked, genuinely shocked. “That’s like saying you’ve never watched Titanic!”

Nayeon didn’t answer and just grinned crookedly, making Chaeyoung put a hand on her chest, offended. “Holy shit, okay, I’m going to need to have a serious conversation with Dahyun about her dates.”

“We’re not really dating,” Nayeon moved her gaze somewhere else, which didn’t go by Chaeyoung unnoticed. Her overprotective senses kicked in and she raised an eyebrow.

“Oh, you’re not? Did you tell Dahyun that, cause I’m not sure she knows it.”

Nayeon noticed the sharper tone and flinched. She really hadn’t meant to sound ungrateful or anything, it was just a bit scary. “I mean, we’ve never… talked about it. I think she knows. We’re just seeing each other and enjoying each other’s company for now,” Nayeon brought the cigarette back to her mouth and inhaled the last of it. “Anyway, back to the game. Your turn.”

“Hm.” Chaeyoung side-eyed the girl, but decided to let her off the hook for now. But not without another jab. “Alright. Never have I ever had a serious girlfriend. Or boyfriend.” She drank to that, but Nayeon didn’t, which honestly didn’t surprise Chaeyoung that much. “Ohhhh, I see.”

“What?” Nayeon shifted on her spot, raising her defenses.

“Just messing with you,” Chaeyoung smiled softly. “I get it. Relationships are scary, right?”

“…Yeah.” She pushed her hair back, looking at the sky. “But hey, you had one. With someone incredible, too.”

“So she did tell you we dated.” Chaeyoung laughed. “It turned out to be a disaster, though. Don’t get me wrong, Dahyun is great, amazing even. But we just didn’t match like that, you know?”

“I understand.”

“Still, I’m glad we met. She’s different, you know,” Her grin was full of memories and fondness for the tiny blonde bartender. “Much more…”

“Bright.” Nayeon mumbled, unconsciously.

“Good word,” Chaeyoung agreed, and Nayeon blushed realizing that she had said it out loud.

It was true, though, and she wasn’t ashamed of putting it out there. Meeting Dahyun was like looking up from the bottom of the suffocating ocean and spotting a source of light for the first time in twenty years. It wasn’t something she could brush aside like it was nothing. Nayeon wished she had the courage to say these things to Dahyun one day, but it was still so hard for her to express genuine feelings. The weight of the water around her was too familiar, safe. Nayeon was absolutely terrified of reaching the surface.

But slowly, she felt like she was getting there.

“Your turn.” Chaeyoung’s voice brought her back to reality.

“Oh. Uh… Never have I ever… kissed a guy.” Both drank and giggled.

“I thought you were all into ladies.” Chaeyoung teased.

“Yeah, I realized I was after kissing said guy.”

“Savage,” She smirked and grabbed another cigarette. “Never have I ever had sex with a guy.”

Nayeon chuckled, shaking her head. “Isn’t kissing one enough?”

“Every human being of legal age is wonderful, my darling.” Chaeyoung said, drinking again.

“I’ll take this wisdom to my grave.”

“Good,” Chaeyoung felt her face heating up from the alcohol and realized that she should probably tone it down. “Okay, pick something that won’t make me drink, I actually need to get home in one piece.”

“If you beg me nicely, I might.” Nayeon smirked, repeating Chaeyoung’s words from before.

“You little shit.”

“Thanks,” She pursed her lips, deep in thought. “Never have I ever… gotten arrested.”

“I said something that wouldn’t make me drink.”

“What!”

“I’m joking!” Chaeyoung laughed and received an eyeroll in return. “Not yet, anyway. If I ever do, it’ll probably be for trespassing. Either that, or public indecency.”

“There are worst things you could get arrested for.” Nayeon stared at her hands, trying to suppress a flash of unsightly memories.

“True. Okay, uh… Never have I ever… um…”

“What happened to your creativity?”

“Shut up, I’m trying to think of something I didn’t do, but that you probably might have,” She passed her cigarette to Nayeon and the girl accepted it. “Okay, never have I ever ridden someone’s face.”

Nayeon was caught off guard at the sudden shift of the conversation, but slowly brought the beer to her lips. “You suck.”

“Yes, plenty actually.” Apparently, their dialogue was now going to be full of sexual innuendos. Despite her own twisted relationship with sex, Nayeon wasn’t bothered by it. It was familiar. Like the cold water.

“And you really want me to believe _you_ haven’t?” Nayeon doubted that.

“I’m a giver, not a taker. It’s just how I roll.” Her smirk was crooked, yet proud, and Nayeon hated her imagination. Shaking her head to get rid of thoughts involving Chaeyoung of all people, she rebutted.

“Fine. Never have I ever used a sex toy.”

“Your loss,” Chaeyoung drank, amused. “Remind me to take you to an actual sex shop one day.”

“I’ll put it on my schedule.”

“I’m serious, Dahyun will be thankful. Want to know all her little kinks?”

And with that, Nayeon felt all the blood in her body rushing to her face at once. She was surprised that she was still able to reply coherently, but when the words left her mouth, she realized that the five cans of beer she had somehow drank were probably starting to get to her.

“Yes.”

The silence was so deadly that when Chaeyoung burst out laughing, Nayeon actually jumped on her seat. “Seriously?! Oh, I’ll tell you _right now_ —”

“N-no, it’s okay! I was kidding!” She tried to fix the embarrassing situation, but Chaeyoung was clearly in the mood to spill all of Dahyun’s little secrets. Nayeon would be lying if she told her she wasn’t interested, honestly – not after what they did on the phone. “So she has kinks…” Then another thought struck her. “Wait, how do _you_ know that?”

“Uh… we dated?”

“Oh. I didn’t think you had… slept together.”

“It was only once,” Chaeyoung scratched her stomach and finished her beer. “It’s just weird thinking about it. But it did happen, it’s not like I can erase that from my mind.”

Nayeon nodded. There were a few things she wished she could erase from her mind – images of dark hair sprawled against her body as she was bitten, scratched, pleasured, just to shut down every other thought. She sighed. Everything Jeongyeon and her had ever done had been completely consensual, but still, it left a bitter taste on her mouth.

“Still want know those kinks?” Chaeyoung asked, irritatingly persistent. And Nayeon actually thought long and deep about it, but eventually reached a conclusion.

“…I kind of want to find these things out myself. With her.” Thinking about discovering new bits and pieces of Dahyun everyday made her heart flutter. She didn’t want others to spoil the secrets behind the bartender’s smile – Nayeon wanted to be the one to unravel them. Like a flower, she wanted to be able to watch it grow. It was the first time in her entire existence that she felt this intense desire of being a part of someone’s life. Usually her own fucked up past stopped her from creating meaningful bonds with others, but with Dahyun, it was like a blank page was filling up with color.

It was so very _warm_.

“Gotcha.” Chaeyoung smiled softly at her, and Nayeon returned the expression, thankful. “Can I finish this game?”

“Go for it.”

“Never have I ever fallen in love.”

A second passed, then two, and the beer cans remained untouched. Chaeyoung closed her eyes, her understanding smile never leaving her face. “Alright, then.” She got up and yawned, stretching her lazy muscles. “Well, I guess I should be going. Are you coming too?”

“I’ll stick around for a bit longer.”

“Okay,” Chaeyoung put all the empty cans in a plastic bag and Nayeon got up to help her fold the blanket. Once the spot was practically clean – save from the fire still burning – both girls high fived a goodbye. “Good chat today. I’m glad we got to talk more.”

“Me too,” Nayeon nodded. “Let’s do this again.”

“Hey, I’m here every Friday. See you, Nay.” With that, Chaeyoung turned around and waved her goodbye.

Nayeon sat back down and looked up at the sky, feeling a fresh breeze flowing through her colored locks. A few stars were visible now that the sky had cleared a bit and her stomach turned with a giddy feeling. She shifted her gaze towards her half-empty beer can and thought back on Chaeyoung’s last phrase to finish the game.

Then, ever so slowly, she took a sip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on twitter @niigoki_


	9. [M] Lesson Nine: Flora

Nayeon was starting to become very aware of the weight of the cellphone in her hands. She had taken it out of her pocket 15 minutes ago and was still holding it in the same position. Sitting on her bed and looking down at the metal device wasn’t the exact definition of a good time. It was a pleasant afternoon; sunny and just a bit chilly, perfect for spending it outside, but for some reason she had to do this task inside the house. It just felt right, even though the whole situation was messed up.

Jeongyeon hasn’t contacted her in days and she was worried.

Nayeon sighed and threw her head back. She didn’t need to call her – she didn’t _want_ to call her. Jeongyeon was a 28 year-old rugby athlete who could break a person’s neck with her bare hands, nothing bad could possibly have happened to her. Besides, if it had, there would be news about it. Her team wasn’t exactly famous, but it was popular around the area. The local news would have reported something, so there was no need for Nayeon to worry about her well-being.

She didn’t even know why she was feeling so anxious. Wasn’t the point of splitting up for them to not have to talk to each other every day? Ever since deepening her friendship with Dahyun and her friends, Nayeon hadn’t need to talk or think about Jeongyeon at all, and it was a good thing. They needed to go their separate ways; being together brought nothing but painful memories and awkward sexual tension, things that Nayeon didn’t need in her life. She had good people surrounding her now.

But did Jeongyeon?

“Ughhhh,” Falling on her back, Nayeon dialed the number and waited for the woman to pick up the goddamn phone. It ringed once, then twice, and three times. Normally, when Jeongyeon saw Nayeon’s number on the screen, it was an immediate response. Maybe she was taking a bath, or jogging, or—

_“Yeah?”_

Or not. Nayeon felt her throat tightening, but sighed, relieved at the same time. How could someone make her feel nervous and relaxed both at once?

“Hey,” She managed. Okay, now that she’d made sure Jeongyeon was alive, she could hang up. “What are you doing?” But she didn’t. It was a like a curse.

 _“Lunch,”_ Jeongyeon replied, casually. _“Why, is something wrong?”_

 _Why would you care?_ Nayeon wanted to ask, but being rude to an innocent question was just going to stir up unnecessary conflict. “You stopped sending messages, so I was just wondering. I’ll hang up now.”

 _“Oh,”_ Jeongyeon sounded surprised. _“No, I was just giving you space. You said you met someone, so I assumed you were hanging out with them.”_

Nayeon frowned, a bit shocked. It was so genuinely considerate of Jeongyeon that she didn’t really know what to answer. “I— I was, actually.” There was an awkward pause in the conversation and Nayeon didn’t know why she hadn’t hung up yet, but something pushed her to speak. “What about you?”

_“Huh?”_

“Are you seeing anyone?” Casual chatter with Jeongyeon was so weird. Nayeon couldn’t remember the last time they had talked without being naked in bed, and the situation was very disconcerting.

 _“Uh… no,”_ Clearly Jeongyeon wasn’t expecting Nayeon to keep talking either. _“I’ve been busy with training lately. I’m taking a break this week, though.”_

“Oh, okay.” More silence, probably telling her to hang up now.

 _“I’m going to the city center on Tuesday.”_ Jeongyeon spoke suddenly.

“Oh. Okay?”

 _“Just giving you a heads up.”_ Jeongyeon wanted to make sure they wouldn’t randomly bump into each other on the street, and Nayeon understood that. She nodded unconsciously, thankful for the warning.

“Alright.” Then a pause. “Thanks.”

 _“Yeah,”_ Jeongyeon moved the phone to another hand as she stirred the pan in the oven. _“So…”_

Alright, now was definitely the time for them to cease this conversation. “Uh, yeah. I gotta go.”

 _“’Kay. Take care.”_ And with that, the phone went silent.

Nayeon was bewildered, to say the least, at Jeongyeon’s unusual care and thoughtfulness, but she shook her head to dismiss it. It was Sunday, meaning that Dahyun didn’t have to go to work, and they were going to hang out in a few hours. Nayeon filled her mind with thoughts of the bartender to calm down, and as always, it did wonders. She smiled as she rolled to the side and decided to leave her phone at home. She wanted to enjoy every minute with Dahyun without distractions, so nothing would ruin the day for her.

Putting on her black leather jacket and rugged jeans, Nayeon grabbed her keys and made her way downstairs. Leaving the house was always a good sensation, but knowing who would be waiting for her when she did was a whole new experience.

\--

“Okay, pink or blue?” Dahyun asked as she leaned against the doorframe of Chaeyoung’s room and put two shirts in front of her body.

“It depends, is it a boy or a girl?” Chaeyoung replied, not tearing her eyes off of the gossip magazine she had bought.

Dahyun let out an exasperated sigh. “Spoilers: Brad and Angelina break up. Now get your head out of the tabloids and give me an opinion!”

“How could you do this to me! I had _just_ started Season 20 of The Jolie-Pitt’s.” Chaeyoung threw her magazine on the floor and lazily peeked to see what the ruckus was all about. “Honestly you look like a flaming lesbian in both.”

“Why do I bother?” Dahyun huffed and walked away, making Chaeyoung snicker.

“Come back nerd, let me take a look.”

Not two seconds later and the bartender was back, shifting from one shirt to another. Chaeyoung grabbed her chin and squeezed her eyes deep in thought. “Pink.”

“Really?” Dahyun put on the pink flannel and stared at her own reflection in the mirror next to Chaeyoung’s shelf. “Don’t you think blue matches better with black pants?”

“Any color matches with black,” Chaeyoung rolled her eyes. “And why did you ask if you were going to ignore my opinion completely?”

“I’m not ignoring, I’m just… questioning your objectivity.”

“That means ‘ignoring’ in Dubu.”

“Ugh, fine.” Tossing both hands in the air Dahyun walked back to her room and put the blue shirt back in the wardrobe. Besides, she remembered Nayeon saying that the only reason she got obsessed with the color blue was because of her horrible adoptive mother – Dahyun didn’t want to bring back bad memories or anything of the sort with her garment.

Moving to the bathroom, she washed her face and tried to brush hair as best as possible. Then she rinsed her mouth and sprayed some perfume and deodorant. Her eyes roamed around looking for her contact lenses, but they were nowhere to be found. She crouched to search under the cabinet and sink, then somewhere in her room, but no luck.

“Chaeyoung, did you see my contact lenses?” Dahyun yelled from her room.

“Behind your pill case!” Chaeyoung’s muffled voice replied, and upon moving the object, Dahyun indeed found them.

“Thanks!” She removed her glasses and carefully inserted one gooey lens in her left eye, then her right. Blinking to get rid of the watery feel, Dahyun dried her cheeks with a towel and entered Chaeyoung’s room again. “Can you—”

“Do your makeup?” She was already holding a small brush and smirked. “Come here.”

Dahyun exhaled a soft laugh and sat cross-legged on the bed, facing her best friend. Chaeyoung had always been the one to do her makeup whenever she went on social events or dates, since Dahyun was a complete disaster when it came to such things. Chaeyoung just had a natural talent for glamour and beauty, and with years of experience pampering and experimenting different styles of makeup on Dahyun, she already knew what worked best. The blonde liked it simple; enhancing her features with a soft blush, some lipstick and light smoky eyeshadow.

“I can’t believe you’re actually forsaking your glasses for this girl,” Chaeyoung mumbled as she worked.

“The lenses are more practical.” Dahyun replied with her eyes closed.

“Right,” Chaeyoung chuckled. “You’re putting on makeup, dude, you’re not fooling anybody.”

“Shut up.”

Chaeyoung’s smile never left her face, and she stopped talking just to look at her friend for a moment.

Dahyun looked so happy.

It had been a while since she’d seen her best friend this head over heels for someone, and while she appreciated everything Nayeon was doing for her, she was also afraid. The game at the junkyard was still fresh in Chaeyoung’s head, and if Nayeon was being honest, she wasn’t quite in love with Dahyun yet. She was aware that love wasn’t a word someone could say openly and lightly – Chaeyoung herself had never experienced it before – but she didn’t want Dahyun to get heartbroken. At the same time, however, she couldn’t hold it against Nayeon.

Because Chaeyoung had been there.

She had had more one-night stands than she could possibly count, and whenever some of those people decided to call her back, she just ignored them. Some were worthy of at least breakfast in bed (she liked to think of herself as a perfect gentlewoman), but nothing more. Of course, there had been exceptions where she would hang out with her sex buddies for a month or so, but when she felt herself getting perhaps too attached, she broke things off immediately. It was just terrifying for her.

That was why she had decided to go on a blind date when she met Dahyun. She wanted to try to fix this terrible habit of hers, and when she accepted dating this blonde nerd, she never thought that things would go so well. Even though they broke up, Chaeyoung gained a true best friend with this experience, and she couldn’t be happier with it.

If she had to admit it, Dahyun was the closest thing she’d ever gotten to love someone.

“What?” Dahyun’s voice broke her thoughts. A sudden rush of emotion ran through Chaeyoung’s body and she put the brush down to pinch her friend’s cheeks.

“I kinda love you.” That was probably the biggest display of affection she’d ever shown anyone. Dahyun pushed her back and raised an eyebrow.

“What’s gotten into you?”

“I just realized I never told you that,” She thought for a bit. “At least not sober, anyway.”

The confused look on Dahyun’s face was priceless, and Chaeyoung went back to the makeup to hide her embarrassment. It was always weird for her to display raw affection like this to someone she actually cared a lot about.

Finally finishing the makeup, Chaeyoung leaned back. “What do you think?”

Dahyun blinked and walked over to the mirror. She immediately smiled at the result; Chaeyoung was truly great at this. “I loved it. Thanks, Chaeng.”

“Nayeon is gonna love it too, don’t worry.”

“…I wasn’t worried,” She lied, and Chaeyoung just chortled.

“Whatever you say. Go, you’re late already.”

“Right!” Dahyun grabbed a purse and stuffed the apartment’s keys in it. She was about to leave Chaeyoung’s room when she stopped and turned. “Hey. I love you too, you sentimental dork.” And with that she left.

Chaeyoung stood frozen in place for a second before cracking a smile and falling backwards on her pillow. “Nerd.”

\--

The streets were calm for a Sunday, which Nayeon appreciated. She wasn’t used to go to the city center in the early afternoons; usually she was either sleeping or walking around her neighborhood. For some reason, she always pictured downtown as a crowded and restless spot this time of the day, so unless it was a bar or a nightclub, Nayeon didn’t really care for socializing. The sunlight made her feel somewhat exposed; she liked it better when the lights were dim and there were walls around blocking the world outside. The only time she liked being out in the open was when it was too dark for people to acknowledge she was there.

Blowing her last cloud of smoke, Nayeon put out the cigarette and looked around for the girl she was waiting for. Dahyun was a bit late, which was unusual, but she knew it was just her anxiety speaking. First Jeongyeon, and now Dahyun; she really needed to get a hold of herself today.

Her loneliness didn’t last much, however.

“Hey!” Dahyun waved from a distance, walking in quick steps to get to Nayeon, and the girl grinned, waving back. Getting close to Nayeon, Dahyun stopped to breathe a little and then shot the girl the brightest smile ever. “Sorry I’m late!”

“You’re not that late,” Nayeon giggled. That was when she took the time to truly look at Dahyun, and felt her heart do a somersault. She wasn’t wearing her glasses, her hair was looking smoother than normal, and— was she wearing makeup?

Knowing that Dahyun had put so much effort just to meet her today made Nayeon’s insides catch on fire.

“Wow,” She let out without meaning to.

“Wow?”

“Y-yeah,” Nayeon bit her bottom lip and smiled. “You’re really pretty.”

Dahyun felt the blush rise to her face immediately and all the hairs on the back of her neck stood up. “T-thanks. Chaeyoung did most of it, honestly.”

Nayeon shook her head. “Even if she did help, your face is still 99% you.”

This date hadn’t even started and Dahyun was already swooning. There was no way to begin explaining what Nayeon did to her.

“What am I supposed to say to that?” She asked exasperated, because really, how could she compete with this?

Nayeon laughed out loud at her flustered reaction. “Just accept it, I guess.”

“W-well, you’re pretty too!”

“It’s not a competition,” She mentioned in between giggled. “Besides, I kind of feel like a mess compared to you.”

“You’re a beautiful mess.” Dahyun replied, not taking no for an answer.

“Okay, then.” Nayeon accepted it and leaned in, cupping Dahyun’s cheek with one hand and placing a tender kiss on the girl’s lips. The response was immediate; the bartender touched the back of her neck and played with the hairs there lazily as they explored yet another great kiss. That was definitely one of Dahyun’s favorite parts of hanging out with Nayeon.

They had to part eventually because they couldn’t spend the whole day just kissing on the sidewalk – even if Dahyun wouldn’t be completely opposed to the idea. “Let’s go?”

“Yeah,” Nayeon answered and both girls started walking. Their hands brushed against each other accidentally time and time again, and after a few moments, Nayeon decided to allow herself to be happy for once in her life, and gently wrapped her pinky around Dahyun’s. She smiled, tightening the grip on the delicate finger, and kept walking with an incredibly giddy heart.

\--

“You’re kidding me, you’ve never had a hot dog in your life?!” Dahyun’s tone made it seem like Nayeon had committed a felony.

“I’ve had sausages, does that count?” She tried to defend herself from the shocked eyes of the girl beside her on the line, but to no avail.

“No! You’re getting one right now and it’s gonna be great.” Dahyun countered and Nayeon could only accept her fate. The date had started somewhat shaky because of the amount of fondness she felt for this girl – a feeling she didn’t really know how to contain in such a small heart – but now that they had engaged in casual conversation, everything was going smoothly.

“I trust that I won’t get food poisoning, then.” Nayeon smirked and Dahyun put a hand on her chest, as if offended. It was a quirk she probably got from Chaeyoung, Nayeon realized.

“Hot dogs are so perfect that they expel bacteria automatically.”

“If it’s so good, wouldn’t bacteria want to eat it?”

Dahyun squinted her eyes. “Don’t twist my words, lady.”

“Next!” Nayeon’s smart rebuttal was cut short by the food truck’s employee. Dahyun ordered two Joel’s Triple Cheese Hot Sauce Smooth Bun Hot Dogs and Nayeon was taken aback by how long the name was.

Their plan for today was to have lunch and walk around town a little, visiting stores they thought were interesting and talking about whatever came to mind. It wasn’t a perfectly planned date, but just like their first one, it didn’t need to be. Being together and letting things happen naturally was all they needed to have a fulfilling day, and Dahyun hoped to have a lot of time to get to know Nayeon. She knew most of her past and the horrible things she’d been through, but now she wanted to know about the good things too. Like what kind of music she liked, and if she’d ever been to a karaoke. Maybe they could go today.

“78 and 79!” The cashier called their numbers and Dahyun grabbed both hot dogs with a smile.

“Here,” She handed one over to Nayeon.

“Okay, these are huge.”

“A balanced meal. We have carbs, protein, vegetables.”

“Vegetables where?” Nayeon laughed.

“I’m sure they probably mixed some lettuce in our cheese because the lady next to us ordered a BTL hot dog.”

They cracked up at this and moved to sit at one of the vacant tables near the food truck. Then, Dahyun had a better idea. “Wait, don’t sit. Follow me.”

Nayeon felt her legs giving in and just chasing after the blonde mindlessly, and after crossing the street and walking through a patch of grass, she found herself face to face with the river. It was the closest she’d ever been to the water, and the freshness hit her nostrils immediately.

“Let’s eat by the riverbank,” Dahyun suggested and Nayeon nodded with a smile. That sounded like the best idea in the world right now. Walking a few more steps, the river came closer and closer, and they finally sat down. The spot was completely empty as far as eyes could see and Nayeon enjoyed the little privacy. Of course, the beautiful view didn’t go by unnoticed.

“It’s even more gorgeous from up close,” Nayeon muttered.

“It’s my favorite thing about this town.” Dahyun agreed. “Well, second favorite.”

“What’s the first one?”

Dahyun just looked at her for a while, then bit down on her hot dog. Nayeon shoved her to the side with her shoulder, playfully. “Hey, tell me!”

“Later.” She replied with a blush and a mouthful. “Eat your Joel’s Triple Cheese Hot Sauce Smooth Bun Hot Dog, it’s gonna get cold.”

“So terrible,” She smirked, but did as she was told. It took her a while to actually figure out a way of biting it without spilling everything, but eventually, she managed. Nayeon’s eyes widened and gleamed as soon as all the tastes hit her tongue and she moaned in delight. “Holy shit…”

“Told you.”

Shoving that huge piece of fast food down her throat was probably the least romantic thing to do on a date, but the feeling of Dahyun brushing her shoulder against her own, the gentle wind on her hair, the river shining in front of her eyes, and the city sounds in the background, made this moment something Nayeon wished she could immortalize.

It was, without question, the happiest she had ever, _ever_ felt.

“So,” Dahyun spoke suddenly, swallowing an enormous bite. “Have you ever been to a karaoke?”

“Nope,” Nayeon replied, fighting against the cheese spilling out. “We have a karaoke machine at home, though. It came in one of the deliveries and Ryujin was so excited over it that I couldn’t throw it away.”

Uh-oh, the deliveries were a bad topic. Dahyun thought a little before moving to more pleasant things. “How did you meet Ryujin, anyway?”

There was a weird pause for a few seconds and the bartender flinched internally. Shit, maybe that was a sore spot too.

“She saved me, in a way.” Nayeon murmured after a while.

“We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.” Maybe they could talk about what kind of music they liked? Nayeon looked like a Tegan and Sara sort of person.

“…Can I talk about it anyway?” She asked, looking at Dahyun with a sad smile. The blonde blinked and returned the smile with one of her own.

“Of course.” She moved a bit closer and touched arms with her. Nayeon was really glad for the gesture.

“It was right after my latest break up.” She moved her gaze to the river. “I had been dating this girl for almost three weeks, but she was a bit paranoid. She kept checking my cellphone whenever I wasn’t around, because she thought I was cheating on her. One day, when I forgot my phone on the counter and went to take a shower, Jeongyeon called. My date picked up the phone and started asking Jeongyeon all sorts of questions. Jeongyeon hung up fast, but the damage had already been done. That night, my date and I went out to have dinner, then she asked me to go to the park with her. It was late and no one was around. That’s when she started asking me all sort of questions about Jeongyeon. Who she was, why did she have my number, if she was the one sending me messages all the time.”

Nayeon took another bite of her hot dog and Dahyun did the same, staring at the waves in the water.

“I could’ve told her she was just my sister, but I didn’t. I had never called Jeongyeon that in my life, and I wasn’t going to just so I could get away with it. Besides, she wasn’t wrong. I was cheating on her with Jeongyeon. Not because I was in love with her, but because it was just… the thing I did. Sometimes when the nightmares were too much and life got too heavy, I needed to go to Jeongyeon. But there was no way I could explain that to her without sounding like a bitch. So, I just… admitted that I’d been sleeping with her.”

Some kids approached the both of them, but soon went away and Nayeon sighed.

“She slapped my face and ran away, leaving me on the park’s bench. It was weird, because I was used to people leaving me after a while, but this one hurt a bit more. I stood there frozen, and then all these terrible thoughts came crashing down on me at once. I started shaking and crying with no idea of what to do, no idea if I even wanted to do anything anymore. Many things starting going through my head, but before I could get up to do something stupid, this girl showed up.”

The corner of Nayeon’s mouth curled up at the memory, and Dahyun side-eyed her expression, curious. It had been such a sad moment, but remembering that she met Ryujin that night probably brought her more joy than pain.

“She said hi and asked me if I was okay, and I just… broke down in front of her. It was embarrassing,” She chuckled lightly. “Ryujin wasn’t weirded out, though, and just hugged me, whispering things like ‘it’s okay’ and ‘I’m here’. I didn’t even know this kid and she was comforting me better than anyone had ever bothered to. It was weird, but also a bit liberating.”

The wind rustled some leaves and Nayeon finished her lunch with a content moan.

“At some point, she told me to follow her and introduced me to her dad. I was sure he was going to be angry at Ryujin for bringing a stray mess of a person to him in the middle of the night, but he was so very welcoming. He had a nice van and told me to sit in the back of it with Ryujin so he could make some grilled cheese and juice for us. I don’t know who was the craziest in the bunch: Ryujin for befriending a total stranger and bringing me to her dad, or me, for sitting in the back of a random van in the middle of the night. I was honestly too blinded by this kid’s kindness to even consider that she might’ve been a kidnapper. We had late-night dinner and talked for hours.”

She finished, stretching her muscles and lying down on the grass. “And now she just… lives with me. Having Ryujin around makes my life in that house much more bearable.”

Dahyun wasn’t really sure if she was supposed to say words of comfort, but she realized that Nayeon didn’t need any. She wasn’t telling her this story to be pitied or because she needed advice; it was just another part of her life that she was sharing. She smiled and laid down as well, staring at the fluffy clouds in the sky.

“Thank you for telling me this.” Dahyun said.

“Sorry, I feel like I always bring the mood down whenever I talk about myself.” Nayeon apologized with a sorry grin.

“Don’t be. It’s the stuff you’ve been through that make you who you are.” She turned her face to stare at Nayeon. “Besides, you looked happy talking about her. I’m glad she makes you… feel.”

“Feel what?” Nayeon asked in a whisper.

“Nothing specific. Just… feel. Not many people can do that.”

Nayeon dipped her head to the side too and let her eyes roam Dahyun’s face. Her brown eyes, the thin bridge of her nose, her forehead, the pinkish cheeks, the beautiful lips. It was the first time she took the time to just admire the bartender, and at that moment, she felt like all the famous masterpieces in the world were a joke compared to this girl in front of her.

She lowered her eyes to Dahyun’s lips. “You make me feel, too.” Then she closed their distance in an awkward angled kiss that she wished could convey what exactly she was trying to tell her, but couldn’t. Not yet.

But gods, Nayeon wished she could soon.

\--

“There is no way this is fake,” Nayeon’s eyes were fixed on the TV, moving together with the illusionist’s hands as he made four coins disappear into thin air. The man then got behind a curtain and his silhouette started levitating. When his assistants removed the cloth, he was indeed a few inches off ground – the trick apparently took a toll on his body, since he was sweating and grunting. “Look at this, there is nothing under his feet!”

“No, that’s just a reflection trick.” Dahyun said matter-of-factly as she threated her fingers through Nayeon’s hair, which was sprawled over her lap. “The lights reflect somewhere, and the cameraman films it in some sort of angle that makes us think he’s not supporting himself anywhere.”

“But there are people in the audience watching this live,” Nayeon’s head turned to look at Dahyun from beneath. “Are they being tricked too? All of them at the same time? Unlikely.”

“Oh please, they’re all part of the show. Every single one of these people were paid to pretend they’re shocked.”

“Even that little kid?” Nayeon smirked, reaching for more popcorn right above her head.

“Children’s behavioral patterns are always inconsistent, that means nothing.” Dahyun helped her out by bringing the bowl closer and Nayeon smiled in return.

“Okay, but, like…” The smoker tried again, now with a mouthful of popcorn. “What if he was levitating.”

“But he’s not.”

“What if he waaaas…”

“It’s scientifically and physically impossible.”

“But what if he wa—” Nayeon almost chocked on her laughter when Dahyun reached down to tickle her sides.

“Cut it out, people can’t fly!” Dahyun let out in a stifled chortle, but she couldn’t pretend she was mad even if she tried. Nayeon was acting so cute, and her laugh was the most beautiful sound in any galaxy – Dahyun wanted to make her laugh more often, if possible. Nayeon sat up and returned the tickles, forcing Dahyun to curl into a tiny ball of giggles.

“S-stop, I’m really tick— Hahaha, no!”

“Admit that he’s levitating!”

“Never! Logic prevails— N-no not there, please!”

Chaeyoung, who up until that point had been eating a hot pocket at the kitchen counter unbothered, looked away from her magazine to the two dorks in front of her. “Jesus Christ, you’re grossly cute.”

Nayeon stopped tickling, but was still giggling with flushed cheeks. “Wanna join in on the tickle fight?”

“As fun as it sounds to torture Dubu ‘till she pees herself,” Chaeyoung smirked and finished stuffing the rest of her snack into her mouth. “I’m think I’m gonna pass. Gotta start getting ready for the night anyway.”

“You’re going out?” Dahyun asked in between intakes of air. “You work tomorrow early.”

“I’m spending the night at Jiwoo’s, we’re playing cards and marathoning shitty movies from the 80’s.” Getting up, Chaeyoung stretched and burped contently, for Dahyun’s disgust. “Plus, she lives close to The Black Swan, it’ll just make things easier in the morning.”

“Oh, alright.” Dahyun eyed her suspiciously, but decided to trust her best friend for a change. “Just don’t forget to set your alarm clock.”

“Yes mom.” She walked over to her room to prepare a small bag with her pajamas and toothbrush, leaving Nayeon and Dahyun alone with their TV show and flirty conversations.

It didn’t take long for Nayeon to get comfortable again on Dahyun’s lap and resume teasing her about whatever was happening on screen at the moment. In return, the bartender caressed her hair and rebutted every single absurd argument with logical conclusions; if she was being actually serious or just pretending Nayeon couldn’t tell, but she was happy and cozy, nonetheless.

Chaeyoung then came out of her room with barely any makeup on and a simple backpack hanging from her shoulder. “See you tomorrow nerd and not-nerd.”

“Chaeyoung don’t be rude, Nayeon is not a nerd.” Dahyun argued with a smug grin plastered on her face.

“Oh, ha ha.” Nayeon poked her nose in return, receiving a giggle.

“Dahyun with a sense of humor? What have you been feeding her, Nay?” Chaeyoung put a hand on her chest and gaped.

“Joel’s Triple Cheese Something With Buns And Sauce Dog, apparently.” She replied without missing a beat.

“You took her to eat a monster dog on your date?” Chaeyoung raised an eyebrow at Dahyun.

“W-what? It’s the best lunch in town and you know it!” She blushed at the remark, now self-conscious that yeah, it was probably not the most romantic thing they could’ve done, but hey, no one deserved to live without tasting a hot dog. Dahyun felt a hand on her cheek urging her to look down and came face to face with Nayeon’s beautiful smile.

“I loved it, for what is worth.”

The blonde’s heart picked up speed and she cleared her throat, turning away as Nayeon giggled. Chaeyoung rolled her eyes and made her way to the door. “Alright you can be as disgusting as you want without me here having to witness it. Later.” And after ruffling Dahyun’s hair, she opened the door.

“Say hi to Jiwoo for me!” Nayeon waved.

“Aye, aye.” Chaeyoung winked behind a half-closed door, then left.

“Finally, some peace and quiet!” Dahyun yelled, hoping that her best friend was still around to hear it, then sank back in the couch.

“You know she loves you,” Nayeon said with a playful expression.

“Yeah, yeah,” Dahyun crossed her arms, but her eyes were soft. “Despite being an inconvenience most of the time, and loud, disorganized, messy—”

“Aren’t these synonyms?”

“—and not giving a damn about other people’s boundaries,” She continued. “…I love her too.”

Nayeon smiled lazily and turned so she was face to face with Dahyun’s stomach. She traced a finger there gently, circling the area with no purpose. “You have good people looking out for you.”

Dahyun put her arms down and looked at the girl on her lap; there was a tinge of sadness in the way Nayeon said that, but not one that asked to be elaborated. She was probably thinking about the people in her life and how unloved they all probably made her feel for years, which was extremely absurd in Dahyun’s eyes. She couldn’t fathom the idea of someone spending a day with Nayeon and deciding that she wasn’t worth anything, when she had opened a whole new world to her, making her feel things that only fairytale books would be able to describe properly.

“You have them, too.” She put her hands on Nayeon’s back and scratched there softly, going up all the way to the nape of her neck and into her soft locks once more. “I’ll look out for you.” Dahyun blushed as the words left her lips. She felt Nayeon’s chest move as she giggled.

“Thank you.”

No one said another word for minutes and they just stood like this, basking in each other’s presence, and overall enjoying the tranquility that came with having a bit of privacy. The sound of the TV was long forgotten and Nayeon had apparently taken an interest in caressing Dahyun’s stomach over her shirt, which was quite relaxing.

Then the sudden realization that they were alone in the apartment came crashing down on Dahyun and she started feeling really hot all of a sudden.

Her cellphone buzzed and she grabbed it to read the message.

**[Chaeyoung, 7:50pm]:** _don’t do it on my bed because i will know and i will kick your skinny little ass_

She blushed ridiculously at the suggestion and tried to type with sweaty hands.

**[Dahyun, 7:50pm]:** _shUT UP_

 **[Chaeyoung, 7:50pm]:** _you can use my dildo tho thats fine just clean it afterwards_

“Oh my god.” Dahyun muttered and threw her phone across the table. It landed safely on a pillow on the floor, but she lowkey wished it would just break so she wouldn’t have to read Chaeyoung’s incredibly inappropriate texts. But then again, she didn’t have the money to buy another one, so she breathed out relieved at the same time.

“What?” Nayeon muttered with a sleepy voice.

“N-nothing, just Chaeyoung being Chaeyoung.”

Nayeon giggled at this and turned on her back to stare at the blonde. “Okay.”

They locked eyes and Dahyun could swear Nayeon’s pupils managed to become more and more dazzling with each passing encounter. She could drown in those eyes effortlessly – they were like the tide, pulling her in inch by inch and threatening to consume her whole. Dahyun wouldn’t mind being sucked in like this, not right now, and not ever.

“I want to kiss you,” The words left her mouth before she could stop them, but Dahyun didn’t want to stop them at all. Nayeon smiled through heavy eyelids and sat up.

“Okay,” Her whisper was soft, but full of certainty – just like Nayeon herself, Dahyun thought. They met halfway and she couldn’t help but exhale a happy sigh at the contact.

Very few things made her feel so at ease and so complete in her life; her mind was a constant jumble of floating words and thoughts that took so much effort to organize, but with Nayeon it was like her mess could fly away freely and unjudged. Dahyun lived in a constant battle with herself and the world because she was afraid of being misunderstood, of not being able to ever fit it, of being herself. She knew she had friends who loved her very much, but because she wasn’t like them, she lived in constant fear of one day doing that one thing that would be too weird and that would finally make people walk away. It was there in the back of her mind, images of people avoiding her at work, on the streets, at home. And she had tried to push this thought away before, but it stood there, unmoving, towering above her like a menacing presence her whole life.

But not with Nayeon. It was funny, how bizarre the whole situation was. Dahyun trusted Chaeyoung with her life, but the fear of rejection involved her best friend too, despite being an absurd thought. She couldn’t help it; it was ingrained in her brain and it was bound to affect everyone. But not Nayeon, and hell if she knew why not this girl in particular, but it just… didn’t. Dahyun could be as open as she wanted, as weird as she wanted, and something in her gut told her that if Nayeon ever left, it wouldn’t be because of the things Dahyun did in a jumble of emotions. She felt free to be herself completely when Nayeon was by her side.

Nayeon pulled back to turn her head to the other side and kiss her again, moving her lips slowly and lovingly. This time she was soft Nayeon, not the rough Nayeon from the dancefloor, and Dahyun smiled into the kiss at the thought that this girl had so many beautiful sides to her.

“What?” Nayeon asked, feeling the corners of her mouth turn upwards.

“Nothing,” She replied against her mouth, still smiling like an idiot. “I just really like kissing you.”

“Then kiss me,” Nayeon chased her mouth with fervor, and brought both hands to cup Dahyun’s jaw. She nipped at her bottom lip and the blonde opened her lips, melting at the touch of her tongue. Her hands weren’t doing anything, so she brought one to the back of Nayeon’s head and another touched her hips without really thinking. Their mouths moved in tandem, and the kiss started getting heated at some point, which Dahyun didn’t mind in the least. She felt herself falling backwards and suddenly her back hit the couch. “Wow!”

She didn’t hit her head because Nayeon was holding it gently. “Sorry! You alright?”

“Y-yeah,” Her head was dazed as she looked at the girl hovering over her. “You’re beautiful.”

Nayeon blinked, then smiled shyly. She should’ve been used to the random compliments at the most unusual times by now, but it always caught her off guard. “A beautiful mess?”

“A beautiful mess,” Dahyun agreed, then cupped her cheek. Nayeon’s eyes glimmered with affection and she bent down to kiss her again. Dahyun ran her hands through her hair and neck, inciting a growl from the back of the girl’s throat that made all the hairs on Dahyun’s neck stand. Alright, there was definitely a shift in the mood, but the passion was still present in the needy kisses. Nayeon was trying to move, but the couch was very ill-proportioned for such things, so she gave up midway. Dahyun caught on that and gently pushed her shoulders to breathe. “Um… the couch is a bit small.”

Nayeon breathed heavily with cheeks flushed. “It is.”

“So…” Dahyun was so nervous that she started to tremble. Nayeon of course noticed it and grabbed her hand with gentle eyes.

“Do you want to go to your room?” She asked without a single drop of malice in her voice. “We could totally stay here and keep watching people levitating, I really don’t mind.”

“He wasn’t levitating,” Nayeon laughed at the fact that this was the priority in Dahyun’s head. “Also, y-yes. We could go. To my room, I mean.”

“Are you sure?”

Dahyun paused to appreciate how considerate Nayeon was being despite her body language screaming that she wanted to throw herself into that comfy bed immediately. “I’m sure.”

Nayeon smiled and helped Dahyun up, and both giggled when the blonde bumped into her accidentally. They walked towards the room hand-in-hand, with pounding hearts and gleamy eyes, and upon entering, the first thing Dahyun did was excuse herself to the bathroom. She brushed her teeth and washed her face, taking a moment to stare at the dirty mirror and process that this was going to happen. She took off her contact lenses because they weren’t necessary anymore, and put on her glasses even though she would remove them shortly.

The whole ritual of sleeping with someone was always an awkward one, and she told herself that Nayeon would probably be just as nervous. Maybe a little less so, since she was the one who usually took the lead. Dahyun’s mind wandered to a few days ago at the pub, when she listened to the most obscene and gorgeous noises coming from her phone, and swallowed hard. Just thinking about it made her anxious, but in a good way; she really wanted to hear those sounds again.

“Okay. Alright.” Dahyun mumbled, and after taking a deep breath, she opened the door.

The sight took her completely by surprise and she nearly fell down.

Her room was dark, and she could only see through the dimly lit lamp on the floor, next to her bed. On top of said bed was Nayeon, already lying on her back, a playful smile adorning her lips. Her shirt and jacket were on the floor and she was just wearing her bra and jeans for some reason – Dahyun knew the reason, but it just made everything much more real – and as soon as Nayeon saw the bartender, she motioned for her to come closer.

Dahyun felt her legs giving in and, gods, Nayeon was just wearing her bra. Her body was so slim but also somewhat toned and – were those abs? They were barely visible, but Dahyun knew that if she touched her stomach, she would feel some muscle there. The blood rushed to her face immediately as she sat on the edge of the bed, still awkwardly staring at the girl’s exposed body.

“Like what you see?” Nayeon’s voice was low, and holy shit Dahyun was not as confident as she thought she was.

“Y-yeah,” She babbled somehow. “A lot. Um… is this creepy? I don’t even—”

Nayeon reached to touch her thigh and giggled. “It’s not. Relax, it’s just me.”

This simple sentence woke Dahyun up and she calmed down considerably. It was just Nayeon – impossibly sexy Nayeon, but still, Nayeon, nonetheless. “Right. Sorry, it’s just… I didn’t expect, uh… this? In a g-good way! I mean, your body, you’re just… wow.” She breathed. “Feel free to ignore anything I say.”

“It’s okay,” Her smile was lazy and she sat up to come face to face with the jittery bartender. “All those years of training had to count for something, right?”

Oh, right. She _had_ been put through a forceful athletic regimen since she was a child. Dahyun wondered if her beautiful body reminded her of those awful times and felt her heart sink. She wanted to protect this girl from so many things, but it was useless to dwell in the past, so she would just focus on being by her side from now on.

Dahyun’s eyes flickered to her lips and she pushed forward, tired of thinking so much. Nayeon sighed into her mouth and kissed her back with fervor. It didn’t take long for her hands to roam all over her back, bringing her impossibly close. Dahyun felt Nayeon’s lips sliding down her neck and whimpered at the contact. It was so soft and slow, and the wet touch of her tongue on her pulse point drove her crazy. She felt a tug on her shirt and wondered why the hell she was still wearing that goddamn garment.

“Can I take it off?” Nayeon asked against her neck and Dahyun didn’t even let her finish, leaning back and removing it herself, after taking off her glasses and folding them neatly on the nightstand. Nayeon chuckled. “Someone’s feeling hot—” She was interrupted by lips crashing against hers and completely forgot what she was about to say.

This kiss was a lot hungrier than the last, and Nayeon fisted a hand on the blonde’s hair, moving as closer as she could. Their chests touched and Dahyun’s mouth left her face to cover her neck and jawline, going all the way to her collarbones.

Nayeon chewed on her bottom lip and watched as Dahyun bit gently on the skin there, still threading her hair with adventurous hands.

“Don’t be afraid to hurt me.” Dahyun looked up a bit confused, and saw Nayeon’s clouded eyes staring back. “Be rough with me.”

“Oh,” She blushed at the husky tone, feeling butterflies in her stomach. “You sure?”

The smoker bent down to nibble her ear and whisper, “Make me yours. It’s okay.”

Well, when she put it like that.

Dahyun resumed her bites, but now putting a lot more pressure on her teeth. Nayeon gaped, letting out a dry gasp and arching her whole body into her figure. Dahyun felt her hair being pulled with each bite and felt a warm sensation on her lower abdomen. She was starting to find out new things about herself that night, and grunted as Nayeon scratched her scalp.

“Come here,” Nayeon muttered. Dahyun felt her hands being guided to Nayeon’s bra and unclasped it with ease. Alright, she was doing great so far despite Chaeyoung being the only other person with whom she had ever shared intimate moments with – and Chaeyoung had hardly let her do anything, it was mostly just Dahyun getting pampered the whole night. She didn’t know why, but doing these things to Nayeon just felt incredibly natural. It helped that she kept telling her what she wanted, and Dahyun was glad to obey.

As soon as her bra was gone, Nayeon reached to take off Dahyun’s. The blonde threw it on the floor and kissed her again. She felt Nayeon’s hands cupping her breasts gently and groaned into her mouth with delight.

Dahyun suddenly became very aware of the situation they were in, and because she was happy, she grabbed the girl’s cheeks and placed little pecks on her lips, nose, eyelids, and forehead, and Nayeon giggled at the sudden gesture. “What are you doing?”

“Kissing you a lot,” She replied with a stupid grin plastered to her face. Nayeon looked so adorably confused in her high, but didn’t ask further.

“You can kiss me in other places, too.” She said suggestively and reached down to grab Dahyun’s hands and place them on her chest. The bartender nodded, still smiling, and kissed her one last time in the corner of her mouth before moving to her neck and shoulders, while squeezing the girl’s breasts.

She hadn’t appreciated Nayeon’s boobs enough, and decided she wanted to. Without warning, Dahyun encouraged Nayeon to lie down and hovered above her, lowering her mouth to one breast. She kissed the valley of her breasts and moved around her left nipple with bites and licks.

“Harder,” Nayeon breathed out and Dahyun, who had been afraid of hurting this sensible part of her, obliged. Nayeon’s hands were in her hair again and her breathing was starting to become erratic with each bite. At long last, Dahyun sucked on a nipple, eliciting a moan from the girl beneath. The sound alone was enough to arouse her all over, and she moved to the other breast to do the same. The feeling of her pants around her legs was agonizing, and she needed to remove them right now.

Dahyun lifted her torso and was fumbling with the button of her jeans when she felt Nayeon’s hands covering her own. “Let me do it.”

“Oh,” She blushed. “Okay.”

This position they were in, with Dahyun kneeling with her legs on both sides of Nayeon’s hips, while Nayeon sat up, eye-level with her stomach – it was breathtaking. Nayeon touched Dahyun’s sides and placed a kiss below her boobs, licking her way down to her navel and eventually getting to where jeans met skin. She opened the button with her hands, but took the zipper into her mouth, sliding it down with her teeth. Dahyun could do nothing but stare with her mouth open and hope that she wasn’t actually drooling.

“Fuck.” She exhaled.

Nayeon looked up at her and she smirked. “Do you always swear that much?”

Dahyun let out a stifled laugh, remembering that she had said those exact words to her on the phone that day. For some reason having them spitted back to her like this was so incredibly hot; she wasn’t sure she’d be able to survive this girl and the things she was doing to her.

Without waiting for an answer, Nayeon pulled down her pants and Dahyun had to get the rest off herself. With her legs free, she felt much better to move around, and leaned down to kiss Nayeon again. “You’re pretty good at this.”

“At taking off your pants?” She replied, biting on the blonde’s bottom lip.

“That too,” And holy shit, very much so. “But at just making everything feel… natural.”

Nayeon nuzzled her neck with tiny bites. “Yeah?”

Dahyun sighed into her hair. “Yeah. I’m a nervous wreck when it comes to these things, but you managed to make me all hot and bothered twice. And the first time I wasn’t even there.”

Nayeon giggled, scratching her back. “Let me make you even more hot and bothered, then.” She put pressure on her nails and Dahyun moaned louder than she’d ever done, arching against Nayeon.

“Holy—”

“You like that?” Nayeon touched her forehead against her chest. “I can stop.”

“Don’t,” Dahyun said quickly, then realized she needed to clarify. “Stop, I mean. Don’t stop.”

“Okay.” Moving her hands to her shoulders again, Nayeon buried her nails on her skin and scratched strongly all the way down. Dahyun inhaled hard and fisted Nayeon’s hair strongly, which also made the other girl’s breathing hitch. Dahyun didn’t think that she would ever like pain this much, but apparently Nayeon brought out some hidden parts of her. She was happy to figure out things that she liked with Nayeon; it just felt right that it was her making her this damn aroused.

“Jesus,” Rigged breaths echoed all over the room and Dahyun didn’t know if it was hers of Nayeon’s at this point. She really needed her underwear off, but thought it would be unfair for her to strip out of everything when Nayeon’s jeans were still attached to her legs like a bear trap. “L-let me take care of your pants.”

Nayeon let herself fall on the pillows again and grinned in her daze. “Please do.”

Dahyun didn’t do anything fancy to remove the pants like Nayeon did, but she did bring her teeth to take care of the girl’s undergarment. Nayeon bit her lip as she watched her rip her panties off in a swift motion and gasped as the sudden cold air touched her private parts. The blonde was about to continue her ministrations somewhere else, but halted.

She took a moment to just look at Nayeon’s naked body. The ambient was darkened, but her eyes had already gotten used to it at this point and she could see everything – her glasses weren’t an issue because she didn’t need to make out all the details. Then a feeling hit her so strongly that she had to stop for a moment.

“Dahyun?” Nayeon’s voice sounded far away. “You’re okay?”

“Yeah, I…” She shifted her gaze to look at Nayeon’s face. Before continuing, she had to do something, so Dahyun crawled all the way so she could press a kiss to Nayeon’s lips. It wasn’t the usual lustful kiss, Nayeon noticed; it was tender, and it almost felt like the bartender was trying to convey a message through it. The kiss lasted long, and Dahyun eventually pulled away to breathe. “Thank you.”

“For…” Nayeon swallowed the bump in her throat. “For what?”

“For letting me see you,” She explained. She didn’t care for making sense right now, she needed to get this out. “The whole you. For… trusting me with yourself.”

It took a while for Nayeon to understand this incredibly heavy thing that Dahyun was telling her, and she felt tears prickling the corner of her eyes once she did. Those words hit her harder than anything ever had.

Throughout her whole life, sex had been just an experience to get pleasure and forget the shit she’d been through – especially for someone who constantly fucked her way out of her problems like she did. Jeongyeon knew that there wasn’t a single drop of emotional attachment when they slept together, and Nayeon’s other dates had been average, to say the least; none of them really thought much about sex, it was just a thing that happened in a relationship. She didn’t even remember talking this much during the activity, but the playfulness felt good with Dahyun.

Now this girl was thanking her for it. Dahyun was so full of love and honesty, that it physically hurt Nayeon to think that people had broken her heart before. Nayeon was used to the pain, but Dahyun didn’t deserve any of it.

She caressed Dahyun’s cheek with the utmost care and was unable to stop herself from breaking Jiwoo’s promise. “Thank you,” The next thing to come out of her mind was the scariest sentence she’d ever said. “…for loving me.”

Dahyun widened her eyes and blushed. “I—”

“We don’t have to talk about it right now,” Nayeon smiled, her heart beating at a thousand miles per hour. “Just…” She lifted her torso and kissed her again, a small tear falling down her cheek. She hoped Dahyun hadn’t noticed it, and was glad when the blonde started kissing her neck, making her way down. Each kiss now was like the touch of a feather, as if Dahyun was worshipping each and every part her body. Nayeon could feel the infinite amount of love poured into the touches and felt her heart fluttering. She knew that no other experience in her life would ever compare to this moment right now, and smiled as she wiped her eyes.

Dahyun got to her stomach and looked up. “Can I do something?”

“Anything,” Nayeon almost laughed at the ridiculous request.

Without warning, Dahyun gave a broad lick right on top of Nayeon’s abs, moving down to her hipbones, where she placed a bite. Nayeon involuntarily bucked her hips at the feeling with a groan. Dahyun lifted one of her legs and placed a kiss on the inside of her thigh, biting there again, sucking at the skin and kissing the spot afterwards. She got closer and closer to where Nayeon really needed her, but never quite reaching, and the girl was starting to get extremely needy. “Dahyun…”

“You’re just gorgeous…” She mumbled, apparently unaware of anything besides this woman in front of her. “Here, and here too,” With each praise she would place a bite and a kiss, doing this to both legs until she, at long last, got to her aching center. With a broad stroke, she placed her head in between Nayeon’s thighs and started circling Nayeon with her tongue, ever so slowly.

“Shit,” Nayeon lifted her hips against Dahyun’s face, grabbing a fistful of the blonde’s hair and guiding her movements. She let her head fall back on the pillows and the sounds came out louder and louder from the back at her throat with each stroke of the bartender’s tongue. When Dahyun dipped inside, she almost lost it right there. “Fuck.”

Dahyun had to admit that it was unbelievably hot the way Nayeon cursed like a sailor.

The slow pace was not doing it for Nayeon anymore, however, and she needed release. “Dahyun… please…”

Dahyun got the message and brought her fingers to help. She pumped her digits faster now, while her tongue sucked on the sensitive spot in a steady rhythm. Nayeon’s moans were turning her on way more than she liked to admit.

When Nayeon’s hips started twitching, she breathed out. “Dahyun… c-come here.”

She stopped and looked up. “Huh?”

“H-here,” She reached for her and Dahyun climbed up to her face. “Keep using your f-fingers and kiss me.”

She obliged, and Nayeon tasted herself on her tongue. The taste was familiar to her, but it was just so much better this time around; sweeter and more intoxicating. She was really close and brought one hand to Dahyun’s back, scratching her sides. The blonde grunted into the kiss and Nayeon mumbled in a husky tone. “Give me— give me your other hand.”

Dahyun had to break the kiss and sit up a bit to do it, and Nayeon guided her open palm to the base of her throat. “Press it down…”

This was a bit surprising. “O-oh. Are you sure?”

“Y-yeah.”

Dahyun did as she was told, not really sure how strongly she wanted it.

“More.”

She kept adding more pressure, but was way too scared to hurt her too much. Her fingers were still working down there, and Nayeon’s face was a masterpiece of its own. Her flushed cheeks, the half-opened mouth, the erratic breathing – everything was incredibly sexy and Dahyun wanted to get sucked into the high.

Nayeon cupped the back of Dahyun’s neck suddenly and pulled her down, whispering in her ear. “Choke me…”

And fuck, that was maybe messed up, but at the moment, ridiculously hot. Dahyun finally pressed down enough and Nayeon came shortly after. Her breathing was cut off by the pressure, and she gasped, releasing raspy sounds that didn’t seem to stop. Dahyun let her go quickly and Nayeon inhaled deeply, still trembling from the ecstasy.

Her body kept shaking for a while, and Dahyun was worried she had hurt her in any way. “A-are you alright?? Did I mess it up?”

It took a moment for Nayeon to fully recover, but when she did, her eyes were glossy and there was a tired smile on her features. She shook her head. “It was amazing…”

Dahyun let out a relieved breath as Nayeon curled into her form, the tiredness taking over her body. The bartender held her close and they cuddled tiredly for a bit. “Thank you,” Nayeon muttered against her neck.

“You scared me for a moment, there.” Dahyun admitted quietly.

Nayeon just giggled. “I get that a lot.”

“Is this… really a good thing? Choking?” Doing it had never, in a million years, crossed Dahyun’s mind.

“I like it,” Nayeon replied. “The lack of oxygen makes your head hazy, and when the climax hits, it feels like… you’re floating, in a way.”

“That’s… interesting, actually.” It was probably the least appropriate moment for Dahyun to get genuinely interested in the chemical reactions and benefits of a certain kink, but she couldn’t help it. “I never thought about it.”

“Now you know.” Nayeon lifted her head with a grin and placed a chaste kiss on the blonde. It lasted a good while and it warmed Dahyun’s heart in an indescribable way. Having Nayeon in her arms and kissing her lazily like this felt like a dream, one that she didn’t want to wake up from so soon.

She felt Nayeon’s thigh make its way in between her legs and gasped at the action. She moved against her leg slowly as they kissed, picking up the pace when Nayeon pinched her nipple gently, twisting it slowly. “Aren’t you tired…?”

“You haven’t had your turn yet.”

“I don’t really need—”

“You’re soaking wet,” Nayeon said bluntly, causing blood to rush to Dahyun’s cheeks instantly. “Let me do this for you. And take off your underwear already.”

“…If you insist,” She accepted defeat and removed the garment, finally exposed. She came back to rolling her hips against Nayeon, the movement building up pressure quickly on Dahyun’s abdomen, and she was sure she could climax just by closing her eyes and remembering Nayeon’s expression a few moments ago. A gentle hand cupped her cheek and Dahyun opened her eyes.

“Want to try something?”

“Uh… is it the choking thing?” Dahyun wasn’t sure she was ready for that yet.

“No,” Nayeon giggled. “Sit up and get on your knees.”

Being ordered around somehow made the whole experience a thousand times hotter, and Dahyun spread her legs as she did so.

“Now come here.” Nayeon motioned her to get closer.

“Um…where exactly?”

“On my face, silly.”

_Oh. Ohh. Alright, there was that._

She crawled up to Nayeon’s face and lowered her hips so her center was close enough to her mouth. The girl beneath her grabbed her thighs, spreading them a bit more and just basking in the scent. “You’re dripping.”

“D-don’t need the details!” Dahyun stuttered, embarrassed. She was about to say something else, but then Nayeon’s tongue was on her and everything stopped mattering. And it was quite shameful how quickly she came, but ultimately it was great for both of them, and that was all that mattered.

Dahyun slumped next to Nayeon afterwards and nuzzled the girl with an exhausted happy sigh.

“Did you know…” Nayeon mumbled against her hair.

“Hmm?” Dahyun’s eyes were closing on their own at this point.

“That you taste really good,” The smirk was apparent in her voice and Dahyun just buried herself further into Nayeon’s chest with warm cheeks.

“Too many details…” She mumbled, and the last thing she remembered before blacking out was the sound of beautiful giggles and a kiss on top of her head.

And that Nayeon knew she loved her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed the fluff! Now hop onto the angst train. Choo choo
> 
> follow me on twitter @niigoki_


	10. Lesson Ten: Sarrasani

Heavy breathing accompanied strong footsteps as the woman ran in a steady pace. The first rays of sun in the horizon welcomed a new morning, a little bit chilly, but bearable. Every time her running shoes hit the sidewalk, the athlete felt her calves tensioning in a pleasant way. Her legs were pure muscle, as were her arms and basically entire body, so a jog like this wasn’t enough to get her tired. It was a habit she had picked up from her rugby training routine, and even though this was supposed to be her resting week, Jeongyeon felt the need to go out and run for a bit.

Turning around the corner, Jeongyeon nearly knocked down a homeless man in the way. She managed to avoid him just in time, but stopped nonetheless, looking back and taking off her headphones. “I’m sorry, are you okay?”

The man didn’t reply and flipped her off, walking away. Jeongyeon just huffed in annoyance and resumed her peaceful jog.

“At least I was polite when I was homeless,” She muttered in between ragged breaths, but let it go. After 30 minutes of roaming through the neighborhood, she decided that it was time to go back to the apartment for a nice shower. The day was going to be long and she had to get ready for… that.

The cold water hit her back and Jeongyeon clenched her muscles, absorbing the sudden change of temperature. She exhaled as her body got used to the shower and rubbed her arms and legs with soap, not in a hurry. Looking up at the shampoo, Jeongyeon sighed and eventually reached for it. That brand was difficult to find, but somehow that woman never failed to deliver a bunch of them; it was like she had purchased the company. Jeongyeon scoffed at the though – she definitely would have.

After cleaning herself and washing her hair, Jeongyeon put on a robe and walked to the kitchen for a healthy breakfast consisting of vitamins and a big ham and cheese sandwich. She turned on the TV to watch the news as she munched on her food, but eventually turned it off. There was nothing worth watching as usual, just death and sadness all around – and she’d already had plenty of that in her life.

With a full stomach and clean dishes, Jeongyeon took her time to dry her hair and finally put on some casual clothes. She decided to go with beige cargo pants and a sleeveless black shirt, but just because it was a special occasion. Usually she tried to avoid short sleeves, but this time it was necessary – she was getting a tattoo on her arm, after all.

Jeongyeon walked past the mirror in her room but stopped, stepping back to look at herself. Her gaze went directly for the white patches of skin on her arm, uneven and still pretty apparent. It had subdued considerably since it first happened fifteen years ago, but the burns had been too intense, and the skin never healed completely. It was a scar she would bear for the rest of her life, but she tried not to dwell too much on it.

Well, today she would have to, but it was for a good cause.

Jeongyeon lifted her left arm, where the burn had been worst. The light skin covered her forearm entirely, going all the way to her hand. It was part of who she was. It had been hard for the first few years after it happened, but back then everything was terrible. Getting a third-degree burn was just another day in the life of Red-Eyed Jeongyeon.

“Blessed by the Sun God…” Jeongyeon mumbled to herself, remembering her introduction act word by word. It would never go away, just like the scars on her eyes and cheek; a constant reminder that she had been owned for the majority of her childhood and teenage years. Not a very healthy way of living. But she had nowhere to go, so the circus devoured her alive.

Closing her eyes tightly and shaking her head, Jeongyeon stepped back and knocked down some books accidentally. The loud noise startled her, and she turned around with a whip of her hair, pressing a hand to her chest and breathing heavily. The pages scattered everywhere with the impact and Jeongyeon only calmed down after processing what had happened. With a sigh, she crouched to grab the books and put them in place again with shaky hands.

Walking towards the living room, she picked up her cellphone and typed a message, in hopes of focusing on something else.

**[Jeongyeon, 8:43am]:** _Just reminding you that I’m going to the city center today at 1pm._

She knew Nayeon wasn’t going to answer, it was way too early for her to be up. The corner of Jeongyeon’s lips turned up almost imperceptibly at the thought. That girl had always been a heavy sleeper, even when they were kids. Some habits were hard to break, she guessed. Then she realized she was thinking about Nayeon and shook her head again.

“Focus, Jeongyeon.” The clock on her wall pointed almost 9am, so she had a long time to waste before catching the train downtown. With nothing really in mind, Jeongyeon grabbed a book and sat down on the couch, alone with herself and distracting her thoughts.

It was far too dangerous to be alone with her thoughts.

\--

“Hey Mina, check it out.” Chaeyoung grabbed the tattoo artist’s attention as she walked by with a cup of tea. Going around the counter to peek at whatever the receptionist was pointing out in the computer, Mina squinted her eyes when the screen said, ‘Unable to connect to the internet’.

“Oh no, is the wi-fi broken?” She said, worried.

“No, no, I turned it off for a bit.” Chaeyoung replied, waving her hand in dismissal.

“Why?”

“I wanted to show you my high score at the dinosaur game.”

“…Excuse me?” Mina raised an eyebrow, inquisitively.

“You don’t know about the dinosaur game?” Chaeyoung widened her eyes, as if the woman in front of her had said the most absurd of things.

“I don’t know about the…” Just saying it out loud sounded ridiculous. “ _Dinosaur_ game.”

“How can you not know about the dinosaur game?”

“I just don’t!”

“But it’s general knowledge.”

“I don’t—”

The curtain that led to the back of the shop was lifted and Jihyo came out of it with her usual cool expression. “Hey.”

“Jihyo, Mina doesn’t know about the dinosaur game!”

“Well, clearly Jihyo doesn’t eith—”

“How can you not know about the dinosaur game?” Jihyo interrupted Mina’s sentence with a deadpanned reaction.

“Ugh!” Mina spread her arms in an exasperate motion and knocked some pens off the desk. With a grunt, she immediately walked around it to collect them. “You’re all driving me crazy.”

Chaeyoung couldn’t help but laugh and Jihyo smiled slightly, raising her hand for a high five. The receptionist complied, and the gesture made her feel like she was slowly becoming part of the group. A happy feeling settled within her – also, annoying Mina was way funnier than she thought it would be; the girl managed to be even cuter when angry.

“Okay, sorry.” Chaeyoung took a breath. “But really, there’s this game you can play if this message appears, all you have to do is—”

At this point, the parlor’s door opened with a ring and the three workers turned to greet the person at the same time. “Welcome to The Black Swan!”

Chaeyoung and Mina froze immediately.

The woman who had just entered was tall, built on pure muscle. The sleeveless shirt she was wearing allowed all of the curves and nuances of her arms to be pretty visible in the light, and she almost looked like she was shining. There were some patches of lighter skin on her arms, as well as her cheek and across her eyes.

Chaeyoung thought that this person was simply gorgeous.

“Hi, I’m Jeongyeon. We talked on the phone?” Jeongyeon said in a neutral tone.

It took a good three seconds for Chaeyoung to reply. “Oh, yeah! The one from the fire tattoo, right?”

“Yeah.” She rubbed her neck, awkwardly. “Nice to meet you.”

“Pleasure’s all mine,” Chaeyoung really tried not to sound flirty, but it was quite hard to hold herself back when this demi-goddess was staring down right at her. “Um, this is Jihyo! She’s your artist for the day.” She tried to deflect any possible embarrassments by doing her job.

Jihyo walked over towards Jeongyeon and shook her hand strongly. “Good to meet you. Let’s go inside so we can discuss the details of your tattoo.”

“Sounds good.” Jeongyeon nodded towards Chaeyoung and Mina as she followed Jihyo. “Excuse me.”

Chaeyoung nodded back and waited until she had vanished behind the curtain to melt on top of her table. “Holy shit.” She whispered, still quite in shock. Then she side-eyed Mina, who was rooted in the same spot since Jeongyeon came in, and seemed to be in some sort of trance. “Mina?”

“Yes!” She blinked quickly and turned around. “Yes. I’m Mina. Did you need me?”

Chaeyoung frowned for a second before catching the redness of the artist’s cheeks, then smirked. “Oh… I see I’m not the only one with good taste around here.”

“W-what are you talking about, don’t be absurd.” She walked around the counter again and sat down on the adjacent chair next to Chaeyoung, sipping her tea, which had gone cold by now.

“How can I be absurd if you don’t know what I’m talking about?” Chaeyoung teased, receiving a sharp glare in return.

“Oh, be quiet.”

“It’s okay. I mean, did you see her? Whew.”

“Chaeyoung, she’s right there!” Mina hissed, looking back to check for any movement. “This curtain isn’t exactly soundproof, you know.”

“Relax, she’s probably in Jihyo’s office by now. You know how Jihyo likes to talk inside.” Chaeyoung leaned against her chair, playing with one of her locks. “So, you like muscles, huh?”

Mina’s face flushed again and she averted her eyes towards her cup. “I’m not answering that.”

“I just wanted to know you a little better, that’s all.” Her smirk turned into a soft smile and Chaeyoung looked at Mina for a few moments before returning to her normal position in front of the computer. “I’ll stop pestering you.”

There was a heavy silence that followed as Mina’s fingertips tapped the teacup. She let out a sigh after a couple of minutes and finished her beverage. “Fine, yes. I do find muscles in women quite… attractive.”

 _She’s easy to read,_ Chaeyoung thought with an internal smug grin. “Kinda figured that out.”

“Yeah, well, what about you then? You seemed to be interested as well.” He tone was sharper than she intended, but just because she was embarrassed to be the only one spilling the beans. Mina was a reserved person when it came to matters of the heart, and she rarely opened up like this.

“I don’t really have a type, I like everyone.” Chaeyoung replied casually.

“Everyone?”

“Of course! Men, women, both, neither. Just, you know, people. The human body is a masterpiece, and I appreciate them all.”

“That’s… a really beautiful way of thinking.” Mina looked down at her empty cup with a distant expression, as if reminiscing something from a faraway past. “Someone I knew said something similar too, once.”

“Oh? What did they say?” Maybe this was the time to unlock a backstory.

“‘The world is beautiful, Mina. If you take your time and look around, you’ll find so much joy in every little thing. Humans are truly a masterpiece’. That’s what she said.” Mina’s lips turned upwards lightly, but her eyes were the saddest Chaeyoung has ever seen. Then she blinked and looked up again, snapping out of it. “Sorry, that was random. It just reminded me of her.”

“Don’t be sorry, that was wonderful.” Any traces of playfulness had completely vanished from Chaeyoung’s voice, and all that was left was this intense desire to hug this beautiful woman by her side. It was a weird tug in her chest, one she had a pretty difficult time dealing with, but right now she was also feeling at peace.

“Thank you,” Mina moved her gaze to look at her, and Chaeyoung’s heart leaped a beat. “It’s weird, I don’t usually tell people about that. How come you brought it out of me so easily?”

“People say I’m easy to talk to,” Chaeyoung shrugged with a grin. “I’m always glad to be of help.”

Mina giggled at that and – oh no, it was such a melodious sound. “Well, miss nice-pants. Don’t think I’ve forgotten about earlier.”

“Earlier?”

Mina put her cup down and slid her chair really close to Chaeyoung. “Show me the damn dinosaur game.”

\--

Jihyo’s office was cramped and dark. For some reason the window blinds were down, making the only source of light a small retractable lightbulb attached to the ceiling. It was pretty bright, though – it had to be so Jihyo wouldn’t mess up any lines as she worked. Jeongyeon’s size didn’t really help her case in the small room, and she found herself sitting down on a chair quite awkwardly as Jihyo finished the touches on her sketch on the tracing paper. “Something like this?”

Jeongyeon stretched her neck to take a look. “Oh, wow. Yeah, definitely.”

“Alright.” Jihyo smiled coolly and turned around to grab some gloves and hygiene products. “Give me your arm, please.”

Jeongyeon did so and felt the artist washing the area with soap before anything else. Once cleaned, she grabbed the tracing paper carefully. “Where exactly do you want this?”

“Right here,” Jeongyeon pointed to where her arm connected with her elbow, which was where her scar ended perfectly, and Jihyo nodded, applying the paper around the area.

“Please don’t move.” She muttered as she enveloped the area, and was soon done with it. “What do you think?”

Jeongyeon looked down, then turned to the mirror on her right, getting up to check how it would look. Her head hit the lamp accidentally and she reached up to move it away out of instinct.

“Careful, the lamp it’s hot!” Jihyo managed to warn her before her hand connected to the flaming metal and Jeongyeon immediately froze. A flashing memory crossed her mind in a millisecond, but she closed her eyes and inhaled deeply to make it go away. “Are you alright?”

“Ye— Yes.” Jeongyeon sat back down. “Sorry. It’s a bit cramped.”

Jihyo didn’t laugh, but nodded.

“It’s great, by the way.” Jeongyeon continued. “The tattoo.”

“Glad you liked it.” She got up to open the office’s door. “We just need to wait about ten minutes for the sketch to dry. Can I offer you something to drink in the meantime?”

“I’m good, thanks.” The athlete got up, glad to get out of the tight space and breathe some air.

She roamed around for a bit, checking the countless drawings hanging from the frames on the wall, and eventually sat on the couch, taking a magazine to pass the time. After a few mindless page turns, her eyes moved down to the sketched tattoo on her arm and she sighed. In a few minutes that thing would be etched forever on her skin and she would have to look at it every day. Jeongyeon tried to cheer up by reminding herself that it was for a good cause, but it was still hard.

“Let’s go?” Jihyo’s silhouette appeared apparently out of nowhere, startling her.

“Oh, r-right.” Jeongyeon put the magazine down and walked into the office again, sitting down facing the mirror. Jihyo put on her gloves and grabbed the needle gun, dipping the tip in a strong blue paint.

“You’ll probably just feel a light sting.” Jihyo said as she started to work. As soon as the needle connected, she looked up. “How is it?”

Jeongyeon let out a breathy laugh. “I’ve had worse.”

As Jihyo worked, they stood in silence. The buzzing noise coming from the little machine was pleasant for some reason – maybe because it cut through the suffocating quietness of the place. The artist didn’t seem like a very talkative person, which normally wouldn’t bother Jeongyeon, but right now she really didn’t want to be alone with her thoughts.

“So… what prompted you to become a tattoo artist?” It was such an awkward conversation starter, but it was the first thing that popped in her mind.

“A friend.” Jihyo replied, simply. Jeongyeon waited for her to elaborate, but it never came.

“Was she an artist, too?”

“In a way.” She leaned back to wipe the paint off, then resumed inking.

“I see.”

More silence followed and Jeongyeon fidgeted with herself to think of something else. She had such terrible social skills, it was ridiculous. She was normally better at this with her teammates, but that was because they’ve known each other for years. Her team was like the family she never had, but it had taken her at least a whole year to finally feel like she fit in.

With this stoic woman in front of her, she was hopeless.

“Is there a story behind it?” Jihyo asked all of a sudden.

“Huh?”

“Your tattoo.”

Oh, _now_ she wanted to talk. Jeongyeon wished she had picked another topic. “Isn’t there a story behind all tattoos?”

“Not really,” Jihyo wiped the ink again. “Many people just get one because it looks pretty.”

“Is there a story behind yours?” Jeongyeon tried to turn this around.

“Which one? I have plenty.”

“These ones on your shoulders.” The tribal tattoos were the only ones she could see. If the woman had others in hidden places, she couldn’t tell.

“They looked pretty.” Jihyo replied with a small smile and Jeongyeon actually laughed at that.

“Touché.” She looked at herself in the mirror and sighed, not wanting to stare at her reflection the whole time. She turned back to Jihyo. “Yeah, there’s a story. Not sure you’d want to hear it, to be honest.”

“If you don’t tell the meaning of your tattoo to your tattoo artist,” Jihyo wiped more ink from her arm. “Then you won’t tell anyone. I respect that, it just looked like you wanted to share.”

The athlete blinked, surprised at how sensible Jihyo was behind the serious façade. And hell, maybe she was right; there were so many things Jeongyeon had to bear on her own in this life, maybe confiding in a total stranger sometimes was important. It was not like she owned her anything, and they would probably never see each other again, so why not.

“Alright,” Jeongyeon swallowed the bump in her throat. “…I just need someone to hate me.”

Jihyo hummed a ‘really?’, still focused on the lineart.

“Yeah. I mean, she already does, but not enough. We just need to… be apart for good.”

“And this tattoo will make her hate you?”

“Hopefully.” Jeongyeon knew that it definitely would, but deep down she was still hanging on the fake hope that maybe it wouldn’t really.

“She doesn’t like flames, I take it.”

She snickered. “Not really. Well, me neither, but… it’s complicated.”

“Life is as complicated as we make it.” Jihyo turned around to dip the needle in more blue ink.

“That’s deep,” Jeongyeon smirked, looking down. “We had an accident with fire when we were younger. She blames herself for… this.” She gestured to her forearm, and Jihyo nodded in understanding.

“It must’ve hurt.”

“The pain is the thing I remember most vividly,” It should’ve been uncomfortable for Jeongyeon to talk about this, but Jihyo made her feel at peace. She wasn’t used to share her past with people, but the whole atmosphere of the small room was relaxing enough for her to just let these things out. “Ever had a flaming stick fall right into your eyes?”

“Can’t say that I have,” Jihyo chuckled, but not in a rude way. “These are scars, then.”

“Never healed,” Jeongyeon opened and closed her hand. “I’m used to them by now.”

“And why blue?”

“It’s her favorite color.”

“And this girl was responsible, so now you’re tattooing blue flames next to your scar to make her feel guilty about it every time she sees you.”

“She won’t feel guilty, she’s already past that,” Her memories went years back, when they shared a mattress on a shitty floor. “She’ll just be angry. It’s all I want her to feel.”

“What about what you feel?”

The question caught her off guard. “What?”

“You’re the one who was burned, and yet you want to see flames on your body every time you look at yourself in the mirror?” Jihyo removed the machine from Jeongyeon’s arm and turned it off, looking up at the girl. She wasn’t about to continue until Jeongyeon answered her clearly, and the athlete clenched her teeth, averting her gaze.

“I don’t— care about myself.”

The heavy silence was almost maddening, and Jeongyeon really wished the woman would turn the machine on again just so she could hear some kind of sound. Jihyo kept staring, and Jeongyeon couldn’t help but to look right into her eyes, trying to decipher what that expression meant. It almost looked like pity, but it wasn’t it – empathy, perhaps.

“If you say so,” Then she clicked the needle gun and continued working on the tattoo. It almost felt like she was being gentler this time, but it was probably just Jeongyeon’s imagination. “But I don’t think that’s really it.”

“Huh?”

“You do care about yourself,” Jihyo explained. “You just care about her more.”

Jeongyeon had no arguments for that.

\--

It took two hours, but eventually her tattoo was done. Jihyo cleaned it the best she could and wrapped her arm in plastic to protect it. After relaying to Jeongyeon the list of things she should do in the aftercare, she thanked her for coming and turned around to organize her desk. Jeongyeon thanked her for listening and apologized for any weird thing she might’ve said, but Jihyo dismissed it with a smile.

Before walking out of the office, Jeongyeon looked once more to the reflection in the mirror, now with the full view of her finished tattoo. The blue flames covered the top of her scar perfectly, going up all until near her shoulder in a swift motion. Her heart felt heavy as she exited the place. It would’ve been a beautiful tattoo, if it wasn’t going to be used to push someone she loved away, but Jeongyeon didn’t care.

She would hate herself a thousand times over if Nayeon could be finally happy.

\--

“Say Jiwoo, how would you describe love?” Chaeyoung’s question was quite out of nowhere, but it was one that had been hanging in her mind ever since the day in the junkyard where she drank with Nayeon.

“Fulfilling,” Jiwoo’s answer was immediate, no missed beats or doubts in her voice. Her body turned around to nuzzle against Chaeyoung’s and she sighed contently, still quite sleepy. “Why are you asking all of a sudden?”

“I’ve been thinking, I guess,” Chaeyoung responded by threading her fingers in the girl’s hair and bringing the cigarette to her lips to take a drag. “With Dahyun being in love and all.”

“Dahyun is a treasure.” Jiwoo giggled. “And girl, put this junk down, you’re gonna set the bed on fire.”

“Oops, habit.” Chaeyoung smashed the cigarette on the glass ashtray next to her pillow and adjusted herself to sit up against the headboard. “What about you Taehyung, what’s love to you?”

“Letting you into our bed even though we’re already cramped.” The boy muttered from the other side of the shared mattress, where Matthew and Somin were attached to him and snoring.

“This bed is huge, stop complaining.” Chaeyoung laughed.

She looked up at the ceiling for a few moments as the gears turned in her head and she thought about life. Sometimes Chaeyoung wondered if her lifestyle was too much, but then she dismissed these thoughts by looking around and realizing how happy she actually was. Her parents might have kicked her out when she was a teenager, but she managed to find incredible people along the way, and now there was no one else she needed to be happy. Her family had never been supportive and always treated her like shit, so Chaeyoung built her own. The ones who truly mattered stayed, and she could always fool around as much as she liked without being judged, because she felt safe and protected.

She pursed he lips, resuming her line of thought. “So, for you, love is like… love for a friend.”

“Yeah, that too.” Taehyung confirmed.

“There are different types of love,” Jiwoo added. “All of them are fulfilling, though.”

“Hmm… yeah, I can see that.” Chaeyoung nodded, kissing the top of Jiwoo’s head. The girl reciprocated by squeezing her tighter.

“Are you in love with someone, honey?” Jiwoo asked.

“Nah, I don’t do love.” Chaeyoung chortled.

“That’s what they always say.” Taehyung’s tone was playful, but still lazy.

“Hmm-hm,” Jiwoo agreed. “One day a special someone will come along and crush this cold and distant façade of yours.”

“You have two boyfriends and a girlfriend, Jiwoo, I can’t compete with that.” Chaeyoung reminded.

“It’s not a competition, sweetie. Just saying, it might happen.”

“Don’t count on it,” After a quick silence and more ponderings of her own, Chaeyoung mumbled. “I wonder what the difference is…”

“Hmm?” Jiwoo and Taehyung hummed at the same time.

“Between us and, you know… real adults.”

“What are real adults, anyway?” Jiwoo asked, wriggling out of Chaeyoung’s embrace to look up at her. “People who have a job, pay taxes, go grocery shopping and stuff like that?”

“You make it sound like we’re real adults.”

“Aren’t we, though?”

“I don’t know.” Chaeyoung had a relaxed smile on her face. “Technically, yeah. But do real adults have a bunch of lovers?”

“They should,” Taehyung said seriously, making the others laugh. “It would make some of them less grumpy.”

“Here we go.” Jiwoo rolled her eyes and moved so she could snuggle against her boyfriend. “No step-dad talk in bed, baby.”

Taehyung just grunted, but welcomed the snuggle with a few kisses of his own. It soon turned into a heated make-out session and Chaeyoung stared fondly at them for a bit before getting up quietly.

Walking to the kitchen to make herself some coffee, she thought back on Jiwoo’s words about the different types of love. A small smile formed in her lips as she looked out the window to the setting sun, and breathed in deeply.

Chaeyoung might not do the romantic type of love, but she definitely did the platonic one.

\--

“We’re going out to celebrate and you’re coming with!” Jeongyeon’s whole body was shoved to the side as one of her teammates tackle-hugged her out of nowhere. She hit the lockers harshly, but the metal doors had seen worse.

“Say what?” Jeongyeon asked, not bothered by the rough handling.

“That freaking try you scored at the last minute! It was the best thing I’ve ever seen, and the girls agree.” She pointed to the rest of the team who was changing clothes behind them, and they all yelled a ‘yeah!’ in return. “So, as a thanks, we’re going to treat you to some drinks at this awesome pub downtown.”

Jeongyeon eyed her friend suspiciously. “Momo, that was hardly my best play and you know it. What’s really going on?”

“What?! Ridiculous. What other motivation would we have to want to cheer you up?” Momo had the best of intentions, always, but she was a terrible, terrible liar.

“Cheer me up, huh? I thought you wanted to treat me because I scored.”

She froze and the girls behind them started laughing. “Momo, you’re so bad at this.”

“S-shut up!” Momo turned around with reddened cheeks and threw a wet towel over them. “Ugh, fine, it’s not because of your play. You, missy, have been sulking for these past few days, ever since you got this tattoo. So, we thought we might hang out with you for a bit, make you smile a little.”

It was a really nice sentiment, but Jeongyeon was not in the mood for social interaction. Honestly, ever since her skin had been marked with those blue flames, Jeongyeon had been loathing herself even more than usual. It got to the point where she wasn’t even sad anymore, she was just goddamn angry at herself for being so cowardly, because she knew why she was feeling this way.

She hadn’t showed it to Nayeon yet.

That was the whole point of the tattoo: making Nayeon hate her to the point of wanting to get away from her for good, so she could finally be free from the memories associated with Jeongyeon’s presence. That was the only way the two of them would be able to move on from this, but she still hadn’t had the guts to call her. It was ridiculous, quite frankly, and she was tired.

“Thanks for the offer, but—”

“Nuh, nuh, nuh, you don’t have a say in this. You’re coming.” Momo was persistent on the matter. “Really, Jeong, you need a break from… whatever it is that’s been bothering you. We’re your team and we’re here for you.”

“Your burden is like the ball,” Another girl, with soft eyes and a smile, butted in. “If you pass it to us, little by little we get closer to winning the game. Rugby is all about trust and sharing, right? Let us carry it for a bit.”

“Seulgi…” Jeongyeon didn’t expect to get so touched by those words, but her chest felt heavy. She didn’t want to alienate herself from her friends because of her problems; they were the ones who made her feel safe and happy in times like these.

Her team had always been loud and impulsive. Sometimes they made bad decisions at 3am before an important game, other times they broke down hotel rooms with playful pushes, but they always took responsibility for their actions and tried to do better every day.

Momo was the heart of the team, simply a big softy who cried when others cried, and she was the first friend Jeongyeon made when she joined. The two of them had gotten into more trouble than they’d like to admit, but their bond never wavered – it just got stronger as the years went by. If she had to describe Momo, it would probably be the sister she never truly had.

Seulgi was another ball of sunshine, always positive and happy, in contrast with her girlfriend Joohyun. That one was always arguing about something, but was very loyal to the team members. Despite being girlfriends, the two were completely different in personality; Seulgi avoided conflict whenever she could, and Joohyun always had something to say to protect her team from abusive authoritarian figures (like their coach, many times).

The other members were also like Jeongyeon’s family, but these three were the ones with whom she was closest with. Now even Joohyun was worried about her.

“Come on, it’s gonna be fun!” Momo slapped her back affectionately. “If you hate it, we can go home. Give it a try.”

With everyone’s eyes turned to her now, Jeongyeon couldn’t possibly refuse – not when she knew that they were all just concerned for her well-being. She smiled a little, glad to have her team by her side not only on the field, but in her daily life as well, and sighed in an exaggerated manner. “You won’t drop it, will you?”

“Nope!” All other 14 rugby players said in unison, which created a really loud echo around the locker room.

“Geez, do you have to shout?” Jeongyeon teased, receiving Momo’s arm around her neck followed by a warm laugh.

“Is that a yes?”

She didn’t answer for a few moments just to be a bit of a jerk, but then rolled her eyes. “Fine.”

The sound of cheers filled the place even louder, and Jeongyeon struggled out of Momo’s grasp with agility. In return, the girl tried to grab her again, and both ended up struggling with each other until Jeongyeon managed to drop her on the floor and sit on her back. The girls laughed again and Jeongyeon felt a little lighter.

Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad, after all.

\--

_“You’re coming tonight?”_ Dahyun’s voice on the phone was giddy as usual, and Nayeon smiled.

“Yeah, wouldn’t miss it.” She answered as she cleaned the kitchen counter with a wet cloth. “Are there any special events tonight?”

 _“Well, Saturdays are always busy, but nothing too bad. Oh! Sana told me the boss hired some performers for a special body shot night?”_ She sounded confused at her own sentence. _“Not sure what that means, but I hope chaos doesn’t ensue.”_

“Ohh, sounds hot,” Nayeon smirked, then added in a suggestive tone. “Are you one of them?”

 _“Huh? N-not really!”_ She could hear the blush in Dahyun’s voice. She was so cute.

“Aww, too bad.”

After a quiet moment, Dahyun mumbled. _“…I could be for you privately, though.”_

Nayeon nearly knocked her prized cactus off the counter. It still caught her off guard whenever Dahyun let out some of these bold comments on her own, but in a terribly good way. Nayeon bit her lower lip and resumed her chore with fire in her movements. “That would be great.”

 _“Yeah?”_ It was always weird for Dahyun to actually be this flirty, but she felt herself opening up a lot more around Nayeon. Exploring her own fantasies wasn’t so bad once in a while. _“That can be arranged.”_

Despite loving this side of Dahyun, Nayeon forced herself to calm down and talk about other things that didn’t involve thinking about how her naked body had felt against hers that day. It was still a very vivid memory and Nayeon treasured it a lot, but there were so many other things about Dahyun that she liked – her sharp mind, for example. The girl was incredibly intelligent and talented, and Nayeon found herself thinking back on the things she had learned because of her.

Being homeschooled – very poorly, at that – didn’t allow her to learn many things in life. Not that she wasn’t smart, but things like science and physics were completely foreign to her. She doubted Mirischia knew many things about the subject either; the witch just talked about money and business. Nayeon could’ve learned some things if she’d paid attention, but back then she wanted to stay as far away from that woman as possible.

“Say…” Nayeon resumed on the phone. “Do you think opening a business is hard?”

 _“Hmm, well I know it requires a lot of money beforehand.”_ Dahyun answered without even inquiring about the random question. _“You need a business plan first, so you can tell what exactly you’re spending and what your source of income will be. Then there are a lot of papers that need to be filled.”_

“I see.” She didn’t want to think about the circus, but it happened to be connected to the subject. Mirischia might’ve been a monster, but at least she was rich and had a clear idea of how these things worked. The fact that she made her income out of abused orphaned kids was a whole other story.

 _“Are you thinking about opening one in the future?”_ Dahyun’s voice was careful, almost as if threading on thin ice.

Nayeon stopped wiping with a thoughtful expression. _The future, huh._ “I don’t know. It was a thought that crossed my mind just now. I would need to get a job first, though.”

 _“You can do it!”_ Dahyun was always so supportive that it made Nayeon’s body warm up with emotion. _“I heard that partnerships are easier to handle, but I’m not really well-versed in the matter. Maybe… if you want, we could try something together someday.”_

This idea hadn’t even crossed Nayeon’s mind, and now she felt like she was floating in a dream. Meeting someone so selfless like that was the most intense experience of her life, because she didn’t know how to handle so much thoughtfulness coming from a person. If it wasn’t Dahyun talking, Nayeon might’ve thought she was just saying that to be polite; but this bartender didn’t have one insincere bone in her body.

“What did I ever do to deserve you…?” Nayeon muttered under her breath.

_“Did you say something?”_

“No, don’t worry.” She smiled, then resumed her cleaning. “We could think about it, sure. Thank you for suggesting it.”

 _“Okay.”_ Her voice was very soft and Nayeon just knew the girl had a loving gleam in her eyes.

“Nayeon, I’m home!” Ryujin’s voice cut through the mood in a flash.

“In the kitchen!” Nayeon yelled back. “Ryujin’s back, sorry.”

_“It’s okay! I’ll see you tonight.”_

She had heard these exact words a thousand times already, but it still made her heart leap a beat. “See you.”

Nayeon hung up, smiling at her own reflection in the newly polished marble counter.

She had a feeling it would be a good night.

\--

Something about the pub that night was different, livelier. The speakers were booming louder than usual and the people who normally sat at the tables far from the dancefloor were nowhere to be seen, because there was not a single soul sitting down. The illumination tonight was black light, and at the entrance, some new hostesses would rub people’s faces with phosphorescent paint, creating a beautiful display of glowing expressions.

“Welcome to Rainbow Night, remember to smile!” A tall hostess welcomed Nayeon that night, rubbing her cheeks and nose with blue paint. Nayeon couldn’t help but giggle at the coincidence of color and thanked her, pushing past the innumerous people, heading straight to the bar. She greeted some regulars on her way, receiving a very tight hug from this girl she never really talked to before, but who looked like a very sweet person. The music that night was mainly electronic remixes of popular songs, so there was an echoing chorus of people singing their lungs out wherever you went.

The bar was more crowded than usual, and Nayeon soon saw why. At the very far right corner of the counter, there were six very muscular men and lean women standing above everyone, with dripping abs and very flexible bodies. One of the men lied down at some point and poured a bit of tequila on his bellybutton, and one of the costumers licked it clean with a very big smile. Nayeon couldn’t help but laugh at the thought of Dahyun trying to be all sexy like that in front of so many people. She definitely wasn’t cut for this kind of job.

Despite the huge line for a turn on the body shot ride, things were quite organized. One of the great things about the pub was that people seemed to always be respectful towards each other; Nayeon never witnessed a fight or a bad time at the place, which she was sure might’ve happened once or twice, but never when she was around. There were no lonely souls sitting at the bar either that night, just friends dancing with their drinks in hands, but carefully, to avoid spilling.

At some point, she managed to squish herself in between two people and lean at the counter. Her eyes roamed, looking for Dahyun, and she witnessed her on the left, mixing something with a serious expression. _Focused as usual,_ Nayeon thought with a grin, and decided to wait for her to walk by so she could say hi.

She looked up at the menu carved in the wood above the bar and thought about what she would order that night. Getting wasted wasn’t in her plans, but if it happened, she wouldn’t complain. The atmosphere looked ideal for letting herself go that night and she was really digging the playlist the DJ had created. She was sure it wasn’t Matthew – whenever events like this happened, they usually hired new DJs for the job. Nayeon wondered if she would find Matthew, Somin, Jiwoo and Taehyung on the dancefloor.

One of the bartenders walked by and asked her if she wanted to order something.

“Can I get an Electric Lemonade?”

“Coming up,” He nodded, leaving the spot to grab some lemons. Not long after he was gone, Dahyun walked by and Nayeon sprung an arm to catch her attention.

“Hey, stranger.”

“Nayeon!” Dahyun unconsciously leaned in for a kiss and was met with a fierce one, as Nayeon grabbed her cheeks. She had to pull back quite quickly, but her mind felt hazy, nonetheless. “Can I get you something?”

“I already asked your friend over there.” She replied, pointing with her head.

“Alright. I’ll try to walk by soon, I just need to take some orders.”

“Go on, I’ll be here.”

Dahyun hesitate a little before pecking her on the lips again and walking away in happy steps. Nayeon laughed with a soft blush on her cheeks and propped her head up in one hand to follow Dahyun with her eyes and a dumb smile on her face.

\--

“Welcome to Rainbow Night, don’t forget to smile!” Jeongyeon was met with a greeting and orange paint rubbed across her face and raised an eyebrow, looking at Seulgi by her side.

“Paint, seriously?”

“Isn’t Rainbow Night the best name for a gay bar?” The girl quipped, reaching up to wipe away some excess paint on Jeongyeon’s nose.

“It’s generic.” Joohyun shrugged.

“It’s lively,” Jeongyeon smirked as she looked around and immediately spotted the dancers on top of the bar counter. “They have strippers and everything.”

“They do indeed.” Seulgi felt her cheeks heating as she watched the nearly-naked people moving their hips on the counter.

“Let’s see from up close!” Momo said, suddenly grabbing Jeongyeon and Seulgi’s hands to pull them into the crowd. Joohyun groaned and followed, with no choice.

Jeongyeon wasn’t used to be in the middle of so many people, and if it wasn’t for her height, it would be terribly suffocating. As they walked, people looked at them, probably surprised at the muscly women, but no snarky remarks or uncomfortable touches were made. Jeongyeon was surprised by that; she’d been waiting to be grabbed from all angles by sweaty, drunk limbs – wasn’t that what people did at night clubs? The fact that the only things she received were smiles made her feel so much better. The song wasn’t bad either and, as soon as they reached the counter, she felt more relaxed.

“I’m going to grab something to drink.” Jeongyeon said over the noise.

Momo turned to her, not wanting to leave her friend alone. “Me too! We’ll be back soon,” She looked over at Seulgi and Joohyun, waving goodbye.

“Oh, you pulled us here, now you’ll leave?!” Joohyun yelled dramatically, but the two athletes were already out of reach.

Momo and Jeongyeon got to an emptier part of the bar and looked up at the menu. “Hmm… I’m thinking about a couple of beers to start, how about you?” Momo asked, then frowned. “Wait, can you even drink? You just got your tattoo and all, aren’t you supposed to wait like… a while?”

“It’s been more than a week, I’m sure it’s fine.” Jeongyeon shrugged. “Besides, if I stay sober in a place called Rainbow Night, what’s the point?”

Momo laughed. “Alright. Hey, bartender! Can we get some beers?”

“Coming right up!” Dahyun yelled without taking her eyes off the Martini she was just finishing. With a swift move, she delivered the drink and walked back to grab two beer cups. Filling them to the brim, she slid over to Momo and Jeongyeon. “Thank you for waiting!” And without really glancing at their faces for more than a second, she walked over to where another costumer was asking for a drink.

“Working hard,” Momo mentioned briefly and lifted her cup. “Cheers! For a well-played game!”

“For dragging me over here to cheer me up,” Jeongyeon corrected with a smug grin and clinked their cups, gulping nearly everything in seconds.

It didn’t take long for beers to turn into tequila shots, which was always a terrible combination, and soon Jeongyeon felt herself laughing stupidly at everything. After a few bad jokes, they decided to leave the counter and walk over to the body shot line to find Seulgi and Joohyun, but they were nowhere to be found.

“They’re probably making out somewhere!” Momo said, and Jeongyeon laughed like it was the funniest thing in the world.

After that, they decided to move to the dance floor to let out some steam. Decidedly, dancing was not on the list of things Jeongyeon knew how to do, so she just moved side by side awkwardly, but without giving much thought to it. The bodies besides them crashed and collided against her, which was a feeling she was quite used to.

A sudden harsh blow came in her direction however, and she accidentally stepped to the side and crashed against someone smaller. Jeongyeon’s reflexes kicked in and she grabbed the person’s back to stop them from falling, accidentally dipping them like in a romantic dance.

“Oops, sorry,” She said dumbly, but her smile vanished the second she looked at the girl in her arms.

At that moment, a few things happened.

First Nayeon’s gaze froze on Jeongyeon’s painted face. Then, she moved her stare to Jeongyeon’s left arm, where the tattoo was exposed for all to see. Finally, she pushed Jeongyeon away with a strength she didn’t know she possessed, and with a sudden overflow of anger, she spat the words out.

“What the _fuck_ is that thing?”

\--

Jeongyeon’s head was way too jumbled for this kind of conversation right now, but she had no choice; Nayeon all but pushed her into the bathroom, away from prying eyes. Momo, of course, had tried to follow, getting defensive towards her teammate when she saw this blue-haired woman apparently picking a fight over the fact that Jeongyeon had accidentally pushed her, but Jeongyeon calmed her down and said that she would deal with her alone. Momo didn’t understand, but promised to wait outside – just in case.

And now, they were facing each other inside a gay pub’s bathroom, with a ton of unresolved emotions flying above their heads like hungry vultures. Jeongyeon didn’t know if Nayeon was drunk as well – she really hoped she wasn’t.

“Care to explain?” It was hardly a question, more like a demand coming out of Nayeon’s mouth.

Jeongyeon shifted uncomfortably, trying to focus, but there were two Nayeons in front of her. “This is a really bad time to have this conversation.”

“Why? Are you drunk?”

“Yes,” Jeongyeon hoped that one of them would at least have the common sense of sorting things out sober.

“Good, me too.” Was all Nayeon said in return, and now Jeongyeon knew that this was going to suck.

“You don’t look drunk,” She tried to avoid it by making stupid remarks, but it wasn’t going to cut it.

“Because I’m pissed.”

“At what?” She nearly laughed. “At me? Tell me something I don’t know, Nayeon.”

“At this… stupid fucking _thing_ on your arm!” Nayeon raised her voice, gesturing to the blue flames adorning pure muscle. “Is this a joke? Are you mocking me?”

“I’m not—”

“No, screw that,” Nayeon laughed, unbelieving. “Are you mocking _yourself_? After what happened, this is the first tattoo you decide to get? Fucking flames on top of your scar?”

“Oh, after what happened?” Jeongyeon knew she shouldn’t lose her temper, she knew she should have stormed out of there the moment she realized Nayeon was in the same vicinity – and honestly, she wouldn’t be able to stop her from leaving with her bare hands – but she hadn’t. And now, with alcohol clouding her good judgement, Jeongyeon was going to be an asshole and spill things that she knew would hurt the both of them. “Or after what _you_ did to _me_?”

“What?” Nayeon was shocked. “I can’t… I can’t _believe_ you, it’s been years—”

“Yeah, it’s been fifteen _fucking_ years, and look how well my skin has healed!” Jeongyeon pointed at her eyes, which she knew would hurt Nayeon more. The scars on her arms were bad, but the younger girl’s biggest fear at the time was that she had blinded Jeongyeon, and the athlete knew it.

A silence heavier than anything Jeongyeon had ever experienced settled between them and she felt her heart race. Not even her training regimen gave her palpitations like that, and she was feeling sick.

“…That’s not fair.” Nayeon finally muttered under her breath, as bangs covered her eyes.

“What isn’t?” Jeongyeon knew the answer, but she wanted to hear it out loud. “Go ahead, tell me.”

“You don’t get to do this!”

“Fuck off,” Jeongyeon turned around to grab the sink tightly, afraid of snapping at something more delicate and breaking other people’s propriety. “I get to blame you for scarring me as much as I want, just like you get to blame me for doing this to you.”

“Doing what to me?” There was a quiver in Nayeon’s voice.

“You know damn well what,” She sighed, looking up at her own face on the smudged mirror. “Using you to get rid of my shit thoughts. Not denying you when you come over to fuck me when I know damn well you’re dating someone. Not pushing you away when you want me gone.”

“You’re so fucking hypocritical.” Nayeon’s bitter tone dripped from her teeth like poison.

“We’re both fucking hypocritical!” Jeongyeon hated yelling, but her voice was just naturally loud. “We’re both still using all the shit she sends us, we’re both pretending we hate her when we’re just leeching off of the things she still does for us, and we’re both waiting for the day when she’ll come to this city herself and drag us back to her freak show!”

No sound came after that. The muffled beat of the DJ’s electronic music was the only thing stopping them from going crazy with the silence.

Some girl walked in at that moment and stopped, sensing some tension in the air. Then she quietly backed off, leaving the bathroom again.

Despite the soul-crushing atmosphere, Jeongyeon couldn’t help but chuckle at this. “This is stupid, we shouldn’t be talking about our shit history with both of us drunk out of our minds.”

“This is the only time we’ll ever talk about our shit history,” Nayeon corrected, and touched her back on the tile wall with a tired expression. “We’ve been avoiding this ever since the packages started coming, might as well get it over with now.”

That was true, ridiculously so. Any form of contact the two of them ever had, had been purely physical, lacking actual adult dialogue for years. Nayeon knew she was going to lose something she wasn’t ready to if they ever sat down and talked about the things they did, but now there was no avoiding it anymore.

“Why did you do it?” Nayeon asked, pointing at the tattoo with her head.

“To piss you off.” Jeongyeon let go of the sink and mirrored Nayeon’s pose on the opposite wall.

“Well, good job.” Nayeon slid down to the floor. “Now what?”

Jeongyeon did the same, grabbing a pack of cigarettes from her coat and then tossing it across the bathroom after lighting one up. “Now I hope you leave me alone.”

“Don’t pretend to be high and mighty,” Nayeon grabbed the package, lighting a cigarette as well. “You need me as much as I need you.”

“Yeah, I do.” Jeongyeon took a drag. “But someone needs to be strong enough to break free from this shitstorm.”

“And you think I can do it?” Nayeon almost smiled as the smoke filled her lungs.

“You owe me this.”

“Pfft, please.”

Jeongyeon snickered with the cigarette hanging from her mouth and lifted her arm. “You damaged me irreparably, do something about it.”

It was twisted and sort of sick, but Nayeon started laughing. Jeongyeon tried to dig around in her mind for a valid response to that, but right now all she could manage to do was to join in the broken laughter as well. The mixed drinks on both girls’ organisms were in full effect, and the reverberating chuckles seemed to go on eternally. They only stopped to cough the smoke out of their lungs and Jeongyeon wiped the tears out of the corner of her eyes – the whole situation was absurd.

“I loved you, you know.” Jeongyeon said suddenly.

Nayeon froze on her spot at the sudden confession. They stared at each other from across the bathroom for a while until Nayeon broke into another laughing outburst. “You’re sick.”

“Yeah,” Jeongyeon only smiled dumbly and looked up at the cloud of smoke above their heads. There was only one tiny window leading outside, and it wasn’t able to redirect all the fog out. For a brief moment, Jeongyeon felt guilty for smoking in a place clearly not meant to, but this thought vanished as soon as it came. “You ever wonder how we would’ve turned out if we’d had a decent childhood?”

“What’s the fucking point of that?”

“I don’t know. Just something that keeps me awake at night.” Jeongyeon inhaled more smoke.

Nayeon did the same. “My life already sucks enough without me having to dwell on what ifs.”

“Hmm.” Was all Jeongyeon said after keeping quiet again. She was suddenly feeling incredibly exhausted and knew that she would need help getting up. A group of friends walked into the bathroom at that moment, too drunk to actually notice the smoke or the two people sitting on the floor. Once they finished using the toilet and washed their hands and faces, they left as if nothing was wrong at all. Nayeon smiled lazily at that.

“Must be nice. To be normal. No nightmares, no traumas.”

“No sister-fucking.” Jeongyeon chortled.

“Stop that. You’re _not_ my sister.” Nayeon’s response was immediate – it was reflex by now.

“I always wondered why you hated it so much when people called us that.”

Nayeon kept quiet and took another drag. “Just sounds wrong.”

“Because we—”

“Because we’re _not_ sisters.” She replied with a piercing glare.

“Whatever you say,” Jeongyeon shrugged. “It’d be weird, I guess, being in love with you and all.”

“Were you, actually?” Nayeon asked in a more serious tone. “In love with me.”

“Most of my teenage years, yeah.”

“I’m so glad I’m drunk right now.” Nayeon dipped her head back with a smirk, knowing that she probably wouldn’t be able to deal with this confession if she wasn’t. It was too sudden and too much for one night, but she was feeling numb and surprisingly calm. “So that’s why you can’t be the one to walk away first.”

“I did walk away first,” Jeongyeon put out her finished cigarette on the tile above her head. “I moved out.”

“Oh, right, you left me.” Nayeon finished her last drag. “Fucking bitch move, by the way.”

“I asked you to come with me, you asshole, but you refused.”

“Good thing I did, too, since you were apparently in love with me.”

Jeongyeon really wished she had something to throw at Nayeon that moment, but there was nothing but emptiness inside her. They were derailing from the main topic of this whole conversation, and Jeongyeon tried to put them back on track.

“Whatever. The point is, we can’t see each other anymore. I don’t care how many nightmares you have or how much you need me to fuck your brains out, find someone else.”

“I already have.” Nayeon spit back rolling her eyes. “Thank you for your concern.”

“Good for them. I hope they can put up with your bullshit.”

“She does. Better than you’ve ever had.”

“I _am_ part of your bullshit, Nayeon.”

Nayeon tried to think of a witty come back, but she was too tired to actually think, so she just poked her tongue out.

“What are you, twelve?” Jeongyeon raised an eyebrow at the childish gesture. When Nayeon showed her the middle finger, she grinned smugly. “That’s better.”

“So you got a permanent tattoo of one of your traumas to tell me we need to stop fucking?” Nayeon asked.

“It sounds stupid when you put it like that, but yes.”

“You could have just asked me to stop coming over instead, you know.”

“Like you would listen.” Jeongyeon scoffed. “That’s not how an addiction works, Nayeon. You don’t just stop because you want to, you stop because something forces you to.”

“You think I’m _addicted_ to you?” Nayeon asked, baffled.

“You _are_ addicted to me.” She replied, as if it were obvious. “And I am to you. I’m cutting you off of my life because if we ever hope to be happy one day, we just can’t be around each other at all.”

“I’ve been feeling happier than ever these past weeks, Jeongyeon.” Nayeon’s voice was trembling with indignation. “I haven’t even _thought_ of you, so you can shove this stupid knight on shining armor act up your ass.”

“Good. Then you won’t care if we never see each other again.” Jeongyeon spoke neutrally and this made Nayeon stop for some reason. Jeongyeon then grunted, stretching her tired muscles. “Goddamn, I sure hope you remember this tomorrow because I am not having this whole conversation again. I already have a headache and I’m still drunk.”

“Fine.” Nayeon put out her cigarette and tried to get up. She failed on the first time and Jeongyeon laughed at her, which only made her try harder. This time, she managed to wobbly stand by grabbing the sink. When she did, the world seemed to spin.

“You okay?”

“Like you care.” Nayeon only said that to be a fucking brat, but Jeongyeon knew it.

“Yeah, I did this to myself because I don’t care.” Jeongyeon lifted her tattooed arm with an eye roll.

“You did this to yourself because you’re a fucking idiot.” Nayeon turned the faucet on and tried to wash her face, which only resulted on water spilling all over.

“We’re both fucking stupid.” Jeongyeon sighed and tried to get up herself. Her body was a lot heavier than she previously thought, and she was failing epically at the most basic movements at the moment. When Nayeon looked over and saw her struggle, she grunted and walked towards her, offering a hand.

“Come on.”

Jeongyeon slapped her hand away. “I’ll only drag you down with me.”

The gesture made a sudden image flash before Nayeon’s eyes and she dropped her hand by her side. She remembered doing the same exact thing many times in her childhood, when Mirischia pushed her around and made her fall. Jeongyeon had always offered her a hand to help her up, but Nayeon slapped it away each time. She thought she was being strong by dealing with that shit alone and not depending on anyone, but all she really had managed to do was hurt Jeongyeon’s feelings.

Now that she knew how it felt to be on the other side of it, she felt her stomach turn.

Before she knew it, she was rushing to the toilet and emptying her stomach. Jeongyeon could only stare with a pitiful look, before finally getting up. She walked towards Nayeon and held her hair back as the girl puked, helping her one last time before disappearing from her life forever.

The last thing Nayeon felt before blacking out was Jeongyeon’s familiar fingers rubbing her back in a soothing manner, and then a cold shiver down her spine as she heard the words:

“Goodbye, Nayeon.”

\--

The bright lights were terribly blinding and Nayeon buried her head on the fluffy thing beneath her head. Squeezing it a little made her feel better and her bare legs moved against something silky as she shifted a bit to get her bearings. Nayeon realized that she was on a bed and sighed relieved; at least someone had been generous enough to pick her up from…

Where was she yesterday, again?

When Nayeon remembered, her heart jumped and started beating strongly against her chest, making the blood pound in her head. Her mouth was dry and tasted terribly, and she’d never been thirstier. Nayeon forced herself to open her eyes to try to get a glimpse of where she was. The beige walls were the first thing to come into focus, along with the nearly-transparent red curtains and she immediately recognized the place.

Dahyun’s room was a warm sight in the middle of such darkness.

Sitting up was a hard task, and she felt incredibly grateful when she saw the glass of fresh water waiting for her on the nightstand. Nayeon grabbed it and drank all of it in three gulps, sighing as she put it down. There was a note underneath it, and Nayeon was afraid of reading it because she knew it would be something lovely. Trembling, she grabbed the piece of paper.

_“Good morning! I hope you’re feeling better. I’m in the living room and we have food! I’ll cook you something, so feel free to wash up first if you want. – Dahyun.”_

The weight of every bad thing that had ever happened to her came crashing down at that exact moment, when she read the note and realized how bad of a person she was compared to Dahyun.

Her conversation yesterday with Jeongyeon was fresh in her mind despite the hangover, and Nayeon realized that she had just lost the only thing that had been stable in her life ever since she was a kid. Jeongyeon was done with her for good, and she had no one else to turn to anymore when things inevitably went downhill with Dahyun.

Nayeon had always treated Jeongyeon as a backup plan, and as fucked as it sounded, she was now scared of what would happen to her.

She didn’t want to be alone.

She was _terrified_.

Nayeon opened the door and dashed across the hallway. When she got to the living room and saw Dahyun on her couch eating cereal, she felt the tears prickling her eyes.

“Oh, morning! Did you see my note?” Dahyun smiled at her like nothing was wrong, but dropped her cheerful expression when Nayeon didn’t answer. “Nayeon?”

“I’m… I’m _so_ sorry…” Nayeon brought one hand to her mouth and ran past her, opening the apartment’s door and running away.

“Wait! Nayeon!” Dahyun jumped off the couch and tried to run after the girl.

By the time she got to the first floor, however, Nayeon was already nowhere to be seen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go again.
> 
> Follow me on twitter @niigoki_


	11. Lesson Eleven: Agora

“Still no answer?” Sana’s voice was full of sadness as she addressed Dahyun. The two of them were getting ready for the night, cleaning some cups and organizing the tables, but the atmosphere was heavy. Dahyun’s soul seemed to have left her body.

“No,” Dahyun answered with a quivering voice. “I just left another voice mail.”

Ever since Nayeon had run away from her house three days ago, Dahyun had been calling and sending texts nonstop, but the girl had yet to respond. At first, Dahyun’s anxiety was so bad that she was physically unable to go to work; she spent some time with Chaeyoung to calm down. Now, however, there was just sadness and emptiness inside her tiny body.

Sana sighed with empathy and rubbed her shoulders. “Hey, I am positive she’s fine. Sometimes people need some time for themselves, you know?” When the bartender didn’t budge at the words, she tried a different approach. “Did she tell you what was upsetting her? Anything at all?”

Dahyun shook her head. “Someone told me she was passed out in the bathroom that night and I just… I assumed it was because she had drunk so much. So I took her home and tucked her in… the next day she just looked at me with tears in her eyes and said she was sorry. Then she ran away. I think something happened that night, but… how can I—?”

“Oh, Dahyunnie.” Sana pulled the girl in for a hug, stopping momentarily their duties. She felt the bartender shaking in her arms and it was the worst feeling in the world. “I asked my friends in other bars and stores to tell me if they see a blue-haired girl walking in, okay?”

“Thank you,” Dahyun muttered, still buried into the hug.

“Is there anything else I can help you with?”

“No, it’s okay…” She pulled back to compose herself and took a deep breath, rubbing her eyes. “Chaeyoung is coming tonight. I’ll talk to her for a bit.”

“Okay, sweetie.” Sana gave her a heartfelt smile and turned around to resume the arduous task of organizing the tables. “You can take a break if you want tonight, too. I’ll take over for you.”

Dahyun just nodded and kept working in automated moves, like a soulless robot. Her cellphone was in her pocket and she’d been waiting for it to ring for days, but it never did.

Her brain was in a constant loop of thousands of reasons as to why Nayeon had told her she was sorry that day, the words as vivid as she could remember. Dahyun didn’t know if she was the problem, or if someone else had done something to Nayeon that night. Dahyun had even asked the bouncer and security guards if they’d seen anything out of ordinary, but none of them had.

After a while, she started thinking about Nayeon’s past and all the things that had to do with it. The two people she always mentioned were Jeongyeon and Mirischia, so there was a high possibility that whatever had upset her was tied to either of them. This only worried her more. Was her terrible adoptive mother back in town? Maybe Nayeon had received a message from her and that scared her. Or maybe Jeongyeon had done something.

“Ugh,” Dahyun scratched her head forcefully to try to get rid of her own thoughts. It was too much, and she was losing focus. All she wanted to know right now was if Nayeon was okay.

She felt so helpless.

\--

“Three days now?” Taecyeon widened his eyes surprised as he stuck another marshmallow in a stick and hovered it over the grill fire. “Oh no, do you know what happened?”

“I don’t know…” Ryujin’s voice was partially muffled by the candy in her mouth; despite the cute face, her eyes were downcast and sad. “I was watching TV in the living room that day and Nayeon came through the door. She looked so scared, dad. I asked her what was wrong, but she just ran upstairs and locked herself in her room. I’m pretty sure she was crying, too, but I couldn’t reach her, so I just told her I’d wait for her if she wanted to talk…”

“And when did she leave?”

“She was in there until very late at night,” Ryujin put another marshmallow in her stick. “I kept leaving food for her in front of her door, and every time I came back the food was gone, but she still wouldn’t answer me. Then I fell asleep, and when I woke up there was a note on the kitchen counter. She just said she was very sorry and that she needed to leave the house for a while. She told me not to worry, but…”

“I wonder what upset her,” Taecyeon shifted closer to give his daughter a side-hug. “Sometimes people need time to figure things out on their own.”

“But she hasn’t come back home!” Ryujin was on the verge of tears, which didn’t really match her expression with a mouth full of sticky candy. “Where is she sleeping? Is she eating properly? What about going to the bathroom??”

“Maybe she’s staying with someone else, kiddo.” Taecyeon tried to calm her down by finding reasonable arguments as to where Ryujin’s friend might be hiding, but it was always hard to find the right words for such moments. “Or maybe a hotel. There are a lot of places she could’ve gone to take care of these things.”

“You think so?” Ryujin cared for Nayeon so much, and being all alone in a house that wasn’t hers was bothering her a lot. She could have come back to live with her dad in the van, but she was worried about not being home when Nayeon returned. “I feel like she has lots of problems that she doesn’t tell anyone. I wish I could help her…”

“Adults are hard to figure out like this,” Taecyeon joked to light up the mood. “A lot of times they don’t want to bother other people with their problems, because they are supposed to be the mature ones. When I was younger, before you were born, I got into all kinds of trouble too.”

“You did?”

“Oh, yeah. Running away from home, not really having a place to sleep sometimes, having to crash at a friend’s house until I got my life back together…” He ruffled Ryujin’s hair with affection. “It’s all part of growing up. Besides, you’re already doing the most important part.”

“Which part is that?”

“Making sure you’re there for her,” He smiled. “Nobody likes to feel alone. If you keep telling her how much you care and worry, I’m sure she’ll feel a little bit lighter.”

“But I do tell her!” Ryujin placed her stick on the floor next to her shoes. “I think that… she doesn’t believe me.”

“Hmm… I wouldn’t say that she doesn’t believe you, I think it’s just that…” He scratched the top of his head, trying to think of a way to put it. “She doesn’t want to hurt you.”

“But she’s the one who’s sad, not me.” Ryujin frowned, not really grasping this whole situation her dad was laying down in front of her.

Taecyeon ate another marshmallow and hummed, thinking before speaking again. The sound of faint raindrops falling on the van’s metal roof was a nice change of pace from the hot days of the week, and it managed to soothe the turbulent feelings a little.

“Well, when you’re upset, do you tell Heejin?” Taecyeon finally asked.

“It depends on what’s upsetting me, I guess…”

“What if she’s having a really good day and asks you to come over to play, but you’re very sad over something that happened recently. Would you go?”

“I don’t think so,” Ryujin laid down on her side and propped her head up with one hand, looking at the rain outside the van’s window. “I’d tell her I wasn’t feeling so good and stay home.”

“Why would you stay home?”

“Because I wouldn’t want to—” Ryujin paused, getting the message. “Ruin her day.”

“You see?” Taecyeon turned off the grill and pulled some blankets over the two of them. “Nayeon is probably afraid of ruining your good day with her problems.”

“But running away without telling me what happened also ruined my day.” She sighed, frustrated.

“That’s why it’s tricky,” Taecyeon made himself comfortable under the covers and turned off the flashlight illuminating the van’s interior. “By not telling us what’s wrong, sometimes people hurt us too. It’s hard to find a solution to a situation like this. But time is a great healer.”

Both father and daughter stood quiet after that, letting the rain speak. Ryujin pondered for a bit before sleep inevitably caught up to her. She decided that she would give Nayeon some space, and would try to understand that sometimes people couldn’t be helped right away.

As soon as Taecyeon started snoring, Ryujin fell asleep, and the rain washed away some of the bad feelings.

\--

_You’ve got [1] new message. Please wait for the beep._

_“Nayeon? It’s me. Please, I don’t know what happened, but… I’m so worried about you, I— Please, if you don’t want to talk, I understand, just… could you answer my texts? It’s been a few days and I just want to make sure you are okay. I know I’ve been calling a lot, but I’m really, really worried! Please, Nayeon. I’m here for you, I’ll always be. So… whenever you feel like talking… You can call me. Or text me, too. Whatever makes you comfortable. I promise I’ll pick up the phone, it doesn’t matter the time, okay? I’ll— I’ll hang up now. I’ll keep texting. Bye. I… I’ll call you later, too.”_

_To repeat, press 1. To delete, press 2._

_[1]_

_“Nayeon? It’s me. Please, I don’t know what happened, but…”_

The smoke floated above her head slowly and steady, as she rewound the voice message for the fifth time in a row. Her legs were numb underneath her, but that was just because she’d been sitting with them crossed for two hours without moving. She didn’t mind though – her whole body seemed numb anyway. She took another drag of her cigarette and looked at the horizon, where the sunlight faded as the star sunk deep into the river waters. Soon it would be dark enough for her to get up and roam mindlessly through the riverbank.

Not that she had the energy to actually do so.

When the message ended, Nayeon moved her thumb on the cellphone screen to check on the messages she had sent Jeongyeon.

**[Nayeon, 2 days ago]:** _Jeongyeon?_

 **[Nayeon, 2 days ago]:** _please don’t do this_

 **[Nayeon, 2 days ago]:** _im not ready_

**[Nayeon, 2 days ago _]:_** _im too weak for this im still too fucking weak and you are too I know you are_

**[Nayeon, 2 days ago]:** _I just… I ran away from her place im having a breakdown I need…_

 **[Nayeon, 2 days ago]:** _I need you_

 **[Nayeon, 2 days ago]:** _don’t ignore me Jeongyeon_

 **[Nayeon, 2 days ago]:** _not you, please_

 **[Nayeon, 2 days ago]:** _we were drunk yesterday we barely knew what we were saying_

 **[Nayeon, 2 days ago]:** _please say something_

 **[Nayeon, 2 days ago]:** _lets at least say goodbye face to face while sober holy shit_

 **[Nayeon, 2 days ago]:** _fine see if I fucking care_

 **[Nayeon, 2 days ago]:** _goddammit Jeongyeon….._

 **[Nayeon, 1 day ago]:** _where are you_

 **[Nayeon, 1 day ago]:** _youre not home_

 **[Nayeon, 1 day ago]:** _hello??_

 **[Nayeon, 1 day ago]:** _did something happen to you you should at least text me back_

 **[Nayeon, 1 day ago]:** _you don’t need to pick up my calls but at least_

 **[Nayeon, 1 day ago]:** _say something so I know you’re not fucking dead in a ditch somewhere_

 **[Nayeon, 1 day ago]:** _wow_

 **[Nayeon, 1 day ago]:** _you actually meant that, huh_

 **[Nayeon, 1 day ago]:** _you must really hate me_

 **[Nayeon, 1 day ago]:** _what the hell is wrong with you_

 **[Nayeon, 1 day ago]:** _did you run away from home just so you could never see my face again?? am I not even worth a proper goodbye????_

 **[Nayeon, 1 day ago]:** _fuck you._

**[Nayeon, 6:23am]:** _I cant sleep_

**[Nayeon, 6:23am]:** _im having nightmares shes there and its all too real and everything is dark and youre not anywhere_

 **[Nayeon, 6:29am]:** _why am I even still texting you whats the goddamn point_

 **[Nayeon, 6:29am]:** _why cant I let you go, why is my life such a fucking mess, why am I this torn up over you_

 **[Nayeon, 6:30am]:** _this isn’t doing either of us any good. I know youre reading this, please lets at least talk like decent human beings_

 **[Nayeon, 6:32am]:** _damn im so tired_

 **[Nayeon, 2:50pm]:** _I think I fucked everything up for myself_

 **[Nayeon, 2:50pm]:** _I had a good thing going on for once in my miserable life_

 **[Nayeon, 2:50pm]:** _and I just had to go and screw it up as usual_

 **[Nayeon, 2:50pm]:** _the worst part is that this isn’t even my fault its all yours_

 **[Nayeon, 2:50pm]:** _at least step up and take responsibility this time_

 **[Nayeon, 2:57pm]:** _ANSWER ME_

 **[Nayeon, 2:59pm]:** _fucking hell_

 **[Nayeon, 5:36pm]:** _its been 3 days and im still texting you how pathetic is this_

 **[Nayeon, 5:36pm]:** _this is the most ive ever texted you I think_

 **[Nayeon, 5:36pm]:** _what a fucking joke_

 **[Nayeon, 5:36pm]:** _all ive accomplished in these 3 days was worry Dahyun_

 **[Nayeon, 5:36pm]:** _im such a hypocrite, I ask you to answer me when im not even answering her_

 **[Nayeon, 5:36pm]:** _I was so happy too_

 **[Nayeon, 5:37pm]:** _im such a fucking idiot_

 **[Nayeon, 5:37pm]:** _you are too_

 **[Nayeon, 5:40pm]:** _ill leave you alone._

She threw the phone on the grass with another sigh. Replaying the voice message and rereading the texts she sent Jeongyeon was just messing with her head, but she couldn’t stop torturing herself for some reason. A part of Nayeon wanted to scream, punch a wall until her knuckles were bloodied, just so she could feel something; that was the part of her that was engulfed in rage. Another part just wanted to run to Dahyun’s arms, beg for forgiveness, and let her soothe all of her problems; that was the selfish, unrealistic part. In the end, she was too tired and depressed to even move a muscle to do any of those things.

She knew she was worrying Ryujin too – the one other person who cared about her in this world – and Nayeon hated herself every minute of the day because of it. It was bad, pushing people away when she needed them the most, but it was a defense mechanism. When it came down to it, her response to tough times had always been Jeongyeon – Jeongyeon’s arms around her, Jeongyeon’s scent, Jeongyeon’s presence. She was the one who was there whenever Mirischia abused her.

Any other person was a stranger.

And strangers reminded her of the faceless crowds that came to watch her perform.

Crowds didn’t care about what she was going through, they just wanted entertainment. And so, Nayeon thought that she could live her life pretending. It was all she’d ever done anyway; hiding her past, pretending she wasn’t afraid, pretending she was a chill, cool smoker girl people found in bars in the middle of the night. Someone who kisses you and then leaves you wanting more. She could play the relationship game – she had Jeongyeon when things went wrong.

Not having this sort of safety net anymore was like falling into the deep abyss.

Damn, she was right. Nayeon was addicted to Jeongyeon.

“Pathetic…” She brought the cigarette back to her mouth.

It was ridiculous, truly – how much she needed good, positive people in her life, but still rejected them when push came to shove. Nayeon felt like a burden to herself and others, and people would be better off without that kind of trouble in their lives. Ryujin and Dahyun were too bright for someone like her to get close to without tainting.

And the worst part was that she knew Dahyun and Ryujin didn’t care for any of that self-pity bullshit. She knew they would be there for her regardless, because they truly cared. So why couldn’t she rely on them? Why couldn’t she allow herself to be selfish with them for a single moment?

She knew the answer, too.

_You don’t want to disappoint mother, do you?_

Nayeon wondered for the millionth time if she would ever be able to truly live.

She looked up at the bridge above of her head, which was protecting her from the gentle drops of rain that were beginning to fall, and inhaled the last of her cigarette deeply.

“Shit, fuck.” She breathed out along with the smoke.

A sudden sound of rustling grass by her side made Nayeon turn her neck to check on the goddamn person invading her private place. All that she wanted was some peace and quiet to drown in her own misery, was that too much to ask?

“Oh, where did this rain come from?” The woman was a tad awkward and slender, and she giggled at her own sentence. “I’m lucky I was near the bridge.”

Nayeon tried to give her a smile, but gave up midway and just looked back to the horizon. If she ignored her, the woman would probably leave.

“I swear, this city’s weather is crazier than my old hometown’s,” She dusted off her shirt and jeans and checked for any soaked spots. Finding none, she sat down next to Nayeon with a content sigh. “Mind if I sit here until the rain goes away?”

 _Yes, I do._ “Suit yourself.”

“Thank you.” The two of them kept in silence then, and it was awkward. Nayeon put out her cigarette and sighed loudly, hoping that this person would take a hint and at least move to sit far away from her. The bridge was huge, did she really need to huddle this close?

“Such a pretty sunset.” She spoke again and Nayeon screamed internally.

“Hm.”

“It’s rare that I get to see a sunset like tha—” She stopped and jumped slightly on her seat. “Oh! Look at that, a rainbow.”

Nayeon had been so caught up in her thoughts that she hadn’t even noticed the beautiful rainbow forming right in front of her eyes. This distracted her for a brief period of time; she was genuinely surprised. “…You’re right.”

“I love rainbows. What about you?” The woman stared at her with a warm smile and for the first time Nayeon felt that it would be rude not to reply.

“I do, too.”

“I’m Mina, by the way.”

“Nayeon.” She didn’t know what pushed her to say it, seeing as she didn’t want to start an actual conversation right now.

“Nice to meet you.” Mina smiled and turned to pay attention to the rainbow. Nayeon was waiting for her to say something else, but nothing came. The silence wasn’t as heavy as before, however, and she felt like she could tolerate this woman’s presence, at least. If anything, this was distracting her from listening to Dahyun’s voice mail again.

Mina then started searching for something in a bag she’d been carrying and grabbed a can of orange juice. Then she grabbed another and offered it to Nayeon, who only stared at it confused.

“I’m okay.”

“Please, I insist. I feel like I disturbed you,” Mina looked apologetic, but didn’t back down. With not much choice in the matter, Nayeon grabbed the juice and opened it.

“…Thank you.”

Both drank the beverage in peace, and for some weird reason, sharing a juice under the bridge with a stranger was one of those experiences that made Nayeon’s mind calm down a tiny little bit. It was the same sensation she had felt way back when Ryujin first found her and took her to Taecyeon’s van, and they shared stories in the middle of the night. It was funny, how even through her lowest times, little moments like these were still dear to her.

“I know I’m meddling, but…” Mina suddenly spoke again. “Are you alright?”

Nayeon didn’t answer for a while and sipped her juice, contemplating the vantages and disadvantages of starting a conversation with this woman. In the end, she decided that she was too tired to put up a façade.

“Not really.” She said neutrally.

Mina visibly swallowed hard and opened her mouth once, then twice, trying to think of something to say. Nayeon noticed that and breathed out a very weak chuckle. “Don’t worry about it. Thank you for asking, though.”

“O-of course.” Mina looked down at her can and wriggled her toes. A few minutes passed, then she talked once more. “I’m… I was in a similar position once, that’s why I asked. A woman I’ve never seen before walked up to me and asked me if I was fine that time. It really helped me, so I thought…” She was blushing now. “It’s… r-really none of my business, I’m not good with these things like she was. I apologize.”

The whole confession caught Nayeon off guard and she didn’t really know how to respond to that. This was an act of kindness that she rarely witnessed; she was hardly used to something like that. Drinking a bit more of her juice, Nayeon finally turned her head to fully look at Mina. The woman was beautiful; her pink, smooth hair fit her lean face spectacularly and her sleeveless shirt showed the wing tattoos on her back and arms. She looked like an angel.

Nayeon moved her gaze back to the can, taking it all in. She’d never believed in signs, but she knew that good things in her life were rare; so, she took the opportunity.

“Can you…” Nayeon’s voice was very raspy, and she cleared her throat. “Can you tell me about this woman?”

Mina’s face lit up at the question. “Oh, are you sure?”

“It might take my mind off things a bit.”

Mina’s hesitation completely vanished at that point and her smile was immediate. “Well, of course. Oh, where do I begin?”

Nayeon almost smiled at that. She must have been a very good person in Mina’s life.

“Her name was Sunmi. We met when I was very young and confused about… well pretty much everything. I grew up in a very strict and religious family, you see.”

Judging by her looks, Nayeon would never have guessed.

“One day, when I was barely a teenager, I ran away in an act of rebellion. My parents were furious.” She giggled fondly at the memories. “But I had to get away from them for a while. I didn’t know exactly where I would go. In the end, I ended up at the beach, in an isolated place. I was crying, too… I was so angry at them. Anyone who walked by could see how miserable I was, but none of them bothered to glance twice in my direction.”

The rain was apparently subduing. The story had Nayeon’s whole attention.

“Then… she came along.” Mina’s eyes softened as she looked down. Her smile was warm and full of love, an expression that made Nayeon’s heart ache. “At first, I was hostile. Like a hurt animal, ready to tell off anyone who tried to approach. But then, I looked at her. I think I felt my heart stop for the first time in my life. She was so… beautiful. The first thing she asked me was ‘Are you alright?’. Hearing that made me very emotional at the time. I guess I was just surprised someone cared.”

Mina then stared at Nayeon.

“It was obvious that I wasn’t, so I saw no point in lying. Sunmi just… sat down with me on the sand and started talking about pointless things, really. About how soft the sand felt in between her toes, pointing to cute dogs that were taking a stroll, breathing in the sea breeze and saying how much she loved living in a city surrounded by the ocean. At some point, I started laughing. She was so happy when I did.” Mina tightened her grip on her juice can and smiled largely than before. “She said I had the most beautiful laugh and I swear I could see stars in her eyes.”

There was such emotion in Mina’s voice as she talked about this woman that Nayeon felt her eyes getting misty. She reminisced the feelings that stirred inside her whenever she thought about someone special to her, and felt her heart hurt more than ever. No heartbreak had made her chest compress like that – but thinking about Dahyun’s smile certainly did.

“Sunmi saw so much beauty in everything,” Mina continued with a content sigh. “Her positivity and kindness were out of this world. You could give her the worst possible news, and she would still find a bright side to it, somehow.”

Nayeon nodded, thoughtlessly, then she frowned a bit; something about that sounded familiar.

“She helped me so much through my life. Sunmi made me feel special, even though I knew I wasn’t the only one she helped on a daily basis.”

“Was she a therapist or something like that?” Nayeon asked.

“No, she used to be a volunteer at an orphanage.”

Nayeon froze.

“She taught kids and helped them smile. I always thought that this was such a noble thing to do.” Mina continued ranting, but everything else was muffled out as a flood of memories suddenly came crashing down.

“You— you said her name was Sunmi?” Nayeon interrupted, stiffly.

“Huh? Oh, yes.”

“Lee Sunmi?”

This time Mina was the one who went pale. “That’s right. Did you… know her?”

After hearing that, five different emotions crossed Nayeon’S face – first surprise, then disbelief, nostalgia, sadness, and at long last, tearful joy.

The cycle of hellish nightmare that was her life constantly followed her, coming back around every now and then, but so far everything that had ever chased her were the bad things.

Mirischia came back through packages;

Jeongyeon came back through sex;

And the circus came back through her inability of creating meaningful bonds with people. Nayeon had always felt stuck in this loop of darkness.

But now, a good thing from her past suddenly reappeared.

Hearing Miss Sunmi’s name again brought back all the happy memories she had from the orphanage. Her classes, the way Miss Sunmi spoke softly and gently, that time she taught Nayeon and the other kids the alphabet, the joyous days they spent in the orphanage’s garden catching bugs under the summer sun, Miss Sunmi’s laughter and the way she asked the children to keep it a secret when she brought them cookies from the outside.

She had been so happy once.

And at that moment, Nayeon realized.

Maybe she could go back to being happy again.

Mirischia had poisoned her, but the only reason she felt _this_ miserable was because she had felt completely safe and loved once. The orphanage had been a very short period in her life, but one that she remembered vividly. And now that it was gone, she found herself smiling at the realization that something else had been replacing all of these feelings of safety and love in the present day: Dahyun and her friends.

Nayeon finally realized why she felt so happy at the pub.

It reminded her of the orphanage.

And Jiwoo, Matthew, Taehyung, Somin, Chaeyoung, Sana and Dahyun – they were all the grown-up versions of Miss Hyo and Miss Soo, Headmaster Park and Miss Sunmi.

She felt the smile on her face before the wetness on her cheeks.

“Nayeon?” Mina’s voice sounded earthly, present, there. Nayeon looked at her and sobbed through broken laughs.

“Thank you,” She managed to say, despite the knot in her throat, and threw her arms around Mina. “Thank you so much.”

\--

Jihyo was a very observant person despite her quietness. From behind her distant façade, she saw pretty much everything that happened around her without missing a single detail. And when you spent a lot of time with two people behind closed doors, you learned to pick up the tiniest shifts in the mood – a small sigh here, a sorrowful gaze there, a quiet smile, blushing cheeks, pounding hearts. Jihyo liked to think that she knew her coworkers better than anyone.

She also wished they weren’t so obvious with their feelings so she could pretend she had noticed something no one else had.

“Alright, what’s wrong.” Jihyo put down her sandwich and asked, as soon as Chaeyoung sighed loudly for the fifth time in less than two minutes.

“Don’t worry about it…” Chaeyoung replied sluggishly, rolling an olive on her plate.

“I wouldn’t, if your face didn’t scream ‘I want to tell you the reason I’m upset.’”

“My face is not—”

“You are clearly off today.” Mina commented, placing a piece of tofu in her mouth.

“You don’t get to say anything, I’ve never seen you happier in my whole life.” Jihyo turned around to her pink-haired partner with a deadpan expression.

“What? I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Mina blushed and occupied her mouth with more food. Jihyo rolled her eyes as the table remained quiet again, but she knew it wouldn’t last more than five seconds.

“Alright, my best friend is miserable.” Chaeyoung finally broke; two seconds it is. “Her crush slash love interest suddenly disappeared on her with no explanation whatsoever, she can’t reach her through messages or calls, she’s been worried sick for _four days_ and I honestly just want to punch the girl in the face for doing this to her.” Then Chaeyoung paused. “Punch the crush, not my best friend.”

“Ok.” Jihyo simply nodded, leaving space for the receptionist to say something else if she wanted.

“I mean, how can someone even _do_ this?” And she did. “I get it that she was upset over some bullshit, but not even bothering to answer a text message?? My friend is not asking for much, you know, she just wants to know if the girl she loves is alive! Ugh, I thought she was better than this.”

More silence followed as the three finished lunch a tad awkwardly. Chaeyoung sighed again, finally eating her olive. “Sorry for the outburst.”

“I rather have you speak up than bottle things inside.” Jihyo gave her a soft smile. “I hope things turn out okay for your best friend.”

“Yeah… me too.” Then Chaeyoung looked sideways at Mina. “Your turn.”

Mina almost choked on the last of her food. “Huh?”

“Spill the beans, who’s the lucky gal who managed to put a smile on your face?”

“It’s nothing like that!” Mina’s face reddened and she reached to grab a napkin. “It was just... a weird experience yesterday.”

“Kinky.”

“Be quiet,” Mina slapped her arm and Chaeyoung laughed for the first time in days. “I just met a girl as I was hiding from the rain under the bridge.” Mina looked at Jihyo. “She knew Sunmi.”

Chaeyoung raised an eyebrow confused – she got even more confused when Jihyo broke her stoic façade and sat up straight. She’d never seen the artist this shocked before.

“What did she say?” Jihyo asked.

“Well, she seemed really sad, so I— I tried to cheer her up, you know, like Sunmi used to do. Of course, I was terrible at it.” Mina chuckled a little, but there wasn’t any joy in it. Jihyo leaned forward a little bit and placed her hand on top of Mina’s for comfort, and Chaeyoung felt like she was intruding on a very private matter. “A-anyway, I told her that someone had tried to cheer me up a long time ago when I was sad like that, and she asked me to tell her about it. Then I told her about Sunmi.”

“And then?”

“At first she didn’t know that I was talking about the same Sunmi. When I mentioned that Sunmi had worked at an orphanage, she immediately knew.” Mina’s smile returned to her face as she reminisced the conversation yesterday. “Then… she hugged me and started crying. I didn’t know what to do, so I just hugged her back and waited until she recovered. Jihyo, she was smiling then. She told me Sunmi was her teacher at the orphanage.”

“No way.”

“I know! I couldn’t believe it either.” Mina giggled. “She told me how happy Miss Sunmi used to make her when she was still living there. We talked about Sunmi for a long time, until the rain was gone. Then she got up and thanked me again, saying that she was feeling much better. I feel like I made a difference in someone’s life for once.”

Jihyo nodded with a smile and Chaeyoung couldn’t help but to grin too. Mina seemed so happy, and she was happy for her. That’s when she remembered Mina talking about this woman a few times, and even mentioning her at the job interview; she had to ask.

“Um, is this Sunmi the person who inspired you to open this shop?”

The two artists looked at her, surprised at the fact that she had caught that bit of info, but Jihyo nodded. “That’s right.”

“And she used to be a teacher? What made her go wild like that?” She joked, then flinched – this woman seemed to be very important to the both of them, maybe she should’ve been more careful with her words. “S-sorry, I don’t mean anything bad by it!”

“It’s alright,” Jihyo reassured her. “You’re a member of The Black Swan, you have the right to know the history of this shop.” She gazed at Mina and the pink-haired woman nodded. “Lee Sunmi was… a very good friend of ours. I guess you could say she was a mentor of sorts. Mina and I, we had some rough times in our lives when we were younger, and Sunmi helped us get past it and stay true to ourselves.”

“She had this philosophy in life,” Mina continued. “People are supposed to grow and change. If we turn out to be completely different from what we thought we were going to be, it’s fine. As long as you stay true to yourself and know that this path will make you happy, then you’ve got nothing to fear.” Mina’s eyes looked distant and melancholic. “I mean, I was supposed to be a nun.”

Chaeyoung tried to stop herself but her chortle came way too fast. “What?”

“I know,” She laughed. “That was the last thing I wanted to be, but I couldn’t see another future for myself. Sunmi came along when I needed the most, and helped me see that there was more to me.”

“She was one of those people who said, ‘you can be anything you want to be’, but actually meant it.” Jihyo smiled. “When Sunmi’s orphanage shut down, she felt a little lost herself. She was glad that all the kids had been adopted, at least, and then she told us she wanted to keep doing meaningful things to people’s lives. Permanent things.”

“Tattoos.” Chaeyoung assumed, and the artists nodded.

“She loved painting and creating art, so she started studying on how to become a professional tattoo artist.” Mina folded her napkin neatly and started getting up. “It was a contrast, she said. While we are supposed to grow and change, sometimes we need something permanent in our lives to ground us, and remind us of important things.”

Chaeyoung’s eyes shone at their words. She’d always had problems with commitment, be it to a person or a place – that was why her jobs never lasted and one-night stands were her preferred relationship status – so hearing something like that was impactful.

She liked to think that life was one big unknown adventure, and that routine was a myth, but Mina’s words really resonated with her soul. She did need something permanent in her life, and now that she thought about, she had one: Dahyun was the most stable relationship she’d ever had. There was nothing in the world that could make Chaeyoung leave her roommate, and she was really happy with how her life had been going.

It was funny, how she’d taken Dahyun for granted without even realizing it.

“Sunmi seems like an amazing person.” Chaeyoung said, with a genuine smile.

“She was.” Mina replied. That’s when Chaeyoung realized that they had been referring to her in past tense this whole time.

“Oh… was?”

Jihyo and Mina exchanged looks. “Yes… Sunmi passed away 14 years ago.”

Chaeyoung’s stomach dropped and sadness washed over her. She didn’t even know this woman, but the amazing things Mina and Jihyo said about her were enough to give her an enormous sense of empathy. “Oh, I’m so sorry…”

“It’s alright,” Jihyo put a hand on her shoulder. “Actually, that’s why we named the shop The Black Swan. It was the nickname Sunmi gave Mina when they first met, and something we always laughed about. In her memory.”

“That’s beautiful.” Chaeyoung shifted on her chair a little. “Can I ask what happened?”

She noticed that Mina had walked away to wash her dishes and wondered if Sunmi’s death affected her more than Jihyo for some reason. “At some point, Sunmi fell in love with a man and got pregnant. There were complications at the time of birth, however, and she didn’t resist.”

“Oh, man. Did the baby…?”

“The baby was born. She’s fourteen now, healthy, and with a soul as beautiful as her mother’s.” Jihyo smiled despite the mournful mood and Chaeyoung felt a wave of relief.

“I’m glad!”

“Yes, Ryujin is a great kid.” Mina came back to the table and stretched her muscles.

Chaeyoung froze.

“Wait, did you just say Ryujin—” At the same time she spoke, an ambulance ran down the street, cutting her off.

“I really hope Nayeon is feeling better, though. I was thinking about going back to the riverbank today to check if she’ll be there.” Mina continued, not having listened the receptionist. “Anyway, lunch break is over. Let’s go back to work.”

There were so many things flashing through Chaeyoung’s brain at that moment that she was actually unable to move for a couple of seconds. As soon as Jihyo and Mina walked past the shop’s curtains to the lobby, she jumped off of her seat and ran towards them, already grabbing her cellphone.

“Did you just say Nayeon?!”

\--

“Ryujin? I’m home.” Nayeon walked in carefully, afraid of what the reaction would be, but there was no one in the house apparently. She made her way to the kitchen and grabbed a cup of water, sighing at the lack of response. Turning around, Nayeon saw a note pinned on the fridge.

_Dear Nayeon,_

_I’m with my dad back at the warehouse. I’ll return tonight to wait for you! If you’re back and I’m not here, please call my dad! Here is his phone number. I hope you’re okay. I miss you a lot!_

_\- Ryujin._

Her eyes got misty, but she rubbed them strongly. Nayeon immediately grabbed her phone and dialed the number, but stopped before she could muster the courage to press call; she needed to call someone else, first, so she decided to send Ryujin a text message. She knew she should have come home yesterday after her talk with Mina, but she still needed some more time on her own to clear her head and breathe freely. Thinking about how much she had hurt Ryujin and Dahyun was too heavy, so she had decided to put that on hold for a little longer.

Now that she was back and renewed, she could deal with this.

As soon as the message was sent, she dialed Dahyun’s number. It didn’t even ring once.

_“Nayeon??”_

“Dahyun…” She thought she could manage without tears, but by the time that squeaky voice hit her ears, she was a goner.

_“Oh my stars, are you okay?”_

“Y-yeah. Yes, I’m…” She hiccupped, trying to regain her composure. “I’m okay now. I’m—”

 _“Oh, I’m so glad…”_ She heard Dahyun sobbing as well and her heart hurt. _“I’m so glad! I was so worried, are you back home? Chaeyoung called me and— she told me her boss talked to you yesterday, so I… are you safe? I can come and get you if you w-want, just tell me where.”_

“I’m home, d-don’t worry.” Nayeon knew that asking her not to worry was useless, but it was an automatic response until she could see Dahyun face to face. She was also too tired to register that Mina was Chaeyoung’s boss; she just wanted to focus on Dahyun right now. “Listen, I… I need to stay home today. For Ryujin. But I promise, I promise I’ll come see you tomorrow and explain everything. I’m so sorry, Dahyun. I’m really, really sorry…”

 _“It’s okay!”_ Nayeon couldn’t believe that it was this simple. _“I’m just so relieved you’re safe… take your time, okay? I’ll be waiting for you. I’ll— I’ll always be waiting for you. I promise.”_

Her lips trembled and she couldn’t stop sobbing, but Nayeon forced herself to keep talking for Dahyun’s sake. “Okay… thank you, I really mean it.” A sudden wave of exhaustion hit her, and she just wanted to curl on the couch and take the longest nap of her life. “Listen, I’m going to sleep for a bit. I’ve been awake for a while, but I promise I’m okay.”

 _“Of course! Try to eat something first, if you haven’t. And drink water, too! I heard that chamomile tea helps, if you have any.”_ Dahyun rambled, still shaky, but extremely relieved at the same time.

Nayeon’s chest swelled with emotion – she’d been missing for four days and Dahyun wasn’t even yelling at her. Instead, she was acting as kindly as ever, even more so. This made Nayeon smile through her long trail of tears. She flashed back to her conversation with Mina, and breathed contently at how much Dahyun truly reminded her of Miss Sunmi.

“Thank you.” Nayeon bit her lip and felt her heart race. “Dahyun, I—”

_“Yeah?”_

No, she had to do this in person.

“Thank you for not giving up on me.” She settled for that,

 _“I could never,”_ Was all Dahyun answered. _“Sleep well.”_

After bidding her goodbye, Nayeon made herself a sandwich, making sure to eat the whole thing before going upstairs and collapsing on the bed. She saw her phone flashing as Ryujin answered her text message with a _‘I’m so happy you’re okay!!! Can I call you or should I wait?’_ , and told her that she was going to take a nap.

Still bewildered with the thoughtfulness of her friends, Nayeon fell into a deep, nightmare-less sleep for the first time in a long while. Her sheets felt like hugs, and she could feel herself being enveloped by love.

It was the softest, most amazing sensation.

\--

The next day was a hazard of emotions. Nayeon had slept all the way through morning, and when she woke up, she felt Ryujin’s little hand cradling hers as she sat on a chair next to her bed. She squeezed her hand and smiled through half-opened eyelids, and Ryujin woke up at the gesture, immediately tearing up. They hugged for a long while as Nayeon whispered apologies, and Ryujin reassured her that she hadn’t done anything wrong.

Then, Ryujin guided her downstairs where an amazing breakfast was waiting for her, and Nayeon ate with a content sigh at the taste of pancakes and her usual morning coffee. That house had never felt like home, but right now, Ryujin made it feel like one. The girl cracked a few jokes here and there, never pushing Nayeon for explanations, which she was glad for. She told Ryujin that she would open up in time and explain everything that happened, and Ryujin nodded with a smile.

“I’m just glad you’re home.” She said, and Nayeon blushed happily.

“Me too.”

Once she was done eating, Nayeon took a long, warm bath, and brushed her teeth. The water running through her limbs had never felt so good, and she scratched her scalp slowly and calmly. It was like she was taking care of her body for the first time, handling it gently and caressing each and every muscle, scar and tissue. With every gesture, she could hear Miss Sunmi’s and Dahyun’s gentle voices, telling her how much they loved her for who she was, and how much potential she still had. Life had limitless possibilities, and Nayeon intended to seize every one of them from now on, side by side with the people who made her feel loved.

She put on a white top and her usual comfortable jeans, and looked at herself in the mirror. The bags under her eyes would take a while to go away, but aside from that, she felt refreshed and generally renewed. It was like she had been reborn, lighter than ever. She smiled at herself and nodded confidently, then went downstairs.

“Ryujin, I’m going out. There’s someone I need to talk to. I’ll be back for dinner, would you wait for me?”

“Of course!” The girl was watching TV and waved. “Have a safe trip.”

Nayeon waved back and stopped before opening the door. She turned around and hesitated for a bit before walking up to Ryujin and placing a kiss on her forehead. The blush spread through Nayeon’s face in seconds – showing affection so blatantly like this was still extremely awkward, but she decided to start actively showing love to the people who cared for her, starting today. “Thank you for the breakfast.”

Ryujin’s eyes widened, but Nayeon left before she could say anything. She just smiled and grabbed a pillow to hug.

\--

The train ride was a little bumpy, but at least it wasn’t crowded. At that time in the afternoon, people were usually working, so the only passengers were her and some elders with their grandkids. Nayeon’s heart beat strongly against her chest as the station approached, and it seemed to take an eternity for her train to stop. Finally, she was out, walking in quick steps towards Dahyun’s house.

The apartment was really close to the station; at the pace she was going at, it didn’t take ten minutes for her to get there. Nayeon felt herself shaking with each step now; climbing the stairs was nerve-wrecking.

She was now almost there.

Dahyun was almost within her reach.

Just a few more steps.

The door was in front of her. Nayeon took a deep breath, held it in for five seconds, and exhaled. Then she knocked three times.

Nothing happened for a while, the silence crushing her. She could’ve sworn her senses were heightened, because every little crack of wood was making the loudest of sounds.

Then she heard steps running across the hallway.

Someone stumbling on the carpet.

Finally, unlocking the door.

And then she saw her. Bed head, alien PJ’s, glasses crooked on her nose, messy, sleepy, beautiful.

A knot formed in her throat instantly.

“Dahyu—” Nayeon tried to finish talking but the impact of the tightest hug she’d ever felt interrupted her. Suddenly, she was enveloped by tiny arms around her neck and small hiccups against her chest, and nothing in the world mattered but this girl in front of her. Nayeon hugged her back, burying her nose in Dahyun’s hair and breathing in her scent.

It smelled like home.

They stood there in the corridor for god knows how long, but neither of them wanted to risk pulling away – the fear that the other would disappear if they did was constant. Eventually, they had to move, and Dahyun was the first one to look up through her teary eyes and pull Nayeon into the apartment with a bright smile. As soon as the door closed again, Nayeon leaned her back against the wall and pulled the bartender into another hug.

“I missed you so much,” She mumbled against her hair, trembling, but smiling. Dahyun could only nod. “I’m so sorry for disappearing like that.”

“You’re here,” The blonde said, at last. “It’s okay.”

More time passed and Nayeon pushed her away gently, so she could look her in the eyes. And as soon as their gazes met, she was sure.

“There’s something I need to tell you,” Nayeon’s hands cradled Dahyun’s cheeks and the bartender seemed hypnotized. “Can I kiss you?”

Her answer was lips crashing against hers, soft and familiar. The kiss was slow and full of emotion and hope – for the future, and for herself. It was a little wet, too, since the both of them were crying, but at least this time they were happy tears. They broke off, and Nayeon rested her forehead against Dahyun’s with a smile and closed eyes.

“I missed that, too.” Dahyun breathed in a chuckle and Nayeon nodded. “What did you want to tell—”

“I love you.”

Time seemed to freeze. Dahyun wasn’t sure she had more tears in her body. In the end, all that she could manage was a weak, dumb, “…You do?”

And Nayeon nodded fiercely, laughing and trying to clean Dahyun’s wet cheeks with her thumbs. “I really, really do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good things! Now everything is alright.... right?
> 
> See you next time :)
> 
> twitter: niigoki_


	12. Lesson Twelve: Shrine

The door lock turned and Chaeyoung practically barged into the apartment, huffing and moving her gaze until she caught a glimpse of who she was looking for. The blue hair was unmistakable, and relief washed over Chaeyoung for a moment as she walked over to where Nayeon was snuggled with Dahyun on the couch.

“Chaeyoung…” Nayeon started to untangle herself from the bartender when a sudden force hit her cheek hard, burning through skin.

“Chaeyoung!” Dahyun grabbed Nayeon by the shoulders as she fell back down. “What the hell?!”

“This is for the absolute _shit_ you made Dahyun go through,” Chaeyoung spit after the slap, then took a deep breath and threw her arms around the blue-haired girl with a cracked voice. “And this is for coming back.”

It took her a second to regain her senses, but when she did, Nayeon returned the hug, burying her head in Chaeyoung’s shoulder. “I deserved that.”

“You bet your ass you did.”

“That was unnecessary!” Dahyun’s heart threatened to jump right out of her chest – she remembered Chaeyoung’s promise to punch the next idiot who broke her heart, but she didn’t think she’d actually go through with it. At least it was just a slap (which still echoed loudly through the room).

“Nah, she’s right. I need to get my shit back together,” Nayeon leaned back with a smile and Dahyun couldn’t help but to brush her thumb gently against the reddened cheek.

“I’ll get you some ice for that,” The bartender got up and shot a deadly stare in Chaeyoung’s direction as she walked past her. Nayeon shrunk back into the couch and looked at her apologetically.

“She’s mad.”

“She’ll get over it,” Chaeyoung rolled her eyes playfully, then became serious again. “How are you doing?”

“Better.” Nayeon wouldn’t say she was okay because she wasn’t quite there yet; it was a process, she realized. Healing took time, but she would get there eventually.

She was just happy that none of Dahyun’s friends seemed to hate her for disappearing – if anything, they had been sending her text messages nonstop filled with love. Nayeon couldn’t wait to hug Sana and the others back at the pub. “I’m really sorry for everything.”

“I know you are,” Chaeyoung looked at her neutrally, then cracked a lazy grin and nudged her shoulder. “At least you came back.”

Nayeon was glad for the answer. She didn’t want someone telling her that everything was okay and that she shouldn’t apologize; she really cherished Chaeyoung’s friendship because the girl was painfully honest – just because Nayeon had been in a really rough place, it didn’t excuse her shitty behavior towards the people that she loved.

“Here.” Dahyun returned with a bag of ice and Nayeon placed it gently against her skin.

“Thank you.”

They both smiled and blushed, averting their gaze at the same time, and Chaeyoung caught on that. She squinted her eyes and analyzed the two dorks for a long quiet moment, then widened her eyes. “You’re dating!”

“What?” Both sputtered at the same time, faces getting even hotter.

“Oh my god, you are!” Chaeyoung pointed at them and jumped up and down like a kid. “You’re acting all shy and cute and gross around each other, that means you’re a thing!”

“No, we’re not!” Dahyun replied, but felt the immediate need to fix the sentence. “…Acting like that, I m-mean.”

“Oh, so you don’t deny you’re dating.”

Dahyun got quiet again and looked at Nayeon, who smiled embarrassingly. “We might be?”

“Might?” Chaeyoung wasn’t having it, and crossed her arms impatiently.

Nayeon knew that the girl was the leader of the Dahyun Defense Squad – as the pulsating pain on her cheek clearly showed – so being ambiguous and vague about her feelings around Chaeyoung wasn’t going to cut it. Besides, Nayeon was tired of hiding that part of her, so she nodded to herself and looked at Chaeyoung in the eyes.

“I love her,” Nayeon said with no doubts in her voice whatsoever, and Chaeyoung blinked, pleasantly surprised. “We just… didn’t discuss anything further.” Then she turned to stare at Dahyun. “But if… if you want to, we could. I mean… date.”

Dahyun’s eyes shone with a familiar gleam and Chaeyoung just brought her hands to her mouth, shifting her attention from one to another, like she was watching a dramatic scene from a drama unfold in front of her.

“Like… girlfriends?” Dahyun asked meekly, and it was so cute that Nayeon had to restrain herself from yelling to the skies just how much she loved this girl.

“Yeah,” Nayeon bit her lip in a smile and put the bag of ice down to grab her hand. “Kim Dahyun, would you… be my girlfriend?”

Despite having shed more tears in a day than in the past year probably, Dahyun’s eyes watered once again. She wiped them off quickly and nodded fiercely, squeezing Nayeon’s hand and jumping for a hug. “Yes!”

They laughed together with happy hearts and Chaeyoung quietly whispered ‘kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss!’ from behind. Nayeon didn’t want to disappoint the girl who had smacked her in the face, so she pulled her new girlfriend for a long, passionate kiss. They kissed for a long, long time lazily and Chaeyoung decided to get up and give them a moment.

Then, she suddenly remembered the reason she had come home so exasperatedly in the first place – other than to hit and hug the shit out of Nayeon.

“Um, guys, sorry to interrupt.” She placed a hand on Dahyun’s shoulder making her turn around. “But can we talk for a sec?”

Dahyun knew when her best friend was serious and sat back up, holding Nayeon’s hand for comfort. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, uh. It’s just something Mina told me back at the parlor, and it’s been bugging me because I think we might have lots of friends in common, Nay.”

“Wait, Mina?” She hunched forward. “Slim, pink hair, tattoos?”

“Yeah, she’s my boss. She’s the one who told me about your whereabouts,” Chaeyoung shifted hesitantly on her chair. “And about Sunmi, too.”

A cold feeling went down Nayeon’s spine and she squeezed Dahyun’s hand. She was going to tell them about that eventually, since her conversation with Mina was what prompted her to go back and talk to people instead of running away from her problems, but hearing it come from someone else was terrifying to say the least.

The realization that Mina probably told Chaeyoung that Nayeon was an orphan was enough to make her walls raise slightly again. Nayeon wanted to share her past with Chaeyoung at some point as well, but bit by bit, and at her own pace; she didn’t know what the girl would think about her after that. The fear of rejection was always there at the back of her head.

“Before you freak, she only told me that Sunmi was your teacher.” Chaeyoung continued, very familiar with the way people flinched around a sensitive subject – Dahyun was like that, after all. “I’m sure you and Mina talked about her a lot already, but I just want to make sure you know one thing.”

“Sunmi?” Dahyun asked, confused with all of that.

Nayeon explained in a low voice. “My favorite teacher back at the orphanage.”

“Oh.”

“What is it?” Nayeon asked Chaeyoung, anxiously.

“You… do know that she had a daughter, right?” Chaeyoung needed to be careful with her words.

“Yeah, Mina told me… that Sunmi passed away a long time ago.” She remembered feeling a bit hopeless at the news back at the riverbank, but she knew that Miss Sunmi had led a wonderful and fulfilling life. All that Mina had told her was that Sunmi had left a beautiful daughter into the world before passing away, but nothing else after that. “What about it?”

“Nayeon, Dahyun told me that you live with a kid named Ryujin.” Chaeyoung looked at her intently.

“Yes…?” She frowned, then straightened her back. “Wait. You don’t—”

“Ryujin is Sunmi’s daughter, Nayeon.”

The silence was heavy and Dahyun looked at Nayeon as the girl gaped.

There were so many unfairness Nayeon’s life, but now something finally fit. Ryujin’s good nature and optimism had always reminded her of a long-forgotten kindness, but Nayeon could never put a finger on why. The girl had saved her from a very bad situation, just like Mina recalled Sunmi saving her, and it just made so much sense that she did.

She remembered Mina’s words.

_“The first thing she asked me was ‘Are you alright?’ Hearing that made me very emotional at the time. I guess I was just surprised someone cared.”_

Very slowly, Nayeon cracked a smile and felt a small tear rolling down her cheek. “Of course,” She looked up at the ceiling and sighed happily. “Of course she is.”

Dahyun was still lost, but glad that whatever had happened, had put such a beautiful and soft expression on Nayeon’s face. She hugged her sideways and rested her head on Nayeon’s shoulder, kissing the skin there briefly.

“Also, we know her dad,” Chaeyoung was apparently full of surprises today. She turned her gaze to Dahyun. “Remember the guy who fixed your Vespa so you could take your girlfriend on that first date?”

“Taecyeon?!” Dahyun almost yelled.

“Yep,” Chaeyoung smiled at the couple. “I guess you could say that the universe you like so much finally worked in your favor.”

Nayeon laughed with a sniffle and looked down, stealing a kiss from the girl she loved. She couldn’t believe a mother, a father and a daughter had all at some point helped Nayeon and Dahyun to live, meet and fall in love with each other.

The universe truly worked in mysterious ways.

\--

“Two-hundred!” Jeongyeon grunted as she brought her face near the floor and pushed her weight back up with her arms. “Two-hundred and one!” She did it again, sweat dripping from her forehead. “Two-hundred and two!”

“That’s enough, Jeong.” Momo frowned disapprovingly at her from her chair, but her teammate didn’t seem to listen.

“Two-hundred… and three!”

“You’ll fuck up your arms, Jeongyeon.”

“Two-hundred… and… f-four!”

“Quit it!” Momo got up and kneeled close to her. “Hey, don’t ignore me!”

“Two…two-hundred…and…” Jeongyeon’s muscles finally gave out and she collapsed face-first on the gym’s floor. Her chest moved up and down as she caught her breath and heaved, trying to fill her lungs with more oxygen than possible. “F-five…”

Momo just placed a bottle of water next to her and shook her head. “You’re messed up.”

“Tell me something… I don’t know…” Jeongyeon coughed and made her best effort to get up, but failed. Her arms throbbed with pain, so she rolled on her back and sighed loudly.

“Why are you doing this?” Momo asked, upset.

Jeongyeon didn’t answer and just focused on regaining her breath. After a few moments, she closed her eyes and swallowed hard. “Rugby is all I have. I need to get better.”

“Being a good athlete doesn’t mean pure muscle, you idiot.”

“I know,” She opened her eyes again and squinted at the ceiling. “I know that.”

“Your mental health comes first, Jeongyeon. And you’re obviously upset about something, ever since that girl pulled you into the bathroom at the pub.” Momo didn’t want to bring this up since her partner had made it clear that she didn’t want to hear about it ever again, but she needed to push her limits. That was how Jeongyeon worked; they’ve been through a lot of things together and they knew each other’s mannerisms like the back of their hands.

“Don’t.” Was all Jeongyeon said with a piercing glare.

“Don’t tell me to shut up. I’m worried about you.”

“Then leave me alone,” Jeongyeon grunted again and finally managed to get up. “I don’t know why you bother.”

“You don’t know— wow, fuck you!” Momo was angry now, and got up to come face to face with her teammate. “Six years. We’ve been friends for six years, and suddenly you get in a mood and tell me to fuck off? Well, _you_ can fuck off, because I’m not about to leave your miserable ass like this. So, you either get rid of me by force, or you suck it up and let me help you!”

Momo was worked up and her words made no sense; Jeongyeon would have laughed if they hadn’t hit her like a train. Pushing people away by force was her specialty – as her tattoo proved – and she absolutely would do it to Momo too if she didn’t drop it. Jeongyeon would rather hurt herself a thousand times over than put anyone she cared about through pain, and she didn’t mind the loneliness; it was a familiar feeling already.

“I’m going home,” She finally spoke, walking past Momo and roughly bumping shoulders with her. Momo turned to grab her wrist, but Jeongyeon easily broke free from her grasp. “I’m serious, Momo. Thank you for worrying, but let this go.”

She exited the gym, leaving a very frustrated and sad Momo behind.

The walk back home went by silently. Jeongyeon had smashed her phone a few days ago right after leaving the pub, so she couldn’t go home listening to her songs anymore. Honestly, the silence was the biggest reason she had been so unstable the past days – she absolutely hated being all alone with her thoughts. Once Jeongyeon got home she would turn the TV and calm down a little bit, but in the meantime, she would have to focus on the tempestuous thoughts in her mind that were quite honestly driving her crazy.

The conversation she’d had with Nayeon played in a loop constantly inside her. She wished she’d been drunker than she previously thought. That way, she wouldn’t have to remember vividly every single detail – from Nayeon’s expression to her words, to her yells, to her sarcastic laughs, to the way Jeongyeon told her she’d loved her, to the way Nayeon replied she was sick for feeling like that. Everything Jeongyeon had told her had been true, except for the part where she omitted the fact that she still loved her. Not romantically anymore, but as someone who had always been there and shared everything with her.

As an important person who was the closest thing to family she’d ever had.

As a sister, of sorts.

But Nayeon hated being called that, so Jeongyeon pretended that she didn’t love her that way.

Jeongyeon’s eyes were so unfocused that she almost passed her building. Upon entering the elevator, she looked at herself in the mirror and down at the blue flames. Sometimes, she wished she could erase that in any possible way, be it by tearing off skin, or just ripping off her whole arm, but then the memory of how much pain the burn had felt years ago came back to her strongly as ever, and she shut this idea down.

Jeongyeon tried to convince herself that it had been for a good cause, but now that she managed to push Nayeon away, she wasn’t so sure that permanently inking her skin was a good idea.

“I really am a fucking idiot,” She snickered under her breath and exited the elevator. She barely managed the first step out when she saw the box. Jeongyeon frowned, kneeling, and picking up the delivery, which was a lot lighter than the previous ones.

 _Weird,_ she thought. Mirischia had sent her the last box three days ago and they never came in such short intervals. Jeongyeon opened her door and walked into her apartment before doing anything else, then dropped the box on the kitchen counter and decided to take a well-deserving bath before dealing with that. The TV was already on, so she made her way to the bathroom and took her time, washing away the rough day and trying to calm down her heartbeat. It was impossible, though – the box was making her anxious.

With a sigh, Jeongyeon came out of the shower and walked back into the kitchen, tearing off the box with her bare hands and picking up the things inside. Her usual shampoo, a new set of training gloves and… that was it.

Under it all, there was a letter. Jeongyeon swallowed nervously. It was the first letter the witch had sent in years. Jeongyeon thought she’d be ready for it when it happened, but her hands shook uncontrollably.

A million thoughts crossed her mind in a second as she opened it.

After her eyes scanned the contents of the letter, Jeongyeon’s legs gave out and she dropped the box. She stood frozen in time, unmoving, hardly even breathing. The sound of the TV was muffled in the background. It was like she had entered an alternate reality; Jeongyeon felt her whole life slipping away through her fingers like sand, and she couldn’t do anything to catch it.

In a heartbeat, she got up and dialed a number from the phone in the kitchen counter. Everything that had happened recently looked like a distant memory; her legs were shaking, and she fought to stand up, biting the back of her hand.

Then, the person picked up on the other side of the line.

“Nayeon.” Jeongyeon’s voice cracked.

_“Jeongyeon? What—”_

“She’s dying.”

There was a pause that lasted years, millions and millions of torturous years. Galaxies were formed in the meantime, races extinct and civilizations rose and fell, and Jeongyeon was sure that she could see all of it in front of her eyes as she waited for an answer.

_“…I’m coming.”_

And she hung up.

\--

_“Mother, I scratched my knee…” Nayeon’s tiny voice was almost tearful, but she fought hard to hold back a sob as she limped towards the older woman._

_“Oh, my poor child!” Mirischia scooped her up and assessed the damage. “It’s bleeding, too. But it’s nothing serious. Mother will take care of it.” She put the girl down and searched her purse, emerging with a band-aid not long after. “Come here.”_

_Nayeon sat down and patiently waited as her mother attached it to the raw skin. “There, all new.”_

_“Thank you, mother.” Nayeon smiled, rubbing one eye._

_“I can’t wait for you to start your classes soon,” Mirischia’s eyes were shining. “You’ll never fall clumsily like this again.”_

_“Really?” Nayeon sounded shocked at the information and jumped up and down. “I can’t wait to start it either!”_

_“Good girl.”_

\--

She knew that she shouldn’t bolt right away after Jeongyeon’s call, but something buried deep inside of her made Nayeon’s first instinct be to run over to Jeongyeon’s house and hold her.

It was like the last three days had never happened – a single sentence made her entire life flash before her eyes, and suddenly Nayeon needed to go back to Jeongyeon like a boomerang. It wasn’t her fault, she knew; her trauma was far too entrenched to simply vanish like that. Deep down into their cores, Nayeon and Jeongyeon knew that there was one place they would return to eventually, and Nayeon wasn’t surprised that this remained true to this day.

“Wow, stop right there.” Chaeyoung blocked her way to the door and Nayeon almost stumbled over the short girl.

“Please, move.” She couldn’t bring herself to look at her in the eyes, let alone turn around to face Dahyun – she knew that the bartender’s expression would break her.

“You just came back.”

“I know! Look—” Nayeon took her phone out of her pocket. “I’m not going to disappear, I swear. You can call me, I’ll answer you, I just have to go—”

“To Jeongyeon?” Dahyun spoke from behind her and Nayeon flinched. Her tone wasn’t exactly sad or disappointed, but Nayeon couldn’t help but feel defeated anyway. “She called you, right? What happened?”

“…I promise I’ll be back,” Nayeon tried again, stepping forward, but Chaeyoung wasn’t having it.

“Okay, before you go do something for me.” Chaeyoung placed a hand on her shoulder to root her in place. “Close your eyes.”

“Chaeyoung, I really need—”

“Close your goddamn eyes if you don’t want a second smack in the face.”

Nayeon huffed heavily, but did as she was told.

“Good, now breathe in slowly and count to three.”

She did, one foot tapping nervously on the floor.

“Now exhale… good. Now, tell me your name.”

“What—”

“Just do it. Keep your eyes closed.”

“…Nayeon.”

“Your full name.”

Nayeon bit her lip and her voice came out shaky. “Im Nayeon.”

“Who are you?”

“Im Nayeon.” She repeated, with more conviction.

“And who am I?”

“You’re Chaeyoung.”

“And where are you right now?”

“Dahyun’s house.”

“Good. Now breathe one more time, count to three, and exhale.”

Nayeon felt her lungs being filled, and then emptied.

“Open your eyes.”

She did, and Chaeyoung’s body suddenly stopped shaking so much. No, that wasn’t it; Nayeon was the one who had stopped shaking. It was like the world had fallen into a calm flow again and she could think rationally for a moment.

“Feeling better?” Chaeyoung asked.

“Y-yeah… how did you…?”

“I live with a pile of nerves, you get used to calming people down after years of breakdowns,” Chaeyoung winked at Dahyun, who couldn’t suppress a small chuckle. She knew that Chaeyoung hadn’t meant anything bad by it, it was just the truth; Dahyun’s anxiety was pretty bad, and she was glad to have her best friend around to ground her and ease her mind when possible.

“Thank you,” Nayeon mumbled, still fidgety. “Can I please go?”

“Sure,” Chaeyoung moved and grabbed her phone from the table. “But we’re coming with you.”

“ _What?_ ”

“I’m not letting you out of our sight, not when you’re clearly upset and not thinking straight.” And with that, Chaeyoung walked out the door. “So, do we take the train, or?”

Nayeon stood rooted in place, still processing everything, when she felt Dahyun grabbing her hand. The bartender’s touch alone was enough to send chills up her arm, and she finally turned to look at her girlfriend in the eye.

“Let us help you this time.” Was all that Dahyun said, and Nayeon frowned in a struggle.

She knew that she should accept help, but whatever had happened to Mirischia was terrifying to her. She wanted to sort this out with Jeongyeon alone, since that was how it had always been – suddenly pulling more people into this mess was unprecedented, and it made Nayeon extremely uncomfortable. She was getting used to this, to opening up.

But maybe, all she really needed was a push in the right direction.

Nayeon finally let out a shaky sigh and nodded, hesitantly.

“…Okay.”

“Good, let’s go.” Chaeyoung smiled and the three of them walked out of the building in hurried steps.

“It’s 20 minutes by train,” Nayeon explained as she gripped Dahyun’s hand. She gently rubbed her thumb against the back of Nayeon’s hand for comfort, which she appreciated. “When we get there, we can walk to Jeongyeon’s apartment. It’s not far.”

“Gotcha.”

The train didn’t take long to arrive, but for Nayeon it felt like hours. She should have pressed Jeongyeon for details instead of stupidly hanging up, but what was done was done. Besides, Nayeon had a feeling that whatever had prompted Jeongyeon to give her the news wasn’t good; she wanted to be by her side for support.

It was funny, how even after their argument, Nayeon still cared for Jeongyeon on a deep level that she hadn’t even realized.

“Can I ask you what happened?” Dahyun’s voice brought her back to reality. The rid was bumpy and the noise of the train wheels sliding against the rails was loud and numbing. Now that she thought about it, Nayeon felt a whole lot better with Dahyun and Chaeyoung by her side; she definitely didn’t want to be alone with her thoughts right now.

It took her a moment, but she finally spoke. “Mirischia is dying.”

Dahyun widened her eyes and squeezed her hand. “Oh… I’m… sorry?” She didn’t really know how to react when it came to Nayeon’s adoptive mother. She seemed like such a horrible person, but she was still the one who raised her.

“It’s okay,” Nayeon replied, still looking outside. “I’m… not sure how to react myself.”

“Uh… who’s Mirischia?” Chaeyoung asked, completely out of the loop.

Nayeon turned to her surprised, then back to Dahyun. “You didn’t tell her?”

“Of course not,” Dahyun tilted her head and frowned. “It’s something so personal to you, I didn’t tell anyone.”

A wave of appreciation and love washed over Nayeon and she managed to smile softly. “Thank you.”

“Okay, bad topic. Got it.” Chaeyoung sounded a bit hurt, but she understood. Some things were better left unsaid, even if they were about to dive deep into whatever matter was plaguing Nayeon right now.

“No, it’s just… it’s a lot for one train ride.” Nayeon wanted to tell Chaeyoung as well, but she didn’t know how to summarize it. It was impossible to put down her entire trauma and life story in simple words – it felt deprecating.

“Well… can I at least know who this Jeongyeon is? Or…”

It suddenly hit Nayeon that Chaeyoung literally knew nothing. This girl was willing to fling herself into the unknow for her sake, and Nayeon felt like she could cry; she was not used to so much selflessness in a week.

She took a moment to follow Chaeyoung’s instructions from earlier and closed her eyes to breathe and situate herself before speaking. “Mirischia is… my adoptive mother. Jeongyeon was adopted with me. We’re technically her daughters.”

“Oh.” Was all Chaeyoung had to say.

“Yeah, she… we didn’t have a really good childhood. I wouldn’t call Mirischia a loving mother. I can’t even call Jeongyeon my sister, either.”

“Are you… on bad terms with Jeongyeon?”

“No, we—” Nayeon sighed. “We had a fight at the pub a few days ago. That’s why… that’s why I ran away. There were so many things running through my head, things Jeongyeon said, and it was too much to bear. I had to be alone for a while. I know I hurt people by isolating myself like that.” She sneaked a glance at the two girls. “I’m really sorry.”

“Hey, we understand, it’s okay.” Dahyun smiled reassuringly and placed her head on Nayeon’s shoulder. Nayeon in return kissed the top of her head, feeling a little bit lighter at the confession.

“Jeongyeon said that we had to stop seeing each other and I panicked,” Nayeon continued, still resting against Dahyun. “For years, she was the only one who I could count on, because we’ve been through the same horrible things together. So, when she said that, I just… felt really lost and alone.” She quickly reiterated. “I know I could have called one of you, or even Jiwoo and the others, but I didn’t want— I didn’t want to burden anyone with my problems.”

“You know we’re not angry at you,” Chaeyoung bumped her shoulder playfully. “Even though my slap might’ve said otherwise.”

Nayeon chuckled quietly at that. “It’s how you show you care, right?”

“Damn right.”

“What about Jeongyeon?” Dahyun asked. “Is she… okay?”

“I don’t think so,” Nayeon’s expression darkened. “We’ve always had this policy between us. Whenever we’re together, we don’t bring up other people, and when we’re with other people, we don’t bring up each other. It’s easier that way. Makes us feel safe, somehow. Like… we only exist in a bubble, separately from the outside world. In the bubble, we can talk about our nightmares and problems and feel as bad as we want. Outside the bubble, we laugh and smile at whoever comes our way.”

Dahyun nodded, understanding very well how that felt. Every day was a struggle to put up a front and pretend that she was a functioning human being, even though her anxieties and mannerisms often leaked through. With Chaeyoung and her friends, however, she felt safe, and could relax and be her true self.

“I don’t know if Jeongyeon has other friends, like I do.” Nayeon knew that she had her team, but she had no idea how they acted around each other. “I’m worried that she doesn’t really have anyone to help her out like you’re doing right now with me.”

“Well, now she does.” Chaeyoung said simply, and if she wasn’t so dead serious about it, Nayeon would’ve laughed. “We’ll help her, too. And anyone else who needs it. Do you have any other adoptive siblings we should know about?”

Dahyun punched Chaeyoung.

“Ouch! I’m being serious, we can be like superheroes. Oh, can I pick my hero name?”

“Do you ever stop talking nonsense?” Dahyun rebutted.

“I’ll be Chaeng Bang, you can be The Dubuman.”

“Chaeng Bang is a terrible name!”

“Oh, so you agree that The Dubuman is an excellent name.”

“Wha— S-shut up!”

Chaeyoung and Dahyun’s banter went on and on until the train stopped and Nayeon couldn’t help but to laugh at their antics. It was such a random comical sight in the middle of her chaos that she genuinely forgot about Mirischia for a moment. When they got off the train station, Nayeon’s heart was beating fast, with worry, but also, something else. The more time she spent with Dahyun and Chaeyoung, the more it became clear what that feeling in her chest was.

She wondered if this is what a real family felt like.

\--

_“Has anyone ever told you how beautiful your hair is, darling?” Mirischia’s voice was low and soothing in the dim lights of her room, and she hummed contently as she combed Jeongyeon’s hair delicately._

_“Not really… some kids at the orphanage used to make fun of it.” Jeongyeon replied, focused on the drawing in front of her._

_“Oh, they were surely jealous.” Her mother scoffed. “When children want something, they make fun of it, you know.”_

_“You really think so?” Jeongyeon put her pencil down and turned around to look at her mother for reassurance._

_“I know so,” Mirischia finished combing and placed a kiss on top of Jeongyeon’s head. “Mother always knows best, sweetie.”_

_Jeongyeon took a moment to think about it and stretched her chubby kiddy cheeks into a happy smile, returning to her picture. Once she was finished, she gave it to her mother. A paper sheet containing a crudely drawn Jeongyeon, Nayeon and Mirischia was pinned on the fridge for months. Every time they had dinner together, the three of them would sit facing the picture, and Jeongyeon felt proud of something for the first time in her life._

\--

Jeongyeon had been trying to come up with ways to distract herself since Nayeon hung up, but so far nothing had proved useful. TV wasn’t helping, her phone was broken, and she didn’t have anything soft to punch without ripping. She really should’ve bought that punching bag back at the gym a few months ago.

Suddenly, someone knocked on her door, two times, then two more after a pause, and she knew it was Nayeon. Their secret knock was one of the things that hadn’t changed since childhood days; sort of like a code so they knew who to expect on the other side. It usually calmed her down, but right now, Jeongyeon basically flew over and almost tore the entire door off the hinges.

“…Hey.” Jeongyeon managed to mumble. She thought she’d be ready to face Nayeon again after saying so many times that they should stop seeing each other; it was a bit pathetic, how weak that girl made her in every aspect possible.

“Hi,” Nayeon replied with a conviction that caught Jeongyeon off guard. “…Look, don’t freak, but I brought someone.”

“You _what?_ ”

“Two people, actually.”

“Nayeon—”

“I know!” She almost yelled. “I know. But they’re… they’re here to help.”

“ _Help?_ ” Jeongyeon was baffled. “Help who? Help how? What is wrong—”

“Help us, Jeongyeon! Look, I didn’t come here to fight again, just let us in and tell me what happened.”

Nayeon’s voice was steady, strong, resolved. It took Jeongyeon by surprise. With not much choice in the matter, she stepped aside and gestured for her to come in.

As soon as Dahyun and Chaeyoung came into view, Jeongyeon widened her eyes. “Aren’t you the receptionist of that tattoo shop?”

Chaeyoung halted, finally realizing who was in front of her.

She started laughing. “Are you kidding me?! _Your_ Jeongyeon is actually _that_ Jeongyeon? The universe strikes, once again!” The three women just looked at Chaeyoung a bit worriedly. “Okay! Nayeon, girl, is there anyone else you need to introduce to us, because I’m pretty sure fate is at work here.”

Jeongyeon blinked, trying to ignore that, and turned to Dahyun. “And aren’t you the bartender?”

“Huh? Y-yeah, I—”

“Oh, you know Dahyun too! Of course! Let’s see, trying to figure out how this Mirischia character fits into all of these coincidences—” Dahyun punched her arm again. “Ouch! Rude.”

“If you’re done embarrassing us,” Dahyun muttered between clenched teeth. “Maybe you could let her talk now.”

“Okay, okay, carry on.” Chaeyoung calmed down and the living room became silent again.

“So?” Nayeon spoke to break the intense atmosphere. “What happened?”

“Right,” Jeongyeon stared at the two strangers once again and hesitantly walked over to the table to grab the letter. “I got home and there was a delivery waiting for me. I thought it was weird, since she’d already sent me one, and when I opened it, there was a letter.”

Nayeon took the letter with a palpitating heart. It was the first time in years that the witch sent news, and she wasn’t sure she wanted to know what she had to say. Nayeon’s curiosity got the best of her, however, and she read it.

_“Dear Jeongyeon,_

_I’ll try to be brief. I am not sure you’ll even read this letter, but I’ll take my chances; you’ve always been the most reasonable one, after all._

_It’s been such a long time, and I still find myself missing you and your sister every day. I wonder if my packages are reaching you, and what you’re doing with my thoughtful gifts. I truly hope that they’re not going to waste – I have the sincerest of intentions, even though you might not believe that._

_How are you, I wonder? You two must be so grown up and leading a wonderful life. I’m sure you’re making the most of every day, and seizing all the great opportunities life is giving you. That’s how I was raised, and that’s how I hope I’ve come to raise you two as well. It doesn’t hurt to have a little motherly help, too._

_The reason I’m writing you this letter is because my time in this world has been cut short. Mother’s old bones are not working properly anymore, and a sudden twist of fate has attacked my organs – the liver, to be exact. I’m sending you a copy of all my exams and a picture of the hospital I’m in, along with the address. It’s located on our sweet hometown, not far from our old home._

_I have many regrets in this life, and the way I’ve treated you both is the biggest one. I have only one wish before crossing to the other side: I want to see you one last time. I know it’s too much to ask, but I’ll fight to stay alive with the hope that you’ll walk through the hospital door and greet me soon. Please, try to convince your sister as well. It would mean the world to me if you could come and tell me all about your adventures since you left home. I could think of no better way to go._

_I’ll be waiting for you, for as long as I can._

_I love you both. Never forget that._

_Love,_

_\- Mirischia.”_

Nayeon blinked and a sudden tear blotched the paper. She brought her forearm to rub her eyes and inhaled, counting to three, then exhaled. “What a fucking hypocrite.”

“Yeah,” Jeongyeon grabbed a chair and sat down, gesturing for the other girls to do the same. “I’ve always been the most reasonable one? Please. Years of praising you for everything and putting me down, and that’s what she has to say? She just knows I’m the weakest and that I’d probably crush under pressure and drag you along.”

Nayeon sat down too, but Dahyun and Chaeyoung felt like they were intruding on a very personal matter.

“Probably,” Nayeon replied, putting down the letter. “…So, what are we going to do?”

“Nothing.”

“Is that it?”

“She’s a performer, Nayeon. She’s probably lying her lungs out. I’m not going through the trouble.”

“She sent us all her exams and a picture of her hospital bed.”

“Mirischia is rich and a scammer, you really think it’d be hard for her to fake these things?”

“What would be the point, though?” Nayeon bit her lip, frustrated. “Say it is a scam. We get there, and then what? What could she even do to us after this? We’re both adults with a life and you’re a rugby athlete, she can’t shackle us again.”

Jeongyeon got quiet after that, as if she hadn’t thought about it. Nayeon couldn’t blame her for it; there was also a part of her that accepted that one day they’d return to the circus where they belonged and live off of tricks for another ten years.

“…I don’t want to go.” Jeongyeon’s voice was so meek and fragile that Nayeon felt an urge to hug her. “I’m scared of her.”

The confession seemed silly coming from someone as big as Jeongyeon, but Dahyun knew that there was nothing funny about it. Everything Nayeon had told her about their life with this woman sounded horrible, but she couldn’t even fathom the thought of having lived it for their whole childhood and teenage years. Nayeon called her a witch, because that’s the image she evoked: a wicked villain from a fairytale that was created with the sole purpose of being absolutely terrifying.

Even Dahyun was scared of this old woman.

But she also knew that whenever she was scared of something, she could rely on people she loved to help.

“Let’s go.” Dahyun’s voice echoed through the silent room and all three pairs of eyes turned to her, shocked.

“What?” Jeongyeon sounded angry.

“Let’s go. The four of us.” She was shaking as the words left her mouth, but she pushed through. “You – and I’m really sorry to say this – you need to face her. I think. Um… I’m… not qualified to say what you should or shouldn’t do, but I just think that—” Jeongyeon’s intense gaze was piercing through her skin, so Dahyun closed her eyes. “I think that she wants to break you. I don’t think that she’s faking her d-death, but I think that she wants to make sure she still has control and power over you until her very last moments. Some people are like that. So, you… you have to prove to her that she doesn’t. That you’re happy. That you have people who care about you, and that these people are… stronger than anything she could ever throw at you.”

Chaeyoung felt a tinge of pride at her words.

“I think that what I’m t-trying to say is,” Dahyun opened her eyes and looked at Nayeon. “Don’t give her the satisfaction. Show her that you’re finally above her. That you’re living _your_ life, not hers. And it’s okay to get scared! She was part of your life for so long, it’s not like you’ll erase that in a day. But you can show her that you’re healing. Because you have people who genuinely love you, now.” With a shaky breath, she finished. “Show her that you’re healing. Let’s go.”

There wasn’t a single movement for a long time and Dahyun’s face was about to combust with embarrassment.

Before she could even think of punching herself in the face, however, Nayeon got up from her chair and landed a kiss on her lips. Dahyun felt her tears along with the hands squishing her cheeks and kissed back, relaxing all her muscles at once.

“I love you,” Nayeon whispered against her lips and Dahyun melted. Then Nayeon turned to Jeongyeon and offered a hand, just like she’d done back at the pub. “She’s right. Let’s go.”

Jeongyeon looked at her hand, then back up to Nayeon.

And this time, she took her hand and got up with her help. “…Alright.”

Nayeon smiled softly and Jeongyeon couldn’t help but return the expression. She had missed her smile more than anything in this world.

“Call a friend. We’re doing this together.” Nayeon said and Jeongyeon scratched the back of her neck.

“Yeah, about that… my friend and I kind of had a fight earlier.”

“Jesus, do you have to argue with everyone who cares about you?” Nayeon’s words might’ve been harsh a while back, but now they were playful.

“I do, actually.” Jeongyeon sighed, but took the phone from her kitchen anyway. “Momo will come, though. She can’t leave me be for a second.”

“Good! More people that I probably know in some way or another!” Chaeyoung fist pumped, and for some bizarre reason, everyone laughed.

Not in a million years Nayeon thought that she’d be laughing with Jeongyeon again, right before traveling back to Mirischia’s domain. Everything felt so surreal, that she had to look back to Dahyun to make sure that this wasn’t a dream.

And when the bartender smiled back and took her hand, she knew that things were too good to be one of her nightmares.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on twitter @niigoki_ 
> 
> Thanks for reading! See you next time~


	13. Lesson Thirteen: Renz

“Alright, this feels like a camp trip already!” Chaeyoung’s sarcastic voice came from behind Dahyun’s seat as she shifted, struggling with her seat belt. “Only instead of a lake, we’re going straight to Hell Town.”

“Don’t make me get up and punch your gut,” Dahyun was trying to relax as the bus closed its doors and left the station for a long 5 hour trip to the state next door, but her hyperactive best friend was terrible at relaxing on trips like this. It wasn’t because of the anxiety of an accident in the middle of the road (like the one Dahyun was feeling), but simply because staying put in a moving vehicle for over 20 minutes was the definition of hell for Chaeyoung.

“Please do, at least seeing you attempt to punch me will give me something to do for five hours.”

“Is she always like this?” Momo, who was sitting behind Chaeyoung, asked Jeongyeon by her side.

“Beats me, I’ve never met any of these people before yesterday.” Jeongyeon simply replied looking outside, her mind far away from the current reality. “Except for Nayeon.”

“So, Nayeon is the blue-haired one,” Momo was trying to understand what exactly she’d thrown herself into. When Jeongyeon called her and apologized for her behavior, asking her to help, Momo’s immediate response had been yes. She didn’t really think much of the details – as long as she could be there for whatever trouble her teammate was going through, she would gladly buy a bus ticket to a town she’s never heard of before. But now that they were actually on the bus, she started to think properly. “And she’s your sister.”

“Adoptive sister.” Jeongyeon corrected her.

“Right. Your sister’s girlfriend is that bartender from the pub we went to a few days ago.”

“I guess.”

“And fussy over there, Chaeyoung, is her best friend and also the receptionist of the place you got your tattoo from.”

“Yeah.”

“So… who’s the one beside her?”

“I’m Chaeyoung’s boss,” Mina explained without turning around, awkwardly. “Mina.”

A few hours ago, when Mina saw Nayeon and Chaeyoung at the bus station, she had felt quite comfortable, but as soon as other people started showing up, her social skills pretty much vanished.

“Okay…” Momo repeated each person’s name in a mumble to herself and sighed after a while. “Yeah, I already forgot your sister’s name.”

“Adoptive— look, don’t worry about it. Just try to sleep or something, it’s going to be a long ride.” Jeongyeon finally removed her gaze from the road and leaned back with her arms crossed and a tired expression. She was starting to think that having so many people accompanying her on such a personal travel was totally inappropriate, but now it was too late.

Momo wanted to try to cheer her up; this place they were going to was clearly stressing her out for some reason she had yet to uncover, but right now she thought that it was truly best to let Jeongyeon rest.

“Yes, sleep. A very good advice, Jeongyeon.” Dahyun said, turning around to face Chaeyoung. “An advice we should _all_ follow.”

“Mina doesn’t seem very tired.” Chaeyoung replied and Nayeon had to place a hand on top of Dahyun’s to stop the bartender from actually getting up and punching her friend in the gut.

“Let’s just calm down,” Nayeon tried and Dahyun allowed herself to relax under her touch. Nayeon turned to Mina with an apologetic look. “Sorry you had to sit next to Red Bull over there.”

“Oh, trust me, I’m used to her antics.” Mina didn’t seem fazed by her employee’s behavior and took her phone from her pocket to text someone.

“You make me seem so unprofessional.” Chaeyoung crossed her arms.

“Pfft—” Dahyun’s snort was met with a rough push on the back of her seat and she got up to yell at Chaeyoung again.

The two argued for about two minutes before Jeongyeon pretty much growled from the deep of her throat, making both quiet down as quickly as they had started. Nayeon for once agreed with Jeongyeon’s rudeness, and smiled when she felt her small girlfriend rest her head on her shoulder, finally calming down.

“What a lively group.” Momo commented, but there was no follow up from the woman beside her, and the conversation was over. Not like it had started.

The rest of the trip went smoothly, with the three pairs just talking to each other occasionally without bothering the other passengers, who were already eyeing them angrily from the ruckus from before. Dahyun was constantly touching Nayeon, be it by resting on her or just holding hands when the position made her neck cramp, and she was glad for it. Having physical contact right now was proving to be much better than being alone.

It hadn’t really dawned on Nayeon yet that she was going to face Mirischia in a few hours. She was trying to distract her brain with other thoughts, such as seeing the familiar places of her old hometown again. She wondered if the restaurant she loved so much was still open, or if the park they used to go to sometimes was still full of dogs. There were other places she didn’t really want to go, such as the gym where she was forced to train for years, and the old mansion. Nayeon knew exactly where the mansion was even after all these years, so she was going to avoid that place for good.

She bit her lip and turned around to take a peek at Jeongyeon, and was surprised to see that she was sleeping. Nayeon knew her better than this, though, so she knew Jeongyeon was just pretending so she wouldn’t have to deal with anyone. Nayeon’s gut twisted in a sad and bitter feeling, and she felt the urge to sit next to her and just… be there, present. The road was bumpy, though, so getting up was not recommended.

“You okay?” Dahyun’s voice brought her back to reality.

“Yeah,” Nayeon looked back at her. “Just thinking.”

“Bad thinking?”

“Not really,” It was funny; a few days ago, thoughts about Mirischia, Jeongyeon and her old life would definitely be freaking her out. Now, they were just… neutral thoughts. Not good ones, but not awful either. “You being here helps.”

Dahyun smiled and squeezed her hand. “I’m glad. Um… sorry about the mess with Chaeyoung earlier.”

“It’s okay,” Nayeon chuckled. “It lifted the mood.”

“Don’t let her hear you say that,” Both girls laughed before settling on a comfortable silence again. “It’s just… I’m pretty anxious, and arguing with her distracts me from it. It’s awful, I know.”

“Not really. I’m sure she does it because she knows it helps you.”

“Oh.” That thought had never crossed Dahyun’s mind, but it was such a Chaeyoung thing to do that she was surprised she hadn’t noticed it before. “You think so?”

“She cares about you in her own… Chaeyoung way. That’s a good thing.”

Dahyun looked down and smiled a bit. “Yeah. I guess it is.”

Behind them, Mina had her eyes closed as she listened to music on her headphones. Chaeyoung was trying not to bother her, but the silence was borderline unbearable. With a stretch, she accidentally – not – bumped her arm on Mina’s shoulder, and retracted it immediately when she opened her eyes. “Sorry!”

“It’s alright.” Mina responded and closed her eyes again.

“Um,” Chaeyoung tried to think of something to talk about before the conversation died again. “You think Jihyo is managing the shop alright all by herself?”

“She’s resourceful.”

“Right.” She scratched the back of her neck. “So… what are you listening to?”

“You talking.”

“Ouch.” Okay, Mina was definitely not in the mood. “Got it, I’ll shut up now.”

Mina sighed and removed her headphones. “I’m sorry. I’m just not used to travel with so many strangers. I guess I’m a bit nervous.”

“Oh, I see.” Chaeyoung smiled and playfully poked her arm. “Well… don’t need to be nervous around me, right?”

Mina returned the smile and Chaeyoung’s heart jumped – that genuine happiness in her boss’ face was extremely beautiful and she really wanted to see more of it. “I’m positive no one is able to be nervous around you.”

“What does that mean?”

“That you’re easy to talk to. You’re very friendly and outgoing. There’s always that willingness to talk to others that you have, which I can’t quite understand, honestly.”

“I love people, people love me, what can I say.”

Mina’s smile turned into a melancholic one. “There you go again.”

Chaeyoung paused, afraid of having said something wrong. Mina reassured her with a shake of her head.

“You sound a lot like Sunmi sometimes. It’s a bit frightening, to be honest.”

“Oh…” Sunmi again. Nayeon’s teacher, Ryujin’s mom and Mina’s… something. The woman sounded like a true angel on earth, and Chaeyoung didn’t really know how to act around Mina when she brought her up so suddenly like that. “I’m… sorry?”

“No, it’s a great thing.” Mina reiterated. “I meant that as a compliment. I wish I could be half of what she was.”

“You…” Chaeyoung wanted to say that she was a lot more than that. For her, Mina was not only beautiful, but her genuine passion towards things was admirable; the way her eyes shone whenever she talked about her tattoo parlor or when she sketched new drawings for her portfolio, or even then way she got frustrated over a silly online game because she wanted to fit in. Mina was diligent, organized and compassionate, things Chaeyoung truly valued in a person, because it was the total opposite of herself. “You’re your own person, though.”

“What?”

She wasn’t sure if she even had the right to say something like that, but seeing Mina putting herself down really bothered her. “You’re not Sunmi, sure, but I’m not her either. You have so many other good qualities.”

“Qualities I’ve only earned by trying to be like her.”

“So what?” Chaeyoung almost laughed at the ridiculous words. “Isn’t that how life works? You’re not born with a set personality, you learn and change by interacting with others. Hell, you went from nun to hot tattoo rebel, if that isn’t proof of this, then I don’t know what is.”

Mina stared at her in silence before breaking into a contagious laughing fit. It was the first time Chaeyoung heard her boss laughing and she couldn’t help but bask in the pure joy of it. “Such a philosopher, Son Chaeyoung.”

“I don’t mean to brag, but people used to call me Chaestotle in college.”

“Did you even go to college?”

“…That’s not the point.”

As soon as they managed to catch their breaths, Mina turned to look at her in the eyes. “Thank you.”

“For what?” Chaeyoung flushed at the direct eye contact, which was totally not like her.

“For reminding me of important things like that.” Then she looked out of the window again. “I might not be Sunmi, but I can try to carry out her legacy of helping people. I mean, this is why I even came on this trip.”

Mina reminisced Chaeyoung’s call one day ago and grinned.

She was at home, cooking a healthy meal, when her receptionist called and asked if she was free to go on a life changing trip with herself and Nayeon. Mina was extremely confused by her words, but when Chaeyoung explained the whole situation, something inside her felt heavy. Mina dismissed the call at first, but couldn’t ignore the knot in her stomach, so she called Jihyo for advice.

_“What do you want to do?” Jihyo had asked._

_“W-well, I can’t possibly miss work. In fact, I can’t let her miss work either! I don’t know why I—”_

_“Go.”_

_“What?”_

_“It’s okay, the shop will be fine. And I think you need this. It would be good for you.”_

_“But Jihyo, I don’t…”_

_“It’s what Sunmi would’ve done. You know that.”_

That simple sentence was enough. Jihyo was right; Sunmi would have jumped into the unknown at the first opportunity if it meant making a difference in someone’s life. Mina had always valued that in her, and often wondered if she would be able to do the same. Now that the chance had presented itself, she didn’t want to back down.

Besides, helping one of Sunmi’s students was a privilege.

“I’m glad you came.” Chaeyoung smiled back at Mina, and both stared at each other for a bit longer than it was probably was necessary.

“So…” Mina broke the spell with a smirk. “You think I’m hot, huh?”

Chaeyoung nearly choked. “I m-mean… I never tell a lie.”

“I’ll take the compliment.” Mina finished with a wink, and Chaeyoung’s chest felt weird.

\--

Upon arriving, the first thing the six women did was use the bathroom. Dahyun rubbed the sleep off her eyes, as well as Momo, who couldn’t stop yawning; Jeongyeon stretched her cramped muscles and Mina and Chaeyoung tried to be subtle about staring, but failed.

Nayeon walked away from everyone for a while and stared at the sky, closing her eyes and breathing in deeply. The chilling air of her hometown made its way into her lungs and she didn’t feel like smoking while she was there.

“Hey,” Jeongyeon’s voice behind her made her open her eyes. “You good?”

“We’re back.” Nayeon said, simply.

“We’re back.”

Dahyun was finally awake enough to look around, and noticed Nayeon and Jeongyeon talking away from the group. She decided to let them be alone with each other for as long as they needed while on this trip; it was something personal for the both of them, after all. Dahyun couldn’t possibly imagine what was going on inside their heads. Seeing a familiar place was one thing, but when it brought back bad memories, it was probably a whole other story.

“Are we going?” Nayeon asked.

“Do we have to?” Jeongyeon sounded like a spoiled child who didn’t want to clean her room, and Nayeon gave her a tiny grin.

“Eventually, yeah. But not right now.” She looked up at her. “I’m starving.”

Jeongyeon smirked back. “Soul?”

“Soul.”

Their favorite place to get a burger.

Nayeon returned to the group and gathered everyone, explaining where they were going first. They bought a bus ticket, and after a 10-minute ride, arrived at a station near the famous restaurant. Nayeon’s stomach growled as soon as they stepped in and smelled the familiar scent. She looked at Jeongyeon with a genuine smile and shining eyes, and the athlete reciprocated the expression. Dahyun noticed that and grinned, happy to see the two of them getting along better than before.

“Okay, so here’s how this works,” Nayeon said as they all sat down. “You’ll get a Number 5, no questions asked.”

“What if,” Chaeyoung looked at the menu. “I want a Number 7 instead?”

“You don’t. Trust me.”

“I’d trust her.” Dahyun affirmed.

“You’re biased.” Chaeyoung retorted, but gave up. “Alright, whatever you say. It’s your turf.”

“This is going to ruin our diet.” Momo frowned as she tried to search for something in that menu that wasn’t dripping with oil and fat.

“You’ll thank me later.” Jeongyeon looked a lot more alive, and Momo’s heart swelled with joy at her friend’s playful gleam. “Besides, I thought that an athlete’s health wasn’t all about the body, but the mind as well.”

Mina decided to just trust Nayeon’s judgement. She was in an unfamiliar city with unfamiliar people around her, so she would just go with the flow. “I’ll have a Number 5, then.”

The waiter took their orders and the six burgers arrived in a relatively short amount of time. As soon as Nayeon and Jeongyeon bit into it, they sighed contently. Chaeyoung and Dahyun exchanged looks and smiled at each other without a word.

With a full stomach and paid bills, they exited the place, only to stop midway to plan what they were going to do next. Jeongyeon took the hospital’s address out of her pocket, checking her GPS. “So, we could take another bus and then go all the way… here. Then it’s just a twenty-minute walk.”

“Sounds great, but if I take another bus right now, I’m going to puke.” Chaeyoung groaned as she patted her stomach. “Can we stop somewhere for a bit? I need to digest.”

Jeongyeon and Nayeon exchanged looks. “Well… there’s a park near here. We could rest on the benches for a bit.”

“I was thinking more of an inside place. With an AC and cushions.”

“Hmm…” Nayeon tried to think of a place like this. “There’s a shopping mall, too, but it’s a bit far.”

“Ughh…”

“Why are you complaining so much? We’re not here on tourism.” Dahyun put her hands on her hips, annoyed at the selfishness of her best friend.

“Excuse me, not all of us have the metabolism of a puma. I ate that whole burger and I need to lie down for a bit.”

“You’re not the priority here, Chaeng!”

As the two continued to argue, Jeongyeon rolled her eyes and kept checking her map. Nayeon wasn’t sure of what to do; on one hand, she could use a resting spot before facing her worst nightmare, but on the other, she really didn’t want to delay this for too long. Those people had taken a day off to accompany her on a personal issue, and she felt bad for wasting their time like this.

“If I may suggest,” Mina’s clear and calm voice interrupted the fight. “Is there a possibility of us spending one night at a hotel?”

“What?” Nayeon was surprised at the idea. “But you have work tomorrow.”

“Well, that’s true, but Jihyo said she’ll hold the fort and I trust her.” She turned to Chaeyoung. “I’ll let you off the hook, and if I’m not mistaken, Dahyun works at night. If we return tomorrow in the afternoon, she’ll be able to make it to work in time.” Then she turned to Jeongyeon and Momo and tried not to stutter at the ones she was least familiar with. “Of course, I don’t know if this would fit your schedule.”

“We’re on a break!” Momo replied with her characteristic friendly smile. “That wouldn’t be a problem for us.”

Jeongyeon didn’t look up from her phone, but nodded.

“Well, that’s good then.” Mina looked back at Nayeon. “Besides… I think it would be good to take a little break before facing such a difficult issue. With your body and mind well rested, you’ll do much better.”

Nayeon’s eyes gleamed and she smiled softly. “Okay. Thank you, Mina.”

Chaeyoung side-eyed her boss proudly; to think that Mina would go as far as missing two working days to help a stranger – that was a selfless act if she’s ever seen one.

“Found it.” Jeongyeon said suddenly and everyone looked at her. “A cheap hotel.”

“So that’s what you were looking for in that goddamn phone.” Momo shoved her to the side playfully and Jeongyeon just told her to shut up with a faint blush.

“Let’s go, then.”

Then they all followed Jeongyeon.

\--

“Good news, they’ve got three cheap rooms!” Chaeyoung came back with Jeongyeon from the lobby with three keys; The two of them, incredibly, were the better suited people to strike a bargain. Well, mostly Chaeyoung – Jeongyeon was there to be intimidating. “Bad news, we’ve got to share a bed.”

“How is this bad news?” Dahyun teased with a smirk.

“Well, sorry, not all of us got to find a girlfriend before the trip,” She gave her a room key reluctantly. “So… how are we gonna split?”

“Like we did on the bus?” Dahyun came to the most logical conclusion.

“R-right. Yeah, that makes sense.” For some god forsaken reason, the thought of sharing a bed with Mina made Chaeyoung nervous. She was never nervous around people she liked, what was going on with her? Besides, wasn’t that a good thing? She’d been wanting to have some privacy with Mina for a while now, and this was the perfect opportunity.

“Alright, that settles it then.”

Grabbing their bags, they went upstairs and walked into their designated rooms. The rooms were all next to each other and were connected to a balcony outside; if they needed to talk, they could just step out and chat.

\--

The double bed in the middle of the room occupied most of the place. As soon as Nayeon and Dahyun walked in, they threw themselves on it, sighing contently. Dahyun shifted so they could snuggle, and Nayeon giggled at the gesture, placing a kiss on top of her head.

“Alright, the hotel was a great idea.” Dahyun muttered against Nayeon’s chest.

“It really was.” Nayeon closed her eyes, pulling the tiny girl as closer as she could.

\--

Momo and Jeongyeon placed their bags on the floor, looking around. With a smile, Momo was the first to jump on the bed like a kid. She asked if Jeongyeon wanted to join, but Jeongyeon just smiled a bit and rolled her eyes, stepping outside to check the balcony.

“Try not to break the bed, this time.”

“That was one time!” Momo pouted, not slowing down.

\--

Chaeyoung and Mina sat on the corner of the bed, far from each other. Mina excused herself for a bit and Chaeyoung nodded with a crooked smile. As soon as she disappeared into the bathroom, Chaeyoung buried her face in a pillow.

“Lord, help me.”

That was going to be a long night.

\--

The night came fast. After walking around town for a while and having a quick dinner, everyone returned to their respective rooms without exchanging many words. The group was pretty much split into strangers who knew each other through other people, so conversation was reserved to mainly Chaeyoung, Dahyun and Nayeon. As soon as they bid each other goodnight, – but not before Chaeyoung’s obvious “Don’t be too loud or I’ll kick your ass!” joke towards the couple – they walked into their rooms.

The room was warm and cozy to compensate for the chilling air of the night outside, and Dahyun wrapped herself up in the blanket right after Nayeon closed the door. Turning around, Nayeon halted at the cute sight of her girlfriend, who now looked like a burrito. “Cold much?”

“A little bit,” Dahyun yawned. “I’m also really tired from the trip.”

“Aww, that’s a shame…” Nayeon made her way to the bed slowly. “I was really hoping to annoy Chaeyoung.”

“Huh?” It took a moment for her to understand what she meant. Her head was usually fuzzy, but it got ten times worse when she was sleepy. Blushing, she finally asked. “Annoy her with what?”

Nayeon giggled, not fazed in the least, and laid next to her. “She did tell us not to be loud.”

“Oh. Ohhh,” Dahyun’s heart shot up to the skies and she buried herself even more inside her blanket. “That.”

Not bearing to look at Dahyun being this adorable without touching her, Nayeon wrapped one arm around her tiny frame, bringing her body impossibly close and burying her nose on the crook of the girl’s neck. “I’m kidding. I know you’re tired, we should rest.”

Nayeon’s whisper close to her ear made Dahyun melt, and she turned around to face her, untangling herself from the blanket. “I’m sorry…”

“Don’t be.” Nayeon’s eyes shone so brightly. “Just being here with you like this is… like a dream come true, honestly.” As soon as she said that, she blushed. “Wow, way to be a sap.”

“Hey, I’m the sap queen.” Dahyun murmured with a smile. “You can’t beat my sap.”

They both chuckled and stood frozen in time, staring at each other without a care in the world. For a second, every wrong thing seemed to have vanished; Nayeon’s anxiety regarding meeting her mother tomorrow, Dahyun’s fear of the unknown, their worries and anguishes. At that moment, it was just the two of them, staring at the infinite.

“Like a galaxy…” Dahyun couldn’t stop herself.

“Yeah?”

“Y-yeah,” Dahyun swallowed, forcing herself to remember that this was Nayeon, and that she didn’t mind her words. “Your face. Your eyes always seem to shine. Sometimes, I swear I can see shooting stars in them.”

Nayeon could soar; there were no words that could possibly compete with the poetry that simply flowed out of the woman in her arms. So, she said the first dumb thing that came to mind. “You should make a wish.”

Dahyun’s memory flashed back to the first day she saw Nayeon in the junkyard. At that time, Nayeon had briefly exposed her silhouette to her with her lighter, but she had vanished as quickly as she’d come. Dahyun had called her a shooting star then, and it warmed her heart to realize that Nayeon now was more than a rare beauty in the blink of an eye.

She was real, and she was there.

_“You should make a wish.” Chaeyoung teased._

“I already did,” And then Dahyun leaned forward, capturing the woman’s lips with her own. The kiss, unlike a shooting star, was long, and would last for as long as she wanted. A thousand wishes were made against those lips, and a thousand more popped up in Dahyun’s mind as soon as she was finished thinking about all the things that she loved about Nayeon. It didn’t matter what happened; Dahyun knew that this girl deserved a world of happiness. She swore she would make that a reality.

Nayeon’s hands started to roam, and it was then that the bartender had an idea.

“Wait,” She broke the kiss, a little breathless. “Let’s take a shower.”

Nayeon blinked, but then smiled, leaning in to give her another brief kiss. “I like this idea.”

At least this way the water would muffle the sounds.

\--

“That shower is a blessing!” Momo’s happy face came out of the bathroom and Jeongyeon let out a snicker.

“You say that about every shower that comes with hot water.”

“Exactly! Training camp made me truly admire the little things.” Then she plopped down on the bed next to Jeongyeon, who was flicking through the TV channels without paying much attention. Momo stared at her friend’s back for a bit before speaking. “Say… how are you doing?”

Jeongyeon finally found something decent and put the remote away. She looked down at her tattooed arm and sighed. “Scared.”

Momo smiled softly. “The big, bad Jeongyeon, afraid.”

Jeongyeon pushed herself back on the bed and settled against the headboard. “It happens once in a blue moon.”

“Right…” Momo mimicked her pose and looked down to her hands. “You know, I came all the way here to be supportive, but I still have no idea what is happening. I mean, I get that it’s a family thing, but…”

Oh. That’s right.

Jeongyeon never told Momo a single thing about her past.

And she had a good reason not to, of course. Just like Nayeon, she was afraid of pushing people away with her burdens, so bottling things up inside was for the best. But now that she had involved Momo in this whole mess, Jeongyeon felt terrible for not even bothering to explain the basics. She was truly grateful that her best friend had decided to help her, no questions asked. It was just like Momo, to do something dumb for the sake of the team.

No. For the sake of Jeongyeon.

“I’m sorry, Momo.” Jeongyeon looked at her with a guilty expression. “You came to help, and I did nothing but shut myself off. I’ll…” Taking a deep breath, she nodded to herself. “I’ll tell you. I’ll tell you everything.”

Momo smiled, and put a hand on Jeongyeon’s shoulder. “I’ll be here for you, Jeong. Always.”

Jeongyeon returned the grin. “Thanks. You should make yourself comfortable. It’s kind of a long story.”

\--

“After that, the guy wouldn’t stop calling me for three whole weeks. That’s when I decided to never give my phone number to anyone ever again, it doesn’t matter how lovely the night was.” Chaeyoung finished her story as she rested against the headboard, earning a laugh from Mina.

The TV was on, but on the lowest volume – there was nothing good on and Chaeyoung just liked to have some sort of sound around when she talked to potential crushes. It helped distracting both her and the person in question from awkward silences. Mina sat next to her, wearing cute pajamas after taking a shower, and listened to the story with her eyes glued on the screen.

“I suppose that is a smart move.” Mina nodded. “Although I don’t think I can flat out refuse someone when they ask for my number.”

“You just have to be polite,” Chaeyoung reached for a glass of water on the nightstand. “It’s way harder with guys than girls, though. Well, in my experience at least.”

“Oh, no, with men I can manage.”

The conversation, which had previously started as an icebreaker about the weather and the town, had at some point shifted to dates and past relationship experiences. Chaeyoung cheered internally, because this gave her the opportunity to ask her boss a little bit more about her private life without sounding weird or flirtatious.

Not that Chaeyoung wasn’t trying to flirt.

She was just not managing to flirt correctly with Mina for some goddamn reason.

“So, I suppose you’re just interested in the ladies.” Chaeyoung asked, casually.

“Definitely.” Mina’s didn’t miss a beat. “Not that I should be interested in men, either. Being a nun, and all.”

Chaeyoung snorted at this. “I’m sorry, I just— the nun thing is just so funny to me.”

“I get why.” Mina looked up, reminiscing. “I’m really glad I didn’t go down that path. N-not that there’s anything wrong with nuns.”

“I get it,” Chaeyoung shrugged. “Just wasn’t your lifestyle.”

“Exactly.”

A quick pause followed as both of them stared at the TV in a comfortable silence, and then Chaeyoung spoke again.

“So… any awkward relationship story you wanna share?”

“Oh… well…” Mina’s stutter was really cute. “I suppose we all have those.”

“So, you _do_ have one.” Chaeyoung smirked, leaning in.

“Just one,” The artist shifted on her seat. “It was too bad, though.”

“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”

“No, it’s…” Mina looked over to her phone resting next to her leg and breathed in. “It’s alright. It was a long time ago.”

Chaeyoung felt like this conversation could really use some beers, but she didn’t know where the closest convenience store was. So, she just nodded and paid attention.

“Well… this will probably sound obvious, since I’ve done nothing but talk about her, but... I more than simply admired Sunmi. I was genuinely in love with her.”

_Oh. Of course._

“At first, I thought it was simply teenage admiration over this older woman. After the day she found me crying, we started talking more and more, and I felt… things for the first time. I just wanted to be next to her all the time and make her laugh, you know, typical teenage behavior towards a crush. Then, time went by and we were both adults, but the feeling just wouldn’t go away. It was actually stronger than ever.”

Chaeyoung looked back at the TV, still listening.

“Jihyo knew what it was, of course. She’d been there, done that. I was just in a long period of denial.” With a small sigh, Mina turned to her with a grin. “As you know, it didn’t really amount to anything. Sunmi met Taecyeon and they fell in love, and that was that.”

Chaeyoung bit her lip, choosing carefully her words. “Did you… resent Taecyeon for that?”

“Oh, absolutely.” Mina chuckled. “I was extremely jealous. How dare this _stranger_ come between us? He didn’t know anything about Sunmi, and I knew everything.” She softened her gaze. “That’s what I thought, anyway. Like I deserved to be the one, you know? We’d been through so much together, so why wasn’t she in love with me? It took me a long time to realize that Sunmi didn’t owe me anything. She was free to fall for anyone at any time, and I had to accept that it wasn’t me. Jihyo helped me see that, too.”

That really struck Chaeyoung, and she quietly nodded, lost in her own thoughts.

Chaeyoung really cherished her freedom above anything else, and that was one of the reasons why commitment scared her to no end. She loved being able to kiss whoever she wanted and sleep with whoever she wanted, without having to give explanations or get nervous about complicated attachments. She liked it simple, and she wanted to have fun.

That’s why Mina’s words were confusing to her at first, even though they shouldn’t be. Chaeyoung had never experienced true love before, so the idea of being jealous of someone because they stole the love of her life was foreign to her. She always thought that if one day she fell for someone, that person had every right to not love her back, and she was okay with that.

Chaeyoung never considered that it could hurt that much.

But now, she understood that it probably hurt a lot more than she realized.

“You know…” Chaeyoung said. “I never fell in love.”

“What?”

“Yeah, weird, huh?”

“But… didn’t you say you loved all kinds of people?” Mina frowned.

“I do love people. I love the physical aspects of it, but I was never _in love_ with anyone.” She picked the mattress, distractingly. “I forced myself to go on a blind date and try to have a girlfriend for once, to see if I could fix this part of me. That’s actually how I met Dahyun.”

“Oh, you two dated?”

“Yeah, it didn’t last. But it was one of the best experiences of my life, because it got me a best friend and roommate. I can say for sure that I love Dahyun more than my average friends, but I can also say that I was never in love with her. Not like Nayeon, or like you and Sunmi.” Chaeyoung sighed. “So, when people tell me love stories, I get a little lost. I mean, I understand the concept and all, but I can’t… feel it. I don’t know what that’s like.”

They stood in silence once again and stared as the TV program ended and the commercials played in a loop. Chaeyoung felt a warm, soft hand on top of hers.

“That’s not something you need to fix,” Mina’s smile was soft and full of emotion. “Give it time, and just… do what you always do. Go with the flow.”

Chaeyoung’s heart started beating fast when she realized their proximity, and for a second her eyes flickered towards her boss’ lips. “Can I be painfully honest with you right now?”

“Of course.”

“You’re really pretty and I’ve been wanting to kiss you for a while,” She swallowed hard. “And I totally would have by now if you weren’t my boss, but I don’t want to get fired, so I restrained myself. Does that even make sense? I mean, I totally get it if you think we should keep things strictly professional between us, I just wanted to let you know that someone out there really admires your passion and your attitude and your hair – I _really_ love your hair and tattoos, by the way – because you work so hard to accomplish things, which is so amazing, and I just—”

“You’re rambling.”

“Yes, I am!” Chaeyoung caught her breath. “I swear I’m much smoother than this. You do things to me.”

Mina’s expression was unreadable for a few seconds, then she broke into a laughing fit, bending to touch her forehead on Chaeyoung’s shoulder – who laughed nervously in return. When the laughter subdued, Mina straightened her back and looked at her with teary eyes; Chaeyoung hoped those were tears of happiness.

“You’re quite amazing yourself.”

“I am?”

“You are,” Mina wiped a small tear from her eye. “We’re already sharing a bed, I think we can throw ‘strictly professional’ out of the window.” Mina’s eyes had a mischievous glint to them, but she was actually really nervous.

“I mean, when you put it like that.”

Mina’s eyes searched for something in Chaeyoung. “Are you sure you never fell in love?”

“Positive. Why?”

“You’re not really acting like it right now.”

“It’s a crush, that’s different.”

“You have a crush on me?”

“I—” Chaeyoung blushed. That was the worst flirting she had ever attempted in her life. “Yes.”

Taking a deep breath, it was Mina’s turn to blush. “So, you want to kiss me?”

“Yes.”

“Right now?”

“I guess?” Chaeyoung frowned at herself. “Okay, usually there aren’t many questions, so I’m kind of lost.”

Mina giggled and bit her lower lip. She didn’t want to disappoint, but this was all so sudden that she was a bit taken aback by the whole confession. “I… could I think about it?”

Chaeyoung immediately nodded. “Of course! Don’t feel pressured, or anything. I completely understand if you don’t want to.”

Feeling relieved, Mina nodded and yawned, the day finally taking a toll on her body.

“We should sleep. I need to mentally prepare myself for the trip back home.” Chaeyoung said, already tucking herself in. Mina agreed and turned off the TV, settling by her side. It was comforting knowing that someone was nearby, Mina thought, as she turned off the lights.

Before drifting off, Chaeyoung felt Mina poking her shoulder, and turned around to face her. “Yeah?”

“Thank you for admiring me.”

Chaeyoung smiled, her heart doing that thing again, and she just scooted closer.

\--

It was nearly 4:00am when Dahyun woke up. She’d just had a nightmare about a huge witch who had gobbled her up, so her chest was pretty heavy as she huffed. When she tried to move, she felt Nayeon’s arms and legs tangled around her body, and calmed down considerably at the touch. Dahyun didn’t want to wake her up, but the darkness of the room was making her nervous, so she placed a gentle kiss on Nayeon’s forehead before moving carefully away from her grasp.

Dahyun crouched and touched the floor looking for her shirt and shorts, and finally found them on the right corner of the room. She put them on and opened the balcony window, stepping outside for a bit of fresh air.

The moon illuminated the night sky and she leaned forward on her elbows to appreciate the view. There wasn’t much to see from the balcony of that particular room, but Dahyun still smiled at the thought that she was in a different city. She took a deep breath; even the air tasted differently somehow.

Today was the day Nayeon would face her worst nightmare, and Dahyun wondered if she should prepare an encouraging speech or something, for both Nayeon and Jeongyeon. She wanted to help somehow, but at the same time, she knew that this issue was too complicated to work out with simple words.

A sound made her turn her head to the balcony on the left and she was surprised to see Jeongyeon walk out of her room with a lighter and a cigarette in hands. The athlete halted when she saw her. “Oh, hey.”

“H-hi,” Dahyun replied. It was the first time she was alone with Nayeon’s… adoptive something, and she didn’t really know what to say. She asked the first thing in her mind. “Are you okay?”

“Been hearing that question a lot, lately.” Jeongyeon mumbled as she took a drag of her now lit cigarette.

“Oh, it’s j-just… it’s really late and all, so I thought…”

“I’m fine.” Jeongyeon answered. “Are you?”

“U-um,” The whole situation was making her tense, but she forced herself to calm down; that woman was someone who was going through the same thing her girlfriend was. There was nothing dangerous about Jeongyeon. She was just a bit intimidating. “I had a nightmare, actually.”

“ _You_ had a nightmare?” Jeongyeon almost laughed. “Out of anyone, I thought I’d hear these words coming from Nayeon.”

“Oh, no, she’s sleeping well!”

Jeongyeon hummed at the answer and brought the cigarette back to her lips. “That’s good.” She took a drag and exhaled. “Is she talking in her sleep?”

“Huh? Not really. I mean, I didn’t hear anything.”

“Gritting her teeth?”

“Not at all.”

“Frowning, or grunting?”

Once again Dahyun shook her head, negatively.

“Then she’s sleeping just fine.”

Oh, that’s right. Jeongyeon used to share a bed with Nayeon; she probably knew all of her quirks and habits. Dahyun wondered if she missed that.

“Did she… have many nightmares?” Dahyun ventured, wanting to know a bit more about her girlfriend.

“All the time,” Jeongyeon looked up at the moon, reminiscing a few things. “She used to grab whatever was within reach and wouldn’t let go until morning. She’s stupidly strong, that girl.”

“She _is_ pretty muscular…” Dahyun mumbled and quickly covered her mouth. “I m-meant no disrespect!”

Jeongyeon raised an eyebrow at the exaggerated reaction, and let out a heartfelt laugh. “You two are dating, you don’t need to be discreet about it.” Then she looked at the bartender from her head to her toes. “Besides, you’re wearing your pajamas inside out.”

Dahyun looked down and her immediate reaction was to cover herself for some reason. Jeongyeon laughed again and took another drag. “I get why she likes you.”

“H-huh?”

“You’re genuine. I don’t really know you, but I doubt there’s a single drop of dishonesty in you.”

“W-well, I—” Dahyun blushed at the awkwardness of the conversation, but Jeongyeon seemed to be so at ease that she couldn’t help but to calm down because of it. “I can’t really lie to people. Whatever you see is the whole me.”

The athlete sighed. “Dahyun, right?”

“Y-yes!”

“Nayeon told you everything. About our past.”

“She did.”

“And you stuck around.”

“I wouldn’t leave her because of that.” Dahyun said with conviction. She might be nervous, but her feelings concerning Nayeon were strong.

“Thank you.” Jeongyeon finished her cigarette and Dahyun blinked, surprised at the words.

“You’re… thanking me?”

“I used to think that I had to carry this by myself through my whole life. Nayeon told some people about Mirischia and all of them left after that. I couldn’t understand why she did it, but it kept happening.” She side-eyed her tattoo. “I wanted her to be happy, so I told her to keep her mouth shut about this. I never brought it up to anyone, and she shouldn’t either. But she didn’t listen, and kept getting hurt, over and over again. Until you came along.”

Jeongyeon looked at the blue flames like it was a scar.

“I see the way she looks at you and I’ve never seen her so… happy.” Jeongyeon looked at Dahyun again. “So, thank you.”

Dahyun unconsciously analyzed Jeongyeon, focusing on her expression and body language. The bartender had a terrible time understanding people, but was fascinated with how they expressed themselves. Right now, Jeongyeon seemed relaxed – shoulders down, sleepy expression, curved back, breathing slowly. She should’ve been terrified, afraid of what tomorrow would bring, but none of that was showing – at least not that Dahyun could tell.

She realized that it was because she’d told her that Nayeon was sleeping peacefully. That Nayeon was happy dating Dahyun. That Nayeon wasn’t alone anymore.

As long as Nayeon was fine, Jeongyeon was fine too.

“You really love her, don’t you?” Dahyun asked in a low voice.

Jeongyeon didn’t answer for a while and stared down at the street. The silence was comforting, with a few crickets singing and the distant sound of occasional cars. “I do.”

“Have you told her that?”

“Drunkenly and in the worst possible way,” She scoffed. “She didn’t take it very well.”

Dahyun turned around and touched her back on the balcony, throwing her head back to look at the moon. Then she saw a shooting star and widened her eyes.

_“You should make a wish.”_

And so, she did.

“Tell her again.”

“What?”

There was a fire in Dahyun’s gaze when she turned to Jeongyeon. “Before you talk to Mirischia tomorrow, tell Nayeon that you love her. Truthfully.”

Jeongyeon opened her mouth to retort, but closed it again at the intensity of the girl’s words. That shorty truly was something special. With a soft smile, Jeongyeon turned around to walk back to her room. “Alright. Goodnight, Dahyun.”

“Goodnight, Jeongyeon.” Dahyun smiled back and mouthed a ‘thank you’ at the sky, before going back inside, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew, next chapter will be rough, so buckle up. Thank you for reading!
> 
> Follow me on twitter @niigoki_


	14. [M] Lesson Fourteen: Phénix

The first thing Nayeon felt upon waking up was warmth. Her arms and legs were tangled in something – someone – and her heart instinctively jumpstarted. The shock subdued immediately when she realized that the limbs were too thin to be Jeongyeon’s, and that’s when she remembered she’d been sharing her bed with someone else last night.

Finally daring to open her eyes, Nayeon let out her breath when she saw Dahyun’s face close. A smile slipped into her features easily and she took a moment to stare at her friend.

No, girlfriend now.

Nayeon’s cheeks reddened at the thought and she let out a chuckle. It was so silly, that just a simple word could make her whole body tingle with such an amazing feeling. The butterflies went loose in her stomach as soon as she looked down at their position in the bed; Dahyun had her nose buried in Nayeon’s neck, an arm draped across her waist, holding her close. Their legs were perfectly wrapped up around each other and the bartender snored softly and blissfully. It was a sound Nayeon would love to get used to.

This thought surprised her.

She wasn’t one to plan for the future, but with Dahyun it just felt… natural. Like she knew she would be there for her tomorrow, and the day after that, and for another month.

Dwelling on such thoughts so early in the morning was a bit suffocating, so Nayeon started to move.

“Mornin’…” Dahyun exhaled against her neck and Nayeon halted.

“Hey,” She smiled down at her tiny girlfriend. “Sorry, didn’t mean to wake you.”

“You didn’t…” The bartender yawned and pressed herself closer. “I wasn’t really asleep.”

Nayeon shifted so she could get comfortable again and brought a hand to Dahyun’s hair, scratching there lightly. “You sure? You were snoring quite deeply.”

“Hmm… did that bother you?”

“Not at all,” Nayeon’s eyes softened and she couldn’t hold herself back. Leaning in, she pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Nothing you do could ever bother me.”

Dahyun just grunted at the words and hugged her tightly. Nayeon could feel her skin burn hotly against her own and laughed lightly. “Are you okay?”

“I’ll be okay once you are too,” The words flowed without previous thought and Nayeon stopped her ministrations in her hair. Dahyun had a momentarily delay and then opened her eyes nervously when she realized what she’d said. “I didn’t mean—”

“No, it’s… it’s ok.” Nayeon knew that she shouldn’t take it personally, but her insecurities gnawed at the back of her head. In the span of a second the usual dark cloud of thoughts resurfaced, and she wondered if she was being a burden to Dahyun after all. Maybe she shouldn’t have told her about Mirischia, maybe she should have come on this trip with Jeongyeon alone, maybe—

“What I meant was,” Dahyun finally removed herself from the hug to look at her in the eyes. “I’ll be with you every step of the way today, and I can’t wait for this woman to be out of your life so I can make you happy.” She bit her bottom lip and searched for Nayeon’s hand under the covers. “And I promise I will.”

Nayeon stared at her for a bit and felt the tears prickling the sides of her eyes. She didn’t want to wake up crying today, but Dahyun’s selfless devotion always made it hard to keep it together. So, she did what she was able to do at that moment and captured the girl’s lips with her own in a morning kiss. Dahyun brought her hand to her sides instinctively and stopped when she realized that Nayeon was shirtless under the sheets.

“Oh!” She gasped surprised after breaking the kiss. “Right! Clothes!”

“Huh?” Nayeon frowned, confused.

“I forgot you were… I mean, that we had…” Dahyun stuttered, blushing like a school girl near a crush.

“Oh, that’s right…” Nayeon looked down and shot her a devious smile. “Wait, why are you wearing clothes?”

“I… kinda woke up I the middle of the night.”

“Hmm, yeah?” Nayeon softened her gaze and moved forward to plant a kiss on the girl’s jawline.

“Yeah, t-then I was a bit cold, so I searched for my pajamas.” The kisses slowly moved to her neck. “Which were q-quite far away, by the way. It’s really hard to search for anything properly in the dark, you know.”

“I bet…” Nayeon bit her collarbone softly and Dahyun brought both hands to her hair.

“S-so yeah that’s why— ah,” She arched her back upon feeling Nayeon’s fingertips digging the inside of her thigh. “I’m wearing clothes.”

“I see.” Nayeon moved up and whispered in her ear. “We should do something about that.”

It took a few seconds of pondering, but inevitably Dahyun stopped talking and turned her head so she could steal another heated kiss.

Breakfast could wait.

\--

“Are we all here? Let’s take attendance. Chaeyoung? Oh, that’s me! I’m here. Alright, next. Dahyun?”

“You’re awfully cheerful,” Dahyun rubbed her eyes and yawned, leaning against Nayeon. After meeting up at the hotel lobby, the group decided that they would go out and have breakfast together before facing the big thing no one was really looking forward to.

“Alright, grumpy Dahyun is here. Nayeon?”

“Here.” She humored Chaeyoung.

“See, Nay knows how to behave nicely. Take some notes, Dahyun.”

“Jesus, can’t we just go? I’m starving.”

“Mina?” Chaeyoung ignored her and turned around pretending to look for her boss, who was right behind her.

“Right here,” The woman responded with an affectionate smile, despite rolling her eyes.

“I know, you’re hard to miss.” Chaeyoung winked at her playfully and received a blush in return. Dahyun and Nayeon raised their eyebrows and eyed each other, but decided to ask later.

“Now… Jeongyeon?”

“Yeah.” The tallest member of the group mumbled.

“ _You’re_ definitely hard to miss,” Chaeyoung whispered to herself, then finally called out the last person missing. “And Momo!”

“Yes, we’re all here, now let’s eat before you face something you wish you hadn’t.”

“Like what?”

“Like two starving rugby players.” Jeongyeon growled, and everyone suddenly clammed their mouths and just nodded.

The restaurant they picked was pretty much empty. In a silent consensus, the group made way for Jeongyeon and Momo to order first, then sat down. As soon as there was enough food in both player’s stomachs, they relaxed considerably. Momo even cracked a smile and started making jokes back to Chaeyoung, who was surprised at how fun she was.

Nayeon and Mina talked casually about nothing in particular. Mina just wanted to take the girl’s mind off her mother for as long as she could, so she made up topics quickly and effectively. Dahyun inevitably started arguing with Chaeyoung at some point, and Momo joined in the teasing. Even Jeongyeon snickered once or twice, and when Nayeon heard the joyous sound coming from her, she blinked surprised.

The fact that they were smiling moments before facing their worst nightmare was surreal. Nayeon looked around, taking in every detail of the faces of the people who were accompanying her, and felt inexplicably light.

Chaeyoung’s playful eyes;

Mina’s tattoos and sophisticated demeanor;

Momo’s honest smile;

Jeongyeon’s scars, tattoo, and familiarity;

Dahyun’s… everything.

Nayeon realized that she hardly knew anything about these people, and yet they knew her entire life, the sole reason they were even there. A warm feeling rose to her chest and she tried to stop it, but the smile on her face was too genuine to hold back.

She felt someone squeezing her hand and looked down to see Dahyun looking at her with a knowing expression.

“Thank you.” Nayeon mouthed the words so no one would listen.

“You’re welcome.” Dahyun mouthed back.

That was probably what having breakfast with your family felt like.

\--

The hospital came into view as soon as they crossed the street, and the weight of the realization was jarring, to say the least.

Mirischia was inside that building somewhere, waiting for them.

Nayeon and Jeongyeon immediately stopped walking as the building became visible, and the group looked back at them, worried. Momo walked over to her teammate and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder, asking her if she was okay. Dahyun did the same with Nayeon, intertwining their fingers in a lovely gesture. Nayeon was sure she was having an out of body experience for a second, because her girlfriend’s touch was barely recognizable. She bit her lip and smiled crookedly down to Dahyun, then moved her gaze towards Chaeyoung, as if asking for something.

Chaeyoung understood immediately, and walked towards her. “Okay, close your eyes.” She looked at Jeongyeon. “You too.”

“What?” The athlete asked, a bit too briskly.

“Do it.” Nayeon’s tone was serious, and Jeongyeon sighed before complying.

“Good. Now breathe in slowly, and count to three…”

Mina was stunned by how soothing Chaeyoung’s voice suddenly became and Dahyun grinned proudly.

“Now exhale…” The two women followed the instructions. “That’s it. Now say your name out loud.”

“Nayeon.”

“…Jeongyeon.”

“And who are the people around you right now?”

“Chaeyoung, Dahyun, Mina, Momo and Jeongyeon,” Nayeon recited their names slowly and Jeongyeon did the same after a hesitant pause.

“And where are you right now? What is this place to you?”

“My home town.” Both sisters said at the same time.

“Good. Now breathe in and breathe out once more.” They did and Chaeyoung smiled. “Now open your eyes.”

Nayeon felt the effects of the small meditation immediately and thanked the girl. She looked at Jeongyeon, who mumbled something about that being a waste of time, but noticed how much more relaxed she was. Momo and Mina looked at each other, confused by what just happened, but Dahyun quickly explained.

“It’s something Chaeyoung came up with to calm me down when I have panic attacks,” Her voice was sheepish. “It helps me get a grip on the world around me again, for some reason. I think it helped them, too.”

Nayeon and Jeongyeon exhaled again and started moving once more. Soon, the group was inside the hospital. They paused, looking for someone to talk to. The lobby was filled with sick people, nurses and doctors rushing from one hall to another, never stopping and always with worried expressions. Some of them helped elderly people into their wheelchairs, or talked to children in an upbeat manner.

Mina noticed that Nayeon and Jeongyeon didn’t want to ask for directions, so she stepped forward and took the role in their behalf. “Excuse me? We’re looking for a patient.”

“Oh, please talk to the receptionist over there,” The nurse pointed with her head and Mina thanked her, taking the lead.

“Good morning, can I help you?” The receptionist was a lovely young girl with glasses way too big for her face, and greeted them with a beaming smile.

“Yes, we’re here to visit a patient.”

“Of course, what’s their name?”

Mina looked over her shoulder and was about to ask when Nayeon and Jeongyeon stepped forward.

“Mirisch— Ra Miran.” Nayeon had nearly forgotten that woman’s real name. She was visibly shivering, and the receptionist gave her a sympathetic look as she searched for the name on her computer.

“Oh, there she is. She has requested that only two relatives visit her at a time. Which one of you wish to go?”

“We will.” Jeongyeon answered, her voice nearly faltering.

“Very well. May I see your IDs?”

Both women grabbed their documents from their wallets in robotic movements and barely acknowledged the bureaucratic steps that would eventually lead them to the witch.

“May I ask what’s your relationship with the patient?”

“We’re her d-daughters.” Nayeon couldn’t even say it without stuttering; it just sounded terribly wrong in her mouth.

“Alright, everything is clear. She will be on Room 404, just at the end of the hall on the 4th floor.”

“Thank you.”

Jeongyeon and Nayeon looked back once more, and the whole group smiled and waved, saying words of encouragement. Nayeon couldn’t hold herself back and stepped forward, placing a kiss on Dahyun’s lips before walking away. “For luck.”

“We’ll be right here.” Dahyun whispered against her mouth and caressed Nayeon’s face with the utmost affection. With a nod, the smoker finally turned around to see Jeongyeon and Momo finishing their embrace.

“You got this.”

“Thank you, Momo.”

And with their goodbyes over, they entered the elevator, going up.

The elevator ride was silent and quick, but it felt terribly slow. Once the door opened and they stepped out, Nayeon’s legs seemed to freeze on the spot. It was like her bones were suddenly rusted, hurting on its hinges, broken. She bit her lip and looked over at Jeongyeon, who was clearly feeling the same.

Nayeon breathed deeply and forced herself to take the lead and get this over with. “Come on. We’ll be quick.”

“No, we won’t.” Jeongyeon replied with a tired expression. “There are a lot of things I want to tell her. Don’t you?”

“I… guess.” Nayeon hadn’t even thought about what she wanted to tell the witch. Honestly, if she could help it, she’d rather not see her face ever again. “I don’t know.”

They were still standing in the hallway, and soon someone would probably show up and ask them if they were lost, so Nayeon started moving. Jeongyeon followed her helplessly and tried to calm her beating heart, to no avail. Mirischia’s room was at the exact end of the hall, the number floating menacingly above their heads, and they weren’t eager to open that door.

Nayeon’s bottom lip was nearly bleeding from how much she’d been biting it in the past few minutes, so she licked it clean. “Okay… this is it.”

“Wait,” Jeongyeon reached for her wrist gently before she touched the door handle and Nayeon stopped. “I need to tell you something. Before we go in.”

“What is it?”

“I…” Her voice cracked and she cleared her throat. “I love you.”

A silent pause hanged in the air for a couple of seconds before Nayeon frowned. “What?”

“That… didn’t come out right. Your girlfriend gave me this idea,” Jeongyeon was actually blushing over how bad she was at expressing genuine feelings, and if Nayeon didn’t know better, she would’ve thought that it was cute. “But I meant it.”

“Why do you always pick the worst possible moments to declare your feelings for me?” Nayeon looked away, too awkward to face the athlete directly.

“N-no, not that type of love, idiot!” Jeongyeon’s cheeks were officially red. “I meant as a—” She caught her tongue, not wanting to say it.

“Sister?” Nayeon finished the sentence, looking down.

“…Yes,” She let out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding. “And I know that you hate that word, but that’s really how I feel about you. You can pretend we’re cousins, or anything else, as long as you’re aware that… that you’re family to me.” Jeongyeon scratched her neck in a weird angle, and stared directly into Nayeon’s eyes. “You’re the only one who’s always been there. Sure, I have my team to back me up, but when it comes down to it, no one has been through the same bullshit I have. No one else in the world can relate to these things but you. So I just wanted to let you know, before we face her. That I love you. And that all I’ve ever wanted was for you to be happy.”

With a sharp sigh, Jeongyeon finally felt her shoulders relaxing. It was like taking a weight out of her chest, and even if Nayeon didn’t care much for what she was saying, at least she managed to spill it in a truthful way. She would have to thank Dahyun later.

Nayeon reached out for Jeongyeon’s tattooed arm and caressed the scar gently. Then she slowly brought the hand up to Jeongyeon’s face and left it hanging in the air, waiting for permission. Jeongyeon blinked twice then closed her eyes, allowing Nayeon’s calloused fingers to gently trace the scar’s pattern. Once she was finished, Nayeon cupped Jeongyeon’s cheek in the most affectionate way she’s ever had.

“I’m sorry for scarring you.”

Despite having apologized many times, it had never felt as genuine as in this moment.

“I forgive you.” Jeongyeon smiled. The moment was so fragile that it felt like glass, and Nayeon finally removed her hand from the scar and placed it on the door handle.

“Let’s go, sis.”

Jeongyeon felt like she could cry.

Then both of them opened the door together.

\--

The air was chilling. That was the first thing that hit them – the coldness of the room. Nayeon wasn’t sure that such temperature was appropriate for a sick old woman, but she had other things to worry about. Once the door was closed, someone shifted from their position on the bed.

Then, they saw her.

“Well…” Her voice sounded shriveled. “I wasn’t expecting an actual response.”

Her slow sentence fit well with the environment, since everything seemed to be happening in slow motion.

Mirischia was there. In front of them.

And even looking like a decaying corpse, she was still as terrifying as she’s always been.

Perhaps even more.

“Mother.” Nayeon and Jeongyeon said in unison, and hated themselves for it. Calling her by this title was such a reflex by now.

“My wonderful… wonderful daughters. You’ve grown so much.” Mirischia tried to lift her arms to ask for a hug, but the tubes hanging from it prevented her from doing so. “Come closer.”

Nayeon and Jeongyeon exchanged looks before approaching carefully, barely even taking three steps.

“A bit more.”

“We can hear you from here,” Nayeon was surprised at her own voice. She held onto Jeongyeon’s arm for support, and received a subtle squeeze on her hand.

“Oh… I see.” She sounded so sad and disappointed. Nayeon dug her nails onto Jeongyeon’s tattoo, because she knew what was going through her head as well.

_“You don’t want to disappoint mother, do you?”_

She refused to let this sentence control this meeting.

“We’re here.” Jeongyeon was the one who talked this time. “Isn’t this what you wanted?”

“Must you be so brute with your sick mother?” Mirischia was still so good with her manipulations that Jeongyeon almost laughed.

Seeing her from up close like this now was honestly disturbing. This woman had always been the face of their nightmares for a decade, but now she looked… weak. For their whole lives, Mirischia’s presence towered above them like a storm that never seemed to truly go away. They’ve been picturing her as the same woman of their childhood for such a long time; like an eternal deity sitting on her throne, timeless and immortal.

But now?

She looked human.

And the more Nayeon and Jeongyeon stared at her, the more details they captured from her wrinkled, pale face, and the less scared they became.

“You should be thankful that we are even talking to you right now,” Nayeon felt a surge of confidence and anger mixed up together. She felt angry at Mirischia for playing her games on Jeongyeon, and she felt angry at herself for being so afraid of a person that was too weak to even lift her arms. She knew that her mother’s greatest weapon was her silver tongue, but Nayeon was not going to fall for anything today. And not ever again.

“I do not wish to argue,” Mirischia gave up trying to discipline her daughter. “I just wanted to make up for lost time.”

“There is no lost time. We only started to truly live when we left.”

“On the streets, you mean?” The woman frowned. “Away from the warmth and safety of your home? It’s really a good thing that I found you and fixed your lives for you. And yet, the first thing you do when we meet again is to be rude. I have yet to hear a ‘thank you’.”

“That’s the last thing you’re going to hear from us,” Jeongyeon stepped forward, baring her teeth. All the hesitation and uneasiness vanished, and now there were just 10 years of pent up anger. “You didn’t fix _anything_ , Miran. You’re the reason we are broken. You’re the reason we had to sleep on the streets, you’re the reason we’ve had constant nightmares about faceless crowds chanting our names, and you’re the reason I’ve spent twenty years of my life unable to have a healthy relationship with the only person in this world who ever mattered to me.”

The witch’s face took on a somber glint. “I am Mirischia—”

“Mirischia is the monster you made up to haunt us and make us afraid of ever leaving.” Nayeon interrupted, nearly spitting on her face. “You molded us into people we never wanted to be for your own sick profit. You’re not our mother, and you should consider yourself lucky for not being in _jail_.”

The silence cut deep as Mirischia gaped at the words. It was like she wasn’t expecting her perfect little experiments to turn on her like this. Without another word, she sunk deeply into the mattress, looking up at the ceiling. The sounds of the machines by her side were clear for the first time since the two girls entered the room, and it looked like her heartbeat rate had gone up.

“You think I’m a monster.”

This caught Nayeon off guard. All of her fury dissipated in the air and she took a step back. She had no idea why that sentence had messed with her like that; maybe it was the completely defeated tone that the woman had mumbled it out.

With a tired sigh, Nayeon saw two chairs on the side of her bed and walked over to sit down. Jeongyeon followed her, a bit confused, but didn’t question it. They were now eye-level with the witch, but there was no fear or anger in their bodies anymore.

“…I think you are a bad person.” Nayeon’s voice tone was quiet and simple.

“I see,” Mirischia turned her head and looked at Jeongyeon. “You too?”

“Yes.” Jeongyeon replied.

The witch’s eyes were downcast and she closed them for a long time. Nayeon couldn’t stop looking at her; that was the closer she’s ever willingly been to her face, and it was funny realizing that she was a flawed human being like the rest of the world. Miran was just a bitter, twisted old woman at the end of her life now. There wasn’t much she could do to hurt them anymore.

“Do you wish me to apologize?” She asked finally.

Nayeon pondered for a bit, but ultimately, she knew the answer. “No. I wouldn’t forgive you, anyway.”

“Jeongyeon?” Mirischia’s throat was dry.

“I’m the same.”

“…Very well.” She sighed. “May I ask you a harmless favor?”

“It depends.”

“Could you pass me the cup of water next to you?”

Nayeon shifted her gaze to the desk by her side and nodded. She grabbed the glass and waited for Mirischia to press the button on the bed that allowed her to sit up. Her arms struggled to even move up, and Nayeon sighed. “Here.”

She got up and pressed the cup against the woman’s lips, helping her to drink.

Mirischia was truly dying.

“Thank you.” After swallowing, she laid back down. “…I doubt I’ll live to see tomorrow. I may not have any right to ask that of you, but… it would please me immensely if you’d tell me how your lives have been going. Jobs, relationships, anything you wish.”

The sisters exchanged looks, wondering if they should.

In the end, they knew that those were probably going to be the last words Mirischia was going to hear.

So they complied.

“I’ll go first, then.” Nayeon started.

And the first thing she told her was about Dahyun.

\--

Dahyun’s leg trembled as she waited in the hospital lobby. Nayeon had been gone for almost an hour now, and she was starting to get worried.

Who was she kidding, she’s been worried from the moment the girl vanished into that elevator.

“Want some?” Chaeyoung offered her a healthy snack protein bar and Dahyun ate the whole thing in pretty much one bite. “Wow, slow down.”

“Shouldn’t they be back by now? I thought they didn’t want to talk to her. What if she ate them?”

“What.”

“She’s a witch, she might’ve gobbled them up or something!” Dahyun started biting her nails and Chaeyoung rolled her eyes, grabbing her hands before she bit through raw skin.

“Dahyun, they’re talking to a sick old woman who’s got a terminal disease. She did not eat them.”

“You don’t understand how frightening this woman is,” Her brain had been playing Nayeon’s story about her life and Mirischia in a loop for the past hour, and she was sure she was going to go insane any moment now. “She might have a trick up her sleeve, or—”

Before she could finish the sentence, Nayeon and Jeongyeon came into view. Dahyun got up and ran towards them with a happy yelp, diving into her girlfriend’s arms without a second thought. “You’re back!”

“We’re back,” Nayeon was smiling, which was a good sign. She saw the rest of the group surrounding them and could pretty much see the question hanging from everyone’s minds. “It was… intense. But I think… I think we can finally close this chapter once and for all.”

Jeongyeon nodded in agreement, and Momo got worried. “Is she…?”

“She slept in the middle of our conversation,” The athlete replied. “The machine was still counting her heartbeat, so she was still okay when we left.”

“Oh, thank goodness…” Mina didn’t know how to react accordingly, but she never wished for anyone’s death.

“Yeah, well… that was that.” Nayeon shifted uncomfortably. “We can get out of here now.”

Dahyun smiled and nodded, pulling her hand with intertwined fingers. “Let’s go home.”

That word filled Nayeon with an enormous sense of warmth, and she couldn’t help a grin. “Yeah… home.”

After leaving the hospital, Jeongyeon guided everyone back to the station so they could buy bus tickets to return. Dahyun stopped for a bit, letting the others walk in front of them, and turned to Nayeon. “Um, I just wanted to say that I’m really proud of you.”

The blue-haired girl blinked and smiled. “I couldn’t have done this without you.”

“I—” Dahyun was about to say that she didn’t do anything special, but she knew that she had. Nayeon valued her as someone incredibly important in her life, and she didn’t want to invalidate these feelings. “I’m happy to help.”

“You did more than just help, Dahyun. You… you changed my whole life. And I’m not even saying that to be cheesy,” She blushed and hugged the tiny bartender, burying her nose into her hair. “One day I’ll be able to do this properly.”

“Do what?” Dahyun hugged her back, inhaling her scent.

“The whole… demonstrating feelings thing.”

Dahyun chuckled lightly against her chest. “You already do. Oh! I just remembered something.”

She pulled back and got on her tiptoes to kiss her. Nayeon melted against her mouth, digging her fingers through the bartender’s messy locks and pulling her closer. Dahyun broke the kiss for a second to whisper.

“I forgot to tell you,” And touched foreheads with her. “I love you.”

Nayeon inhaled deeply and tried not to spill any tears, but failed. She laughed and kissed her again, and again, and they only stopped kissing when Chaeyoung yelled at them from the other side of the road.

She felt…

_Free._

\--

The news came two days later.

Nayeon was watering her cactus on the kitchen balcony when her phone rang, the number unknown. Deep down, before even picking up the phone, she knew what this call was going to be about. Ryujin was thankfully at home, and after hanging up, Nayeon walked over to the kid and hugged her tightly. Ryujin was a bit confused at first, but would never deny a hug from anyone, so she let Nayeon’s arms encircle her back for a long, long time.

Nayeon pulled back after a while and sighed, rubbing her eyes.

Ryujin didn’t know if there were tears in them, but that didn’t really matter. Nayeon looked up at the ceiling and then around the room, as if breathing in the details of the place for the very first time. Then she got up from her kneeling position and smiled down softly at Ryujin.

“Come have a tour of the house with me.”

The girl returned the smile and grabbed her hand, and they just walked around the place, checking every single room.

There were a few doors that hadn’t ever been opened, so they opened them. They were all just dusty empty rooms with no lamps. Nayeon’s carelessness for that place really showed, but she didn’t feel guilty about it. That house had never been a place she’d felt at home.

After meeting Dahyun and spending time at the pub and at her house, Nayeon finally felt like she belonged somewhere. It was a nice feeling, and she wished she could feel like this every day.

She’d been thinking about that for a while now.

A few moments later, the house tour was done, and Nayeon excused herself to the garden for a bit. Ryujin allowed her some space and walked back in, putting on her tiny apron to cook some lunch.

A part of her felt like things were about to change.

It felt like a goodbye of sorts.

\--

As for Jeongyeon, she was at the gym, getting back to her training routine. Her new phone buzzed on her back pocket and she stopped the treadmill with ragged breaths. The call was short and simple, and Jeongyeon thanked the person on the other side in a flat voice. She thought about calling Nayeon, but reconsidered. Instead, she walked back to her locker and grabbed her things, calling someone else.

“Hey, Momo? It’s me,” Jeongyeon looked at herself in the gym’s bathroom mirror. “Can we hang out? I—” It was weird, calling a friend and asking favors like this. “I need to get my mind off things.”

Momo barely let her finish before yelling _‘I’ll be there in a sec!’_ and hanging up. Jeongyeon smiled softly at that and left the gym, heading home.

She needed to take a really long shower and think for a while.

\--

The pub was crowded that night, and Nayeon managed a smile as soon as she walked in. Something about going back to that place was really refreshing to her, even though there were sweaty bodies everywhere and the booming music didn’t allow for thoughts to venture too far. Maybe that was one of the reasons she liked it so much.

Squishing her way to the bar was easy enough, and soon she was settled. She saw Sana first, and the girl stopped on her tracks to give Nayeon a bear hug. The touch lingered for a long time, and Nayeon was glad for it. Sana whispered things like ‘welcome back’ and ‘we missed you’, and Nayeon felt her shoulders relaxing and her chest fluttering.

Matthew, Somin, Jiwoo and Taehyung were next. They weren’t drunk this time, and the four of them tackled her in a group hug, smiling and laughing contently. Nayeon, who was not used to so much genuine affection at once, felt a bit suffocate by all of it, but was truly happy at the gesture. Matthew asked her if she was cool, and Nayeon had to shake her head with a soft smile.

“Not yet. But I’ll be.” It was the truth, and Matthew appreciated her for that. Jiwoo and Somin kissed her cheeks fondly and Taehyung removed his party hat and placed it on Nayeon’s head. She giggled and thanked them, waving goodbye and promising to meet them on the dance floor soon.

Her eyes scanned for the one person she wanted to see the most right now, and soon found her.

Tiny, meticulous, quick, fidgety, beautiful.

It still shocked her, the amount of love she felt for that girl.

“Hey, stranger.” Nayeon reached out for her and Dahyun’s eyes immediately started shining.

“Hey!” She bent over for a kiss, instinctively. Nayeon caressed her cheek and Dahyun frowned. “Is everything ok?”

Of course she would notice.

“Not really,” Nayeon brushed her thumb on Dahyun’s lips. “But we can talk about that later. Can I crash at your place tonight?”

“Of course,” Dahyun nodded and excused herself. “I’ll just deliver this beer. Can I get you anything?”

“A Blue Ha—” Then she stopped. “Actually, get me another color.”

Dahyun softened her smile.

Nayeon didn’t want to get drunk that night. She ordered some fries and Sana winked at her as the plate arrived.

The night went by and Nayeon decided to dance for a bit. Moving her body to the sound of music and blinking lights never failed to make her fell light. It was one of the places where she felt like she could float; like a mindless soul, not searching for anything, and yet absorbing everything.

Some girls approached her and they danced together. One man smiled so brightly at her that she could sense his happiness on her very core. A person grabbed her hand and twirled her around to the sound of the bass. Nayeon laughed and looked at them, and they nodded at her with a wink. She loved that knowing look exchanged between you and a complete stranger. She didn’t know what they meant by that wink, but she understood, and they did too.

Nayeon looked up at the ceiling where the bright lights converged, and smiled softly. She followed one red circle with her eyes for a while and when it vanished, a yellow one appeared instead. It was hypnotizing; Nayeon didn’t need alcohol in her system to feel the way she was feeling right now. When a hand sneaked around her shoulders, she looked around to see Chaeyoung, surprisingly.

“May I have this dance?”

Nayeon laughed really hard at that for some reason and grabbed the girl’s hand. The song was really chill at that point and Nayeon turned her back to Chaeyoung’s front. She hugged her from behind. Their hips moved in sync and Nayeon lulled her head back so it could fall on the shorter girl’s shoulder. She felt enveloped by so much love at that moment, a love she never knew could even exist.

For the majority of her life, Nayeon thought that you either loved or hated someone – you either loved someone enough to fuck them, or hated someone enough to think about every bad thing they did to you 24/7. There was no in-between, no platonic love, no friendship; nothing that could compare to what she was feeling with Chaeyoung at this moment. Nayeon finally understood what Chaeyoung meant when she said she loved Dahyun.

After meeting the bartender and her friends, Nayeon learned so many things. Like different types of love a person could feel.

She felt an urgent need to call a certain someone.

Nayeon faced Chaeyoung again. “I’ll be right back.”

“You better be,” Chaeyoung poked her playfully and Nayeon walked outside.

Her phone told her that it was 3 a.m., but she needed to make this call right now. She dialed the number. And waited.

It rang once.

Twice.

It didn’t ring the third time.

_“Nayeon?”_

“Jeongyeon,” She thought that her throat would feel dry, that she would be shaking, nervous, anxious. Calling Jeongyeon had always been one of the hardest things in her life, and a chore she tried to avoid as much as possible. So it was shocking to her when she felt her own cheeks widening in a smile. “Thank you.”

 _“Huh?”_ The confused tone was so pure. Nayeon grabbed her chest, pulling her shirt and smiling harder.

“Thank you for being by my side. Thank you for looking after me all these years. Thank you for putting up with my shit when I knew I was just making things worse for the both of us, just… thank you, Jeongyeon.”

The silence was brutal, and yet Nayeon couldn’t stop smiling.

“I wanted to apologize too, but I feel like I already apologized too much. We both have apologized too much, and I’m done with that. I just wanted to call you to say thank you this time,” She blurted the next sentence with a sobbing, breathless laugh. “Thank you for being my big sister.”

More silence followed, and then, finally, an answer came. _“Are you drunk?”_

Nayeon would have been mad if she couldn’t practically hear the smile in her sister’s voice. She knew she was crying, too, because that idiot couldn’t hold a sob for the life of her.

“I’m not, promise.” She leaned her back against the stone wall and cried too. “Are you crying, you big baby?”

 _“S-shut up, you are too!”_ Jeongyeon was laughing.

“I bet we have the same exact expression right now.”

Jeongyeon’s voice was raspy, and yet so soft. _“That’s kinda messed up, isn’t it?”_

“What is?”

_“Mirischia just died and here we are, just— laughing and crying on the phone.”_

Nayeon nodded to no one. She’d been thinking about it ever since the call in the morning. Her mother had just died, and yet she didn’t know what she should feel. She tried to cry, tried to be sad, tried to be upset. But she couldn’t.

She realized that she didn’t own that woman shit.

“We feel what we feel,” Nayeon looked up at the stars. “We don’t need to feel anything for the sake of anyone.”

_“And what do we feel?”_

She didn’t have to think about that answer. “Free.”

Jeongyeon let out a breathy chuckle and they stood in silence for a while. This was nice, Nayeon thought; being in each other’s company without exchanging words. Too many words had been said already, so they just let their emotions talk for now.

 _“Free,”_ Jeongyeon spoke up suddenly. _“Yeah, sounds about right.”_

Nayeon sighed. “I just wanted to tell you that. I’ll hang up now. Call me if you need anything.”

The words hit Jeongyeon really hard and her eyes watered again. _“Okay. Thank you for this. Night, sis.”_

“Good night,” She smiled. “Love you.”

Jeongyeon let out a breath. _“Love you too.”_

Nayeon hung up and walked back in.

It was the lightest she had ever, ever felt.

\--

Ragged breaths filled the room as hands and tongue finished working and a final high-pitched groan made its way out of a certain bartender’s lips. She crashed on the bed breathing heavily and Nayeon crawled back up on her elbows, smiling down at her girlfriend. “You good?”

“Y-yeah…” Dahyun swallowed in a daze. “Very good.” She turned on her side to press a lazy kiss to Nayeon’s elbow and sighed happily.

Nayeon grinned and kissed her hairline, then laid down with her as they basked in the afterglow. It was past 7 a.m., Dahyun was probably exhausted after work, and yet she didn’t complain one bit after getting home and sensing Nayeon’s affectionate touches. Nayeon had asked her again and again if she was too tired, if she wanted to sleep, and Dahyun reassured her every time. She loved this girl so much.

Nayeon ran her fingers up and down her girlfriend’s ribs absent-mindedly.

The quietness of the room was nice, and Nayeon could see the specs of dust floating on the thin sunlight coming through the window. Her mind started roaming to comfortable places and thoughts, which didn’t happen very often, but that was natural around Dahyun.

“What did you want to talk about?” Dahyun mumbled against the pillow with her eyes closed.

“Hmm?” Nayeon frowned a bit, then remembered. “Oh. We can wait till you’ve gotten enough sleep.”

“You can tell me,” Dahyun’s voice was so soft and calm. “I’m listening. Always listening to you.”

Nayeon thought for a bit, but eventually gave in. “Mirischia passed away.”

Dahyun opened her eyes slowly. “Oh… I see.” She wriggled closer, tucking her head under Nayeon’s chin. “And how are you?”

“I’m… feeling pretty good.” She wrapped an arm around the tiny bartender and squeezed. “I wasn’t certain on what I should feel. I thought that I should feel some type of sadness, but… now I decided that I don’t mind. I’m not happy because she died. I’m just… feeling good because of other things.”

“What things?”

“Well… going back to the pub. Talking to my friends again. Dancing. Seeing you. Kissing you, sleeping with you, cuddling with you. This moment right now feels pretty good. So why shouldn’t I feel happy, you know?”

Dahyun nodded with a hum as Nayeon’s fingers played with her hair. “I also called Jeongyeon.”

“What did you tell her?”

“I thanked her,” Nayeon reminisced her sister’s voice on the phone and smiled. “For taking care of me this whole time even though we made each other’s life hell. I know I’ve been a shitty sister, so I thanked her for being my big sister. She cried, but she was happy. I cried, too.”

Dahyun smiled against her collarbone. “You called her sister…”

“Yeah…” Nayeon blinked and touched her forehead on top of Dahyun’s head, inhaling her scent. “I did. It doesn’t feel wrong nowadays.”

“I’m so happy for you two…” Her tone was so genuine that Nayeon felt like her heart would explode of love.

“I’m happy too.”

They drifted into a deep sleep after that, and Nayeon never let go of Dahyun.

\--

Dahyun woke up after her girlfriend, which was a first. Usually Nayeon would stay in bed for a long while. Checking the clock showed that it was 3 p.m., so she yawned and got up as well, stretching her tired body. Dahyun put on some pants and her alien shirt and brushed her teeth, washing her face afterwards. Exiting her room, she started making her way to the kitchen, then halted. There was strange smell in the air, but it wasn’t a bad one.

Was Nayeon… cooking?

“Morning, lazy pants.” Nayeon’s voice was cheerful as soon as she spotted the bartender, and Dahyun tried to make sense of what was happening. Her girlfriend was next to the oven grilling something that smelled really good. Her hair was messy, the TV was on some space documentary and there were two plates on the kitchen table.

“Morning,” Dahyun walked up to her and peeked. “What are you making?”

“Grilled cheese with eggs,” She smiled. “Chaeyoung left a really sweet note that started with _‘Good morning, my favorite two people in the world’_ and ended with _‘Stop fucking in the morning or I swear to god’_.”

Dahyun blushed, but Nayeon just laughed. “Are you hungry?”

“I am!” The bartender sat at the table, allowing her girlfriend to continue cooking.

“I’ll be done in a minute.” Nayeon turned around and bent over to kiss her. “Let me spoil you today.”

“Not going to say no to that,” Dahyun smiled dumbly and kept her eyes glued to Nayeon’s back.

The whole situation was so nice and domestic that Dahyun felt her stomach fluttering. Her brain started creating all of these scenarios and planning for the future out of nowhere, and all of them included waking up next to Nayeon every day and doing pointless couple-y things like this. The blue-haired girl looked so happy and high-spirited at that moment in time. It was like watching the sun coming up after a really long night. It was breathtaking.

They had late-brunch together and then moved to the living room to watch a bit of TV. Nayeon had developed a legitimate interest for space documentaries and was learning more and more each day. Dahyun told her that they could visit the planetarium someday, and Nayeon’s eyes widened like a puppy ready to go for a walk.

After the show was over, Nayeon excused herself to make a call. Dahyun didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but it wasn’t like Nayeon was hiding. She called Ryujin and told her not to wait for her, but reassured the girl that she was okay and feeling very well. Apparently satisfied with her cheerful voice, Ryujin hang up, and Nayeon dropped back down in the couch.

Dahyun told her that she needed to buy some groceries in the supermarket, and asked if she wanted to come along. Nayeon didn’t even think twice and nodded happily. They went out, picking fresh vegetables and frozen food, and Nayeon had to constantly remind herself they weren’t living together.

“I think that Ryujin will like these…” She mumbled, putting some cookies in the cart. Dahyun was about to grab her wallet when Nayeon stopped her.

“Let me,” She took her credit card out of her pocket.

“What? No, it’s okay!”

“I’ll spoil you today, remember?” Nayeon wouldn’t take no for an answer and paid for Dahyun’s products.

“Thank you…” She blushed. “Only if I get to spoil you next time, though!”

“Deal.”

They walked back home, holding hands and plastic bags, and the evening sky was beautiful. The streetlights were starting to glow, some birds flew, taking the fresh wind with them, and people passed by them walking their dogs.

Everything was so perfect.

Nayeon’s life right now, was perfect.

\--

“So, can this be considered a date?” Chaeyoung asked with a smirk as both women sat down at their restaurant table for two.

“It depends,” Mina answered placing a napkin on her lap. “On what’s going to happen at the end of this night.”

“Oh,” Chaeyoung’s heart leaped a beat and she loved the thrill those words gave her. “Guess we’ll see, then.”

The two co-workers had arranged this sort of fancy dinner date so they could, as Mina said, ‘see where this goes’. They had yet to kiss, but at least her boss knew the extent of Chaeyoung’s feelings for her. She had a crush and wanted a kiss, and maybe more if the mood was right. Right now, though, it was just really nice to spend time alone with Mina like this.

“Have you been here before?” Chaeyoung asked taking a look at the menu. The dishes were more expensive than she thought, but also looked extremely appetizing.

“Just once with Jihyo. They have a really good pasta selection.”

“Neat, I could go for some spaghetti,” Chaeyoung put the menu down and waited for Mina to choose. In the meantime, she wanted to ask something that had been bugging her for a while. “Can I make a blunt question?”

“Go ahead.”

“You and Jihyo… were you ever a thing?”

Mina nearly dropped her menu and waved her hand negatively. “No, no, no! We’re just really good friends.”

“Oh, okay. I was just curious, is all.” Chaeyoung was intrigued by the hasty answer, but decided to drop it.

After choosing their dishes, Chaeyoung started chatting about various pointless topics with her boss, and was met with equally pointless answers that didn’t demand further explanations. She found out many things about Mina that she found endearing; like the fact that she really liked puzzles, knitting, and had a dog. Other things included her favorite artist, musician, and current series she was obsessed with.

“Never watched that one, but they say it’s really good.” Chaeyoung said with a grin.

“Oh, it’s phenomenal,” Their plates arrived. “Thank you— the themes of the show are so intriguing and it really makes you think, you know? Also, the actress who plays the protagonist is incredible…”

As she rattled on, Chaeyoung regarded her with fondness. The spaghetti was good, but nothing compared to the glint in Mina’s eyes as she talked about something she liked. It was that raw passion in the artist that had attracted Chaeyoung so much, from day one. She remembered the way Mina described her shop and its history when they first met and smiled. Of course, her looks weren’t to be ignored either.

Mina was just so pretty.

“We should watch it together sometime.” Chaeyoung told her after a while.

“Are you sure? I already watched most of the episodes, though.”

“Even better! You can explain the hard stuff to me. I like watching series with experts.”

“I’m hardly an expert,” Mina chuckled. “Just another fan.”

“Don’t belittle yourself.”

Mina was about to argue, but realized that the girl was paying her a compliment. “Alright, Miss smarty-pants.”

“I could be Miss smarty-no-pants.” Chaeyoung winked at her suggestively, and for once Mina wasn’t caught by surprise.

“Keep playing your cards right and you could be.”

This whole exchange was exciting and pretty hot, but Chaeyoung felt like something was off. Still, she decided to keep playing along as the night went by, and was met with many nice surprises along the way.

It was like Mina was a whole other person suddenly.

\--

Chaeyoung didn’t know exactly when things shifted from casual to this, but the taste of Mina’s tongue in her mouth stopped her from thinking clearly. The taller woman parted for a second to close the door behind them, but soon pressed Chaeyoung against the wall again, ravishing her mouth like crazy. And sure, usually her dates would end with a goodnight kiss and an invitation to come in, but she knew Mina better than this.

“W-wait,” Chaeyoung pushed her gently by the shoulders.

“What?” Mina asked, breathless. “Isn’t this what you wanted?”

“Yes, but— something is weird.” Looking at Mina right in the eyes, Chaeyoung placed a hand on her cheek. “Is this what _you_ want?”

Mina avoided her intense stare and looked away. “I’m the one kissing you, aren’t I?”

“Yeah, but… it feels… forced…?” Chaeyoung didn’t want to offend her, so she tried to choose her words carefully. “I’m not saying I’m not enjoying it, I really am, and if I’m full of shit then please tell me to shut up, it’s just that…”

“That _what_?” Mina sounded angry suddenly, and Chaeyoung flinched.

“It feels like you’re trying to be something you’re not for my sake. That’s all.”

The way Chaeyoung said it, seriously and concerned, caught Mina off guard. She opened her mouth once, then twice, but ultimately closed it and sighed, getting off of the shorter girl. Mina moved to sit down on her couch, feeling defeated.

“…I’m sorry. You’re right, I don’t usually do… this.”

Chaeyoung moved to get comfortable next to her and placed a hand on the small of her back, rubbing soothing circles.

Mina continued. “I haven’t had a relationship since… well, ever. I’ve only ever had eyes for Sunmi, and when she passed away, I never felt like pursuing anything. You’re the first person who actually showed genuine interest in me.”

“Bullshit,” Chaeyoung blurted it out of reflex, then bit her tongue. “I m-mean, look at you! You’re trying to tell me no one ever tried to ask you out?”

“A few strangers in bars, sure, but that’s all they were. Strangers.” Mina fidgeted with her knees. “With you, I have at least some sort of connection. We’ve talked, shared our interests. We even slept in the same bed and know the same people. I feel… comfortable around you.”

Chaeyoung nodded.

“But you’re so… much more experienced than I am. I felt intimidated. You’ve slept and kissed so many people, and never fell in love with any of them, while I just fell madly in love with one and nothing ever came out of it. I thought that… I wouldn’t be enough for you.” Mina laughed weakly. “I didn’t want you to lose interest in me.”

Not a word was exchanged for a while, then Chaeyoung got up and stood right in front of Mina. She put a finger under her chin and tilted her head upwards, so their eyes could meet.

“I’m not experienced with love, either. You’re way ahead of me in this regard. And I’m never going to expect anything from you, Mina. I didn’t get a crush on you because of some weird projection of you I made up in my mind,” She smiled, cupping the woman’s cheek. “I like you because you’re… you. Passionate, diligent, honest, a tad awkward and a bit of a nerd.”

“Excuse me?”

“Come on, puzzles and knitting? That’s adorable.”

“They are exercises for the mind!” Mina blushed.

“My point exactly,” Chaeyoung giggled. “And I love that about you. And yeah, the fact that we do have a connection makes everything a lot scarier for me. But… I want to try.”

Mina blinked, confused. “Try?”

This time Chaeyoung blushed. “Y-yeah, like… doing this. Um, hanging out more. Going to more dates, just the two of us, maybe? Then kissing for a bit? But really kissing, not just forcing a kiss you’re not ready for. If you want to, of course.”

It took her a while, but Mina slowly frowned. “Chaeyoung, are you… asking me out?”

Chaeyoung froze. “Um… maybe?” Then she slapped herself. “No, fuck that. Yes, I am. Mina, do you wanna date?”

“Exclusively?”

“Uh— s-sure. Just… you and me.”

“Like girlf—”

“Okay, don’t say the G word! Just— yes or no, before I freak.”

It took her a moment, but in the end, Mina smiled fondly and felt her chest about to burst. “I’d love to.”

Chaeyoung took a deep breath and nodded, trying really hard to process what she just did. And she was about to fall face first on the floor when Mina cupped her cheek this time and got closer. “Can I kiss you?”

“Do you want to?”

“I really do.” She whispered against Chaeyoung’s lips and finally, finally pressed their mouths together. This time it was gentle and sweet, and every single doubt that was clouding Chaeyoung’s mind vanished, and a very unfamiliar feeling in her chest replaced them.

For the first time, Chaeyoung wanted to kiss a specific pair of lips a lot more than just once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more to go!


	15. Epilogue

“Careful not to trip,” Nayeon offered a hand, but Dahyun was too focused on her steps to pay her any attention.

“How do you even climb this thing in the dark so quickly?” There were bumps everywhere she stepped, and the pile of garbage was a wobbly mess at best.

Dahyun was sure that that particular location was not designed to hold two people – actually, she was positive that the spot wasn’t designed at all. It just happened to grow as piles and piles of trash and boxes accumulated over the years, and somehow it turned into a (kind of almost somewhat) stable mountain of things.

Nayeon chuckled. “I got used to it. Know exactly where to put my feet by now.”

“Yeah, well, you are much more agile than I’ll ever be- whoa!” Dahyun’s sentence was brought to a halt when she accidentally crushed a doll’s head that went rolling down. Nayeon was immediately by her side, grabbing her forearm so the tiny bartender wouldn’t fall. “T-thanks.”

“Dahyun, it’s completely safe. The pile won’t crumble under your feet, trust me.” Nayeon was smirking now, and Dahyun wanted to believe her, but her sense of self-preservation was greater at the moment.

“O-of course. Safe.”

“You’re taking forever to climb because you’re trying to measure your weight. Just step anywhere with enough strength and you’ll be fine.”

Dahyun mumbled, but followed her instructions. Impressively enough, when her foot touched the ground again, she felt a lot more stable than before. “Oh.”

“See?” Nayeon grinned and let go of her arm.

“W-wait, no!”

“Come on, I’ll wait for you at the top.”

“Nayeon!” She suddenly felt lost again and bent over to grab something and find her balance. “Nooooo…”

Alright, maybe she was exaggerating, the top wasn’t that far. A few measured steps and careful calculations later and Dahyun finally managed to reach her girlfriend’s side. She sat down, still feeling uneasy and breathing heavily. “You abandoned me! How could you?”

“You’re sounding like Chaeyoung.”

“…Fair enough.”

Nayeon laughed and pressed a kiss to her cheek, intertwining their fingers. Once Dahyun’s heart calmed down, she smiled back and rested her head on Nayeon’s shoulder.

The clouds obfuscating the full moon finally floated away and the junkyard became visible. The illumination was beautiful despite the place they found themselves in, and looking at the vast wasteland from this high up was breathtaking. Dahyun saw Chaeyoung’s usual spot, more piles of cars and junk, and even the gates of the junkyard – the place where the supposed security guards were watching the place 24/7. She failed to see anyone, however.

“Wow,” Dahyun murmured, eyes scanning the place. “I get why you like it here so much.”

“Hm.” Nayeon nodded, lost in thought. There were a thousand things swirling in her mind, and she couldn’t pick one to focus on. She smiled lazily and pointed with her finger. “There.”

“Huh?”

“There’s where I first saw you.”

Dahyun’s eyes shifted to Chaeyoung’s spot below and her heart tightened with a nice feeling. “Oh, that’s right. Although, I think I’m the one who saw you first.”

“No, you didn’t. You two had a fire going in the middle of the darkness, I saw that before even climbing.”

“Yeah, but did you see the me first, or the fire?”

“Actually, I think I saw Chaeyoung first.”

Dahyun shoved her to the side and Nayeon laughed. Reminiscing their weird first encounter was always nice. Despite just seeing flickers of orange light, Dahyun had been sucked into Nayeon immediately. She remembered exactly what she’d felt, too, and the words assimilated with this mysterious girl.

_“Blue. And some freckles, I think. Brief. Like a shooting star.”_

“You were gorgeous under the cigarette light,” The words left Dahyun’s mouth unintentionally and she blushed. “I m-mean, you still are. Cigarette or no cigarette.”

Nayeon giggled. “Thanks.”

That’s when Dahyun noticed something that she should have realized a lot sooner.

Nayeon hadn’t been smoking lately.

In fact, she hasn’t seen a cigarette near the girl ever since they came back from the trip. Dahyun wondered if she should ask if things were okay, or if she should just leave it alone. Maybe this was something Nayeon wanted to do on her own? Dahyun didn’t want to pry. But then again, what if she needed help with something, but was afraid to ask? Maybe Nayeon didn’t want to bother her with trivial matters. Dahyun wanted to tell her that nothing regarding her was trivial at all, and that she would always be willing to help, no matter what. But then again—

“Wanna ask me something?” Nayeon’s voice snapped her out of it.

“O-oh, um… no…?”

“That’s convincing.” She laughed and kissed the top of her head. “Go ahead, it’s okay.”

“I just… I noticed that you haven’t been smoking. Not when we’re together, at least. Is everything okay?”

Nayeon didn’t answer for a while and looked up at the moon, feeling the gentle breeze flowing against her blue locks. She closed her eyes. “You notice even the smallest things, don’t you?”

“I tend to do that with the things I love,” Then she quickly reiterated. “P-people, too. Not just things. You’re not a thing.”

Nayeon wondered everyday just what had she done to deserve someone this cute in her life.

She breathed in. “I guess I don’t feel like smoking anymore now that Jeongyeon and I made up.” And opened her eyes. “The only reason I started was because I felt like I owned her that. Like some twisted way of atoning for what I did. But now it just feels… pointless.”

“I see.” Dahyun nodded, understandingly. “And how is that going for you? I heard that it’s really hard to quit. Chaeyoung tried and failed in like, five hours.”

“I thought it was going to be a lot harder, honestly.” Nayeon shrugged. “But I know why it’s been easy. I wasn’t addicted to the cigarettes. I was addicted to my regrets.”

They stood in silence for a bit. Dahyun didn’t know exactly what to say; or if she should say anything at all. Nayeon shifted and let her head fall on the bartender’s lap, relaxing her shoulders and mind. Dahyun instinctively started scratching her scalp gently, now knowing that Nayeon would talk to her if she wanted to. There was no need for awkward conversations at this stage of their relationship, after everything they’ve been through together.

“I told her about you.” Nayeon said suddenly in a quiet voice.

“Her?”

“Mothe— um, Mirischia. Miran.” She was still getting used to the fact that she wasn’t a prisoner to the witch’s titles anymore. “She asked Jeongyeon and I to talk about what we’ve been up to. I felt like it wouldn’t hurt to let her know before passing away.”

“Oh. And what did you tell her?” Dahyun’s tone was so soothing and understanding.

“I told her that I had a girlfriend. That I loved her very much, and that she made me feel loved, too.”

Dahyun’s heart beat strongly. “Those are very true statements.”

Nayeon smiled. “She had that expression that used to haunt me. The one that showed I had disappointed her.”

“Because you were dating a girl?”

“Yeah,” She turned to her side and faced Dahyun’s stomach. “Not that it mattered what she thought at that point, but it was still… interesting, I guess. To see her reaction to a gay daughter. Well, daughters.”

“So, Jeongyeon is also—” Then Dahyun realized that she was about to say something really stupid. “Never mind.”

“Honestly? I didn’t know. Sure, we used to sleep together and everything, but I always thought that what we had was something completely separated from the real world. Jeongyeon didn’t talk much about her relationships and whatnot.” Nayeon tugged at the hem of Dahyun’s shirt, distracted. “But then she came to my defense and sort of came out, too.” She grinned. “Miran _had_ to adopt the two gay kids.”

Nayeon giggled at that, like it was some sort of really funny joke. Dahyun couldn’t help but to feel like she was intruding on a really personal matter. But then again, if Nayeon was telling her this, was because she wanted her to know.

Dahyun grinned. “She adopted the two best kids.”

Nayeon chuckled softly and closed her eyes, enjoying the sensation on her scalp. “What about you?”

“Me?”

“You never talked to me about your parents. What are they like?”

Dahyun stopped and pondered for a minute. She still felt like she was stepping on eggshells when the subject of family came up around her girlfriend, but ultimately decided that being honest was always the best course of action. “They are really great. My mom and dad were very patient with me growing up. You know, with me getting frustrated over every little thing and whatnot.”

Nayeon hummed happily. “Any funny stories?”

“Oh, boy. My life is a funny story,” Dahyun giggled. “When I was younger, I had such a terrible time communicating what I felt. I still do, honestly. Everything came out wrong. My brain shifted through the words too fast, so I kept saying things that didn’t make any sense to other people.”

“Like what?”

“You know when you take a bath and your fingertips get all wrinkled? I used to say that my fingers had become winter.”

“Winter?” Nayeon laughed softly.

“Yeah, because when it was cold mom used to put on socks that were all wrinkly when she took them off, so that was the first association I made.” Dahyun was starting to feel a bit self-conscious and scratched the back of her neck. “Weird, I know.”

Nayeon turned on her back and reached out to touch Dahyun’s cheek, fondly. “It’s not weird. I love this side of you, too.”

The bartender felt tears prickling her eyes and blinked, pushing them back. Nayeon always told her how much Dahyun had changed her life, but she had no idea that she had also made an impact on the blonde’s world. Perhaps a bigger one than she even realized.

“Thanks,” She mumbled, blushing. “I’m really glad that I can… put my walls down around you. I’m so afraid of rejection, all the time. I try to measure my words and actions around strangers, but I know that it’ll never be enough. People always notice something odd. That’s why I feel stupidly lucky to have you, and Chaeyoung, and everyone back at the pub. You all make me feel… safe.”

They stared at each other for a long time, lost in the feeling of being together like this, and smiled simultaneously. “I’m glad we met.” Nayeon breathed out, finally.

“Life works in funny ways.”

“It sure does.” Nayeon caressed her girlfriend’s arms. “It led me to you. And it led me to Ryujin. Who is Miss Sunmi’s daughter, my favorite teacher at the orphanage, who knew Mina, who is now dating your roommate, who knows Taecyeon, who is Ryujin’s dad and fixed your bike to take me on our first date.”

“Wow, okay, that’s a lot to take in.” Every time Dahyun thought about the complex web of related people that they apparently knew in some way or another, she got a headache. Still, she couldn’t deny that it was a huge coincidence that everything had fit as well as it had. “I’m just glad that whatever higher being allowed all of this to happen, made this happen too.”

“This?”

And then Dahyun leaned down and kissed her.

And it was magical, kissing in the place where they first met; like everything came together full-cycle and whispered in their ears that this was right. That this moment right now was everything they needed, everything they struggled for. That kiss sealed Nayeon and Dahyun’s bond in a way that only they could understand, and gods, it felt good to feel loved.

Their moment was cut short when Nayeon’s phone rang. She grunted against Dahyun’s lips and got up, annoyed. Dahyun giggled. Nayeon didn’t know the number and almost hung up, but decided to pick up at the last moment.

“Hello? …Yes, that’s me. Yes. Yes…? That’s my sister.” A long, tortuous pause followed and Nayeon’s face started to change slowly. First she frowned, then her eyebrows went up high, and she gaped. Dahyun started to get worried at the lack of words after that, but she could hear the person on the phone still talking. Whatever it was, it seemed to be extremely important. “...I s-see. Um, wow, I… don’t really know if we can manage to get there. Oh. Is this possible? It would help a lot. Yes. Yes. My b-bank account? Of course, just a moment…”

Nayeon then proceeded to spell out some numbers hastily, visibly shaking. A few more mumbled responses later, and they bid goodbye. Nayeon didn’t move the phone from her ear for a few seconds, even though the person on the other side had already hung up, and Dahyun touched her shoulder gently.

“Nayeon? What happened?”

She slowly closed her mouth and turned to look at Dahyun. “I— I think I’m rich.”

The soul-crushing pause after that simple sentence was enough to crack the fabric of the universe itself. Dahyun considered herself a rational, logical person most of the time, but at that moment all she could manage to say was a dumb, “What?”

“It was a lawyer.” Nayeon looked at the phone in her hands. “Mirischia’s lawyer, he… he told me about her will. Apparently… she… everything she owned, all of her money, her h-house, she just… it’s ours. Me and Jeongyeon’s. We just need to sign some papers? I don’t— I don’t know.”

Well.

Nothing could have prepared either of them for this.

It was like time stopped, and they were floating right in the middle of an alternate timeline, one that shouldn’t have existed, but that miraculously did. Somehow. They couldn’t tell if this was actually real or not.

So Nayeon did the only thing she could manage to do, and kissed Dahyun.

Hard.

\--

The following days were a mess.

Nayeon was definitely not prepared to deal with paperwork and bureaucracies, especially not the ones concerning _that_ amount of money. Not even the lawyer knew what to do at first, but eventually, he learned more about Nayeon and Jeongyeon’s situation and understood what he was dealing with. Nayeon thought that if she was together with Jeongyeon they could manage this new information a lot better, but apparently, the athlete was as hopelessly lost as she was.

Dahyun tried to help as much as she could, but in the end the one who was best prepared to organize the documents and bank information was Mina. She had a lot more experience regarding this area, being the co-owner of a shop, so Mina pretty much took charge of the whole operation. She scheduled regular meetings with the lawyer, asked Nayeon and Jeongyeon relevant questions and passed the answers along to the people in charge. Her keen eye didn’t let a single information slip, and any shady action from either party was immediately repelled by her.

Nayeon wanted to say that Mina had done enough already for the both of them, but they honestly didn’t have anyone better suited for this job. So she allowed the tattoo artist to see it through to the end, putting all of her trust in her. Nayeon didn’t doubt her for a second, and she nearly cried when the whole endeavor came to an end, after months of tiring reunions and papers to sign.

Six months later, everything was in order. Nayeon and Jeongyeon had decided to split the money in half for each of them, but not before another long, private talk.

“Are we really going to accept it?” It was the first thing that Jeongyeon had asked her when they talked about the issue.

“Why shouldn’t we?” Nayeon questioned, confused.

“I just… it feels wrong. Like we’re still living off her charity, even after her death.” She crossed her arms and looked away, clearly pissed. “Like we still can’t be free.”

Nayeon nearly rolled her eyes, but restrained herself. She had promised to stop yelling at her big sister for every single thing, so she took a deep breath before crossing the room and closing their distance. “I understand your point. I felt the same way. But this is different.”

“How?”

“Because when she kept sending us shit to make us her prisoners, she was alive. She wanted us to come back running to her, to show her our gratitude. How many times did the thought cross your mind? My mind?”

Jeongyeon grunted.

Nayeon continued. “But this money? She did it to set us free.” She reached up and gently touched Jeongyeon’s scarred face – a habit she had picked up recently. “Some people have different ways to atone for what they did.”

That sentence was simple, but carried a lot of weight. Jeongyeon broke right there, under the touch and under the realization that Nayeon was right. Miran wasn’t able to hurt them anymore; maybe her will really was just her way of saying sorry. Maybe a shitty way, considering everything, but it was the only way she knew how.

After all, part of that money did belong to them and their circus acts.

“…Alright.” Jeongyeon answered, smiling a little. “So, what are you going to do with your share?”

Nayeon frowned, crossing her arms. There were so many things she wanted to do, she just couldn’t put them all in order. But one thing had crossed her mind, and that was the most important one.

“I’ll turn something bad into something good.” Was all she answered.

And now there they were. Six months later, with more money than they could possibly fathom. After Mina bid them goodbye from their last reunion, Nayeon sat on her couch and looked at the ceiling, taking everything in. It had been a hell of a ride, but now she was excited to put her plan in motion.

And it started with a call.

“Dahyun? It’s me.” She bit her lip, unable to stop smiling. “Say, would you like to move in with me?”

.

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**7 years later**

\--

“I’m late, I’m so late,” A rush of black hair ran downstairs, putting on her shirt as she moved and almost tripped. Luckily for her, a short body collided with hers in a hug and stopped a terrible accident from happening so early in the morning.

“Oh stars, are you okay?” Nayeon asked the woman in her arms, and felt a chest giggling.

“I should be asking you that!” Dahyun detached herself from the taller woman and pecked her cheek. “Calm down, you’re hardly late. Come on, I made you breakfast.”

“I love you,” Nayeon sighed, relieved, returning the small kiss with one of her one. They made their way to the table and ate breakfast together. Dahyun tried to make some conversation, but Nayeon was clearly too anxious to focus on anything other than the fact that today was her first day at work. Dahyun respected that, and smiled lovingly at the woman sitting next to her.

They’ve been together for so long, and she still managed to make her heart beat like the first time they kissed.

Nayeon excused herself after finishing and locked herself in the bathroom to clean up. Dahyun washed the dishes and cleaned the living room – not that it made much difference with the little ball of fur running around.

“Kookeu, off the couch!” Dahyun shouted at the dog, who just wagged its tail and jumped on her, licking her face. “Noooo! I just took a bath!” She was too weak to deny the lovingly puppy’s affections.

A few moments later, Nayeon got out of the bathroom, her jet-black hair pulled up and with beautiful make-up adorning her features. “How do I look?”

“Beautiful.” Was Dahyun’s immediate response, but the girl rolled her eyes.

“Do I look professional? Are these clothes too much? I don’t think I should be wearing heels? I don’t even know how to walk in heels!” She took her shoes off and replaced them with sandals. “Is this better?”

“Baby, they are kids. The last thing they’re going to notice is if your skirt matches your earrings. Relax, you’ll do great. I know you will.”

And as always, something about the way Dahyun encouraged her always seemed to do the trick. Nayeon’s tense shoulders relaxed and she breathed in, approaching the tiny girl and kissing her deeply, staining her lips with lipstick. “Thank you.” They stared at each other dumbly, until someone had to break the spell. “I need to go.”

“Okay. Have a wonderful day. Kookeu, tell her to have a wonderful day,” Dahyun lifted the dog in her arms who barked, and Nayeon laughed, petting its head.

“Thank you, Kookeu.” She straightened her back and grabbed her purse. “Okay. I’m going. See you later.”

“Love you. Bye!”

Once the door to their house was closed, Dahyun put the puppy down and looked at her hand. She brought the golden ring adorning her finger to her lips and kissed it, knowing that Nayeon was doing the same with hers. “Good luck.”

The phone suddenly rang and Dahyun picked it up. “Hello?”

_“Yes, hello, is this Dahyun?”_

“Yes?”

_“Hi, this is Kim from the collection agency—”_

“Fuck off, Chaeyoung.”

Chaeyoung’s loud laughter echoed on the phone and Dahyun had to restrain herself with every fiber of her being to not join in the giggle session. _“Wow, rude! I thought that getting married made a person less aggressive, but apparently not.”_

“Remember to check with you in a few weeks. By the way, when are you going to grow some breasts and pop the question?”

_“…Listen.”_

“Touché.”

_“Mina and I are just going with the flow, alright?”_

“Chaeyoung, you’ve being _‘going with the flow’_ ,” Dahyun moved her fingers to mimic quotation marks. “For seven years.”

_“…It’s a big flow.”_

“Oh my god.”

_“Shut up, you nearly had a break down when you were about to ask Nayeon to marry you, don’t ‘oh my god’ me, missy.”_

“At least I didn’t try to pretend I wasn’t in love her, unlike some people.”

_“Outrageous.”_

Dahyun rolled her eyes with a smirk and sat down on the couch with Kookeu in between her arms. “Just… ask Mina the goddamn question. Stop running away from this.”

_“From what? I’m not running away from anything.”_

“From your happiness, you dumbass.” Dahyun scratched the dog’s ears fondly. “Why are you still trying to fool yourself? You’ve been dating for seven years, that’s the longest commitment I’ve ever seen from you. Hell, you don’t even love your cigarettes that much.”

Chaeyoung feigned a shocked gasp on the other side of the line. _“Don’t talk about our babies like this, we raised them together! Years of beautiful baby smokes.”_

“Years of secondhand smoking that probably destroyed my lungs, you mean.”

 _“Details.”_ Then Chaeyoung got really quiet for a while. _“…I’m not pretending anything.”_

“Right.”

_“I’m not! It’s just… scary. To think that I want to spend the rest of my life with one person.”_

“Do you?”

No answer. And then. _“…Maybe.”_

“See, this is your problem right there. Your life is full of maybes. You need one certainty in it, and if Mina isn’t that certainty then I don’t know what is.”

 _“I hate it when you’re right.”_ She sighed, and Dahyun could hear something small made of metal clinking on the background.

“Wait, what’s that sound?”

_“…Nothing.”_

“Chaeyoung! That’s the ring isn’t it?”

_“No, what ring, shut up.”_

“Oh, you actually bought it! When are you going to ask her? Can I be maid of honor? If you ask someone else to be the godmother of your children—”

_“Holy shit, you’ve been watching way too many dramas.”_

Dahyun was bouncing on the couch, and almost threw poor Kookeu out. She bit her lip and didn’t say anything else for a long time, allowing Chaeyoung to reply. The girl finally sighed exasperatedly on the phone and Dahyun could basically hear her physical pain.

 _“Next week, now shut up let’s not talk about this ever again, how’s your wife.”_ The string of words was met with a fit of giggles from the blonde.

“Fine, I’ll let you off the hook.” Dahyun settled down again. “She’s great. Today’s her first day, you know.”

_“Oh, tell her I’m so proud!”_

“I will. She’s really happy, you know?” Dahyun smiled, thinking about just how much more often she saw Nayeon smile now.

Ever since she told Dahyun about what she planned to do with her share of the money, Nayeon had been working nonstop. She’d asked for help, researched, hired talented people, and eventually, her plans came into fruition. Her dream seemed like such a long shot all those years ago, but now there it was, indisputably real.

 _“I bet she is.”_ Chaeyoung’s warm tone was apparent. _“I’m happy for the two of you, dorks. You’re doing something amazing.”_

“Yeah… we really are.”

_“I miss you, you know? You need to come visit sometimes. A five-hour ride is too exhausting to do every day, but you know I would if I could.”_

“I know. We’ll visit soon, I promise.”

 _“Good,”_ Dahyun heard Mina’s voice in the background and smiled. _“Yeah, uh. I need to go. Talk to you later, nerd.”_

“Good luck, Chaeng.”

_“Love you.”_

“Love you, too.”

She put the phone down and sighed happily, sinking in the couch.

Everything was okay.

They were okay.

\--

Nayeon finally reached her destination, stopping right in front of the old mansion’s door. It was funny, how terrifying that door had been years ago, but now how it filled her with hope. She’d walked this same path again and again for the past seven years, seeing how the renovations were going and keeping up with every single change in Miran’s old house. Eventually, the place that had been the nest of her despair and agony for so long, was replaced with a lovingly and warm home.

And the empty, huge rooms, were now classrooms and dormitories, which accommodated over forty orphaned children.

Nayeon had been making damn sure that these kids received the love and care they deserved.

She took a deep breath and counted to three. “I can do this.”

Before entering the house, she felt her phone buzz. Picking it up, she saw a message and smiled as soon as she finished reading it.

_“Good luck on your first day, Miss Nayeon._

_I’m proud of you._

_-Jeongyeon.”_

Her chest felt a thousand times lighter, and she finally opened the mansion’s door. She expected the noise of children running around playing, waiting for her to arrive, but instead was met with silence. Confused, Nayeon closed the door and walked a few steps, before a sudden pile of kids popped out of the corridors with bright smiles and holding small paper signs.

“Welcome, Miss Nayeon!” All of them yelled in unison, their faces brighter than a thousand suns.

And at that moment Nayeon knew that everything she had gone through, every cruel thing that life had thrown at her, was nothing. Because she was alive at that moment, and because of those kids who were the same as her and were so genuinely happy to receive her at her orphanage, everything had a purpose.

She had a purpose.

With a sniff and not trying to hide the tears, Nayeon smiled back.

“Hello, everyone. I’m Miss Nayeon. And I’m your new teacher.”

THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. It was an amazing journey, and I'll miss you all!
> 
> \- Nick


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